Devour (The Devoured Series Book 1) by Shelly Crane (2)

I was as stunned as everyone else as they silently watched him go. The countless times - daily events really - that I’d witnessed of my so called friends torturing other kids could fill a novella. I’d always watched, never stood up to them and never participated but now, as I watched Eli walk away, I realized I may as well have been the one doing it myself; tripping kids, making fun, laughing at, humiliating, pouring chili on their heads, because it was practically the same thing. I stood by and accepted it, was complacent and that may have even been worse.

But Eli was someone to respect and be proud of...unlike me.

I grabbed my bag and went to go, too, but Sarah grabbed my arm.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m done,” I said.

“Where are you going, Clara?” Dee asked even though Sarah just had.

“I’m done,” I said harder. Her face froze in a mask of hatefulness.

“Oh,” Mike chanted moving behind me and slapped my ponytail to mock me. “Look who’s all high and mighty now.”

Without another word, I turned and left. I heard Tate telling Mike not to touch me, but I kept going. When I reached the hall, I saw Eli heading into our class. He looked back at me and watched me for a second before going in.

The bell rang and I looked for Patrick to apologize but didn’t find him. I felt wretched. I heard my name behind me. Tate. I bolted the other way. Math class was fast paced as she did lots of board work for us and since I didn’t sit next to Eli, I didn’t get to talk to him. When I got to Art, Eli was there already and he didn’t say a word as I sat down.

“Hey, you ok?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m fine,” he said softly and looked at me. “My conscience is clean. How’s yours?”

I felt all my breath leave me. He turned to face the class and didn’t look back at me again. I felt horrible. Not only was I guilty over Patrick, but now Eli thought I was a bad person. He knew I was just as guilty as the rest of them, but called me on it. That stung worse than the guilt.

When the bell rang he shot out of his seat and hurried out the door. I wanted to go to the bathroom and cry but didn’t. Somehow I trudged my way to the hall and out the school doors.

 

 

There was a pep rally and bonfire that night so I had to be at the school even though I so did not want to be. I met Sarah at the table but she was too hyped and I wasn’t in the mood for her banter. I stood on the other side with a couple of t-shirts in hand and tried to smile normally.

I saw Patrick and his friends coming in the door. I wondered why they even bothered to come to these things. It wasn’t like they were all about school spirit or anything. I watched him as he laughed and pushed and joked with his friends. He saw me watching and his smile disappeared into a frown. He looked away immediately and hurried inside. I felt like the worst kind of person. But at least he came; he showed everyone he wasn’t going to hide and cower just because they embarrassed him. I felt someone behind me and turned to tell Sarah to please just leave me by myself for a minute. But it was Eli.

“Eli,” I breathed.

“Clara,” he said gruffly. “I see Patrick’s here. Can’t keep a nice guy down, huh?”

“I guess not. I’m glad he came,” I told him, but couldn’t lift my face to look at him.

“Why? Dee and Mike not finished with him yet?” he said snidely.

“No, it’s not that,” I said softly and couldn’t find anything else to say.

I just stared up at him and wondered if there was any way to fix all the mess. He grabbed my arm gently and pulled me to the wall. He leaned me against it with a hand pushing my stomach and though his words were harsh, his face was pleading.

“You are so much better than them, than this. You’re not the kind of person who hurts people. I know you’re not. You choose your own actions. No one can make you do something, Clara.”

“I know that,” I said and pushed his hand away. “I didn’t mean for that to happen to him. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“But you don’t ever stand up to them. They make their whole life about ruining others. The Clara I thought I was getting to know, who’s sweet and sad and thoughtful all at the same time, wouldn’t be ok with other people being hurt like that.”

He was right and I was so done with it all, everything; the guilt, the sadness, the need for things to be perfect and normal. I pushed him aside so I could leave and I went straight home. Sarah yelled at me to come back, that we weren’t done yet, but I didn’t care and didn’t stop. And she didn’t call me to check on me that night either.

Mrs. Ruth caught me in the hall, wiping her hands on a dishtowel of something she was cooking for dinner.

“Clara, I thought you had a match tonight?”

“I did but I left. I’m gonna go to bed, I’m not feeling too well.”

“Are you ok?” she touched my forehead with the backs of her fingers. “You don’t feel warm, but you looked a little flushed.”

“I’m fine. I’m not really hungry, just going to go to bed. Don’t worry. I’m just tired,” I included so she wouldn’t feel the need to check up on me.

She called up to me with a sweet, “Feel better”.

After a shower in which I cried in self pity and stayed way too long in the hot water, I sat on my bed and debated shutting my eyes. I mean it wasn’t real. Apparently I was having some kind of breakdown. The death of my parents had pushed me over the edge somehow but it was only now that I was feeling the effects; a delayed response due to denial or shock maybe. I didn’t know, but I did know that I wasn’t ready to see Eli when I closed my eyes. To see his disappointment in me and hear him tell me I was stupid for worrying about Tate and everything else.

But I knew I couldn’t fight it all night. So I lay back and closed my eyes and was met with nothing but darkness. Eventually I drifted to sleep and Eli never made an appearance. I guessed I was going crazy after all.

 

~ ~ ~

 

I decided to lie.

I was in no mood to face everyone at school, with their smug grins that had no place on their faces. I didn’t want to face Tate and his guilt and dodge the begging ceremony I knew he was trying to stage. And I didn’t want to face Eli.

So, I lied.

I told Mrs. Ruth that I was sick and threw together a concoction that resembled what I was going for into the toilet. She took barely a peek and turned green, yelling that I was excused from school as she practically ran down the hall. I felt bad for lying, but strangely also wanted to giggle at how easy it had been. I hardly ever missed school.

All that day I stayed in bed and watched vamp show reruns. I sulked and tried to not think about Tate or Eli. I was basically a coward, but I knew I couldn’t be one all day. There was a match at school that night and I had to attend, especially after running out on last night.

In the afternoon, I got up and took another shower. Mrs. Ruth had tapped on my door several times to check on me, but I just assured her I was fine until she went away. Now I could hide no longer. My life awaited me and I had to face it.

So I grabbed a biscuit off the stove on my way out and waved to the babies, telling Mrs. Ruth I just needed rest because I felt fine. She didn’t look convinced but, didn’t stop me. Pastor Paul caught me at the door and hugged me, kissing my forehead. It reminded me so much of my father that I had to stop the gasp that always wanted to seep out. I squeezed my eyes tight to stop the wetness and looked up to him with a smile.

He must have seen it written all over my face. His expression softened even more, which didn’t seem possible. There was understanding there, not sympathy.

“Your parents would be so proud of you, Clara. I just wanted to tell you that.”

“Thanks,” I croaked and turned away. I highly doubted that they’d be proud of me today. “I have to get to the school. See you later.”

“Bye, honey. Midnight.”

“I remember,” I called over my shoulder and waved without turning.

Then I felt my pocket buzz with a text message right as I reached the parking lot to the gym.

Meet me outside the away locker room after the match. I want to talk. Please. Just for a minute. – Tate

I knew I should have just disregarded it, but I had to talk to him eventually. I decided I’d go and tell him I needed some time to think. He needed to get himself together as well. It would be better by ourselves instead of talking at school in front of everybody.

I went to the booth and got right to work selling tickets and merchandise. Another girl, Tamara, was helping today, but I didn’t say anything to her or anyone else.

Once it was time for the match I made my way inside. For some reason I found myself searching the stands for Patrick. I saw him at the bottom bleacher with his friends but there was someone else who had stopped to talk to him...Eli. They were chatting and laughing and I was too ashamed to face Eli or Patrick right then, so I went to turn, but Eli saw me at the last second. His violet gaze pierced me to my spot and I stared back at him. Finally he released me and I almost stumbled away. I went to the side where I never sat for the games. I just couldn’t deal with anyone right then.

A few of the people sitting there gave me a funny look, but ultimately left me alone. Everyone knew who I was and where I sat. I hadn’t realized how shallow and predictable I had become.

The match went on without a hitch. I watched as Sarah looked around for me, but finally decided to just ogle the opposing team. Tate looked for me, too, but didn’t see me. He looked disappointed.

We won though and at the end of the match, I got up to leave. I saw Eli making his way to me. Once again I wasn’t ready to hear more of his disappointment in me or lectures so I turned and hurried out the door. I made my way to the guest shower housing. I walked slowly, giving them time to be packed up. I heard talking and figured Tate was there with some of the guys or something but when I turned the corner, I saw that he wasn’t talking at all.

He had Deidre pushed up against the side of the building and was kissing her. His hand drifted up her skirt to places I didn’t want to think about. She opened her eyes and when she saw me. She pulled back and smiled.

“Baby, what if someone catches us?” she asked him sweetly.

“We won’t get caught,” he murmured against her lips and hoisted her skirt higher. “That’s why we always do this here, because no one else ever comes over here. Now, be quiet and-”

I gasped and covered my mouth in disgust. He heard. He dropped her and turned to me shocked.

“What the hell are you doing way over here, Clara?” he asked and tried to straighten his clothes.

“You texted me,” I said incredulously. “Why would you text me so I would find you like this?”

“I didn’t text you. Clara...” he started, but I backed away.

“Oh, Tate, here you go. You left this in my car…earlier,” Dee said happily and twiddled his phone in her fingers before giving it to him.

“You?” he asked and it all fell into place. “You texted her so she’d find us? Why?”

“Because I’m tired of being your little secret. If she won’t give it up for you, fine, date me instead and solve that problem, but you can’t have it both ways.” She looked at me and smiled her best winning smile. “I got him after all, didn’t I?”

Tate turned to look at me. He was angry and upset and sorry all at the same time. And none of it mattered.

