Amelia’s so far away, none of us can reach her,” Dragomir told Emeline as he gathered her close to feed her. “Tariq is hoping you’ll try. The healer thinks she doesn’t want to come back. She knows Vadim used her to try to kill me, her sister and the other children. She knows he used her to try to reacquire you. Charlotte and Blaze have tried. Gary has tried; so has Tariq. Danny is at her bedside along with Liv, but nothing is working.”
They had to have the conversation about Dragomir imperiously preventing her from helping during the attack, but right then he sounded so distressed over Amelia that she couldn’t help reaching up to link her fingers behind the nape of his neck as she fed. He tasted delicious. Perfect. Truthfully, she was just thankful he was alive.
You throw yourself into battle without thinking of the cost to yourself, she pointed out. It’s terrifying, Dragomir. You almost died. That poisonous knife could have killed you. So many things could have killed you last night. You don’t weigh the consequences; you just do whatever it takes to save the day.
She had woken with her heart pounding and the taste of fear in her mouth. She’d been disoriented, reaching for him, afraid she’d lost him. He’d promptly proven to her that he was alive and more than well, his body moving in hers, sending streaks of fire radiating through her until she couldn’t think straight. He’d gone to feed, and in his absence, that same frightening feeling she’d woken with had consumed her. She hadn’t wanted him out of her sight, which had made her feel needy and dependent.
His hand stroked caresses down her hair, hair that she’d woken with free of tangles, he’d still brushed it – because he loved to, he’d said. She was certain it was because she loved it. She’d gone to sleep in the ground and woken in her bed. Naked. His mouth on her. His hands so gentle she’d felt the burn of tears. After, when they lay together, holding each other, he’d talked to the baby, his mouth against her stomach, sending waves of love and reassurance.
“I am a Carpathian hunter, Emeline.” His voice was as gentle as his hands had been, so at odds with the way he fought. With her, he was the complete opposite of the man she saw battling the vampires. She hadn’t found a shred of emotion in his mind when he’d been in the lake, not even for Amelia. Now, with her, he was all emotion. Gentle and thoughtful. “I hunt and destroy the undead.”
She ran her tongue over the two tiny holes in his chest, tasting those last delicious drops. She loved everything about him, everything about the way he touched her, the way he tasted, the man that he was, but she was beginning to think there was a lot about him she didn’t know. She had access to his mind, his memories, everything he was. Dragomir didn’t limit her ability to see him, not even his violent past, yet she hadn’t probed. She didn’t want to.
“I know you’ve always done that. Hunt vampires. I also know you’re a huge part of keeping everyone here safe,” she conceded, looking into his eyes. Those strange, golden eyes. “But the way you throw yourself into battle as if you have nothing to lose, as if you don’t care that you might lose your life, is terrifying to me.”
“I don’t know any other way.” He didn’t blink, and her stomach did a slow roll. He looked wild. Dangerous. All predator.
She turned his statement over and over in her mind. “What you’re saying is you will continue to battle vampires the way you’ve always done it.”
His gaze remained fastened on hers. She felt captured there, a prisoner. There was no looking away. They were locked in a battle she didn’t understand. It was as if he was holding his breath. Waiting. They stared at each other for what seemed forever.
“Dragomir, tell me.”
He was so still. Holding himself together as if at any moment he might shatter. That was so unlike him. He always had such confidence in himself. Confidence bordering on arrogance.
“There is no other way to fight the vampire and win.”
Again, his tone and expression gave nothing away. Nothing. He still waited, held himself too still, as if the axe would fall any moment. She was missing something important, something she needed to address immediately. She bit down on her lower lip, her heart beginning to beat out of rhythm with his. The moment that happened, he took her hand and pressed her palm to his chest, right over his heart.
“I need you to tell me what’s wrong.” Emeline whispered it. She did. She detested seeing him so upset. It hurt to see him so ready to believe… What? That she would be so upset with him that she would reject him? That didn’t make sense, but the nagging feeling stayed with her.
“You’re angry with me.”
“I’m not.” She wasn’t. How could she be? He’d saved Amelia, even when she told him he was her choice and even implied if he had to choose, to save himself.
“Sívamet.”
The endearment washed over her. Through her. His heart. He’d told her what it meant, and she loved when he called her that. It wasn’t just the endearment, it was the way he said it, the tone, that soft caress to his voice. He meant it when he called her that.
