CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Lily padded into the dark, empty kitchen. Pulling a glass out of the cupboard, she tipped the cup under the sink faucet and turned on the water. She’d woken up out of a dead sleep for no other reason than her throat was dry and she needed a drink.
Sipping from the water, she stared out the kitchen window into the driveway. A familiar blue Porsche caught her eye instantly. She nearly dropped the damn glass. Damian’s car was parked beside hers and guessing by the dew drops gathering on the blue paint, it had been there quite a while.
He hadn’t mentioned needing to come over. In fact, Lily was positive Damian said he had work to do and might not even see her the next day. Their wedding was just two weeks away; Lily didn’t mind that he had business to handle because she could always use a day to make sure everything was going smoothly with the two wedding event coordinators that Dino hired. Besides that, Lily had taken up two summer online classes for credits she needed in order to be ahead of the game for school in the fall.
She had a lot of stuff going on.
Damian did, too.
Why hadn’t he told her he was coming over?
The digital microwave clock blinked 4AM. More confused than ever, Lily turned the garage light on and looked out the window connecting the garage to the kitchen. Dino’s white Bentley wasn’t parked beside Lily’s Maserati. Damian promised to have her car repaired before the wedding but Lily had been using Dino’s car to run errands or to do whatever else she needed in the day. Her brother was too busy trying to keep a firm handle on the DeLuca crew with Theo to be worrying about his car.
But now Dino’s car was gone, too.
Listening for any sounds in the house, Lily couldn’t hear a thing. Nothing that said her brother and Damian were inside, anyway. Lily dumped the remaining water from her glass down the drain, keeping an eye on Damian’s car at the same time.
She figured it didn’t matter. Maybe Dino and Damian had business and met up or something. Padding back through the dark house, Lily came to a stop at the foot of the stairwell. The faintest sound, something Lily was sure she had never heard before, hummed from the back of the house. The noise got louder, like metal grinding on metal.
What in the hell was that?
Annoyed, Lily made her way to the back of the house quickly. She slipped on her ballet flats and pushed open the back door leading to the deck. Darkness covered the back property except toward Dino’s small storage shed at the far end. White light spilled from the open garage door as sparks flew. Smoke and dust billowed out around the halo of light, illuminating a figure bending down with some kind of tool as the person worked on what looked like a … vehicle? Or rather, the frame of some kind of vehicle.
Maybe she should have turned around, went back inside the house, and pretended like she hadn’t seen a thing, but something inside Lily’s gut wouldn’t let her. Before she even understood her own actions, Lily had walked down the steps of the deck and was half way across the back yard.
The closer she came to that grinding sound and the man in the light, the worse she felt. The tightest sensation wrapped around her heart, filling it to the brim with dread and making every beat hurt.
When Lily was just a few steps away from the garage door, her heart might as well have fell from her chest and shattered across the lawn. The vehicle … She knew that vehicle. She knew the shape of it because the image of it had permanently imprinted itself inside her memories ever since that shooting at the Trentini home. It didn’t matter that all that was left of the vehicle was nothing more than a steel frame and twisted black metal.
No, Lily knew.
The torch lit up again, blowing into the chassis. The man dropped the tool and picked up what looked like a grinder of some sort. Sparks flew everywhere, lighting up the mask the person wore to protect his face. The awful grinding sound started up again, making Lily cringe from the volume of the noise. Lily’s ears ached and the terrible stench the grinder created as it cut through the hot steel burned her nose.
Lily turned on her heel, needing to get away from that vehicle and what it all meant. She didn’t make it very far. The grinder shut off just as she took her first few steps. She heard a muffled curse before the familiar voice became a hell of a lot clearer.
“Lily?”
No.
Why?
Everything inside screamed those two simple words. Nothing was right. Everything was so terribly wrong and foul.
Lily spun on her heel in the dewy grass. “Why?”
Damian dropped the welding mask to the cement floor of the building. “Lily—”
“Why is that here?” she interrupted, her voice barely breaking a whisper.
“It’s nothing, Lily.”