“Clara, please...I never meant to hurt you, I just...I needed some...release with all the stress in my life and you weren’t there for me in that way so I just... This hasn’t been going on that long, just the past couple weeks,” he stammered and ran his hands through his hair, like he knew it was hopeless. “It meant nothing,” he told me in a groan and Dee huffed.

“You can’t justify what you did,” I argued. “If we ever had a chance of getting back together, that’s gone now.”

“Clara, no. Please! Babe, I’m begging you,” he called, but I took off running toward the parking lot. “Stop! Wait!”

Angry tears dripped down my face. All this time they’d both been going behind my back. Dee was getting back at me and Tate was using her and she didn’t even care as long as I suffered for it.

I wiped my face as the last of the people climbed into their cars. I saw Patrick getting into his old yellow VW bug with his friends and he saw me. He stopped the door in mid swing as he opened it and peered at me, clearly seeing me crying. I sniffled and turned to make my way to the street. One quick look back showed he’d made the decision to just go and not worry about me.

As I reached the sidewalk and stopped for traffic, I felt someone behind me. I could tell it was Eli. I wasn’t sure how I always knew, but I did, without a doubt.

“You were right about Tate,” I said without turning and tried to ease the strain from my words. “He had no intentions of not hurting me anymore. Tate and Dee have been making a fool out of me. I got what I deserved. I hope you’re happy.”

I started to cross the four lane, but he pulled me to a stop with a hand on my arm. “Now why would I be happy about that?”

I refused to look at him. I stared down at the black Chuck Taylors he was wearing.

“Because I’m a horrible person. I’m a brat, a tease, a sheep. I’m a bad person who lets bad things happen. You said so yourself.” I tried to cross the street  again, but he stopped me once more with a grasp to my fingers. I huffed and turned to look at him, my voice raising to a yell. “What! What do you want? I can’t handle anymore lectures tonight, ok. I can’t handle anymore disappointment. Just leave me alone,” I finished softly and tried one last time to leave his grasp, but this time when he pulled me back, he pulled me to him.

I felt the warmth of his chest and it felt so much like I belonged there; like it was home. He lifted my chin with his finger, his forearm around my back, and looked at me intensely. “You are not a bad person and you don’t deserve this.”

“Yes, I do!” I sniffed and felt more tears glide down to my jaw.

He wiped one away with his thumb. “You’re better than them, Clara. You don’t have to follow them just because that’s what you’ve always done. Sometimes, you have to make up your own mind about what’s right.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even...belong here anymore.”

“Because Tate cheated on you? He doesn’t define you, Clara.”

“It’s not just Tate. It’s everything. I’m only involved in Spirit Squad because my mom wanted me to be. My dad was ecstatic I was dating Tate; the wrestling star and the Mayor’s son. I felt obligated to my parents to continue to be who I was when they were alive. But I’m not happy,” I cried harder.

“You have to make your own happy. You can’t depend on other people for that.”

“Are you happy?” I asked softly, looking up at him.

He looked at me closely, watching me watch him. Then he bent his head and kissed me, softly and gently at first. I was completely confused and enthralled by how much I’d wanted him to do that and I wound my arms around his middle as our lips met for the first time in agonizing weeks. Then I opened my mouth to his out of sheer requirement.

He had a tongue ring that I had no prior knowledge of and my blood heated to think about it as it clanked gently once against my teeth. His fingers on my chin moved to my cheek and then to my hair. It sent thrills through me and I shivered and pressed myself closer. He groaned, a strained sound, and pulled away.

We stood close, our foreheads touching and our hot breaths mingling and swirling, making me feel intoxicated in the foggy, dark parking lot. He pulled back to look at me and smiled a little bit. Then kissed me once more softly on the lips.

“I’ve wanted to do that ever since I saw you in the park that day.” He pulled my hand up to kiss my palm then looked both ways and pulled me across the street. “Go straight inside,” he told me as he pushed me toward my porch.

Then he walked away and took off down the street toward his house. I was in stunned awe. I walked in a daze up the hall and wondered what had caused him to end our kiss so abruptly. I also wondered why I wasn’t more upset about Dee and Tate. I was, but I would think I’d be in hysterics; I should’ve been. But I wasn’t in agony. I was hurt, but I was more angry at the betrayal. I had no idea what tomorrow was going to bring, but I knew there was no way I could just sit with them at lunch and pretend that what they did was all ok anymore. And even if Eli hadn’t just kissed me, Tate and I would still be so over.

Things were about to change.

Pastor and Mrs. Ruth were watching television and the children were already in bed so I crept down the hall quietly so as not to disturb them and went straight to my dresser. I had some soul cleaning-out to do.

The prom picture from last year - trashed it. The picture of the whole gang at a beach party this summer, all wearing our bathing suits and jumping into the air - gone. The photo booth pics Tate insisted we get together at the mall where he kissed me in a different spot in every one - done with them. The ribbons I saved from Middle School Cheer camp from Sarah and my pompoms – through with them. The movie stubs and Grad Nite ticket I saved from the past years – down it floated into the pile that was my life. Everything I thought was important was no longer.

I threw on my sleep clothes, a long Navy t-shirt of my sisters that she gave me when she left. Essentially, it was a guilt gift. I paused and brought Eli’s shirt that I’d just taken off to my nose. It still smelled just like him and I held back the need to groan about it. I slipped under the covers, his shirt in between my fingers, and was already dreading school tomorrow. But right then, I was ready to close my eyes. Ready to see if Eli would still be there in the dark of my eyelids, waiting for me.

 

~ ~ ~

 

I was in the school parking lot. I had on my long t-shirt and nothing else and I looked around, but I was alone. I leaned against a car that had been left in the lot and for a second wondered if I had sleep walked over here and this was real, not what happened when I closed my eyes. Then I felt him. I turned my head to see him making his way to me. I wondered if things would be different between us now. He’d never kissed me in the dream-walk things before.

He answered me almost immediately.

He pulled me to him and pressed his lips to mine hungrily. I pulled him, too, so he’d lean with me against the car and he came willingly as he continued to kiss all the good sense out of me. Once again he pulled away too soon, it seemed, once I got worked up.

“I’m glad you came,” I said breathlessly.

“I couldn’t not come,” he answered. Then he lifted me to sit on the hood of the car as he came to stand between my knees. “You’re laying with my shirt,” he said knowingly and smirked.

“How do you know that?” I asked seriously.

“I know lots of things,” he said cryptically.

“Please, Eli. I am so confused. Is this real? Are you really here or am I just wishful thinking every night? How is this even possible?”

“I don’t want to mess things up, Clara,” he whispered and ran a hand absently down my arm.

“You won’t. I just want to know.”

He looked around, blowing an exasperated breath. “Walk with me?”

“Are you going to answer my question?”

“Will it matter as to whether you walk with me or not?”

I huffed, but smiled at him. “You’re impossible.” I let him help me down and he took my hand. I felt completely comfortable, even though I was only in a long t-shirt. “Where are we going?”

“I thought I’d show you the park at night. It’s pretty amazing.”

“You hang out at the park at night?”

“Sometimes. I’m supposed to be...there’s things I’m supposed to be doing, but I...I can’t anymore. So after I visit you, I go there,” he confessed.

“Eli, please,” I pulled him to stop in the middle of the streetlamp lit road. “You have to tell me what’s going on. Are you in some kinda trouble or something?”

“Sweet, Clara,” he said softly and touched my cheek, rubbing caresses with his thumb. “Are you going to save me if I am?”

“I’ll do anything I can,” I said and looked him right in the eye.

“There’s nothing you can do I’m afraid. But I love it that you’d try anyway,” he said and kissed me again, lingering.

Then he towed me to the swings, setting me in one and pushing me in a slow easy rhythm. We stayed there for a long time just like that, just being with each other. Sometimes we talked about school or things we liked but, mostly we just enjoyed each other’s space and time. I realized he was not going to answer my questions but I didn’t want to push. We lay in the grass and looked at the bugs buzzing and humming around the streetlamps for hours it seemed. At the end of our time, he walked me home.

“If this is a dream or something, why does it matter where we end up? I’m still in my bed, aren’t I?”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t want you to think I wasn’t a gentleman. Besides, I’ve been dying to kiss you every time I drop you off on your doorstep.” I blushed and he smiled wider as he leaned in, pulling me up to meet his lips. It was easy and controlled. Then he leaned back and touched my bottom lip with his thumb. “By the way, what we’re doing is called a Reverie. It’s not a dream, because you’re still awake. That’s why I need to leave, so you can get some sleep. Goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow, CB.”

I could only nod and touch my lips in wonder. Had it all been real? I felt a little insane, but giddy, too. It was official; I was crazy obsessed. I giggled as I made my way back to my room and saw myself laying there in the bed. That scene and the shock jolted me aware and I sat up in bed quickly, back in myself.

I lay back down and smiled as I wondered if it had been real at all. It was crazy to think so, but I wanted it to be so badly.

 

~ ~ ~

 

By the time I reached school the next morning, my heart was in a tizzy. I was scared; scared of what I was going to do with Tate and Dee and all the rest of them. I was a little early this morning so I sat in the courtyard under the oak with a bench around it, along with everyone else in their little groups but, I was alone.

A couple of smiley freshman came up and asked me about joining the spirit squad. I was debating quitting, though I didn’t tell them that, so I directed them to Sarah. They gave me funny looks when I pointed them her way. I knew it was because I wasn’t sitting with my friends. I just smiled extra brightly and waited for them to move on.

I was about to pull out my math book when I heard a commotion and looked to see Dee, Mike and Megan chanting ‘chili boy’ across the yard. Patrick was about ten feet from them and had just sat down with his friends. He shook his head and looked away from them angrily, but they didn’t stop. Chili boy? That wasn’t even a good insult!

My mind made itself up right then and before I even realized what I was doing, I’d packed up my stuff and was making my way to Patrick.