“You are angry with me because you think I go into battle without thinking of you and our child. You are angry with me because when I went into danger, I refused to allow you to accompany me.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but had to close it. He was right. He was so right. She hadn’t wanted him battling the vampire when he could have been killed. He’d been horribly wounded more than once. She also was angry on behalf of all women that he would lock her in a house while a battle raged outside.
“Okay, yes,” she conceded. “But I don’t understand why you’re so upset that I’m angry. It happens between two people when there is a misunderstanding.”
He shook his head, his thumb sliding over the back of her hand. “There is no misunderstanding, Emeline.” His voice was gentler than ever. Sad. There was sorrow in his eyes. “I have no choice. To come home to you, I must push you and our child from my mind and fight the way I always have. If I am divided, my thoughts with you, fear in my mind, I wouldn’t stand a chance against the undead. I know no other way.”
Her heart hurt. A physical pain. She forced air through her lungs. She wasn’t weak. She had tied herself to a man who would always be on the front line. Always determined to keep those around him safe. That was who he was. If she loved him – and she did – she had to accept that in him. She also had to accept how he kept himself safe.
She touched her lower lip with her tongue, soothing the tiny bite mark she’d made earlier. She didn’t like him throwing himself into battle with no thought for his own life, but if he said he had to fight that way to survive, then she had to find a way to accept it. He hadn’t looked away from her. Not once. She felt him moving in her mind. That was intimate, the way his mind brushed over hers, so gently, the way he touched her skin, that was the way he touched her mind.
“I understand, Dragomir. I do. I’ll do my best not to worry too much.” Like that would happen. “I love you. When a woman loves a man, she worries. I can’t stop that.”
He brought her hand to his mouth, still looking into her eyes. “And the other?”
Emeline realized immediately it was “the other” he was most worried about. “I realize you are from a different time where women didn’t have rights and their men looked after them —”
“Carpathian women have always had rights,” he interrupted. “They are cherished. Treasured. We know how capable they are.”
“Blaze and Charlotte go with Tariq and Maksim. They are at their side when a battle comes.”
“That affects us how?”
He seemed genuinely puzzled. She sighed. “Dragomir, I can’t be locked up.”
“You wouldn’t have stayed where you were safe.”
If she were honest, she wouldn’t have stayed in the house. She would have tried to help in some way. She wasn’t like Blaze, a warrior woman. She never had been. But she went her own way and made decisions for herself. She’d been doing that since she was a very young child.
“Maybe I wouldn’t have…”
“You wouldn’t have,” he said. “There is no maybe, Emeline. You would have rushed to help those children without thinking of the consequences to you, the baby, or to me.”
“It has to be my choice.”
For the first time he looked away from her, but not before she caught that terrible sorrow deep in his eyes, as if she’d just shattered his world. She curled her palm around the nape of his neck. “We’re talking it out, Dragomir. That’s what couples do.”
He shook his head. “There is no talking it out, Emeline. I am centuries old. There are things about myself I cannot change. One of those things is my need to keep you and our children safe. I have to know that before going into battle. You think it is reasonable to put yourself and our unborn child in harm’s way. I do not.”
“So because you’re bigger and stronger we do it your way?” She tried to keep belligerence out of her voice, but she felt a little confrontational.
He shook his head. “We do it my way because I cannot do it any other. I want to be everything you need, Emeline. You do not need this, but I do. In a relationship, there has to be compromise. I must learn modern ways in order to ensure your happiness. In some things, you will have to forgo modern ways to ensure mine.”
“Do you care if Blaze goes into battle with Maksim?”
He shook his head. “Blaze is a good warrior. You are not, nor will you ever be. I see into your mind, sívamet. You have compassion for all things. You have determination and courage. You would fight at my side, but the toll on you would be horrific. There is no need to prove to me or anyone else that you’re willing to fight. I want you to learn to handle the modern weapons being developed to kill the vampire. I want you adept at using them. What I cannot have is you needlessly putting your life on the line because you think you should.”
“Why is your life worth less than mine?”
“It isn’t. I have centuries of experience and you cannot hope to catch up. Truthfully, Emeline, you are the other half of my soul. I am what you need and you are what I need. Blaze is what Maksim needs. I cannot have a warrior for a partner. I cannot.” He shook his head and his golden eyes were back on hers. Holding hers. Waiting for judgment. Waiting for her to tell him she couldn’t live with him the way he was.