Lily scoffed, dark and hateful. “Right. It’s nothing. Tell me that’s not the vehicle used in the Trentini shooting. Tell me that!”
Damian didn’t look away as he said, “I can’t.”
“Because it is.”
“Yes,” he confirmed quietly.
Lily’s heart broke all over again. “Why?”
“Dino—”
No, Lily didn’t want to hear that, either. She turned toward the house and bolted as fast as she could away from Damian. The sound of the tool he’d been holding echoed with a bang as he dropped it to the cement floor.
“Lily!”
What had her brother done? That vehicle could only mean one thing. Dino had a hand in the shooting. He’d nearly killed her in the process. And Damian … he was helping to dispose of the evidence. Damian knew, too.
Oh, God.
Memories and things Lily had overlooked flew into her mind one after the other. Whispered conversations and offhanded remarks made by Dino or even Damian at times.
“This shit happens.”
“Right now we have to focus on keeping what is important safe, which I thought someone already understood that.”
“She was safe, man.”
“Someday, she might actually understand.”
“Which side are you on?”
“My side, of course.”
“Obviously someone is out to prove a point with someone else in the Outfit …”
“… sometimes it’s better to bide your time, little one. Not everything is black and white.”
There was so much. Too much. Lily, blind and dumb to her brother and his schemes, had passed over everything without so much as a question.
Then, there was Damian. That probably hurt her the very most. She’d spent a great deal of the last day in Damian’s bed. Her body could still feel the aftereffects of their lovemaking hours after it had ended. Damian touched her like he cared, like he wanted her. He’d made her believe that.
How much of it was nothing but lies?
Had that been a part of whatever plans Dino had, too?
Bile rose in the back of her throat the closer she came to the house. Fresh, hot tears streaked down her cheeks. Nothing had ever felt quite as hurtful before. Betrayal stung on her tongue, making her sicker than ever.
“Lily, just wait,” Damian said.
She’d almost made it to the steps but he caught her first. Damian’s hands, ones she let touch and learn her body, grabbed onto her wrists and spun her around fast to face him. The moment he released her, she swung at him with all her might. Her palm connected with his cheek, the crack reverberating across the nearly silent backyard. Damian tensed and snapped back from her like he was worried she might smack him again.
“You fucking asshole!” Lily shouted, letting the tears fall freely. “You lied to me!”
Damian licked the spot of blood from his bottom lip and rubbed at his jaw. “Fuck, you’ve got a mighty swing.”
Lily held back her scream of frustration. “You’re lucky it was just the one.”
“Don’t hit me again.”
“I beg your pardon? Where in the hell do you get off telling me anything after what I just saw you doing?”
Damian took a step forward, closer to Lily. She backed up one, needing the space. “Just like I said. Don’t hit me again. I’ve never hit you. I would never hit you. Don’t hit me.”
Lily’s sobs caught in her throat, choking her. “Where is my brother?”
“Gone. He got a call from Tommas an hour ago. Riley finally retaliated. The Rossi crew took a mighty hit. Terrance wanted the men to gather and discuss what they were going to do from here on out.”
She didn’t give a damn.
“You lied to me.”
Damian shook his head. “I have never lied.”
“Oh, really?” Lily pointed at the shell of a vehicle Damian had been working on. “What do you call that? All of the stuff that’s been happening, you’ve been doing that. You knew and didn’t tell me. My friend’s mother and your own cousin! You’re a sneaky, lying—”
Damian stepped forward, clamped a hand over Lily’s mouth, and grabbed her tight. “Hush. I did not do all of it. In fact, I did very fucking little. The only thing I did do was keep you safe while it was happening. Goddamn, Lily, stop it and listen to me.”
She struggled in his hold, mumbling curses and anything else she could think to spew at him. She didn’t want him touching her or near her. There was no excuse or reason worthy for what was happening around them. Nothing would ever justify useless blood spilling or the heartache of others.
“Listen to me,” Damian demanded.
“Fuck you,” Lily spat, finally getting her face away from his hand.
“Lily, please listen to me!”
Lily bit his palm. Damian shouted his pain, jerking back away from Lily. She took the chance to put more distance between them. From the top of her head all the way down to her toes, she trembled in her rage.
