“I’m sorry,” I say and back up another step.
She looks away and crosses her arms over her chest. “For what? Swearing?”
“Yes. No. I mean, yes, but …” The haze of warmth sweeping my system drains away as cold reality sets in.
I almost kissed Rachel.
The realization isn’t nearly as shocking as the fact that despite our differences, our current situation, and the impossibility of it all, I still ache to press her against the wall and taste her.
That thought does dangerous things to my self-control. I need something else to talk about—something else to think about—fast. Glancing around for inspiration, I spy the partially built invention on my table and say, “Do you see that?”
Of course she sees it. She isn’t blind.
“Are we changing the subject?”
“Rachel …” Yes, we’re changing the subject. I don’t know what to say to explain my actions, and it’s either talk about technology, or I’m going to go take a walk in the rain.
“Fine.” She won’t look at me. “What’s so special about that”—she flicks a hand toward the table—“that simply must be discussed right this second?”
“It’s going to lead us to your dad.”
She raises her eyes to mine, her expression cautiously hopeful. “How?”
I’m grateful to be asked for an explanation I can readily give. “Your father’s wristmark has a tracking device embedded in it. All wristmarks do. It’s short range, just like all our tech. Designed to work within the Wall and nowhere else.”
This isn’t news to her. All tech is specific to the city-state where it’s issued. Without a network of wires across the Wasteland, there’s no way to send any kind of long-range signal. A tracking device is useful outside the Wall only if you can get within two hundred yards of someone. Without a fairly exact location for Jared, we could wander for years and never get a ping.
“The invention I’m working on is a tracker designed to pick up traces of your dad’s signal, even if he’s already moved on.”
“How is that possible?” Cautious hope is edging toward enthusiasm in her voice.
“Sound navigation ranging. A courier’s tracking signal uses active sonar, sending out sonic pulses that leave a unique echo in the environment. The guards can find a courier using an Identidisc to receive those echoes as they’re sent.”
“So why can’t we just steal an Identidisc and use that to track Dad?”
I shake my head. “Because Identidiscs aren’t designed to pick up a signal any older than two weeks.”
“Why not?”
I grin. “Because I didn’t design them. Besides, we aren’t going to steal anything and risk showing the Commander what we’re up to. The device I’m building uses passive sonar, which means it receives echoes without sending its own out. I’m tasking it to only receive the lingering echoes of Jared’s unique signal.”
“But if it’s been months since he was in an area—”
“Sound never really disappears. I’m building a powerful battery for this, so if he’s been in an area within the last six months, I’ll catch his echo and we’ll be able to find him.”
She smiles, and genuine warmth fills her eyes. “You’re a genius. Thank you.”
Her words make me feel like I’m standing taller. “You’re welcome.”
She gestures at the half-finished invention. “Why did you apprentice yourself to Dad? It’s clear inventing tech is what you love. Why train to be a courier?”
I meet her gaze for a moment, weighing the risks of telling her what I’ve held in secret all these years. We might not like each other half the time, and we might misunderstand each other regularly, but she’s loyal to the core. Knowing I can trust her unlocks the words, and they rush from me as if they’ve been waiting for a chance to be heard.
“Because I hate living in Baalboden. Every time I look at the cobblestone streets, I see my mother dying. Every time I look at the Wall, I remember who killed her and branded me an outcast when I was just a child. If I have to stay here for the rest of my life, I might … I don’t know if I can be the man I want to be while I live here.”
She nods, her eyes remaining steadily on mine.
“I figured if I learned to be a courier, one day the Commander would send me out alone.”
“And you could disappear?”
“Yes.”
Her voice is sharp. “Did you think of what that would do to those of us who care about you?”
My throat feels tight as I say, “I didn’t realize you would miss me. Besides, did you think of what your disappearing act tonight would’ve done to me?”
Her cheeks flush a delicate pink. “I didn’t realize you would miss me, either.”
I smile, and it takes a minute to realize my common sense is once again sliding into Kiss Rachel territory. This time, it’s not because my body demands it, but because the affection in her voice beckons me.
Which clearly means I’m in dire need of another subject change.
“We don’t have to worry about that now,” I say. “We’ll be leaving together. Give me one week, and the tracking device will be ready. We can leave the day after the Claiming ceremony.”
I ignore the way her smile lights the room, and turn toward the table. “I should get to work.”
“I should get some sleep.” Her voice sounds breathless as she slips past me to head toward the loft.
I sit at the kitchen table and face the tracking device, shelving all distracting thoughts of Rachel. I hope the Commander is willing to give me a week to get ready for the trip. I need those seven days. Two days to finish Jared’s tracking device. And five more to build one for Rachel.
I’m not going to be caught off guard again.