Carter

When I walk through the front door of Tyler’s house, his German shepherd puppy assaults me. Roxie almost knocks me over with the force she uses to leap into my arms, digging her paws into my chest. She scratches her nails along my arms, her grip on me just tight enough that she leaves marks on my skin. Her breath smells horrible, a mixture of dog food and vomit.

“Calm down, girl,” I say, petting her on the top of her head, leaning back, so I don’t have to get another whiff of her doggy breath. “It’s just me. Nothing to get excited about. No one’s coming to steal you.”

She doesn’t like many people, even though she’s a friendly dog, but for some reason, Roxie is not a fan of women. When Kennedy first came to the house, Roxie liked her from the start. Tyler said he took that as a sign that Kennedy was a keeper. He has a weird way of choosing women if you ask me. Kennedy and Roxie were like best friends, rolling around on the floor of his bedroom, all while Tyler was trying to get in her pants.

“Come here, girl!” Tyler yells from behind Roxie, strutting down the long marble hall toward us. He snaps his fingers, and Roxie hops off me, wagging her tail as she makes her way over to Tyler. Squatting down, he pulls her close and scratches behind her ears, his eyes pointed up at me as he pets Roxie. “You’re early. I wasn’t expecting you for another hour. I was just feeding Roxie.”

“I didn’t have anything else to do. I figured I’d come over here and fuck off with you until we start training.”

“I have some new video games if you want to play one of those for a while.” Tyler stands up, and Roxie gets up off the floor, wagging her tail next to him and slapping him in the leg with it. “Go to your bed, girl,” he orders in a firm tone.

The ceilings are so high his voice echoes.

“Sounds good,” I tell him as I shut the door behind me, following behind Tyler into the living room. “We have time to kill and haven’t done any gaming since Parker talked us into playing NHL 17 with him.”

Tyler laughs at the memory. “I still can’t believe he picked himself as his player. And he was still with the Capitals when he shot that one for EA. What a loser.”

“Tell me about it.” I shake my head. “He plays it all the time with that little boy Coach brings to our games.”

“Oh, right.” Tyler plops down on the couch and searches the coffee table for the TV remote. “Rico is her next door neighbor and is on the basketball team she coaches. He’s a good kid.”

I sit on the other side of the sectional sofa fit for a king. The room is so big that it could swallow up the furniture if not for the size of some of the pieces. “Parker mentioned that before. He really likes that kid.”

“He had better. Rico is like a son to Coach.” Tyler turns on the TV after a long search in a pile of remotes that turn everything from the lights to the surround sound system on. With a loud grunt, he leans back against the cushions, sinking into them. His demeanor completely shifts, and his tone grows more severe. “Speaking of kids, I have something to tell you. It’s important. Life changing, actually.”

I roll onto my side to face him, and the nerves creep up the back of my throat in anticipation. “Did something happen to Blake?” Saying a silent prayer, I keep my fingers crossed, waiting for him to continue.

Tyler scoots across the cushions until we are practically sharing one. This must be serious. “Kennedy is pregnant.”

His words catch me off guard. I was thinking the worst but…What do I say? This is the last thing I expected from Tyler, of all people. Since getting his ex pregnant when he was only a kid, he’s been so careful. I can’t tell if he’s happy or sad about the news. Tyler’s face is a blank slate, unreadable, which makes it harder for me to figure out how to respond.

“Oh,” I finally choke out, titling my head back against the couch to glance up at the ceiling, thinking of something witty to say. But I fail and suck at being a friend, apparently. “What are you going to do?”

He sits up straight and clears his throat. “We’re keeping the baby if that’s what you mean.”

“So, are you happy about it? You don’t seem like you are ready to be a father again.” I ask only because his mood confuses the hell out of me. Tyler has always been prone to manswings and flips out over nothing sometimes. He does it all the time at practice and on occasion, during games.

“No, I’m happy about it.” He smiles, but it seems forced to me as if he’s faking it for my benefit. “It’s just a lot to process in less than twenty-four hours. After I had given Blake up, I wasn’t sure if I would ever want to go through that again. I’d always wanted kids, or I wouldn’t go see Blake every month to make sure he’s okay. It’s just—” He shrugs, unsure of himself. “I don’t’ know.”

I have no idea what to say to my best friend. What kind of advice do I have to offer when it comes to children? I never spent much time around kids. Raised by an asshole drunk of a father and an older sister who filled my mother’s shoes after her death, I barely knew the meaning of a loving family. My sister, Jenny, was all I had. She was the one constant, stable female figure in my life.

But our family is so dysfunctional, even to this day, bringing a child into my life would cause my entire world to collapse. As I look at Tyler, I can see the wheels turning, the same thoughts most likely running through his head. His relationship with his parents is nowhere near as complicated as my family, but he still has his own set of issues.

I thought no one would ever understand me. That no one could relate to how I feel. Then, I met Tyler not long after I entered the league. He was just as fucked up and broken as I am. Except now, I see changes in him that I had never thought possible. His change also brings me hope that I can have the same sense of peace one day. Maybe someday.

Breaking the silence, I kick up my feet on the coffee table and look over at Tyler. “I hope you didn’t act like this when Kennedy told you she was pregnant because you’re kind of freaking me out. I can only imagine how much you would have pissed her off if you acted this way.”

I fold my hands on my stomach and study his body language. He shifts his weight, causing the cushion to move beneath me.