Dee and Mike looked deviously gleeful as they slapped hands. Dee watched me giddily as she actually thought that even after her betrayal – something that was so hurtful and evil that I was confused as to how she was really even a human girl - I was coming to sit with them, but when I veered off her smile turned to disbelief.

I heard Mike mutter, “What is she doing?”

“Clara!” she called and waved for me to come. “I forgive you. Come sit with us,” she said snidely with a little evil smile.

“Yeah!” Mike yelled, too, even though he had no idea what was going on. “It’s all good, baby.”

I glared at them as I made my way to Patrick. When she realized what I was doing she turned bright red. No one crossed my group. They were like the Mob of high school.

“Patrick,” I said softly and saw him stiffen before he turned. He looked at me with a little frown and waited for me to say something else. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know...I didn’t mean to put you in the middle of all that. I’m really sorry, and they were wrong to act like that.”

“You were sitting right there with them, as I recall,” he said smoothly, but I could tell he was fighting for control.

“Yes, I was,” I said and heard my voice choke back tears, “and I’m ashamed about that. I just wanted to say I was sorry,” I repeated and walked away towards the school.

He watched me and when he saw me pass Dee and the rest of them, he yelled my name. I turned to see him standing, his friends looking between the two of us. He waved me back and I started slowly his way again. I could see Mike and Dee and the others watching us. I could practically feel the anger pouring off them as they glared daggers. And Dee. She thought she had me, that I’d have to just suck it up and endure her and everything she’d done to me. That I’d just take it, but she was wrong and now she was mad.

“Clara, get your butt over here. Or have you not gotten his notes yet?” she yelled and laughed.

Mike snickered as he bumped fist with Tommy when he walked up to join them. Megan and Sarah were just as happy as the rest of them as they giggled into their fists.

I joined Patrick, my books in my hands, my bag over my shoulder. I looked up to him tentatively.

“What’d you do?” he asked, his arms folded over his chest.

“What?”

“What did you do to the ice patrol to get shunned?”

“I didn’t do anything. I just found out who my real friends were.”

“And who are they?” he asked and cocked his head.

“I don’t have any,” I said in a cheerful voice with a big fake smile.

They all burst out laughing.

“You’re all right, kid,” Patrick said and put his arm around my shoulder. “Come on, sit with us.”

I sat down and really got a look of Patrick’s friends. There were five of them that hung out regularly, four guys and one girl, but the girl had an almost shaved head and a nose ring connected to her earring so I was intimidated and kept my mouth shut with her. Patrick introduced me to everyone and I felt bad because they all knew who I was, but I didn’t know any of their names except Patrick.

Then I felt it; the awareness that Eli was there. I looked up to see him staring at me. He smiled wide and knowingly. When he started to make his way to us, Dee bolted from my old group and wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her off gently and set her aside as he continued to walk to us.

She huffed and started to follow him, but saw where he was going and slowed. He walked right up to me, pulled me up from my bench and kissed me right there in front of everyone. I heard Patrick and his friends whistling and clapping before Eli released me, my cheeks blazing a hot crimson. I saw Dee walk red faced and angry to grab her purse and then Megan and Sarah following her as she stalked away.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear, “I’m so proud of you, CB.” I just smiled up at him. Then he spoke again. “I told you I’d see you tomorrow, didn’t I?”

I gasped and grabbed his shirt front. In the Reverie, he’d said that. It was real? “Tell me, please,” I pleaded.

“We’ll talk later,” he said with a smile. “At my place.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Hey, Eli. What’s up, man?” Patrick said and they bumped fist and did some strange hand shake, arm bumping thing. It looked intricate. “Dude, we’ve gotta show you the town this week, man. There’s a club here that’s pretty sick, if you go on the right night.”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Cool.” The bell rang ending any further comments. “See you guys later.”

Eli walked me to homeroom, brushing my shoulder with his and we got many looks, but I no longer cared. Everyone was used to seeing me with Tate and I’m sure it was strange for them to see me with Eli all of a sudden, but I could care less. Eli was smiling sexily as we walked and when we reached my homeroom door he leaned in, forcing me to retreat to the wall.

“I’m so glad I can do this now,” he confessed softly and rubbed my arm discreetly.

“Me, too.” I groaned, tugging on his shirt front, my actions refuting my next words, “I've gotta go.”

“I’ll see you at lunch, ok?” he said through a broad grin that displayed his enjoyment of my actions.

“Ok,” I said and bit my lip.

I looked both ways and pulled him to me, feeling his smile against my skin as I kissed his cheek. But a loud bang startled us apart. We both looked over to see Tate standing at my locker, his fist firmly planted into an imprint in the metal where he had punched. He was looking at us - glaring was a more appropriate description.

He pushed off and turned with everyone watching him like he was a ticking time bomb. He punched another locker on his way and then disappeared out of sight.

“Crap,” I muttered.

“Hey. Don’t worry about him,” Eli said softly and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I’ll take care of him if he wants trouble.”

“He’s still using.”

“I know.”

I sighed. “Ok. See you at lunch. Be careful, ok?”

He smirked. “You’re cute when you worry.”

“Ha, ha,” I said and smiled before heading into class.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I can’t believe you,” Sarah scoffed and banged her locker shut as she started down the hall. “I mean, you already had this amazing hot guy and now you take the other available hot guy. What’s with you? I don’t remember you being this selfish,” Sarah said hotly.

“Sarah, Tate hit me. He cheated on me. He’s using steroids. What was I supposed to do? Pretend it didn’t happen just to keep the clique happy? Eli has been there for me through all this.”

“How convenient,” she said and tried to go around me but I stopped her.

“Sarah, don’t be like this. You weren’t mad at Dee for hanging all over him, so why are you mad at me?”

“It’s different.”

“Why?” I asked in bewilderment.

“Because she’s Dee and you’re you. I don’t know it’s just different. I didn’t expect him to go for her anyway.”

“I can’t help it if he likes me. I didn’t chase him, it just worked out this way,” I explained.

“It just worked out this way,” she repeated blandly and stopped to look at me.  “And what was that stunt with Patrick this morning. WTH, Clara?”

“What they were doing was wrong and you know it. Dee and Mike and everybody else shouldn’t be able to just do whatever they want to people just because they are who they are.”

“Whatever. You never complained before.”

“I know. And I’m making up for lost time now.”

“You’re not going to sit with us at lunch, are you?”

I hesitated, already knowing the answer but dreading her reaction.

“No. I can’t. I don’t want to be around Tate.”

“Well, I guess that’s it then, isn’t it?” she spouted and started walking again.

“Is it really that important to you? To be sitting at that table?”

“Yes! It’s all I have, Clara! I’m not pretty like you. I don’t have guys throwing themselves at me. All I have are them and that table.”

I stopped following her and let her go. “You can sit with me anytime you want,” I called after her.

I met Eli at the door to our next class. I’d told him I wanted to talk to Sarah before class. He had wanted to go with me because of Tate but I assured him his class was way away from ours.

“How’d it go?” he asked and ushered me into class with a hand on my back.

“As expected.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s ok. If paying for your past sins were easy, everyone would do it right?”

He smirked down at me.

“Very philosophical. And true.”

“Seats, people,” the teacher grunted as she entered and I made my way to mine.

Class went by slowly, waiting for lunch. I dreaded it but, also welcomed it. I needed to get this over with and the sooner the better. I wondered if Patrick would have a problem with my sitting with them or not. I was sure Eli and I could sit alone somewhere else.

I laughed under my breath. I was an outcast! It was hilarious and liberating. After spending my whole life being seen as some spoiled and undeserving privileged cool kid, I was a loser! And it felt awesome. I turned to Eli to see him smiling at me, like he knew what I was thinking. I smiled back and bit my lip when he winked at me. I heard a loud ‘ahem’ from the front of the room and looked to see the teacher with a brow raised, eyeing us both.

I mouthed a sorry and she shook her head in amusement before going on with class. Then the bell rang.

Eli and I walked together after we went to his locker. I realized that was why he always got there after us. We shuffled our way to the cafeteria and stopped in the doorway, my heart galloping. Eli took my cold hand in his and brought it up to his mouth to kiss my fingers. He leaned towards me and whispered in my ear.

“It’s ok, Clara Belle. I’m right here with you.”

 

 

“How do you know my name?”

“I’ll explain it all tonight. Promise.”

“Is your family going to be there?” I said, feeling suddenly way more anxious about that than I felt for this cafeteria right now.

“No. I live alone.”

“Live alone? At eighteen? But I thought you said you live with your parents?”

“Sweetheart,” he crooned and my heart jumped. No one had ever called me that before and it did funny things to me. I bit my lip. He groaned and pressed his face to my hair. “Clara, you’re killing me,” he whispered.

“What do you mean?” I whispered, confused.

“Nothing.” He took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you everything. I’ll answer every question...tonight. Ok?”

“Ok.”

“But promise me something.”

“Alright.”

He hesitated and looked at me seriously and for long seconds.

“Promise you won’t hate me.”

He’d said that in a Reverie once too.

“Why would I hate you? Eli, you’re scaring me. What, do you have a wife and kids somewhere?” I joked and he laughed sadly and pushed my hair back from my face.

“I only wish it was that simple. Don’t worry, it’s nothing like that. I have faith that you’ll be able to handle it...I just can’t lose you. Not after only just finding you.”

“I have no idea what that means, but I promise to keep an open mind.”

“That’s all I can ask of you,” he said and took my bag from my shoulder. I followed him as he set our stuff at a table and then pushed me from behind with his hands on my sides to get in line. “I’m starving.”

“Me too. What are you getting?”

“Hmmm. So many choices,” he mused sarcastically.

I looked it all over. The lunch lady, who’d I’d never met before because I never ate school food, gave me a foul look as I left a gap between me and the guy in front of me in my indecision.

“I’ll take the chicken fingers. Please.”