Emeline wanted to reassure him, but first, she had to know in her own heart if she could live with the man he was. She would be forever tucked away while he went into battle. He would never stop. Not because he had a lifemate and not when he had children. Fighting the vampire was ingrained in him. He would never stop, and she would always worry.
Would it be better if she fought at his side? She wasn’t like Blaze. She never had been. She didn’t like confrontation and she certainly, despite being taught by Blaze’s father, didn’t like to fight. Still, to know Dragomir was in danger and she could do nothing… If he was injured and she was locked away, she would go crazy.
She shook her head. “We have to find a compromise, Dragomir. I’m fine with not going into battle. I don’t want to face a vampire ever again. I don’t. On the other hand, I have to be able to defend my children, my life and yours if necessary. I can’t be a little mouse sitting at home waiting for my big bad warrior to return.”
“I have never thought of you as a little mouse,” he denied. “I want you to be able to defend yourself, the children and me, if necessary. What I don’t want is for you to make a rash decision because, like last night, things look grim. You would have to give me your word you would look to me for guidance in a situation.”
“Then you would have to give me your word you would call to me if help was needed even in the worst situation.”
“Do you understand what happens to the male Carpathian if his lifemate dies?”
She shook her head slowly. Something about the way he asked the question made her heart beat faster. She was fairly certain she wasn’t going to like his answer.
“We have two choices. We suicide, or we turn vampire. It happens fast. One can’t take the sudden change, from light to complete darkness. Everything gone after having everything beautiful. Can you imagine what kind of vampire I would be with the knowledge stored in my head? I would wreak havoc on the world, Emeline. That is one of my greatest fears. It always has been. That’s why I chose the brotherhood. Living in the monastery when I reached the point of no return rather than chancing turning vampire.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“If you were gone, I would.”
She heard the conviction in his voice. Why was she throwing up arguments? “I’m not Blaze. I don’t want to fight vampires. I just want you to understand that I have to make my own choices. You need to explain to me the things you need to make you happy. I have to be the one to make the choice. You can’t force me. That’s a dictatorship, not a partnership.”
“I understand the kind of man I am, Emeline.”
Again, she could hear sorrow in his voice. He didn’t believe she could accept who he was. He believed she would reject him. Her breath rushed out of her lungs. She understood that feeling. She’d had it all her life. She’d lived without acceptance. He had given her unconditional acceptance to be who she was.
She detested fighting. She always had; as far back as she could remember, she’d had to fight off men, fight for food, fight for the right to be educated. Dragomir knew all those things about her, because unlike her, he’d looked into her memories and taken those things into consideration. She’d been a coward and hadn’t considered his memories. She hadn’t wanted to see the stark ugliness of his life, but if she’d bothered to learn everything she could about him, she would know what he needed.
She took a deep breath. Whatever commitment she made, he would expect her to keep. If she gave her word, she should expect to keep it as well. Could she? If there was danger, as there had been the night before, to the children, to the other women, to him, would she be able to stay in her house and let him – and any others – go into battle without her?
“I want to give you my word. I know you need that from me.”
“But you can’t.”
“Not yet,” she admitted reluctantly. “I need to get to a place where I know how all this works before I can give you my word of honor.”
“Can you accept me putting you in a safe position, Emeline? Because I will. Make no mistake about it, I will safeguard you every single battle until I have your word that you will do so yourself.”
She heard the implacable resolve in his voice. He would lock her up. He would take the decision out of her hands. She either had to accept that or… what? Lose him? That was unacceptable. She bit at her fingertips nervously. “For now, when something happens, safeguard me, Dragomir, but leave me a way out in your mind so I can get to you if you’re injured and I need to do that.”
Relief crept into the gold of his eyes. He nodded slowly. “Thank you, Emeline. I realize it is difficult for you to give me that and it is all the more appreciated that you would. I will use your consent with care and as sparingly as possible.”
She leaned into him to kiss him. She’d been fixated on his eyes, but his mouth was equally as intriguing to her. He tasted wild. She loved that about him. He tasted dangerous. He was both those things and yet, he was hers. She had to be brave enough to look into his mind and see those terrible memories – the emptiness that drove men of honor to become the worst monsters on earth.
He kissed like sin. Like heaven. She indulged because she’d hated that look in his eyes, the one that said he thought she wouldn’t want him as he was. She indulged because he was just sexy and his kisses were hotter than the most out-of-control firestorm imaginable.
She laid her head over his heart. “I love you, Dragomir.”
