I was curled up on the couch, typing up a report for Kapoor on our initial findings, when the TV clicked on. I started at the sound but then smiled as Cole sank down beside me. He pulled my legs onto his lap then coasted his fingers down the grooves pressed into my boots. I had the oddest impression he was subconsciously mimicking Miller, layering his scent over the other male’s, and it turned the center of my chest to warm goo.
“There’s something you ought to see.” He turned up the volume. “The local news just caught wind of it.”
An anchorwoman onscreen stood outside the local hospital, her face grave. “ . . . Jay Lambert was discovered foaming at the mouth and mumbling incoherently. If you think his name sounds familiar, it’s because he was the boy who heroically dove into the Mississippi River, only to realize the woman he meant to save had already drowned.”
“Your informant has the inside track on this?”
“According to her, six other local teens have also suffered epileptic fits. All friends of his.”
“I’ve got to call Wu, see if he’s heard.” I rubbed my face. “This kind of heat is just what we don’t need.”
Laugh at zombie viruses, eh? He wouldn’t be grinning after he heard this news.
“I’ve got Santiago researching who discovered the previous victims and who they interacted with afterward. We ought to have an idea if this is an isolated incident soon.”
“With our luck?” I laughed. “What are the odds?”
Cole awarded me the point then went quiet. “I bumped into Santiago and Portia at the Mesa Grill.”
Mmm. I could go for some steak and chicken fajitas right about now. A sizzling platter of onions and peppers, fresh pico de gallo and sour cream with fresh tortillas to wrap it all up in. “You met your contact at a restaurant?”
“You expected a back alley?”
Honestly? “Yes.”
“We operate a legit business. There’s no reason for cloak and dagger.” He shrugged. “Most of the time.”
Forcing my growly stomach on the backburner, I zeroed in on the topic change. “Was Maggie enjoying herself?”
“She wasn’t present. That’s why I mentioned it. The girls are getting better at trading off so they both enjoy new experiences, but that didn’t happen here.” He squeezed my ankles. “Santiago intimidates her. I’m sure the way Portia acts around him doesn’t help matters. When they’re alone with him, she sleeps.”
“Maggie prefers Miller.”
“Yes,” he said, looking at me. “Most females do.”
“Miller is good friend material.” I held out my hand, still amazed when he meshed our fingers. “Besides, if I can stomach your clandestine meetings at Mesa Grill with a hot charuness, then you can deal with Miller being my friend.”
“How do you know Lorelei is hot?”
“Ugh. Even her name is sexy.” I flicked a hand to encompass the room. “I have yet to meet an unattractive charun. Some have made poor host choices, true, but otherwise . . . I’m thinking you guys are vain.”
“And you?” His gaze slid over my face. “What about your beauty?”
“I can’t remember wishing myself like this, if that’s what you mean.” I flushed to the tips of my toes. “I was a kid. Who can even tell then? I was all elbows and knees with twigs and mud in my hair.”
Vanity might be encoded in charun DNA. Pretty sure made life easier. That was an ugly fact. But I had avoided mirrors and reflected surfaces all my life. The disconnect between what I saw and who I was had lessened with the understanding that dissociative wasn’t a strong enough word for my condition. Two fully realized people shared this body, and neither of them wanted to let go of the wheel.
“The first time I saw your chosen form,” he said gruffly, “I knew you would only grow lovelier with age. I hadn’t doubted it. Beauty is a weapon, and Conquest wields it mercilessly, but watching you mature into the woman you are now was . . . ” An expression that never settled into one emotion flittered across his face. “I wasn’t prepared for the experience.”
“You watched me grow up.” All those years I could have known him, known them, wasted. Except that might have cost me my aunt and uncle even sooner, injured my father worse, lost me Rixton and my job before I learned either of them well. No, I couldn’t regret keeping the two halves of my life separate for as long as it lasted.
“You’re allowed to have mixed feelings about that.”
“All I have are mixed feelings.”
About me. That’s what he meant, and who could blame him?
“I should shower.” I tugged on my legs, but he refused to let go. “I smell like morgue.”