She slopped them on my plate and I trudged down the line, after grabbing a juice and honey mustard sauce. Then I remembered that I had no idea what lunch cost and I had no money on me. Eli skipped me at the register and said he was paying for both. He smirked at me and we made our way to the table. Tate was already seated with everyone else and they stared at me in disbelief. Tate’s face was tight, his fist balled up on the table and he stared me down all the way until I sat down. Dee looked like she was about to explode but then made her way over to Tate. She rubbed his shoulder but he threw her hand off and glared at her before looking back at me.

I sat with my back to them and looked at Patrick tentatively to see if he’d object to my sitting with them. He saw me looking and winked. I smiled and tasted my chicken. It was pretty good and tasted nothing like the feet everyone claimed. All the guys talked about this club they’d been to the night before. Monoxide. It was supposed to be an everything club, different nights for different tastes.  Like Monday was chick rock night, Tuesday was Goth and Pain night (I didn’t ask him to further that explanation) and Thursday nights were rock night and they had live bands there.

Today was Wednesday so naturally they asked if we wanted to go with them tomorrow night. Apparently it was a weekly ritual for them. Eli looked at me and shrugged but then his expression changed and he cleared his throat.

“We’ll let you know tomorrow,” he said carefully and I realized he thought there might not be a tomorrow for him and me.

He was worried about whatever it was he was going to tell me; that I’d want nothing to do with him. That frightened me a little but I knew it was possible for him to go into my subconscious. I was already believing and open minded to the supernatural at this point. What was he going to say? He was an angel or something?

When the bell rang I turned to see Tate already gone. Good. Eli walked me to class and later in Art, we had to do a sketch portrait of our desk partner.

“Oh, I can’t wait to see this,” Eli snickered as he posed, his head on his hand, looking at me.

“Don’t move. That’s perfect,” I said with a hand up.

I started on his hair and outlined his face. His nose and lips were next. I lingered on his mouth, getting the shape of his smirk just right. His eyes and his eyebrow ring. His ears and neck. His arm holding up his jaw, lean but muscular and sinewy. The bell dinged to tell us it was time to switch.

“Can I see it?”

“Sure,” I slid it towards him, “but it’s not that good.”

He pulled it to him and looked at it. His smile was genuine, I could tell, as he glanced between me and the drawing.

“It’s really good, CB.”

“CB?” I asked, amused.

“CB for Clara Belle,” he said and smirked. “I didn’t know you could draw like this.”

“I can’t draw. That’s just playing around.”

“Yes, you can, I’m looking at it.”

“Whatev. How do you want me?” He raised his eyebrow at that I felt my cheeks heat. “You know what I mean.”

He cocked his head looking at me and thinking.

“Ok. How about you turn away from me and look over your shoulder.” He took my shoulder and turned me on my stool, then pulled my face to look over my shoulder at him. “Just like that.”

He immediately reached for his pencil, without looking away from me, and started to draw. He’d focus on me and then back on his paper. He squinted and furrowed his brow in concentration. It was adorable. After less time than it took me, he was done. He didn’t wait for me to ask to see it, he just pushed it in front of me.

It was beautiful. The edges were faded and smeared looking and then clear and focused in the middle. Especially my eyes. He made them darker and bolder lines than anything else to make them stand out. I was in complete awe. I looked up to see him watching me.

“Eli, oh my gosh,” I gushed.

“I’ve had a lot of years to perfect it,” he said softly and rubbed a finger over the cheek of my picture.

“Eighteen?” I said in jest.

He just smiled and put a hand on mine, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb...and studiously avoided my question. I gave him a look that told him I knew exactly what he was doing and he chuckled silently.

“Ok, class. Now I want you to all display your work on the wall. Just hang your portraits from the clothes pins and after a week of viewing you can take them home. Now before the bell-” The bell rang. “Wait! I want you to all bring in something you do overnight. Anything you want to do and we’ll discuss the different types of art, drawings, painting, and brush strokes tomorrow.”

I got up slowly, waiting for Eli. I wondered if I was going to his house right then or if he wanted to wait until later. He took my bag from me once again and led me from the room and down the hall to the door, then through the parking lot to the road. I noticed how he knew just where to go where we’d miss Tate’s truck in the lot.

“Do you need to let them,” he motioned towards my house, “know you’re going to my house?”

“Yeah, I do.” I looked at him. “Come with me.”

“Are you sure? They won’t mind me just coming unannounced?”

“No. He’s a Pastor,” I laughed. “We have people in and out all the time.”

“Alright.

We walked across the street and I called out when I opened the door.

“Hey, I’m home.”

“Clawa!” I heard and then the patter of swift, small feet.

“Hey.” I snatched her up and hoisted her to my hip to keep my balance. “Hannah, hey, this is my friend, Eli.”

“Hi, Ewi,” she chimed. So frigging cute. Eli laughed too.

“Well, hello there,” he said and reached his hand out to shake hers. She took it and as he shook it gently and when he smiled she turned bashful and buried her grin in my neck. “Aww. Did I make you blush?” he crooned and smiled at me.

“And this is Josiah,” I said as I felt a small hand tugging the hem of my shirt back.

“Hey,” Jo said.

“Hey, sport,” Eli said and held his hand out for a low five. Josiah slapped it eagerly and grinned. “How are you, man?”

“I’m good. How are you? Man,” Josiah said awkwardly, trying to play big boy.

“I’m awesome,” Eli chuckled.

“Where’s your mom, Jo?” I asked and followed his point to the kitchen. “Mrs. Ruth, hey. This is Eli, the guy I told you about.”

“You talked about me, huh?” Eli whispered in my ear behind me before making his way around and smiling as he said 'Hi' to Mrs. Ruth.

“Hi there, young man. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

“Are you staying for supper?”

“Actually, I wanted to ask if you minded if I took Clara out for dinner. And then go back to my house for a little while?”

“And where do you live, Eli?”

“A couple streets over. At the bed and breakfast.”

“Oh, I love that house! Are your parents renovating it?”

“Sort of,” Eli answered and quickly changed the subject. “So I can ask your husband for permission to take out Clara if I need to,” he said respectfully.

“Oh, he’s at the church tonight. He hosts the AA meetings so he won’t be home. But if you’ll write your cell phone number on the fridge right there on that pad, them I’m perfectly fine with Clara going with you, if you bring her home by midnight.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said smiling and went to do what she asked.

I debated going to change my clothes but didn’t want Eli to think I was more shallow than he already did, so I just said goodbye to Mrs. Ruth and we were gone. We walked to his house, the street was loud and noisy from school traffic, and he opened the passenger door to a black ‘69 Chevy Chevelle in front of his house.

“This is your car?” I stopped in awe.

“Yep.”

“Why don’t you drive it to school?”

“Because I can walk, it’s so close. Plus,” he swept his arm for me to enter, “I don’t want to answer questions about how an eighteen year old kid can afford a car like this.”

“I see,” I said, though I really didn’t, as I climbed in and he shut my door.

Once he jumped in his side and started the deep rumbling engine, he pulled out and started down the street the opposite way.

“So I’m assuming this is a classic or something?’ His face was quite funny when he looked at me, like I was a totally clueless girly girl, so I forged on. “Where are we going?”

“Do you like pizza?”

“Sure, who doesn’t?” I said laughing. “What kind of question is that to ask a teenager?”

“The times have changed.”

“You are very cryptic, Eli.”

“I know,” he muttered through a chuckle. “I’m sorry.”

“You can’t tell me what’s going on first and then take me to eat?”

“No. I want you to enjoy your meal.”

“Eli, please,” I said, turning to him. “You’re really freaking me out-”

“Hey, hey,” he said sweetly and reached for my hand. “I promised didn’t I? I will tell you everything, but you can’t be scared. Ok? I know I haven’t earned your trust but I need you to trust me for tonight.”

“Eli, really, this is...” I sighed.

“I know. Please, Clara? Please trust me.”

I sighed again and said nothing, just looked out the window. It was strange how I felt so at ease with him but I didn’t really know him. Something was definitely happening. I mean the Reveries...they were real. It was real. I was confused about a lot of things but the fact that he didn’t just walk into my life by accident was evident to me. So I sat and waited and tried to be patient.

We arrived at the pizza place and he came around to open my door. I took his offered hand and let him pull me up but after he shut the door he stopped. He looked at me and his face almost looked regretful as he pushed my hair back from my face. He leaned closer, putting his hands on the car on either side of me, and hovered there, just beyond my lips. His eyes pleaded with me. He was waiting for me…to inch forward and meet him, to say I understood even though there was no reason for me to trust him.

I lifted up on my toes and bunched his shirt front to steady myself as I pressed my lips to his. He hesitated at first, waiting to see if I was just humoring him or if I was for real. After feeling his warm lips on mine, I was definitely for real. I felt too warm all of a sudden and opened my mouth under his. That was what he was waiting for and he leaned against me, kissing me deeper. I felt his small groan as his hand moved to my cheek and my pulse banged behind my ribs. My breaths were practically non-existent by this point. 

I pushed him gently away to catch my breath and his lips released me but barely. I could feel his breath on my face as he pressed his forehead to mine.

“Clara.” He released a ragged sigh. “You’re too much,” he groaned.

“What?” I whispered.

“You’re just so...” He shook his head. “You’re everything that I...” He sighed harshly and leaned away from me, holding his hand out to me. “Come on. Let me buy you a pizza.”

I went willingly and followed him to a table. He ordered us a large pineapple and ham because I told him that was my favorite.

“So...you don’t have any other family other than a sister?” he asked.

“Well, I have a couple uncles. Why?”

“I just wondered why you lived with the Pastor and his family instead of your own family.”

“Well, for one thing I didn’t want to change schools my senior year but also, neither of my uncles wanted to live with a teenage girl so...the Pastor came and asked if I wanted to stay with them until I graduated. So they are my foster family I guess.”