And when he looks at me this time, he has a genuine smile on his face. “At first, I wasn’t sure how to act when Kennedy told me about the baby. Don’t get me wrong. I’m excited about this new addition. But I’m scared, man. What if something goes wrong? I’m so afraid that I’ll get used to the idea of having another child and something will happen to either Kennedy or the baby. When Payton got pregnant, we had a plan. We were going to raise Blake together until her parents talked her into moving away from me and convinced her adoption was the best option. And then, my parents went along with their idea, which never left me with a choice. Or at least I never felt like I had one. They pretty much made it for me, threatened to kick me out of the house.”

“But,” I say, clamping a hand down on his shoulder to comfort him, “you were seventeen back then. You are almost twenty-six and have plenty of money. It’s not like you need your parent's approval or financial support this time. If you both want the baby, then it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“No, you’re right. I guess I need to let go of the past.”

“Easier said than done,” I say, deflated. Just the mention of the past causes me to shudder.

“Ain’t that the truth?”

I nod in agreement.

Sydney wants me to open up to her and has mentioned it on multiple occasions. She has no idea how much pain I will have to endure all over again by talking about those things with her. I wish I was normal and could tell her everything. But that sort of trust takes a lot of time and patience.

We lock eyes for a few seconds, staring at each other as if we can read the other’s mind.

At this stage in our friendship, Tyler and I can communicate without speaking. He knows what I’m thinking about, same as how I know he’s panicked that he will lose either a part of himself or his girlfriend and child if this doesn’t work out. I know the doubt is there because of my own issues. Moving on is not easy when the past consumes the present.

“Kennedy is a good girl,” Tyler finally says, breaking our staring contest. “She’s not going anywhere, and neither is our child. I’ll make sure of it.”

“How do you plan to do that? Keep her locked up in the basement?”

He laughs so hard he snorts. “No, stupid. This time, I will do everything the right way. Kennedy and this baby come first, even before hockey. Things are going to change for the better. Maybe this is what I needed in my life all along.”

“So, what happens now? Are you going to ask her to marry you?”

“I already did, and she turned me down.” He shakes his head, annoyed, but with a somewhat amused expression on his face. “Kennedy keeps me on my toes. She’s so different from any of the girls I ever dated, even more so than Payton.”

“Isn’t it every girl’s dream to get married? I can’t believe she told you no.”

“I’m not all that shocked, to be honest. Kennedy is not like most girls. I have no doubt that she wants to get married, and I understand why she wants to wait.”

“What was her reason?” This I am dying to hear.

“She didn’t want me to ask her only because she was pregnant. I guess doing it the way I did wasn’t special. I didn’t have a ring, she had just told me she was pregnant. I suppose I could have picked a better time to ask. It’s not like I didn't already think that Kennedy is the one I want to marry before she told me about the baby. I mean, you know how big of a step it was for me when I asked her to move into my house.”

“Oh, I know. That was huge for you. I still can’t believe how fast everything progressed with you guys. It was like you met Kennedy one day and the next she was moving into this house. The last few months flew by, didn’t they?”

He nods. “Yup. Even though I feel as if I’ve known Kennedy my entire life, it’s not a lot of time to fall in love and have a child with someone. But I love her and that baby. That’s all that matters to me.”

Hearing Tyler talk about this like an adult not only shocks the hell out of me but also makes me wonder if I am wasting my time with Sydney. She continues to play games with me because she gets off on it, likes to see me suffer. But does she even want more than what we have? I was never in the headspace for a girlfriend before. At least not one that lasted longer than a few weeks.

After spending so much time with her, I realize I don’t know Sydney as well as I should. I need to either let her into my life or kick her out of it. No matter what, I need to make a decision. My best friend is slipping away from me more each day. He’s growing up in ways I never thought possible. This baby changes everything.

“I’m happy for you, Tyler. Congratulations.” I flash a genuine smile in his direction. “You had so much darkness in your life and for way too long.”

“Thanks, man.” He nods his head, smiling. “Light in the darkness. Right?” I’m surprised he uses my own words against me. “We needed to grow up at some point. Maybe it’s time for you to settle down, too.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I say, glancing down at the script tattoo on my wrist, mulling over his comment about my ink.

Sydney wonders what the words mean to me. I wish it were that simple. If it were one thing to go over, that would be easier to deal, but the beginning of that story only scratches the surface. And I’m afraid she’ll never look at me the same way again once she knows the truth.

What if she changes her mind about me after I tell her everything that has happened to me? Or worse…what if she thinks I’m weak?

The thought of Sydney having pity on me, leading to a pity fuck because of it, sickens me. She might even think I used some sob story to get into her pants. That I made it all up for her benefit. If she does, she wouldn’t be the first. Sydney already knows I want to claim her pussy, as promised. So, it should be no surprise that what I tell her is real and from the heart.

Except everything is a game to Sydney. She enjoys making me suffer too much to allow me to become comfortable around her. The one time she shared part of herself I went and ruined it because I was too unsure of myself to give her what she wanted. All she had asked about were my tattoos, and even that was too much for me. Now, she suspects there’s some hidden meaning behind my tattoos. She’s right. And that’s without having seen the ones on my back. If she had seen those, we would’ve had an entirely different discussion, one I couldn’t begin to explain.

It might be time to pull the plug on this relationship, call it quits. If I ever want something more than just sex, I need to start over with someone else. Because seeing Tyler become a new man gives me hope. It also makes me want what Tyler found in Kennedy. And I cannot see that happening with Sydney, not when she insists on playing games with my heart.