No amount of pacing, writing, or composing could put Vance’s addled mind to rest. As the day grew old and decayed into night, Vance knew he couldn’t stay in his apartment anymore. It was too small and too quiet. His emotions were in turmoil, and this time, getting them down on paper wasn’t helping. He needed a distraction — something to keep his mind busy and make him forget the connection he’d severed in the name of his career.

He left his apartment and headed to the only place in town he thought he might be able to drown his regrets — A Stiff One.

The same bouncer manned the door. He looked Vance over when Vance entered, seeming not to remember him. Vance wasn’t sure whether or not he liked the anonymity. When he made his comeback, he wanted people to recognize his face, not just his song, or his band. He wanted to be a public figure — someone who couldn’t go out on the streets without being spotted and singled out. At this point, it felt like the only way he’d be able to forget the void that Aaron had carved into him.

“Busy night?” Vance asked. Noise was coming from deeper inside the bar — music and conversation both. Now that warm weather was here, it wasn’t a surprise.

“Busy enough.”

“I bet a man like you gets hit on all night,” Vance said, half-heartedly making a move. The bouncer looked tough and dominant, and he figured that having rough, angry sex where he was on bottom might help him forget about the times he’d shared with Aaron. “Anyone ever catch your eye?”

“I’m straight,” the bouncer said, giving Vance a withering look. “Get inside and go find someone who’s interested, or get out. You’re barking up the wrong tree here.”

“Too bad.” Vance shrugged. He opened the door to the bar, secretly glad that it hadn’t worked out. The more he thought about it, the more sliding into bed with the bouncer turned his stomach. He told himself it was because he preferred to top, but he was beginning to think that it was a convenient lie. The truth was, he didn’t want to take anyone to bed.

It wouldn’t stop him from trying. He had to shake Aaron somehow.

A Stiff One was busier than it had been during his last visit, partially because of the season, and partially because he’d come at a later hour of the night. Most of the men there were younger than he was, barely legal twinks who ate him up with their eyes as he walked by. If Vance wanted to top one of them, he didn’t think he’d have a problem — he’d have his pick of available young bodies. But he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to replace Aaron, but he needed to get him out of his mind somehow. Letting someone else fuck him seemed like the best way to do it.

He crossed the floor and sat at the bar. Kris was there, and his eyes brightened when he saw Vance again. “Hey, stranger. I didn’t think you’d be back.”

“Funny how life works, huh?” Vance grinned at him. “Get me something — anything. You pick. Fuck me up.”

Kris smirked. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

He was in a more advanced state of undress that night than he had been during Vance’s previous visit. His shirt hung open, revealing his smooth, flat chest and small nipples. His slim body was hairless and lithe, and the look on his face said that he was hunting for more than just tips.

He turned away from the bar counter to fix Vance a drink. Vance watched him, wondering if Kris would want to top. He was a twink, but that didn’t mean he’d be opposed to the idea. Vance decided the worst thing that could happen if he asked was that Kris said no. What did he have to lose?

Kris slid a mixed drink across the table to Vance. Vance looked down at it, then up at Kris. “What is this?”

“It’s like a Long Island Iced Tea, but it’ll fuck you up twice as fast.” Kris winked. “First one’s on the house. Second one’s your choice — your wallet, or your house.”

Vance laughed. Well, that wasn’t hard…

“You gonna top for me tonight?” Vance asked. He downed half the drink at once. It didn’t taste alcoholic, which made it dangerous. Kris knew his shit.

“You want me to?” Kris set his hands on the counter and leaned forward, giving Vance bedroom eyes. “Most guys like you want to pound me into the mattress, but I’m happy returning the favor, if that’s what you want.”

The thought made Vance sick. He slugged back the second half of his drink and wiped his arm across his lips. “Fuck yeah, that’s what I want.”

“Then the second drink’s on your house,” Kris said as he turned. A few moments later, he brought Vance back another drink. “I’m off in three hours. Don’t take off with anyone else. Tonight, you’re mine, and I’m going to make sure you don’t forget it.”