“They seem nice.”

“They are,” I agreed and swirled the ice in my cola. “They’re really great.”

“What are you going to do after school?”

“No idea. You?”

“Depends on some things,” he said vaguely.

“What things?”

“Are you gonna eat that?” he asked and grabbed the rest of my second piece, taking a big bite of it.

“You are such an avoider,” I accused and he laughed. “I don’t get it. You won’t tell me anything? Why?”

“I don’t want to scare you yet with that answer.”

“Ok. Well let’s go then because I’m so very ready to understand what’s going on with you.”

“Ok.”

I heard the excitement and the reluctance in his voice. I followed him to the car and he drove to his house. It was a huge blue house that had been vacant for some time. I loved it because the yard was full of flowers and big green bushes and trees. The owners must have had someone taking care of the yard while they were trying to sell it. The house used to be a bed and breakfast but now...

Once again he opened my door for me and led me up the walkway to the door. I was getting antsy, excited and a little frightened by what he might have to say. He stopped in the doorway, his hand jammed in the doorframe.

“Clara, I told you not to be scared,” he said hoarsely as his mouth opened and he licked his bottom lip.

I looked at him questioningly.

“How do you know I’m scared.”

“I just do. Please don’t.” He took a cautious step towards me. “All this is going to be hard enough and I won’t be able to handle it if you’re going to be frightened of me.”

“You’re not really helping by saying things like that.”

“I know, just please try to keep calm.”

“Ok,” I promised. “I’ll try.”

I saw a cage in the corner with a huge blue and green McCaw inside. Other than the bird, there was no decorations, just old fashioned furniture that probably came with the place. The bird seemed content to gnaw on its nut so I just focused back on Eli.

“Sit,” he ordered softly, but made no further movements to come near me. I sat on the sofa he directed me to and watched the emotions play over his face as he stood in the doorway. “Please promise me you won’t just run. Promise that you’ll hear me out first and then if you want to leave, I’ll let you.”

I nodded and said, “Yes. I promise.” I tried to be as calm as I could muster and he took a deep breath before speaking.

“Now, I lied to you when we met about my parents living with me. They are alive but I won’t live with them, though I see them from time to time even if I don’t want to. My parents and my brother and sister live a different life than mine. They’re cruel and sadistic. I couldn’t live like that, so I ran away.” He looked down at the floor and then back to me without lifting his head. “I ran away...one hundred and twenty three years ago.”

I gulped and clasped my hands in my lap. Oh boy... He continued.

“I know you can believe in the supernatural. We share Reveries. I know you know that’s real. Well there’s lots of things in this world that you never knew existed. Supernatural things, and I’m one of them. My kind are called Devourers. My family are as well but they choose to live true to their nature and I fight mine,” he spat and I could tell he truly believed what he was saying, crazy as it was. “See...we scare people, in Reveries mostly, and feed off their emotions. I don’t sleep, none of us do, but I can feel every dark emotion that runs through any person I am in proximity to. Hate, jealousy, greed, pain, anger... lust. I have lived and fed on these emotions my entire life. But then you...” He shook his head and took a step forward but thought better of it. “I could feel your sorrow from across the park that day. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt before because not only could I feel your pain at your loss but when I got closer to you, I could feel your calm and contentment too; the way you were just lying there looking at the clouds made you happy. I have never in my entire existence felt those emotions before. I had no idea what was happening but then you glanced at me and looked me over...I could feel your attraction.” I felt my eyes go wide and my cheeks heat but he continued. “Clara, I had to know you. I only planned to stay here a few weeks, like I usually do when I pass through a town. But you...I had to know this girl who was still happy and sweet even though she had apparently suffered so much.”

I bit my lip as I looked at him. He was coiled, ready for me to take flight and bolt. His eyes begged me so I pulled it together and decided to ask questions so I could seem like I was believing until I could get out of there.

“So, you scared me that night? To feed yourself?”

“I only did it that once. I needed to see if I affected you or not but I promise you I’ll never do that again. I only feed on the emotions that people feel without my interference. I don’t elicit those feelings in them like my family does. Not anymore,” he said sadly.

“So you can make people feel fright?”

“Yes, I can, but I don’t,” he insisted quickly. “Our kind can make you feel fright, hurt, sorrow, lust...but the most potent emotion is terror. It fills us up like nothing else, until I met you. Your...when you...” He actually chuckled like he was embarrassed and it was cute even though he was clearly insane. Maybe I could get him some help. “Your attraction to me, it feeds me like nothing else in this world ever has. There were rumors about your mate being able to feed you on their emotions alone but I never believed it. Until now.”

“Mate?” I said, blushing furiously.

“I know, it’s a dumb word,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, uh...a person who pulls you, draws you to them. I know you feel it too. I feel it every time you think about me,” he said hoarsely and my pulse jumped.

That look was back; the ecstasy look. I turned the promise ring on my finger and thought about what I could do. I was pulled to him, I had wondered about that from day one; why I felt so comfortable and strange around him. But that didn’t mean he was a supernatural being.

“Eli,” I said cautiously. “I’m...” I had no idea what to say.

“Let me prove it to you,” he said but didn’t look to happy about it.

 

 

“Eli-”

“How do you explain the Reveries, Clara?”

“I can’t.” And I couldn’t. That part was definitely a mystery. “I can’t, but I’m sure there’s something to explain it.”

“There is something to explain it. I am what I say I am.”

“Eli...”

“I don’t want to do this, Clara, but you have to believe me,” he said and came a step closer. He knelt down in front of me. “Look at me.”

“Eli-”

“Look at me,” he repeated more forcefully.

I looked up into his violet eyes now level with mine and felt a little spike in my heartbeat. I squinted looking at him. Then I felt my hands begin to shake and my heart rate picked up increasingly. I suddenly felt scared for no apparent reason at all. He opened his mouth and licked his bottom lip. I chalked it all up to him freaking me out with his talk.

“I’m scared because you’re freaking me out.”

“No, you’re scared because I made you that way.”

“That’s what I just said.”

“No,” he refuted and shook his head.

Then I felt terrified, my blood was hot out of nowhere. My heart beat painfully and my lip trembled. I looked around me, not able to just sit and not understand what was happening. Then it just stopped, like the flipping of a light switch.

My heart didn’t even have to cascade to a slow, it just abruptly returned to normal beat. I jumped up, pushing him away and fell backwards until I felt the wall against my back. I slid down to the floor, my knees to my chest.

“What did you do?”

He got up and walked slowly to me, eyeing me like I was hurt animal. He pulled me to him cautiously and hugged me, his arms around me protectively as he knelt with me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to do that, but I had to make you see it was for real.”

I felt terrified for real this time. I heard his swift intake of breath and knew he registered it. I believed him. He got what he wanted; I was frightened, but also drawn to him. What else could he do to me?

“Don’t, Clara, please,” he begged roughly. “I don’t want to feed off you like this.”

“Then don’t.”

“I don’t have a choice!” He pulled back to look at me. “What you feel, I absorb. I can’t stop it, especially the bad stuff. It soaks into my skin, my tongue, and I hate it. I don’t want to feel that from you. I only want you to feel safe and happy and loved. Please, Clara, just breathe.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “Keep calm. I’m not ever going to hurt you. Understand?”

I pulled away and shifted down the wall a little to get away. I just needed to be away from him for a minute.

“Eli, I... What am I supposed to say to this?”

He looked so defeated, slumped on his knees with his hands in his lap.

“I don’t know, Clara. I’ve never told anyone what I am before.”

“Why not?”

“This is a pretty good example of why, I think,” he said softly. “You’re afraid of me, and I never wanted that.”

“Then why’d you tell me? Why not just let me think you were a normal guy?”

“Because you deserved to know the truth, and I didn’t want to spend any of my time with you living a lie. I wanted, for the first time, to be myself with someone.”

I had a thought. Something he said made me think.

“You’ve never been with anyone else?” I asked and was surprised at how tiny my voice sounded as I pushed my legs under me, making myself small.

“No,” he answered and looked over at me, his purple eyes serious. “I can’t feel, Clara. I’ve never felt anything for anyone...until I met you.”

“What do you feel with me?”

“Everything. Happiness, eagerness, friendship, sweetness, caring...love. I’ve never felt those things before. It’s... amazing,” he said in awe and smiled a small, pained smile.

I felt a breath shudder through me. I’d never told anyone I loved them before except my parents. I’d never loved anyone before. Was he saying he loved me? I barely knew him and yet, I did feel something for him. I cared about him. So I told him.

“I care about you, Eli, I do. I can feel something...between us. But what you’re telling me is just crazy. I mean you...you terrify people so you can survive.”

“Terrified. Past tense.”

“You live off negative emotion…without me. That’s what you’re telling me?” He nodded. “I don’t know, Eli. I don’t know if I can handle this,” I said, feeling the strain in my words as I ran my hands through my hair.

“I don’t hurt people anymore. I can’t help what I am, Clara. I would if I could. If I could be human I’d do anything for it, but I can’t.”

“I know you can’t help it, but it’s just...it’s a lot to process.”

“I’ll give you all the time you need.”

“And what if I can’t do this?” I asked in a whisper.

He sighed and balled his fists on his knees. “Then I’ll let you go and won't bother you again.”

“You would?”

“Of course. I’d do anything you asked of me, Clara. Even go away.”

I thought about this and knew he was sincere. I needed time to think. I didn’t want him to go away but could I deal with what he was? His being next to me and my want to comfort him and wipe that rejected look off his face was confusing me. But first...

I scooted down the wall towards him. When I stopped in front of him again, he looked up at me, hopeful and eagerly watching me. I touched his face, my palm to his cheek. He felt so normal and human and real as he closed his eyes, leaning into my touch. I then let my fingers travel to his lips, his neck, then through his hair.