“I was there,” Lily hissed.
Damian nodded. “I know.”
“I was there, Damian! For the shooting, I watched those people … Was that part of the plan, too?”
“No one would look to Dino if you or Theo were at the locations when the scenes went down.”
Locations?
Locations!
“More than one?” Lily asked, feeling like the air was being squeezed from her chest.
Damian’s cool demeanor didn’t change as a million and one emotions washed through Lily. His statement clearly implied more than one. The only other incident Lily had been involved with was the restaurant shooting when Mia died.
The vague conversation and passing looks shared between Damian and Dino when Lily arrived home after the shooting rammed into her mind with an almost painful quality. It taunted her.
How could you not know?
How did you not see?
“He didn’t,” Lily whispered.
“Yes,” Damian said quietly.
“My God! Eve’s mother—”
“Was a mistake,” Damian interjected quickly. “Dino aimed high, meaning to hit above the heads at the table just to get some shit stirring and questions being asked. He wanted a fuss kicked up and some suspicion inside the Outfit, nothing more. Mia must have been standing when he did the drive-by. Laurent, too. It makes sense considering Serena’s spiel. Maybe the argument continued after we left the table.”
Was that supposed to help Lily?
It didn’t!
“Riley focused in on the Poletti boy’s death and wouldn’t let that go,” Damian explained. “He took the shooting as retaliation on Terrance. It grew from there. Dino went with it. It was never supposed to get this big.”
“You texted him that day,” Lily said, remembering that fact.
Damian’s jaw tensed. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Exactly for the reason I already told you when you asked that day. To let him know we were leaving and I would be bringing you home.”
“So I could be there, but not actually be there, right?” Lily asked, hatred swelling up in her heart.
“Yes,” Damian said softly.
“I was your pawn. Dino’s, too. That’s all this ever was. And that night. You knew how heartbroken and hurt I was for Eve and over what happened, and I let you fuck me. You used the place I was in to get me into bed, you asshole.”
“Absolutely not,” Damian growled.
“Liar,” she said, waving a hand at him. “You’re just like Dino. You’re aiming for one place and you’re going to use everybody else’s backs to step on while you get there. Mine will not be one you break in the process, Damian Rossi.”
“Stop!” Damian shouted.
The word slammed Lily straight in the chest, threatening to send her emotions spilling over again. She couldn’t handle this.
“I did not know it was going to be this bad but yes, I knew Dino had plans,” Damian continued, not giving her the chance to breathe or think. “Certain people—he wanted them gone. I did that, yes. I helped, yes. But shit happened. Instead of only looking at the men inside the Outfit when the restaurant mess happened like Dino wanted, Riley focused outside. Nobody planned for that. Nobody thought of that. It just kept getting bigger.
“I owed your brother my life and he asked for that payment in the form of a marriage to you. He wanted your safety and your happiness to be my payment. That meant I needed to do anything—everything—I could to get you to that place.”
“I am not happy!” Lily cried. “I am heartbroken. I am … disgusted.”
Damian recoiled, pain flickering in his blue eyes. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. After everything, all the bullshit you’ve fed to me, I hate you.”
“It is not true. You can’t hate the things you love, Lily.”
Lily’s felt her entire body flinch inward, reacting to his words and the truth hidden inside them. It only made everything so much worse that she had somehow fallen in love with this dangerous, dark man. Because she hadn’t known anything about him at all. She’d taken the bits and pieces he gave for what they were, she trusted him in his actions and words … she thought he cared.
He clearly hadn’t cared about her. Not at all.
But her heart still swelled and pounded, wanting Damian. Lily hated that she couldn’t control that reaction because he didn’t deserve it from her. None of it.
“Too much,” Lily managed to force out. “This is too much.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not. All you did was lie to me. You made me think you gave a damn; you made me believe you wanted me. The only thing you wanted was to use me.”
“That’s not true,” Damian said, anger heating his tone. “I agreed—”
“To marry me because of my brother! You never would have looked twice at me otherwise,” Lily said, practically screaming at him. “God, Damian, just admit it. For once, tell me the truth!”
