We get into the car, and Deklan places his hands on the wheel and stares out the windshield without starting the engine.

“You know I’d never let him touch you,” he says.

“He’s your boss.”

“You’re my wife.”

“He obviously thought you were going to tell him it was all right, or he would have just said that in front of me.”

“He wouldn’t say it in front of you.”

I glance over at my husband, wondering if he’s really that blind when it comes to Sean.  I remember what Teagan said about the hooker, and I ask Deklan to tell me more about it.

“She was just a hooker,” he says.  “She didn’t mean anything to him.  After she overdosed, he went a little off the deep end.”

“Why would he go off the deep end if she didn’t mean anything to him?”

Deklan glances at me, furrowing his brow.  I suddenly realize how right Teagan is and how blind to Sean’s behavior Deklan has become.  When he doesn’t come up with an answer, I ask another question.

“What did Sean do after she died?”

“Fought with his father, mostly.  Sean went on a lot about how he would run the business better than anyone else ever had.  They had one big argument over a supplier, and Sean took it upon himself to blow up the delivery van.”

“He blew up a shipment?”

“Yeah.”  Deklan shakes his head.  “He was a kid blowing off steam and arguing with his father.  I don’t think it was all that abnormal.”

“Blowing up a van is normal teenage angst to you?”

Deklan chuckles, but I don’t find anything funny.

“Well, not in a normal family, I guess.  For the Foleys, maybe it is.”

“So, Fergus Foley probably did the same sort of thing when he was a kid?”

“Fergus?  No, he was always very levelheaded.  Sean’s mother was a trip, from what I’ve heard.”

“I don’t know anything about her,” I say.  “Is she gone?”

“Gone, not dead.”  Deklan finally starts the car and pulls out of the lot.  “She’s in an institution somewhere upstate.”

“A mental hospital?”

“Yeah.  She’s schizophrenic or something like that.  Some kind of personality disorder, maybe.  I don’t remember.  Fergus hated doing it, but he had to have her committed.  She wouldn’t keep up with her meds, and he couldn’t run the business and deal with her at the same time.”

“Do you think Sean might be the same way?  I mean, is he like his mom?”

“I don’t know.”  Deklan sighs.  “I didn’t have a lot of contact with her before Fergus sent her away.”

“Maybe that’s what’s wrong with him,” I say quietly and then bite at my lip, wondering if I should just keep my mouth shut.

“He’s the boss, Kera,” Deklan says.  “I swore loyalty to the Foley family when I was a teenager, and Sean is the head of the Foley family.  Without them, I don’t know what might have happened to me.  I would probably be dead, and Brian would be, too.”

“But that was Fergus, not Sean.”

“That doesn’t change my loyalty to the family.”

I watch Deklan out of the corner of my eye, wondering why he can’t see reality.  Sean is insane and needs to occupy the room next to his mother’s, but Deklan won’t admit it.  Even Sean’s own sister sees it, but my husband can’t.  He can’t see past his loyalty to Sean’s father.

Where does that leave me?

“You really would do anything for them, wouldn’t you?”

“I would.  I have.”

“You’ve killed people for them.  For him.”

Deklan stares straight ahead, ignoring my question.  Maybe he thinks it’s rhetorical.  Maybe he realizes there is another question that comes afterward.  It was the same question Sean asked him in the back room.

Would Deklan let Sean have me if Sean insisted on it?  What if he told Deklan to kill me?  If it came down to his loyalty to the Foley family and his loyalty to me, which one would he choose?

Do I want to know the answer?

I’m silent the rest of the way home.  It seems like this day has gone on forever, and all I want to do is go to sleep and forget about all of it.  When we get back to the apartment, Deklan asks what we should make for dinner, but I just shrug.  I’m not hungry.

“Kera, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.  I’m fine.”  I walk over to the couch and turn on the television.  I don’t even bother to change the channel, I just stare at whatever show pops up until Deklan grabs the remote and turns the TV off.

“I hate that you know,” he says.

“What?”

“You saying everything is fine when it’s obviously not.”  He sits next to me and reaches for my hand.  “Is this about what you overheard?”

I think about all the obnoxious and borderline threatening things Sean has said to me.  I’ve managed to ignore them for long enough, so why is what he said to Deklan so much worse?  Is it because Deklan heard it but isn’t going to do anything about it?  Or is it because Sean is that much closer to making good on his threats?

There are too many reasons, and they are weighing me down.  I can’t think straight.  When Deklan starts rubbing at my wrist, I realize the last thing I want right now is his comfort.

I pull my hand away from him and stand up.  My whole body is tight, and my eyes are starting to burn.  I turn away from Deklan and walk swiftly to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

“Seriously, Kera?  Are you really locking yourself in the bathroom instead of talking to me?”

I don’t answer.  I have no idea what to say, and I want to just forget it all—pretend it never happened.  Something inside my head made me forget the kidnapping for years.  Why can’t I do that at will?

I drop onto the closed toilet, and my phone falls out of my pocket and onto the floor.  It’s still on, but Kathy is gone, and I have no one to call.  I depress the power switch, and tears fall as the phone turns off.