He huffed a breath, opening his eyes, and looked torn between agony and having everything he ever wanted. I couldn’t help myself. I leaned in and kissed him. He let me though he didn’t touch me back and I was grateful. I didn’t know if I could leave if he did and I was about to get up and ask him to give me some thinking space.

He kept his hands on his legs, but his lips were doing plenty all their own. I kissed him once more gently, and looked up at him.

“I need some time to think. Please.”

He nodded and I heard him gulp painfully.

“Anything you want. I’ll stay away.”

“Eli...I’m not saying this is forever. Don’t leave. I just need to-”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me firmly. “I’ll wait for you as long as I have to.”

I hugged him and his arms around me were almost too much. I pulled away and walked swiftly out the door and didn’t look back.

 

~ ~ ~

 

That night, I lay in bed and dreaded closing my eyes for more than one reason. One, I didn’t want to see Eli and was afraid he’d be there waiting. Two, I did want to see Eli and was afraid he wouldn’t come.

My white ceiling with little plaster stars above my bed was the only thing to focus on in the dark. I felt like a failure. How could I just walk out on him like that after he told me everything? He was so devastated by my reaction. But it was crazy right? A Devourer? It just sounded evil. It was evil, but he was fighting it, he told me. He didn’t want to be that way. Could he really help what he was born to be? Could I blame a snake for being a snake when I really wanted a rabbit? No. And I couldn’t blame Eli either…but would I play with a snake even if it wasn’t his fault for being one?

Sleep found me soon enough and to my relief and dismay, Eli respected my wishes and it was the second night in weeks that I didn’t see him behind my eyelids.

 

~ ~ ~

 

I thought when I woke that morning, I’d feel better or more confident about a decision. I wasn’t even close. I trudged to homeroom just as the bell rang, on purpose. I didn’t want to see anybody or risk the chance of running into Eli that morning. Then I scooted off to first period and skipped my locker on the way to second. Tate was waiting there for me and I so was not ready to have that conversation.

Then lunch came. Crap. As I debated going to the library instead of going in, I felt a hand on my wrist. Unexpectedly, I turned excited thinking it was Eli, but it was Tate and my heart plummeted. At least I knew how I really felt about Eli. I still wanted him. It made me smile but Tate mistook my smile for himself and smiled back, encouraged.

“I missed you. Can we talk, babe? Please.”

“I have nothing to say.”

He seemed confused but pressed on.

“Clara, listen.” He looked around and saw a little corner off to the side where we’d be half hidden. He took me there and pressed me in it so he had to be my warden. “I know I screwed up-” he blanched and grimaced, “sorry, bad wording, but I’m serious. I know it was dumb, but I wanted you so much and you kept refusing me and it was so frustrating. One night after I came home from your house, Dee was waiting for me. She told me she’d been in love with me forever and you stole me or something. I knew it was bull crap, but she was wearing this little red dress that-”

“Tate!” I protested. “Really? We’re gonna talk about this?”

“No, listen. I was so frustrated and she seduced me. And I let her,” he said ashamed. “I’m sorry. It was only supposed to be that one time but she kept sending me texts and meeting me in places unexpectedly. It just became easy to use her and get some release that way. It meant nothing.” I scoffed, disgusted, but he grabbed my upper arms to keep me there. “I’m sorry. I know it was unforgiveable. I promise you it’s over; never again. I’m not even going to sit with her at lunch anymore. I need you, baby. Please,” he begged and tried to touch my face but I jerked away.

“I love how guys say ‘it meant nothing’ like that’s supposed to make it all ok. You only stopped because you got caught. And Dee of all people? I can’t do this Tate.” I tried to leave but he stopped me by grabbing my arm. “Let go.”

“Not until we talk this out.”

“There’s nothing left to talk about. You blew it. I can’t just forget.”

“Is this about Eli?” he asked angrily, his grip getting tighter and he must have seen the look on my face. “I’ll murder him.”

“No, this is about you, Tate. You’re the one doing drugs and you’re the one who cheated on me, not Eli.”

He pushed me to the wall with force, not enough to hurt me but enough to scare me. And I was scared. His eyes were wild and blazing.

“Don’t you ever say his name to me,” he growled.

“Tate, you’re hurting me.”

He got right in my face, his breath on my cheek as he growled his words low.

“Well then, join the club. You don’t think you’re hurting me with this act? I saw you with your lips all over him this morning.”

“Tate, stop.” His fingers dug into my under arm.

“You think he wants you? He just wants to use you and show me that he could take you from me. The new kid trying to make a name for himself by taking down the star of the school. That’s what guys like him do.”

“Ow,” I groaned when I could no longer hold it in. “Stop!”

“Let her go. Now,” I heard behind Tate and knew it was Eli.

“I’d skip away if I were you, boy,” Tate said low without looking away from me. “This is none of your business-”

“She is my business. Let. Her. Go.”

Tate turned, keeping an arm on me, and looked at Eli over his shoulder. I finally saw him for the first time that day. He looked murderous; jaw clenched, fists balled at his sides, his hair was a mess, though cute that way, and he had his uniform button up shirt open over his white tee.

“Get lost. You can have her when I’m through with her.”

Eli grabbed Tate’s arm; the one holding me to the wall.

“Don’t talk about her like that.” He pulled Tate’s arm away and I was shocked at his strength. Tate seemed to be too as he glared at Eli’s hand. “Come on, Clara.” He held his other hand out to me. I went gladly and got behind him. “Don’t ever touch her again.”

“You just made a huge mistake, foreigner.”

“I don’t think I did.” He let go of Tate’s arm and put an arm around my back to guide me. “Come on.”  

“Oh, nuhuh. This ain’t even close to over!” Tate yelled and I heard his footsteps before seeing Tate grab Eli’s shirt back.

Eli turned, with speed my eyes missed, and punched Tate’s jaw, swinging him around in a 180 before he fell to the concrete floor, hard and final.

He groaned and rolled, but didn’t get up.

“Come on,” Eli repeated and once again put his arm behind my back as a small crowd stopped to gawk.

“Is he ok?” I asked as we walked away.

“He’s fine. He’ll just be embarrassed later that he was taken down by the new kid.”

“Wow, Eli. They should recruit you for the wrestling team.”

“Yeah,” he said wryly. “I’m sure Tate would love that.”

“Is that...uh, one of your supernatural things? Strength and speed?”

“Yeah,” he sighed and stopped at our Math class door. “Go ahead and sit. I’ll get your book.”

“You don’t have to- wait. You know my combination?”

“I have a keen eye and a good memory.”

“So you were spying,” I said and smiled to make sure he knew I was joking.

“Yeah. Sort of.” He smirked and left towards my locker and I went to my seat. He came back within a minute. “Here you go.”

“Aren’t you scared someone will see you moving that fast?”

“I’m careful.” He sat facing me in the seat across the aisle. “Are you ok? Did he hurt you?”

“No, I’m fine.” I rubbed my arm thinking about it and he took it in his hand, turning it over.

His eyes went wide and his face turned red with strain. I looked down to see a few red and bruising spots where Tate had grabbed me too hard.

“I’ll kill him,” he muttered and went to stand. I grabbed his hand to stop him and could’ve sworn the veins in his arm were standing out and almost blue looking, but when I blinked again they were gone. “Clara, he can’t get away with that. He hurt you. I warned you that if he hurt you again I’d-”

“Please. Please, don’t. Just stay with me.” I pulled him down to sit again and he looked closer at my arm.

“Are you ok? Really?”

“Yes. He just wanted to talk. Wanted me to forgive him.”

“And did you?” he asked, running his finger over my bruise in angered fascination.

“Even if I did...things have changed now.”

“What things?” he asked and looked at my face closely.

“Eli, you know what I’m talking about,” I said softly and covered his hand with mine on his arm.

“Does that mean...” he said hopefully, gently squeezing my fingers.

“It means that I’m not going back to Tate. I’m still... working everything else out. It’s crazy, Eli.”

“I know,” he sighed and promised, “I planned to leave you alone, I did.”

“How did you know I needed you?”

“I felt someone was scared when I was walking into the cafeteria. I knew right off it was you.”

That floored me. It was true, what he said last night about me being different for him. He saved me today and I didn’t want to think about what Tate might have done if Eli hadn’t shown up.

“Thank you for saving me,” I said gently. 

I pulled him to me, him seeming surprised, and just as my lips touched his cheek the door banged open and a couple rowdy students poured in, joking about Tate getting knocked out. Lunch was over. Eli leaned back and chuckled in annoyance and amusement.

“Mmmm,” he groaned. “I better get in my seat. Will I see you later tonight?” he asked hopefully.

“I...I still need time to...” I said, unsure.

“No pressure.”

“I’ll see you in Art,” I said with a smirk to lighten the mood.

He smiled and rubbed my cheek with his thumb before moving to his seat while the rest of the kids were coming in and being loud. The teacher came too, banging her pencil on the desktop to get everyone’s attention. Class crept by increasingly slow, like water in a watched pot not boiling. I was anxious to get to Art to see Eli. But to my dismay, there was a note on the door telling us to go to the gym for that period because the Art teacher had an emergency. I completely forgot to do the assignment anyway.

So I went and dressed out with the girls to play volleyball. I loved volleyball and soon the class was over and I was changing and heading home.

As I walked through the door I remembered that we’d told Patrick yesterday at lunch that we might go to that club with him tonight. I wondered if Eli was going. I thought about texting Eli about it but kept going back and forth as I nibbled my carrot sticks snuck from the fridge. I did want to go but I also needed to think. I didn’t want to string him along or give him the wrong idea. Though kissing his cheek today was probably doing just that. Ugh. Boys.

The babies were extremely colicky tonight. It was like God was sending me a message to get out of the house.