“I hurt you.” He cradled the side of my face in his palm. “It’s not my intention.”
“I know.” I gripped his bare wrist, and the metal warmed beneath my palm. “I don’t hold it against you.”
A shuddering exhale tripped over his lips when I caressed the scar tissue with my thumb. “Luce . . . ”
The door swung open so hard it smacked the wall and bounced. Cole and I broke apart, and this time he let me put my feet on the floor.
“We’re back,” Portia called, arms spread wide, shopping bags hanging from her wrists. “Today was perfect, so perfect I bought everyone gifts.” She plopped down between Cole and me. “Here’s one for you.” She passed him a box of condoms. “And one for you.” She winked as she passed me a handful of fabric. “I would ask you to model, but Cole gets so territorial. It’s hot—don’t get me wrong—but I doubt he wants the guys to get an eyeful of your assets.”
A strangled noise caught in my throat as I detangled my gift. “Dental floss. You shouldn’t have.”
Portia lifted the black lace teddy by its gossamer straps and held it aloft for all to admire.
It was beautiful, and it was highly inappropriate. No wonder she liked it.
“Oh, come on.” She elbowed Cole in the side. “It’s only a matter of time, and we all know it.” She wrinkled her nose then hooked her thumb in his direction. “Has anyone ever told you—?”
“Yes.” I groaned, covering my face with my hands since the teddy was no help. “You can all smell my dirty thoughts. I got it. You really don’t have to keep reminding me.”
“Well, yes.” She snorted. “But I was going to ask—Has anyone ever told you how he smells around you?”
Cole released a warning rumble that Portia was quick to ignore.
“No.” I slowly peeked at her through my fingers.
“He gave you his room at the bunkhouse, Luce. He wants you in his bed. That’s why he put you there.”
I opened my mouth to point out there wasn’t a sixth bedroom, and his was the largest.
Almost like they had built it expecting us to share.
Oh.
Oh.
“He’s kicking out possessive pheromones that make the guys’ eyes water.” She batted her lashes at Cole. “It’s enough to make a girl go into heat.”
“That’s enough, Portia.”
“She deserves to know where she stands with you,” she protested.
“It’s all right.” I stood and stretched. “I know where I stand with him.”
Her eyes rounded. “You do?”
His narrowed. “You do?”
“Yes,” I told them. “Anywhere he wants me.”
The shocked expression wreathing her face was worth it. I turned on my heel and sauntered into the bedroom I had claimed with the expectation Cole would share it with me. I went to the bathroom and cranked up the hot water. When I reentered the bedroom to root through my luggage for pajamas, I bounced off his chest.
“Oof.”
He caught me by my upper arms and swept his hands down to capture mine. “You deserve more.”
“I don’t deserve what I have,” I said truthfully. How he stomached touching me at all was a miracle given all that Conquest had done to him. “I’ll take what I can get.”
His fingers traced my knuckles. “It’s not right.”
A vice clamped over my heart, twisting closed until the pinch was unbearable.
“I didn’t date much, and only part of that was because I was a curiosity and not a real person to most guys. But the other reason is I never wanted them. There was no spark, no desire. I figured I was too broken by the events that left me in the swamp to have those urges.”
“And then you met me,” he supplied with a hint of a smile.
“I met you,” I agreed, “and I realized it wasn’t that I didn’t have those same desires. I just wanted . . . ”
“Me.”
“You,” I rasped.
He nodded as if it made perfect sense to him that I would only want him to the exclusion of everyone else, and that worried me. There were ties between us I kept tripping over, but he wasn’t in any rush to point out how those strings connected.
Ask him.
Ask why wanting him hurts so damn much.
But I was terrified what our connection meant about the one he shared with Conquest.
Bawk-bawk.
Guess Santiago wasn’t the only chicken in our coterie.
After casting me a lingering glance over his shoulder, he left. As much as I wanted to invite him to join me, I didn’t. I wasn’t sure he would say yes, and with my heart still tender, I couldn’t handle him saying no.