I stare at the cold, green eyes of my father. He can’t see me. But I can see him. He’s standing by the window, on the phone, barking into the mouthpiece. He doesn’t know I’m in here because I’m not supposed to be in here. His office is out of bounds, the one place in the house my mother and I are forbidden to go. So, of course, I came. Curious as to what made it so special, what made it such a dark zone.

I didn’t find anything.

Although, at seven, I can’t really read very well and everything I found was all papers, and computers, and everything I don’t understand or even know how to use. To me, his office seems boring. I wouldn’t want to play in here anyway, so I’m not sure why he would tell me I can’t come in.

But my father isn’t a nice man.

In fact, I don’t think I like him at all.

My friends at school tell me that’s not very nice because he’s my father, and I shouldn’t say things like that about my father.

But they don’t know what he’s like.

They don’t know how it feels when he slaps me across the face. My eyes water, and my face stings, and it sometimes makes my nose bleed. But mostly, it makes my mommy cry, and I don’t like to hear her cry. So, I don’t have to like him, I don’t think. I mean, girls at school don’t like the bullies because they’re mean. And that’s what my dad is, a bully.

“What do you mean they’re coming—”

My father yells loudly into the phone but then stops talking and spins around. My head whips around too, because I hear my mother scream. It’s loud, and she sounds really scared. My hands move from their spot on my lap and I go to rush out, but if he knows I’m in here, I’ll never be able to help. So, I tuck myself back behind the big lounge chair that’s hiding me, and I’m quiet. My heart hurts a lot, it feels kind of like it’s going to leap right out of my chest.

I’m scared.

Dad’s door swings open, and I peek my head around from behind the chair in the corner and see two big, scary men holding Mommy. She’s crying, and one of them has his hand over her mouth. I start crying too, because they’re hurting her. Why are they hurting her? Mommy isn’t mean, she’s kind and loving. Why isn’t my father doing anything?

My knees are shaking.

I’m so afraid.

“How did you get into my house?”

My father doesn’t ask them to let her go, he isn’t even looking at her. Why isn’t he saving her? In the books Mommy reads me, the prince always saves the princess. So, why isn’t he doing anything?

“Tricked your silly wife here into thinking we were here to fix your broken stove. Stupid woman. You’d think you would have picked someone smarter.”

My father looks to my mother now, and he looks angry.

“You stupid bitch,” he spits at her. “You know better.”

My bottom lip trembles.

That’s a terrible word.

Why is he being so mean to her? It wasn’t her fault.

“What do you want?”

My father’s voice is calm as he speaks to the two scary men who are holding my mother.

“You know what we want.”

“Don’t have it,” my father sneers. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t give it to you.”

A big man, the scariest one, I think, has a bald head and I don’t like his eyes, they make me feel frightened. He smiles at my dad, like he thinks what he just said is really funny.

I don’t think it’s funny.

“It’s a shame you said that, Benjamin, because that wasn’t the answer we wanted.”

“You’ll never get the answer you want, now get the fuck out of my house.”

“Or what?” The scary bald man laughs.

“You’ll find nothing here.” My father crosses his arms, staring at the two men.

I’m scared to breathe.

My hands are shaking now.

Someone needs to help Mommy. She looks so scared. So frightened.

“Ah, but we will find something. You can hide as much as you wish, Benjamin, but we will get what we came for. One way or another. I’m sure you’re aware of that. After all, why would you go to such lengths to keep us away if you didn’t have concerns?”

“I want you away because you’re scum,” my dad spits.

“Perhaps,” Bald man says, shrugging. “Either way, we’ve been told to send you a message.”

He pulls out a gun. I know, because my dad carries them everywhere. My heart feels funny again, and I can’t stop crying. Why is that man holding a gun? Why is he smiling? Someone help Mommy. Father, why aren’t you helping her?

“His message, to be clear, is simple. Destroy everything until he gives what we want. So, that’s what we’re here to do. Starting with your wife.”

I look to my father, praying he’ll be running toward Mommy to knock that gun out of that mean man’s hand, but he isn’t. He’s just standing there. Staring. His face so hard, it’s scaring me. Why isn’t he helping her? I don’t understand.

I look back to Mommy, and she’s shaking her head, tears running down her cheeks. No. Mommy. I’ll help her. I push to my knees, but the man puts the gun to Mommy’s face, and he pulls the trigger. I scream, but nobody can hear me because the gun makes a loud noise. Then there is blood. Everywhere. All over the ground. All over my father. All over the men holding Mommy. And I can’t see her face anymore.

I can’t breathe.

Someone help me.

Mommy.

Mommy.

The man drops Mommy to the floor, and looks around. “Anyone else in here that we can send a message to? Children, perhaps?”

No.

The man wants to hurt me.

No.

“I have no children,” my father says, his voice the same. “And you have three seconds to get the fuck out of my house.”

Why isn’t he crying? Like me. Mommy. Please. Mommy.

“Or what?” the bald man says.

I didn’t see my father move. Not really. Not once. But, suddenly, the two men he always has around, Darius and Popper, appear behind the other two men. And they raise their guns. I press my hands over my eyes and keep them there as the awful sounds make the room seem really loud. I’m crying so hard my body is shaking, but I can’t stop it. Not now. Mommy. I want my mommy.

Silence.

Then my dad’s voice. “Get rid of them. And her.”

Mommy.

No.

No.

Dad, don’t get rid of her.

Mommy.

“On it now, Boss.”

I stay crouched behind the chair. I don’t want to come out. I don’t ever want to open my eyes again. I want my mommy. Is she okay? Is father taking her to the hospital? Will she be okay after the man shot her face?

I stay there for a while, just crying.

And then I hear my father’s voice.

“Charlene, stand up.”

I put my hands down and blink back my tears. Then I look up to see him staring down at me, his face blank. Mommy’s face was never blank. It was always warm. I want my mommy.

“Mommy,” I cry.

“Stand up. Your mother is gone, and she isn’t coming back.”

No.

I start to cry harder.

“Stand up this instant! And stop your sniveling.”

I push to my feet, my knees shaking so hard it takes me a while. When I’m standing, he takes my arm and pulls me out from behind the chair. I see a lot of red, it’s everywhere, all over the ground and the walls. But Mommy isn’t there anymore. She’s gone. Those men took her away.

Mommy.

“It’s just you and me now,” my father says to me, but it isn’t in a kind way. It scares me.

I look at him.

“Only nobody knows about you. That’s going to work in my favor. Welcome to my world, Charlene. It’s time you learned to be a part of the family you were born into.”

But I don’t want to be a part of this family.

I just want my mommy back.

~*~*~*~