“I have never lied to you. I omitted facts because you didn’t ask.”
“I never asked the right questions; that’s what you’re dancing around,” Lily said, scoffing. “All that means is you’re nothing more than a fucking liar, Damian. Is the marriage arrangement even real or was that another one of Dino’s distractions?”
The look on Damian’s face said it all.
The marriage was real.
Lily couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t stand there looking at the man who had done nothing but lie to her over and over; a man who had used her for his own gain and who she was still expected to marry.
“I hate you,” Lily said, needing to hurt Damian like he hurt her. “I hate you so much.”
“Lily—”
Lily spun on her heel before Damian could get another word in edgewise. She heard him move toward her as she bolted for the back steps again. Why he couldn’t just leave her alone, she didn’t know.
Damian caught her just a few steps later. His hand snagged her flimsy sleep shirt and pulled, making her slip on the wet grass. Lily stumbled at the surprise move, falling to the dew covered grass. Damian tried to catch her but ended up on the ground, too.
Angry, hurting, and more confused than ever, Lily rolled to her back and kicked at him. She struck out at him with her fists, shouting every hateful thing she could think to say and spit. All of the pain crushing her heart with a dreadful weight came out in a vomit of words and tears.
“I hate you,” she repeated, tasting the saltiness of tears on her lips. “You used the things about me that hurt me, the things you knew would get to me—my parents, the Outfit—you used all of it to get closer to me. All the shit you said to me was nothing more than bullshit. I should have known better than to think you gave a damn. Men like you don’t know how to care about anything but yourself. You are a bastard! You made me think you wanted me. You’re a monster. I hate you!”
Stop,” Damian said, keeping her pinned under his body on the ground. “Please just stop, Lily.”
Lily struggled in Damian’s hold as his hands cupped her jaw firmly and didn’t let go. She refused to listen to whatever he had to say, so she kept fighting him the more he held her down. Her fingernails scored into his cheek, drawing blood. Damian flinched in response, wincing. He never once tried to strike her back. Instead, he continued holding onto her face before he forced her head back, making her stare at him. Her eyes filled with tears all over again, streaking down her cheeks for him to see.
“Let me go!” Lily cried.
“Not until you listen to me,” Damian muttered.
With his body on top of hers, barricading her to the wet and cold grass, Lily couldn’t get away. Her flats had fallen off and her shorts and shirt were soaked from rolling around on the ground. She was pretty sure her hair was a goddamn mess, too. She wished she could care.
Lily felt Damian’s thumbs sweep over her cheekbones as if to wipe away the tears. He couldn’t possibly take them away because the flood kept on coming. Every breath she took was accompanied by a sob that ached deep inside her chest.
“Do you like this, huh?” Lily asked, taunting him. “Do you like my tears, Damian? They’re all for you this time!”
Damian’s teeth bared. “You know I don’t.”
“I don’t know anything about you.”
“You know everything that’s important,” he replied quietly. “Anything I’ve said and all the things you know, those are important to me.”
“Lies,” Lily mumbled.
“Facts.”
“Asshole.”
“Maybe,” Damian agreed. “Maybe I am. I told you once that my motives were wrapped up entirely in you and that was the truth. The things that mattered to you, the people who might hurt you or the shit holding you back—I wanted to fix that for you. I never lied to you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I did not! There were things you didn’t need to know. I don’t control Dino, Lily. So I did the next best thing which was keeping you safe while he did whatever the hell he wanted.”
“You helped,” she spat.
“Sometimes,” Damian admitted. “Because I had shit to keep safe, too. I had reasons for wanting this, too.”
Lily stilled under his weight. “Like what?”
“Me. I wanted to keep me.”
That didn’t make sense.
“Let me go,” Lily repeated. “I want to go inside. Anywhere away from you.”
Soon, preferably.
Damian refused. “Not until you hear me, Lily. You’re goddamn well going to hear me whether you want to or not. Things were happening around me that I wasn’t getting a say in. Despite what you may think, I didn’t do any of this to get myself higher in the Outfit. I did it so someone else could and I was able to stay being just Damian Rossi. Not someone else, just me.”