“I know you think you do, Emeline. I know you’re my lifemate and you said I was your choice, but I’m not an easy man. I swear to you, I’ll give you everything I can, everything you want or need, but I cannot give you the right to fight at my side when I battle vampires. I will never be that man.”
She didn’t think she would ever be that woman. She was more the kind of woman who flung herself into danger without thinking it through because a child was in need. “There were so many on the streets, Dragomir. Kids, without homes. Boys. Girls. There was always some kind of trouble. Most of the time I ran, just like the others did, but sometimes, someone was caught and if I didn’t go back and help…” She trailed off, trying not to think about the dangers of being a child on the street. “It isn’t in my nature to want to fight, but it is to protect children.”
He smiled for the first time that evening and she realized she’d been waiting for it. Hoping for it. Needing it.
“Everyone, Emeline. You go out of your way to protect everyone. You may not want to fight physically, but you can’t help rushing in when others are afraid.”
He said it with admiration and that was a soothing balm when she knew he wouldn’t think twice about putting her somewhere safe if the situation ever came up again – and she was certain it would.
“What are we going to do about Amelia?”
She knew he changed the subject deliberately because there was nowhere to go with it, so she let him. “I don’t know if I can reach her, Dragomir, but if you take me to her, I’ll try.”
He got to his feet in that fluid, sexy way he had, pulling her up with him. He’d dressed her, and it was a long dress again, one that swirled around her ankles. It was an empire-waisted gown with bold black piping, a balloon hem and petal sleeves. The neckline was a vee, and not too low. She loved the way it felt on her, swirling around her ankles.
“Do you stay up all night looking in catalogues for dresses?” she teased.
He frowned, puzzled by what she asked. “I don’t know what that means, but I look into your mind and see images you have there.”
She burst out laughing. She’d been the one to look in catalogues. She had all her life because she couldn’t afford the kind of clothes she wanted. She didn’t need to afford them now, she could make them the way Dragomir did, although she rather liked that he was choosing dresses for her.
“I like this one,” she acknowledged, smoothing her hand down the fabric. “Why gray? I would have thought that was the one color you would avoid.”
“I thought so as well,” he agreed, taking her hand. “But the image in your head was gray, and it didn’t look the same as the shadowy world I lived in. This gray is vibrant, and against the black accent quite beautiful. I knew it would look beautiful with your hair and eyes.” He ran his hand down her side, over the curve of her hip. “I want you to always feel beautiful, Emeline. You have a list of favorites.”
“I do?” She’d forgotten she’d done that. It seemed so long ago. Everything had happened so fast.
“You do. You keep adding to that list for me. If it’s in there, I’ll use it.”
They stepped out her front door, and she was shocked to see everything looked the same. The lawn was green with no gopher holes. The flower beds were intact. There were no dead birds in the yard. The play yard was there, with swings, slides and climbing equipment. The stone dragons sat in there waiting for the children. The lake was as beautiful as ever.
“It must be nice to be Carpathian and be able to clean everything up after a battle with a wave of your hand.”
He laughed softly and brought her hand to his mouth, nibbling on her fingertips. “Emeline, you’re Carpathian. Everything I can do, so can you. Picture it in your mind and you can do it. We’ll work on the things you want most.”
She’d forgotten that. Color swept up her neck into her face, but she didn’t care. She loved the idea that she could do so many things by thinking of them. “I want to fly and then fly a dragon. The minute we have some breathing room, teach me.”
“I should have known that would be first on your list. Of course. That’s easy enough.”
“I thought the children lived in the house over there.” Emeline indicated the smaller house close to the water.
Dragomir shook his head. “Tariq and Charlotte want them living with them now. They’ve officially adopted them in the human world. In our world, they were already theirs. I think Tariq believes they’re going to have to convert Amelia soon. He doesn’t think she can get through this otherwise. The trauma has been too much for her mind. First the terror of what Vadim did in the underground city and then his using her to harm those she loves. They want the children close to them.”
Emeline shook her head. “She won’t convert as long as Bella remains human. We talked about it several times. She’s been looking after her little sister since the day she was born. She doesn’t want someone else to do it now.”
Dragomir shrugged. “I am not Tariq. These are his children and he has the right to do as he sees fit.”
“What does that mean?” She looked up at him, the knots in her stomach tightening.