So, by seven o’clock, enough was enough and I decided to give the club a shot and if Eli was there, he was there. I hadn’t told him I was coming so there would be no mixed signals, I hoped. And if he didn’t come, then I’d try to have fun and be my own person for a change. I’d always done everything with my little band of friends. I needed to learn to do things alone and make my own friends. Besides, Patrick would be there.

So I showered quickly and put on a pair of jeans with my black heels and the dark blue and black silk peasant top that Dee claimed she saw first. It seemed to fit the night’s theme of independence. With my hair left down and a little make-up, I was ready to go. I told Pastor and Mrs. Ruth where I was going. Since I was not being picked up by a boy, Pastor let me borrow his Silver Camry and send me off with his usual “be careful and be home by midnight”.

I drove to the place and saw a packed parking lot so I parked on the street. I got out and started to make my way up the sidewalk but got cold feet. What was I doing there? I didn’t really want to go in there by myself. I should’ve known I’d chicken out. Even if Patrick was inside, I didn’t know him that well.

I turned to go back to the car and saw Eli standing by the wall near the door. I felt so relieved as I walked towards him. He looked at me, but his eyes slid right past me. My steps faltered and I lost my nerve. Was he changing his mind now? He looked back to me and he stared at me for a few seconds and then he smiled. I smiled back and walked right up to him and kissed his cheek.

“Hey,” I said and fingered the buttons on his shirt. It was a strange pick for him, a bright blue and white striped polo. Everything else I’d seen him in was darker and more low key. “I wondered if you were coming or not.”

“Did you now?” he said smoothly in that accent of his. “And why wouldn’t I come, sweetness?”

“Well...I didn’t get to talk to you about coming earlier. I thought you might.” I bit my lip. “Look, I know things are weird right now...but can we go inside and just have fun? I really need a night out, with no stress.” I linked my arms around his middle. “Please?”

“I think I can oblige,” he said and wrapped his arms around me.

“Good.”

“Is this really your scene?”

“No. My crowd never hung out here. I’m trying something new. Besides, Patrick invited us, remember?”

“Hmm,” he hummed and nodded. “Are you ready to go in?”

“Ready when you are.”

He then bent his head to kiss me. I immediately felt warm all over and heard him groan as he turned us to press me to the wall. He kissed me for a few long seconds. “Oh, wow,” he whispered against my lips. “You are exquisite.”

I was just about to think about how strange he was acting when I heard my name. I peeked around Eli and saw...Eli. He seemed confused, then hurt, then angry. He glared at the man with his arms around me.

I looked up to the one with his arms still around me tightly and he grinned deviously and winked, making my fear spike as to what was going on. It was then I noticed that his eyebrow ring was missing. He opened his mouth, licked his lips and leaned forward to kiss the side of my mouth as he groaned in delight.

“Aww,” fake Eli crooned. “Brother has come to spoil my fun, now hasn’t he?”

 

 

“Clara,” Eli said and reached his hand out to me, beckoning. “Come away from him now.”

I wondered if the fake Eli would try to stop me, but he lifted his hands as if in surrender and let me go freely. I heard him laugh as Eli pulled me behind him.

“Brother.”

“Enoch,” Eli spat. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“You’re not that hard to find anymore. You travel to these pitiful little towns and buy those quaint old houses. So pathetic and predictable.”

“Eli,” I asked. “What’s going on?”

He sighed and took my hand behind him, almost as if to hide the fact that he was trying to comfort me.

“Clara, this is my brother, Enoch. My twin.”

“One of your family that you were telling me about?”

“Yes.”

“Tsk, tsk, brother,” Enoch mocked. “You didn’t introduce your little cupcake to me. How rude. Especially after I’ve tasted her lips and her fright, her want.” He licked his lips again and smiled at me. “All were delicious.”

I blushed and covered my cheek with my hand in embarrassment. I knew something had been off with Eli when I saw him there on the wall. But Eli didn’t mention that his brother was a twin. How could I have known?

“Don’t, Clara. You have nothing to be ashamed about,” Eli whispered. He looked from me to his brother. “You thought you were kissing me, after all.”

His brother laughed and pushed off from the wall.

“Ouch.” Then he shook his head in mock disappointment. “I can’t believe you told a human about what you are. I’m in delightful shock - both by your actions and her reaction. She still wanted to kiss you after you told her you siphon off her emotions. Fascinating.” Eli just continued to glower. “Goodbye, brother. Bye, Clara. Nice, uh...meeting you. I hope we can meet again. Maybe next time, you can leave the stick in the mud at home.”

Eli growled and Enoch laughed again as he disappeared around the corner of the building.

Eli’s visibly relaxed and turned to me. 

“Are you ok?” he asked as his hands roamed my arms and face. “He didn’t hurt you did he? What happened?”

“I saw you - I thought it was you - waiting here. So I walked up to you and said I was wondering if you’d be here. Then you kissed me...” I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I kissed him back,” I confessed.

“It was me you were kissing.” He smiled and ran his thumb over my bottom lip. “I should be happy you want to kiss me at all. What happened to thinking it over? I didn’t think I’d see you here tonight.”

“I’m still thinking, but...I can’t seem to keep away from you. I was hoping you’d be here,” I admitted. “Can we just take things slow? I’m still not sure what’s going on...with everything, but I want to still be friends.”

“That’s sounds really good, actually.” He glanced behind us. “Do you still want to go in or…”

“Yeah, we might as well. We’re here.”

Eli bent down to kiss my forehead, holding my face gently. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Patrick.

“You both made it. Awesome.” He hugged me and told me I looked great in my ear. “Let’s go in. You can suck face on the inside of the club too, ya know,” he said grinning and bumped fists with Eli as he chuckled.

The bouncer asked for all our I.D.s and I started to wonder when he asked if they were going to let me in or not. I hadn’t thought it would be a problem.

“You can’t come in,” he confirmed my fears. “Eighteen and up only, kid.”

“You’re not eighteen?” Patrick asked. “But you’re a senior.”

“I have an early birthday. I don’t turn eighteen until May.”

“Dang.”

“Let her in,” Eli said, looking at the bouncer closely. “Let. Her. In.”

The bouncer blinked a few times and looked around. Then he looked back to me.

“Go ahead. But if someone asks, you snuck in, got it?”

“Yes. Thank you,” I answered.

“Eli, dude. Awesome. You got some Jedi mind tricks working for you, man,” Patrick praised as we followed him in.

I looked at Eli, but he wouldn’t meet my gaze. Inside, the music was so loud it actually vibrated through me, making my vision bounce and it was impossible to hear. So much for talking anything out with Eli tonight. We went to the bar and ordered a few sodas. It didn’t escape my notice how Eli’s protective arm stayed around me the entire time.

The announcer said that the first band of the night, Blue Ashes, was about to take the stage. Eli pointed to the balcony, asking if I wanted to go there with him. I nodded. Patrick and his boys followed us and Eli leaned me against the railing and caged me in with his arms from behind me.

It made me smile because he was protective in a fierce way that was unlike Tate. Tate had been protective like I was a possession of his. Eli was protective like I was something precious.

I turned to look at him and found his face right there over my shoulder. My cheek touched his lips and nose. He kissed it and I shivered. I felt him exhale on my face and realized I was feeding him right that second. I tried to calm down, taking a deep breath. It was kind of chilly inside the smoky club actually, which was weird. I took Eli’s arms and put them around me without even thinking.

“I promise I’m not playing some stupid girly flirting game. I’m just cold. Is this ok?” I asked loudly.

“Are you kidding me?” he said into my ear and kissed my cheek once more. “And you look stunning, by the way. I didn’t really get a chance to say that before.”

“Thank you. So do you.”

He laughed. “Never been called stunning before.”

“Well, you are.”

He smiled and chuckled silently, but I could feel him shake slightly. He put his head against mine for a few seconds and then the lights went out completely. The show was starting.

The band was terrible, but in the strobing and laser lights Patrick and his friends seemed to enjoy them. Then another band came and played a small set, then another. I wasn’t too impressed with any of them but it was still fun to watch and entertaining. And Eli’s arms around me made it even better.

Finally ten o’clock rolled around and I really wanted to talk to Eli. I pulled him to me and yelled as much in his ear. He must have gotten the gist because after he motioned to Patrick that we were leaving. He held my hand tightly and towed me down the stairs and out the door.

“Where’d you park?” Eli asked looking around furiously, for the car or Enoch I didn’t know, and I showed him.

“Where are you parked?” I asked.

“I walked. I’ll just ride with you if that’s ok.”

“Yeah, of course. I’m sorry if you wanted to stay, I just really wanted to talk to you.”

“No,” he opened the passenger door to my car, put me in and then got in the driver’s seat, “I wanted to leave too. I need to explain some things to you about my brother.”

“Ok, good, because I have some questions.”

“Where to?” he asked as he pulled a swift u-turn onto the highway.

“Not home. Let’s go to the dock, out past the warehouse district.”

“Alright. Buckle up.”

He drove us quickly and I decided to start the questioning.

“So, I thought you said your kind couldn’t feel? If that’s the case, then why did Enoch kiss me?”

“Our bodies feel, just not those kinds of emotions. Not love but lust. Not friendship but competition. My brother has always been somewhat of a female conqueror,” he said and I could tell he thought it was disgusting.

“So he seduces girls just to feed off them? And then leaves?”

“Pretty much. He gets what he wants and needs. He’s not made to care about the person. I’m not making excuses for him,” he said quickly. “I’m just saying, Devourers don’t have relationships, even with each other. It’s all twisted and dysfunctional. It’s not real. It’s all a game, a show.”

“So what’s he doing here?”

“Good question,” he muttered as he pulled into the dirt road and I showed him where to park. “I haven’t seen him in about five years.”

We sat in the car and looked out at the water. The long list of things I wanted to ask were a jumbled mess in my head. I couldn’t seem to make sense of any of it.

“Ok. So, what happens now? You skip town because he found you?”