Lily glared. “I—”
“Dino wanted you to be safe long after he didn’t have the control to keep you that way. He knew that with certain people gone, a mess might happen. One that would put families in the spotlight and fighting against one another. He didn’t want you to be somehow used as a bartering chip between anyone. Not today, tomorrow, or five years from now.”
“I don’t care.”
“Stop it. You know you do. You want to know and I’m telling you. Listen.”
Lily sniffled. “I just want to go inside. Please.”
Damian acted like she didn’t say a word. “In order to make sure you wouldn’t be put in that kind of position, he needed you married and already taken. I fucked up a long time ago. My mistakes kept me indebted to Dino but it also made me loyal to him. I understood what he wanted to do and why he was doing it. The Outfit is so fucked up sometimes. Greedy, excessive, and full of bullshit and liars.”
“You’re a liar,” Lily said, hoping that would piss him off enough to release her.
It didn’t, not entirely.
Damian’s hand let go of her cheek just long enough to smack the ground hard. Lily froze and her gaze widened. “I am not!”
“You’re lying to the people around you,” she retorted.
“They’ve never asked.”
“Tell me the truth for once,” Lily said, her voice a whisper. “Make me believe something you say. Because nothing rings true anymore. Nothing.”
“I didn’t want to marry you. I didn’t want to be married at all.”
Lily choked out a sob mixed with a bitter laugh. “Now, that I believe.”
“Then I met you,” Damian added quieter. “And you were not what I was expecting. We were more alike than I thought. I’d already known you from way back when. You had shit going on—you were real. I didn’t want you to hate me or to feel like you were stuck with a man who wouldn’t care about you. And I did care, Lily.”
“Why would you?” she asked, refusing to look at him again. “I’m nothing to you in the end. Just another girl, a ring on your finger you’ll eventually forget. Nothing, Damian.”
“Not nothing. Everything,” he murmured.
A shiver worked its way over Lily’s body but it had nothing to do with the cold, wet ground. His words washed over her skin and senses with a soothing, truthful quality that only hurt her further.
“You’re so good at this game,” Lily said, hating him for it.
“No game. Not with you. I would have faked every little goddamn thing I had to with you to make Dino happy, but I didn’t have to. With you, I didn’t have to fake anything.”
Lily wiggled, trying to get away from the feeling of Damian’s warm hands sliding down her body. When he touched her, she couldn’t think. Damian probably knew that.
“Stop,” Lily demanded. “Stop playing these games with me. Leave me alone. I’ll follow Dino’s rules and keep my fucking mouth shut about what I know. I’ll marry you because I don’t have a choice, but you can leave me the hell alone while I do it. Find another whore to keep you satisfied, but stay away from me.”
“No. You’ve got it all wrong, Lily. Every bit of it.”
Lily laughed darkly. Her tears had finally stopped. “I think I’m right and you’re too much of a coward to admit it.”
Damian’s fingers pressed to the exposed skin of Lily’s stomach where her shirt had ridden up. The pressure of his fingertips bit into her flesh with the lightest touch, promising and sweet. She despised the fact there was no denying the hard ridge of his erection digging into her pelvis. It turned her on, despite how angry and hurt she was.
Lily adored this man. She’d went into her affections blindly for him, trusting what he gave to be what it was. She hadn’t realized that someone like Damian could have the kind of effect on her that he did until he was front row and center, demanding her attention. Without ever really trying, he’d had her falling head over heels.
She thought he would be standing there to catch her.
Lily was stupid.
Stupid over him. Stupid for him.
Stupid.
God, it was sickening.
“Stop touching me,” Lily said.
“No.”
“You’re an asshole.”
Damian shrugged. “You’re beautiful.”
Lily glowered. “Stop it!”
“You are. I had no reason to let you in, Lily. Not to me or who I was. I didn’t need to invite you into my life or bed before the marriage. I didn’t have to give a shit about you or even try. I didn’t have to like you if I didn’t want to but you made it so fucking easy. Don’t you get that? I could have treated this arrangement as just that—business. If that’s all I thought of it and you, it would have been a hell of a lot simpler just to let you fight it out with Dino and be waiting at the end of the aisle when he forced you down it to meet me. I didn’t have to do any of this!”