“Just that I do what is best for my child regardless of what she believes she wants. If she needs to be converted, I would do so in a heartbeat. If Bella were mine, I would convert her as well. That way, when I rest, so do they, and I don’t have to worry they are up to no good.”
“And Danny?”
There was a small silence. “Danny is a problem. I wouldn’t have thought so, but I look at Gary and realize turning a male isn’t the same as turning a female. The male must be imprinted with the ritual binding words. The ancestors must accept him. The line must go back centuries. Danny would have to be accepted by Tariq’s ancestors. There would be a risk to him. It isn’t a small one.”
“What kind of risk?”
“I told you what happens to the male Carpathian when he loses his lifemate. All emotion and color is ripped from him. Going from that light to the ugliness of darkness so fast, without all the years of fading gently, causes a thrall. Insanity. That happened to the healer. From what the others have told me, it took the prince of the Carpathian people and his second-in-command, Gregori, to keep him from turning.”
“You think that could happen to Danny?” The thought was terrifying. “He’s only a boy.”
“I don’t know what would happen. In my day, there was no question of converting humans. It wasn’t done. I’ve never heard of a male child being converted. Our children remain so until they are fifty years. Danny is a baby in our world. He would have to die and be reborn Carpathian. His soul would split, and somewhere in the world a child would be born with the other half of his soul. If I was Tariq I would be consulting the prince and any other who might have knowledge to share on what would happen to the boy.”
“I can’t imagine Amelia converting if she knew any of this. She would stay with him.”
“Again, I wouldn’t give my child the choice. I would do what was best for her.”
Emeline pressed her hand over her stomach protectively. She would do the same for her child. Wouldn’t every parent? She sighed. Amelia was human, and Tariq and Charlotte were Carpathian. If they converted all the female members of the family, but not Danny, what would happen then? Eventually there would be a division.
“Don’t think about it, sívamet. Tariq is a wise man. The reason the others follow him, the reason I stayed when I knew I should go, was because of Tariq. There is something compelling about him, and I found myself wanting to protect him and what he’s trying to build here. He’s intelligent and he’s found a way to bring the Carpathian people into this century. He is loyal to our prince and makes certain to keep in touch with him at all times. Trust him to find the solution for his family, just as we will find solutions for ours.”
She liked that. She liked that he felt respect for Tariq and that a part of him wanted to stay and protect him and the others. With Dragomir came the brotherhood. They were loyal to him and to one another.
“I don’t understand why Vadim doesn’t just give up and go away when there are so many ancient hunters here. Tariq has an army of humans with weapons that can kill vampires. Why doesn’t Vadim find another empire where there aren’t any hunters?”
Dragomir opened the door and stepped into the foyer. She hung back. “We should knock.”
“I called ahead and let Tariq know I was bringing you. He said to go inside and up the stairs to the first bedroom.”
She found herself smiling. She wasn’t certain she would ever get used to the Carpathian telepathic way of communication. “I would like to buy land near here. Bordering Tariq and Charlotte’s. Maybe even on the lake, although the water scares me.”
His gaze jumped to her face. “Why?”
She shrugged, unwilling to sound like a frightened child. “Dreams. Bad dreams since I was a child. I blamed not learning to swim on opportunity, but Blaze’s father would have taught me. I didn’t want to learn because that meant getting into the water.”
Dragomir stepped in front of her on the stairs, reaching behind him for her hand. He did that a lot, sheltering her. She wasn’t used to it, but she liked it. She had always tried to imagine what it would be like to have a man want to protect her. To love her. To put her first. No one had ever done that. Blaze and her father were wonderful to her and she loved them both, but always they had each other. She knew if she wasn’t perfect, Blaze’s father wouldn’t have thrown her out, but she still feared it and went out of her way to always be on her best behavior.
Tariq paced in the hall, a small frown on his face. He swung around as they reached the top of the stairs. “Emeline. Thank you for coming. Not even Gary can reach her. We thought for certain Liv would be able to, but she said Amelia had gone too far. I’m not certain we’ll get her back. If you can’t do it, then I’ll have no choice but to convert her. Gary isn’t certain if that will work, either.”
“I’ll do anything I can to help her, Tariq, but I’m no healer. I don’t know how to do the things all of you do to heal one another. It’s a tremendous gift, but I’m not certain I can do it.”
“I’ll be with you,” Dragomir assured.