* * *

Vance was drunk by the time three hours passed. He barely remembered what was happening when Kris slid out from behind the bar and took his hand. When they left together, the bouncer gave Vance another withering look, but Vance was too wasted to let it get to him. He led Kris through the streets and back to his apartment, and he even managed to get his keys in the door to unlock it.

He felt sicker than ever, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.

“Your place is cute,” Kris said. He closed the door behind them, then set one hand on Vance’s shoulders and pushed him back, pinning him to the door. Vance’s heart sank. There was fire in Kris’ eyes, but he didn’t feel the spark. He didn’t feel anything but ill, like this was all wrong. Sex had never felt wrong before. “But it’s cute with me in it.”

Kris groped him. Vance shut his eyes and swallowed the bile rising in his throat. A hand squeezing his cock should have made him feel good, but there was nothing about this that turned him on. He wasn’t even the slightest bit hard.

“Fuck, baby, do you have whiskey dick?” Kris asked. He worked his hand, giving Vance more of what he should have needed to feel good, but all it managed to do was increase Vance’s nausea. “I guess that’s okay. You’re not going to need your dick tonight if I’m fucking you. You had this all planned out, didn’t you? Next time, I won’t get you so drunk so you can return the favor.”

“Sure,” Vance said listlessly.

Kris stopped groping him. Vance expected him to take him by the hand, but nothing happened. He opened his eyes to find Kris standing in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“What’s up?” Vance asked.

Kris continued to eye him. “You’re not into this.”

“Yes I am.”

“No, you’re not. I’ve hooked up with enough guys with chronic whiskey dick to know that you’re not into this. You’re not even trying. You’re acting like I’m trying to herd you into a jail cell, or to the electric chair, or something.”

“I’m into it,” Vance argued.

Kris shook his head. “What’s up? Am I a rebound? Because that’s totally okay, and it’s not like I want anything more than sex, but you know, if you can’t even pop a semi, then I think we have a problem here. You should focus on getting yourself into a place where you want to have revenge sex instead of forcing yourself to do it.”

“You’re not a rebound,” Vance argued. His head was spinning. The room was out of focus, and the way the door cooled his skin was divine. It made him feel a little less sick. “I’d… I’d need to have been in a relationship for you to be a rebound. You can’t be a rebound. It was just some casual thing. We had sex like two times.”

“Uh-huh,” Kris said.

“He hates me,” Vance said, dismayed. “We just had sex. That was all. I can get hard. Just… just take your clothes off and we’ll get it figured out, okay?”

Kris snorted. He patted Vance on the arm. “Yeah, no. I’ve got more respect for myself than that. You’re super hot, and I would have loved nothing more than to pound you into oblivion, but… yeah. I think you need to figure things out with your casual hookup situation before you come back looking for more.”

Vance didn’t have it in him to argue. Hearing that Kris didn’t want anything to do with him instantly cured his upset stomach and did away with the bile rising in his throat. Vance didn’t want sex. Not from Kris, anyway. Not from anyone but…

Vance shook his head and stepped away from the door. Kris probably wanted to leave. He wouldn’t keep him trapped in his apartment all night for sex that wasn’t going to happen.

Kris hesitated at the door. He turned to look at Vance again, and his eyes softened. “Hey, listen… I can be kind of a dick sometimes, and I’m sorry. I thought we were going to have some fun, and we’re not, and I’m disappointed. That’s all. But that’s not important. What is important is if you’re this broken up over your casual hookup, maybe you should tell him that? Hm?”

Vance looked at Kris. He couldn’t find it in him to say anything.

Kris shrugged. He blew Vance a kiss. “Night, hot stuff. If you ever get over your dream guy, make sure you find me. I want first dibs.”

“Right,” Vance murmured. He nodded. “I will.”

“Sleep on your stomach tonight,” Kris advised. “Good luck.”

He left, and Vance closed the door behind him. The apartment was solid again, but his thoughts were busy enough to keep him company. Sluggish from being drunk, he moved away from the door and went to bed.

He’d told Aaron that he would ruin him for other men, but it had been the other way around — Aaron had ruined him for everyone else. There was no one Vance wanted more, and no one he would ever want again.