Lily shuddered at what his words implied. “You’re lying again. All you did was make me trust you so that no one would suspect what you and Dino did.”
“I didn’t have to. That didn’t matter to me. I didn’t have to hide anything. Dino, yes, but not me.”
“You’re—”
“Be quiet,” Damian said, his blue eyes blazing into Lily’s with a fierceness that stopped her breath. “Listen to what I have told you. Think about it and for once, hear me. God, I need you to hear me, Lily. Please.”
“It doesn’t matter. You already said it, Damian. Regardless if Dino forces me down the aisle or not, you’ll still be there waiting. I don’t have to hear or understand anything for it to make a difference.”
“But I want you to.”
Lily whined low, feeling his fingers skip around the hem of her shorts. “I don’t.”
“Why?” he asked.
“You know why.”
Damian smiled and the sight only pissed Lily off more. Having her hand free gave her the ability to hit him again, but he caught her wrist before she could. He slammed her hand to the ground beside her head. Lily stilled, shocked. Her body, on the other hand, was hotter than ever.
“Stop hitting me,” Damian said, cocking a brow. “You’re better than using your hands to show anger. Words work just as well.”
“I’m so angry with you.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Lily cried, her tears falling freely again. “I’m angry with me, too.”
Damian traced Lily’s trembling lip with the pad of his finger before he wiped away her tears. “I hate it when you cry.”
“I hate it when you say things like that.”
“No, you don’t,” he argued. “You like it because someone cares.”
“Except it’s you,” she said shakily.
“And you’re angry because you know I care,” Damian replied, never breaking eye contact with Lily. “I care enough to protect you. I care enough to let you in.”
“Enough to lie to me, too?”
“Lily, stop making me repeat myself.”
“Lying would have been easier!” she shouted.
Lily knew he hadn’t lied, not really. In the end, she was the one who chose not to question those around her. She let Damian slip through her carefully constructed walls keeping everyone associated with the Outfit out. She cared about him.
“I love you,” she breathed, aching inside. “You could have done all of this without making me fall in love with you, Damian.”
“I never tried to make that happen,” Damian said gently.
But it was so easy to.
“You hurt me,” Lily whimpered. “Things you love shouldn’t hurt you.”
“I’m sorry.” Damian swept his thumb over her mouth again with the softest touch as he said, “But you should know that there’s so much about you I love, Lily. I love the way you smile because you don’t do it nearly enough. I love how you’re quiet and you don’t need noise when you’re beside me to keep you entertained. I love how you let me make you happy even though you don’t like a lot of things about me.”
“God, stop.”
“Not a chance. Hear me.”
Lily blinked, willing away the stinging in her eyes. “I wish I fucking couldn’t.”
But she could.
Damian’s erection dug a little harder into Lily’s pelvis, reminding her that she had an effect on him, too. One he had never tried to hide. One he always fed into whenever he could. When he bent down to capture her lips in a kiss, she let him. It still hurt but if felt good, too.
Pulling away, Damian dotted soft kisses along her cheekbone. “I love the way you taste and how you always beg me for more. I love burying my tongue into your sweet pussy and how you shake when you come. I love my name in your mouth and wrapping my hands in your hair. I love fucking you because even when it’s dirty, it’s still beautiful, too.”
“So many people are hurting because of this. I can’t be okay with that, Damian. I don’t know how to look the other way.”
“It’s never been about just you, but my one priority was you while it happened,” Damian explained. “You don’t have to look the other way, but when you’re ready to, I’m still going to be standing here when you look back at me. I’m sorry you hate me right now, but I love you and I wish you would hear that.”
Lily blew out a breath, biting on her lower lip. “Why did you do this?”
“I didn’t.”
Dino.
“Why did he do it?” she asked.
“I thought I knew,” Damian said. “I thought I understood.”
“But?”
“I don’t think I know much about him at all.”