Emeline wasn’t certain that would be the best thing for Amelia. The teenager was afraid of Dragomir. All the children were. She knew Amelia in particular was because they’d discussed it. Once, when he had stridden by, his long hair flowing like a waterfall to his waist and his golden eyes alive with heat and danger, Emeline had waited to speak until he took to the sky, using two running steps and then he was gone. He had been breathtaking. Her body had reacted despite the pain racking her, and she’d turned to find Amelia staring at the same spot where he had taken to the sky.
They’d stared at each other and then laughed, agreeing he was hotter than hell and someone to stay away from. She had seen the shy admiration in Amelia’s eyes, but also the fear. He was big and bad and just plain scary. He scared Emeline, too, so she hadn’t tried to persuade Amelia to feel any differently.
“Let me just sit with her for a few minutes,” Emeline said. She started past Tariq, but Dragomir caught her hand and pulled her back to him.
“What scared you about the water, sívamet?” he asked softly.
Her stomach rolled. Knotted. She felt slightly nauseous. Forcing a smile, she shook her head. “I was a child, Dragomir.”
He looked as if he might object and force her explanation, but in the end, he caught her chin in his fingers and forced her head up. “Kiss me.”
She would anywhere, anytime. She leaned her body into his and gave herself up to his kiss. He always was hungry. Commanding. He tasted like sin and sex and love. So much love. She kissed him again and again, wishing they were alone, and then abruptly pulled away to glare at him. “You’re distracting me.”
“So you’re thinking of something you love rather than something you fear. Go be strong for the both of you. You were born for me,” he said, “but also for this. For children like Amelia who need a strong, courageous woman to guide them when they’re lost. Do what you do best.”
She hadn’t thought she did anything best, except maybe dance. But that wasn’t something others needed. She looked at Tariq, at the lines of worry in his face. Charlotte came out of the bedroom, her eyes red from crying, her arm around Liv, who also was in tears. Valentin was their shadow, his features grim. Hope had been lost. She could see that.
They’re all counting on me. What if I can’t do this? She reached out to the one person she knew was always going to be there for her.
It isn’t about them or for them. This is between you and Amelia. What happened to you, happened to her. Vadim and his pawns violated both of you. She’s a child. Barely fourteen. Traumatized. Afraid. Vadim put parasites in you, but he put a splinter of himself in her. He forced her to inject her three-year-old sister with parasites. He tried to make her kill Liv. Do you know that she fought him? A master vampire. There under the water, with Liv drowning, knowing he would kill her, she tried to fight his influence. That’s magnificent, Emeline. And, sívamet, it’s also you. She did what you would have done.
She took a breath and let it out, looking up at his beloved face. He always made her feel brave and perfect. In his eyes, maybe she was. She wanted to be. She had to get Amelia to see that she was brave and perfect as well. She had to find a way to guide her back to them. “I love you,” she said softly, wanting the others to hear. To know. Because her man was brave and perfect and he always knew the right thing to say to her.
She walked into the bedroom, hesitated and then closed the door. There were things that were private, things others didn’t need to know – not about her and not about Amelia. She sank down onto the chair by the bed and took Amelia’s hand. The teenager looked so pale she was nearly gray. It was disconcerting to see that her eyes were wide open. Glassy. She was gone. There was no Amelia in that shell.
She stood a long time, looking down at the teenager. She had once been beautiful, just as Emeline had. Vadim had hurt both of them until neither felt or looked that way. Dragomir had intervened for Emeline. Amelia had her. The healer, Tariq, Charlotte and Liv had all tried the Carpathian way of retrieving her. No one had tried reaching out and connecting. That was all Emeline had. The truth and the obscene way they were connected. God knew, she didn’t want to relive one moment of that time, but Amelia was stuck there and there was no other way to get her back.
Emeline took another deep breath, set her shoulders and drew on every ounce of courage she had. “Baby,” she greeted softly. “I know you’re locked away from us, somewhere safe. Somewhere monsters can’t get to you. I know, because I’ve gone there a time or two myself. It’s all right to go there; we all need that respite once in a while. It isn’t cowardice, it’s self-preservation. Just know, you can’t stay there.”
She stroked caresses down Amelia’s arm. “I know, Amelia. Vadim’s horrible vampires surrounded me and held me down. They ripped my clothes off. Some of them licked me with their tongues. Their tongues were black and bumpy with parasites wiggling on them. When they touched my skin I felt filthy.”
