“You look different. What’s different?” Livia asks as Robert looks at me next to her with his eyes wide.

“Nothing,” I say, reaching into my bag.

“You’re lying.”

Shaking my head again, I smile at her.

She scrunches her forehead as she studies me. “Fine, I’ll let it go. For now.” She turns, flicking her hair as she walks off. Robert slams the locker next to me, watching me.

“I’m still waiting for answers myself.”

“For what?”

His lip curls up. “I’m not Livia. Me, you cannot play with. Would you like me to tell her you sold your virginity?”

Shaking my head fast, I look past him to make sure no one heard what he said.

“I have a free period. Do you?”

He nods his head then links his arm through mine. “Tell me all your first little secrets, you hussy.”

Laughing at him, we walk out the back of the school to the courtyard, and as we do, we pass him. Ryken. He’s speaking to her. Livia. And Cane is on the other side of him. He looks up at me, eye contact is made, but I’m the first to break it. Because when I look at him, I think of his head between my legs and the way he made my back curl when his tongue touched me there.

“You didn’t. Not with...” Robert says as we walk onto the grass and sit.

“I did.”

His eyes look like they may fall out of his head. “With Ryken?” he whispers.

“Yes. He was the winning bidder.”

“Holy fuck,” he shouts, then covers his mouth fast. “No. No way.”

“Way,” I say, answering him while reaching for my books.

“Well, did it... you know... hurt?” He shuffles with his hands to get a little closer. “I mean, they say it hurts for the girl.”

I laugh at his words. “Most of it was, well... good. Apart from that part.”

“You did more than sex?”

This time it’s my turn to look at him confused. “Yeah.”

“Wow! I didn’t think you would, I mean... he paid for just straight up sex. Yet, he made sure you were okay?”

Shrugging my shoulders, I don’t answer. He gets it, then we fall in a silence as I start studying for my next exam.

“He broke you, didn’t he?”

I would have missed his words if I didn’t look up as he said them so quietly. “What do you mean?”

“He broke you, just a small fracture to your heart. Chipped at it and took a small piece away. You’ll realize it soon. Maybe not now. But you will.” Sometimes his view on hearts and love makes me dizzy.

“I’m fine,” I say, answering him.

Robert turns his head, watching something, and I follow his view to see Livia, jumping on Ryken, her legs wrapping around his waist then her lips locked with his. He doesn’t push her away, and he doesn’t stop the kiss.

Maybe Robert was right.

Because watching that hurt more then I care to admit.

One chip away.

***

ALL WEEK I’VE WATCHED them. Watched them kiss. Watched them as they hold hands. Listened as Livia spoke about how fabulous Ryken is. I only wanted to punch her in the face when she spoke of their more intimate details. He hasn’t spoken to me or even looked in my direction since, and it’s now the Monday after. He wasn’t kidding when he said things would go back to the way they were. I’ve not gone back to Stiles, even when he asks, even when at times I want to say yes. Because there’s some part of me holding out. And there’s only so long I can do that for.

Walking out to catch the bus, I see them again. Every day and they’re starting to make me sick.

“Saskia...” my name is called loud enough that Ryken hears it, and turns to face me from his car. Livia is leaning on him as he watches me. I turn to look at Stiles, he seems nervous. His hands are sliding in and out of his pockets as he stares at me.

“Hey,” I offer in return.

“I know it’s late notice, but would you like to come to the football function with me? It’s basically a prom, but for everyone that plays and donates.”

Looking past him, Ryken has his arm around Livia’s neck. But his eyes still up here and on me. Looking away, I glance back to Stiles. “Sure. What do I wear, though?”

He instantly relaxes. “It’s floor-length gowns for the women.” He winces when he says it.

“It’s fine, I’ll have one.” I have money. The money from Ryken I haven’t used is sitting in my bank account, and now I’m going to use some of it.

“Can I pick you up tonight at six?” He pulls his cell from his pocket. Sending me a text, I feel it vibrate in my own pocket. “I just sent you the details in case you need to tell your parents.” He doesn’t know my mom is a loss, and my father is dead. I don’t correct him either. Stiles walks away, and I turn, walking back to the school until I find Robert. He’s waiting for me at the doors, leaning on one watching me.

“I feel you’re playing dangerously, Sass.”

“I need a lift into town. I want to buy a dress.”

He shakes his head, pulling his keys from his pocket. He doesn’t often drive, only when his dad is out of town is he allowed the car.

“What do you need a dress for?”

We walk outside, and they’re still in the same spot they were when I walked in. Trying to not look is hard, but I manage it. It doesn’t mean Robert does.

“He’s watching you.” Opening the car, I ignore him as I slide in. “She’ll notice soon. What are you going to say to her when she finds out you screwed her boyfriend, Sass?”

Am I a bad person?

“I don’t know.” I shake my head as he starts the car. I look into the side mirror to see them. My heart hurts when I do. “They weren’t a thing, I didn’t do it to hurt her. He was mine first.”