He looked at me with a face of horror.

“No, Clara. No. He’ll leave soon enough on his own. He bores easily. I’m not leaving you,” he took my hand, “unless you send me away.”

“I don’t want you to go away.” I gnawed my lip as he rubbed my knuckles with his thumb. “So what’s up with him? Why does he follow you around?”

“I told you, it’s a game. And if we see him again, which I’m hoping we won’t, but if we do, I’ll have to pretend like I’m just using you so he’ll leave you alone.”

“What?” I said not understanding.

“If he knows how I really feel about you, he’ll just try to torment you and I can’t have that. He’ll know that something is different about you. I’ll have to be with you at night, in your Reveries, so he can’t get in. We’ll just keep a low profile until I know he’s gone.”

“Low profile. Sounds very 007.” He laughed and I smiled, loving hearing it. “Ok, so you ignore me and hope he leaves, that’s taken care of. Now. How old are you?”

He seemed surprised by the question, and I bet he’d never been asked before where he could actually tell the truth.

“Uh...three hundred, plus some. I lost count.”

I gulped and fidgeted with my ring. “You don’t remember the year you were born?”

“Mother wasn’t too keen on keeping records,” he said and laughed without humor. “My brother, sister and I were just a means to keep our race going after all.”

“That’s terrible.”

“Not really. We just don’t view family like humans do. Trust me, if you knew my parents you’d be glad they cut me loose.”

I thought about that and felt like he was being a little ungrateful. At least he still had his parents. I missed mine so much. My face must have shown my sadness, or he felt it maybe.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Clara. I didn’t mean to be so callous. I just meant that they are a ruthless pair, nothing like I’m sure your parents were with you.”

“It’s ok.” I absorbed that, trying not to shudder. “So, you came to the club. I didn’t think you would.”

“I didn’t think you would either, but I didn’t want to miss the chance that you might.”

“I’m glad you did.” I shook my head. “I can’t believe I couldn’t tell that wasn’t you.”

“He knew you thought he was me. That’s all that mattered. If I hadn’t shown up he would have just pretended until you realized it. And then...” He shook his head furiously. “No, I’m not thinking about that.”  

“He didn’t seem...I don’t know, evil. He was a jerk, but he seemed…he seemed normal, like you.”

“What did he say to you?”

“I told him I didn’t think you were coming. He said why wouldn’t he come. I said I knew things were weird but could we just try to have fun tonight and not worry about everything. He said he would and then he kissed me. He stopped and said...I was exquisite.” I cringed looking at Eli. “Wow, you’re exquisite.”

“He said that?” Eli asked and seemed shocked. “That was the words he used?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing. It’s just strange. He doesn’t usually comment, he just takes what he wants and leaves. Maybe he’s just playing with me. Never mind.” He waved his hand before taking mine in his. “If you see him just ignore him. He won’t play if it’s not fun.”

“So...this is how all Devourers live? Having random kisses and just eating emotion from strangers all day and night?”

“Mostly, yes. But...I don’t…anymore.” He sighed and rubbed his face with his free hand. “I haven’t lived like that in a very long time. I survive on strangers but they don’t even know I’m doing it. I just find ones that are sad or angry. It made things a lot harder on me but...I’ve survived that way, albeit it uncomfortably and near severe hunger sometimes; to try to atone for what I’ve done.”

“Eli...” My heart was breaking for him. He was so guilty, his fingers were actually shaking in my hand. “That’s over.” As much as I didn’t want to think about the things he’d done before, especially with other girls, I knew it wasn’t his fault. He was fighting it. “Eli, look at me.” I pulled his face up when he didn’t. “I don’t blame you. You’ve changed, that’s what matters. What happened? What made you decide to be different?”

“I don’t know, really.” He smiled. “I was walking into a diner one day and a little boy bumped into my leg. I was so annoyed and when I looked down to see him looking up at me, just as annoyed as I was, I laughed. For the first time in my entire existence...I laughed out of pure enjoyment. I’d never felt that emotion before. I watched him walk away with his mother and I thought about how hard it would be to hurt him after that, to make him scared and feed off him, and I knew I couldn’t. From that day on, I never forced an emotion onto another person unless it was necessary. That’s why I liked your Josiah so much the other day. It reminded me of that boy who saved me,” he said and smiled again remembering. “But I never felt another good emotion after that day, until I met you. Now I can’t stop feeling it around you. It’s all over you.”

“So I’m your muse,” I said and smiled coyly.

“That’s a very good description. My muse, Clara Belle,” he breathed and ran his fingers down my cheek.

“So how do you know my middle name?”

“I saw it in your school file. That secretary’s office is very nicely decorated-”

“Eli!” I laughed. “You broke into the school?”

“Technically, I was already in the school. I broke into her office.” He smiled gorgeously at me. “I had to know you,” he admitted and shrugged.

I leaned over and put my head on his chest. Some girls might be upset about him digging through their files. I was just glad he cared enough to go to the trouble. He sighed happily and ran his fingers through my hair. It felt so good. For the first time in days, I felt like everything was ok and maybe working out for the best.

“So, do you have more questions for me?” he spoke into my hair.

“Tons, but I can’t seem to work my brain right now.”

“Well, can I ask one thing?”

“Sure.”

“Can I have the kiss that was supposed to be mine anyway?”

I looked up at him and smiled. He turned my face up toward him and pressed his lips to mine gently. I pulled back a little.

“I...don’t want to lead you on.”

“You’re not. I know what I’m getting into. I can be patient, I told you.”

“I’ve been called a tease before,” I muttered thinking about Tate and then regretting it.

“You are not a tease. I asked for it, didn’t I? I won’t get the wrong idea. I’m glad to spend any time with you I can get. Sometimes...a kiss is just that.”

I pulled him back to me and let him ravish my mouth furiously, turning in my seat to reach him better. His breaths were huffing like we were running a marathon and he groaned several times as my skin heated and he absorbed the want I felt for him and my happiness at the situation for the moment. It was odd to think that I was essentially feeding him what he needed to survive. When I ran my hand through his hair his grip tightened on me and he pulled me closer and I let him kiss me deeper.

I let him devour me.

 

 

After Eli took me home, ten minutes before curfew, he walked to his house despite my protest to drive him. He assured me he’d be fine and waited for me to go inside. I was glad the Pastor and Mrs. Ruth weren’t waiting for me. I’d just had one of the longest make out sessions of my life, case being, because I didn’t have to stop him, and I’m sure I had that just-been-kissed look. Unlike Tate, he didn’t try to push me too far, didn’t try to ply me with sweet nothings as he reached for skin under my clothes.

It was heavenly to feel safe in more ways than one.

He did tell me he’d see me in the dark so I wasted no time trying to get to bed. That night, he took me back to the park. It was daytime again and we sat and counted cloud animals as we lay in the grass. I lay my head on his stomach and ran my fingers over his eyebrow piercing. Once again, he walked me home when it was over and kissed me on my porch.

The next morning, I woke feeling giddy and refreshed. I was ready to get to school. I hadn’t wanted to go to school in a very long time. After putting on a sweater with my uniform skirt, I made my way down for breakfast.

“Hey, sweetie,” Mrs. Ruth said as she scooped and cut pancakes onto plates. “How was your night? I was pooped so I went to bed early.”

“It was good. I was home at eleven something, I promise.”

“We trust you, I just wanted to see if you had fun.”

“Yes, ma’am. I did have fun. Eli showed up.”

“You seem to mention him a lot lately,” she said with clear inflection as she passed me a big plate of flap jacks with extra butter, just the way I liked them.

“Yes, ma’am,“ I agreed and left it at that. “Thanks for breakfast.”

“Of course. The munchkins have to eat anyway. Hannah, wipe your mouth.” When Hannah gave her a sulky look, Mrs. Ruth gave her a do-it-now look herself. Hannah wiped her mouth, with the quickness. “So, how are the new classes? Do you have any with Tate?”

“Just homeroom. I like them all fine.”

“And how are things with him?” she asked and I heard her disapproving tone.

“I’m not seeing him anymore. He cornered me one day and…well, Eli came to my rescue.”

“What?” She dropped the fork she was using and fumbled to recover it. “What happened?”

“Nothing. It’s ok. It wasn’t a big deal.”

She thought for a second, chewing her pinky nail.

“Do you want Pastor to talk to the principal about switching homerooms?”

“No, it’s ok. I’m not going to run from him.”

“But it would be better, I think. I heard some rumors, Clara, going around town. Steroids? Please tell me it’s not true.”

I put my fork down mid-bite and sighed.

“It’s true.” She gasped and covered her heart so I went on. “He claimed he was only doing it for the meets, the championships. His dad puts a lot of stress on him. I told him no more but the last time I saw him he…well, let’s just say he wasn’t very nice. I accused him of still taking them and he didn’t deny it. So, I told him it was over but he didn’t take the news too well.”

“Clara! You should have called us! I’m surprised the school didn’t.”

“They didn’t know. Eli…he punched Tate,” I admitted and scrunched my nose at her look. “It was in my defense.”

“Clara, this is serious. This should have been reported!”

“Eli just ushered me to class and made sure I was ok. I didn’t even think  about it. It’s fine. I think Tate’s pride was hurt enough for him to forget about me.”

“This is all very scandalous,” she sighed and shook her head. “I have to tell Pastor but I’ll keep it low key.” She gave me a look with twisted lips. “He’s not going to be happy about this, especially after what happened at the match.”

“I know. I didn’t want to worry you guys.”

“It’s not your fault but it needs to be addressed.”

“If you say so,” I said softly. “I’d rather just forget it myself.”

“How easy is it going to be to forget when homeroom starts in,” she looked at the clock, “seventeen minutes?”

“Crap, I gotta go,” I said quickly and chugged my milk. “See you guys.”

“Clara, please be careful. I worry about you.”