She watched Amelia closely. The body never moved. Her skin was cool to the touch. Had those lashes fluttered, or had Emeline just wanted them to do so? Could she do this again? Relive it all for Amelia? She had to, because it was what Amelia was escaping – what she couldn’t face – and she had to know that she wasn’t alone.
“When I told Dragomir about it, I left out details like that because I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. The way it felt when Vadim grabbed my ovaries, when he put his fingers in me.” She choked on that. A shudder went through her body. She almost reached for him but she knew this was between her and Amelia. A child. A young girl the vampire had treated the same way.
“Inside me, Amelia. His hand was inside me. I felt so filthy. I felt as if I could never get him out.” She threaded her fingers through Amelia’s and held on. When she looked up at the girl’s face, there were tears running down her cheeks and this time, her eyes were closed, not open staring vacantly.
“It hurt so bad.” She whispered the truth. “I knew he wanted it to hurt. He made me hurt because my pain caused him pleasure. My fear gave him even more pleasure, but even knowing that, I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop fighting him. He made me feel weak and helpless. He made me feel filthy, and unworthy. I didn’t want anyone to know, but I knew. I knew how they touched me, the things they said.”
A sob escaped Emeline, and Amelia’s sob matched it. Amelia’s fingers tightened around hers.
“Then he put that needle in me. Nothing ever hurt like that did. It was so thick and long and when he pushed that plunger and emptied the contents into me, it was so terrifying and painful I couldn’t quit screaming. They all laughed, and he took my blood. He just sank his teeth into me and it felt so horrible. I wanted to go to that place, Amelia, the one I knew I would be safe in, but I couldn’t get there. Not even when he forced me to drink his blood.” She whispered the last admission because it shamed her. It sickened her. That black, acid blood with the parasites wiggling on her tongue and down her throat.
“Then he made me drink more blood from a cup. There was some on my face and lips and the other vampires fought to lick it off. He did. Vadim. He waved his hand and none of them could move, and he licked it off me.”
Her body shuddered. She knew tears ran down her face. She looked at Amelia to find the girl looking back at her. They stared at each other, a shared horror in their eyes.
“You’re the only one I can tell the entire awful thing to,” Emeline said. “You’re the only one who would understand what I felt. What I still feel.”
“Like you can never be good again,” Amelia whispered. “He took everything and then he made me hurt people. Dragomir. He fought for you and then he fought for me, and Vadim made me hurt him.” She closed her eyes again. “And Liv.”
“You didn’t hurt Liv or Dragomir. Even had you managed, it wasn’t you, it was Vadim. Understand that, Amelia. I had to understand when I knew I was carrying a baby and there were parasites in me…”
“Bella. How could he make me do that? How could I have followed his instructions?”
“Vampires can take our will. Vadim’s particularly powerful, yet you still fought. Dragomir said you were courageous like me. He thought you were magnificent. He actually used that word – magnificent.”
“He did?” Amelia’s voice said she didn’t believe it.
“He did,” Emeline assured. “I know it’s difficult to face others, but, honey, it’s our own fear and guilt, not what they feel about us. It’s what he planted in our minds. He wants us to feel fear and guilt. He doesn’t want us to have any kind of life because that means he loses. I want him to lose. You have so many people who love you. They want you to be with them, not lost in a world with none of them in it. Not somewhere you had to go to escape Vadim. Tariq and Charlotte want you as their daughter.”
“I’m… unclean.”
“Am I unclean?” Emeline looked her straight in the eye.
She looked confused. “No. You’re amazing. I want to be like you, Emeline. You’re beautiful and brave.”
“He did the same to me that he did to you,” Emeline pointed out. “If I am not unclean, neither are you. Dragomir said we’re alike, and he should know.”
There was a small silence. Amelia closed her eyes on the fresh flood of tears. “I’m so afraid, Emeline,” she whispered. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”
“Baby, I’ll be here with you. Tariq and Charlotte will be with you. Dragomir will stand with you as well. You have Danny and Liv and little Bella and Lourdes. Genevieve has hardly left your side. I want you to think about this. We’re alike, you and me. We’ve been touched by monsters, but we’re still standing. We’re going to grow so strong that if he comes at Bella or Lourdes, if he goes after Liv or Danny, we’ll be there to stop him. We’ll learn how to wield those new weapons and how to kill vampires if we have to. We’ll be that last line of defense for them.”
Emeline held out her hand. “Come on, Amelia. We can do it together.”
She hesitated but then nodded, clasping Emeline’s hand hard.