“Are you going to make me break this door down?”

I wonder if he would really do it and decide he probably would.  I don’t want to deal with a broken door reminding me of this day, so I wipe the tears off my face and open it.  I don’t look at Deklan as I move past him and into the bedroom.

He follows me.

“Are you going to talk to me?” he asks.

“No.”  I reach into a dresser drawer and pull out pajamas.  I start to head back to the bathroom when Deklan grabs my arm.

“Is that how you cope with shit?” he asks.  “Just ignore it?

I look down at Deklan’s fingers wrapped around my arm.  For a moment, I feel other hands grabbing at me.  I see the inside of a windowless van before things go dark inside my head, and my focus is back on my husband’s grip.

“Well, I’m married to a murderer,” I say simply, “so what else am I supposed to do?”

Deklan goes still for a moment, but I just keep staring at his hand on my arm.

“Don’t you dare judge what I do.”  Deklan’s voice is quiet and almost monotone, but I can hear the anger behind it.

For once, I don’t care.

I shake my arm out of his grasp and turn toward him, throw the pajamas on the floor, and face him with my hands on my hips.  I have to tilt my head to glare into his eyes.

“Then don’t you dare judge how I choose to cope!”

His eyes widen, and he takes a step back as if my words punched him in the gut.  I back away from him, my voice rising.

“You’ll take his side over mine, won’t you?”

“Whose side?”  Deklan shakes his head in confusion.  “Sean’s?”

“Who else?”  I step closer to him but not close enough to touch.  “Are you going to do it, Dek?  Are you going to give me to him?”

“Kera, he’s not serious about that.”

“He is.  He’s told me as much.”

“What?”

I don’t reply.

“Kera, you’re my wife…”  Deklan starts to reach for me but stops before making contact.

“So?  I’m only your wife because he told you to marry me.  It’s his ring I have on my finger, so I suppose he can have me whenever he wants!”

Deklan stills and stares at me for a moment.

“What do you mean, ‘it’s his ring’?”

“He told me.  One of the times he was harassing me, he told me he bought this ring for me, not you.”

Deklan closes the gap between us and grabs both of my hands.  He leans down a little and looks into my eyes as he speaks.

“What has he said to you?  When have you even seen him when I wasn’t around?”

“It doesn’t matter.”  I shake my head and try to push away, but Deklan holds fast.

“Kera, do not make me ask again.  What has Sean said to you before?”

“Just…a lot of similar, suggestive stuff.”

“When?”

“A few times.”

“I swear to God, if you don’t stop being so vague, I’m going to end up punching a hole in the wall.”

“I don’t know where to start!” I finally say.  “The first time was at the wedding reception.  Then he came into the coffee shop.  A couple of times at his house.  Whenever I’m around him and you’re not, he says something.”

“He came to the coffee shop?”

“Yeah, when I first started working there.”

“How did he even know you had a job there?”

“I thought you must have told him.”

“I didn’t.  What did he say to you at the coffee shop?”

“He just…scared me.”

“How?  What did he say about the ring?  Give me the damn details, Kera!”

“He grabbed my arm, and he said he bought my wedding ring.  He said that he picked it out for me.”

“Motherfucker.”

“I figured that was true.  I understand.  It’s not like you had time to go shopping.  I would have figured it out myself eventually.”

“He still shouldn’t have told you that.”

“There are a lot of things he shouldn’t have said to me.”

“Come here.”  Deklan pulls me close to him before leading me to the edge of the bed.  We both sit, and he strokes the side of my face.  “I would never let him touch you—you have to know that.  I love you, and I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, not even Sean.”

I want to believe him, but I’m not sure I can trust his words.  When it comes right down to it, if Deklan has to make a choice, I’m not sure which way he will go.

“Please, Kera.” “I’ll keep you away from him,” Deklan says.  “I swear I will.  You will always be at my side, and you will never be alone with him again.”

“Do you think that will stop him?”

“Yes, I do.”  He hugs me to his chest.  “If it doesn’t, and he says something to you in front of me, I’ll take care of it.”

“What does that mean?”

“I will make it clear that I won’t put up with that.”

“He might not listen.”

“Let me worry about that if the time comes.”

“Maybe I should just stay away from the Foley place completely.”

“No, it will be easier for me if you are close by.  Working for the family is a good thing for you, and Teagan approves.  That’s important.  Besides, you were right about needing a job.  I can’t keep you locked up here under twenty-four hour guard even though it is tempting sometimes.”

I press my head to Deklan’s chest, finally letting myself be comforted by him.  I want to believe everything he says.  I need to believe it all.  If I don’t, I’ll go as mad as Sean already is.

“Please don’t be angry with me.”  Deklan runs his hand over my back.

“I’m not,” I say quietly.  “Not really.”

“You’re scared.”

“Yes.”

“I am, too.”

I’m startled by this admission, and I lean back to look into his eyes.  He is scared.  I can see it all over his face as he strokes my cheek, but I don’t know if he’s scared for me or for himself—maybe both.

“I need you,” Deklan says.  “Everything’s falling apart around me, and you’re the only thing I have left to hold onto that makes any sense.”