“He wasn’t.” Robert shakes his head at me.

“Okay, yeah, I should have told her when she asked. Maybe I could have avoided all this.”

“It will break you two apart. You should tell her now.”

I shake my head. “Nothing else will happen. So there’s no point. We’re done, Ryken and me.”

“If you keep telling yourself that you may believe it. But Ryken won’t.”

Robert doesn’t bring it up again, and he takes me to find a dress then smiles at me when he drops me off.

Tonight I have a date with Stiles.

I can be normal.

Or so I hope.

***

STILES WANTED MY ADDRESS, and I gave it to him. I’m standing outside, holding my dress up from the dirt as his car lights come into view and shine on me.

Will he think of me differently now he sees I’m not loaded like the others?

“Saskia...” he says my name as he gets out of the car and steps up closer to me. He’s dressed in a suit, and damn, does it look good on him. His blond hair is pushed back and styled. We look like we’re going to a ball. Hell, for all I know we probably are.

“You look great.”

My hands hold my dress up as I stand awkwardly in front of him. I’m afraid to get it dirty. It’s the most expensive item of clothing I’ve ever purchased in my life.

“No, you look exceptional. I’m honored to be by your side.” He doesn’t look behind me, he doesn’t even look at my trailer that I call a house. Stiles comes from money, I know he does by the car he’s driving. He steps forward, leans down and kisses my cheek. It’s sweet, but nothing happens.

Why doesn’t it happen with him?

My mind flicks back to being on all fours. I try to shake that memory out of my head straight away.

Ryken’s a thing of my past.

Not my future.

Stiles offers me his hand and opens the door for me. He doesn’t look to my trailer as if it’s an evil pit of hell. Even though I know it is, he just drives and makes pleasant conversation and certainly never mentions it.

Arriving, I see people from school and others I don’t recognize at all. Stiles holds my arm in his and introduces me to everyone he talks to, never once leaving me out.

I want butterflies. With him.

Stiles is handsome, more so than most here. He has the perfect athletic body, his hair’s always in place and never a mess. He’s polite, and I can tell he likes me. He’s not playing with me. It’s genuine. His eyes hold a sparkle when he looks at me. It makes me feel good to look at him. To look at me through his eyes.

“I haven’t bored you, have I?”

I shake my head as we sit at the table. A few guys come and speak to him. Taking the initiative, I lean over to him, our faces inches away from each other and then I lean in further and kiss him. My lips touching his surprises him. He leans into me, his hand touching my thigh, not too high, just enough so I know he’s close. Our kiss doesn’t last long as I’m tapped on the shoulder. Turning, I notice Livia standing there smiling at me. Stiles’ hand doesn’t move from my thigh.

“Liv.” She smirks. “I just wanted to say hello.”

Looking to Stiles, I stand and he stands right along with me, sliding his hand into mine.

“But you seem to be very busy.” She stares at my dress then behind her. I see my auntie and uncle looking over. They offer me a wave then continue to drink. I’ve never been close to them as I have been with Liv. Stiles squeezes my hand, and I squeeze his back.

“We’re going to go, Liv, see you at school?”

She nods her head, smiling.

Turning to Stiles, I ask him, “Want to get out of here?”

The smile that touches his face somehow touches mine as well. “You don’t even have to ask.”

We leave and it's a comfortable silence as he drives, his hand on my thigh, then we come to a stop out front of large wrought iron gates. He leans out pressing some buttons and the gates begin to slide open. It’s his house. Well, his parents’ house. He drives around the back. And as we get out, he walks around to the pool house, taking me by the hand.

“This is my preferred room, my parents don’t come out here.”

I've seen houses like his. Livia’s house is just as beautiful.

“I want to ask you something.”

My eyes stop roaming the room. He’s at the fridge pulling out two bottles of water.

“Sure,” I reply, stepping forward.

He passes me a water as I sit at the table. He stays standing, watching me. “Do you have a thing for Ryken?”

His words shock me, and I almost reel backward, but I stop myself in time. Then I think I don’t want to lie to him like I did to Livia, so I simply say, “Yes.”

He nods his head. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”

I look down because I don’t want to look at him right now. Does he hate me?

“But you’re here. That means something’s in my favor. Right?”

I smile at his words, and when I look up at him, he’s standing near me and smiling as well. Standing, I touch his face and press my body against his.

“It does. Let’s work it out together.”

Stiles nods his head and leans down, capturing my face with his hands.

Kissing Stiles isn’t like kissing Ryken. It’s not all-consuming and everything I’ve ever dreamed about. But that’s not to say it’s not nice. Because it is. It’s just not the same.

But sometimes different can be unique. Maybe I don’t need that heated spark all the time. People go years, or sometimes lifetimes, without ever feeling that special link everyone talks about. Some people settle, and that’s even an okay thing to do.

I just have to work out if it’s tolerable for me.