I’m at home, fuming. I have a couple hours before my class starts but for the first time in my life, I don’t even feel like going. I call my sister Jessica, one of the only people to whom I can admit what a fool I’ve been.

I hadn’t told her any of it, though, because I was embarrassed to have lost my job, embarrassed to be at the mercy of the guy I swore to her I was done with— even though she’d always tried to convince me otherwise— and certainly embarrassed of the fact that I just slutted it up at my new job with my douchebag ex. I wouldn’t be telling her if my heart wasn’t completely broken all over again. At times like this, I really need my sister, and I just hope she doesn’t judge me.

I quickly fill her in on the whole story, ignoring her attempts to butt in with a million questions. She always liked Wade and I’m sure she’s happy to hear that he’s back in my life. But just wait until she hears the part about his kid.

“He has a kid?” she explodes, when I finally get to that part of the story. “Like, the kid id really his?”

Leave it to Jessica to give Wade the benefit of the doubt.

“I mean, I guess,” I tell her. “She called him ‘daddy.’”

“Wow,” Jessica says, speechless for once— which is hard for her to be.

“I know,” I groan. “I can’t believe I trusted Wade all over again, just to find out he’s hiding something. And we had just friggin’ made out in his office.”

I had skipped over the sordid details, because part of me can’t believe I let Wade do all of that in a work environment. Not just a work environment, but my first day on a new job, even if it is Wade’s company. Part of me was completely thrilled though, at the forbidden nature and the fact that we could get caught. Until we almost did. By his daughter of all people.

“I can’t believe he did all the things to me that he used to do, without first telling me that he had a fucking kid,” I say again, to Jessica. “I guess I should have known what kind of a snake in the grass he is. It’s my fault for ever letting him back into my life.”

…And into my panties, I think to myself, without saying it out loud.

“Well, just hold on Emily,” Jessica says. “You’re always so quick to dole out judgment. But there could be circumstances here that you don’t know about.”

“Like what?” I ask her. “Like a random little girl off the street is calling him ‘Daddy’ and he’s not correcting her but somehow he’s not really her father? Like maybe they started up that show ‘Punked’ again and it’s all a big prank he’s playing on me? Or perhaps I’m on one of those radio shows where they test how much you really love someone—”

“Oooooh,” Jessica says. “You said the ‘L’ word. You said love. You love Wade. I knew it. I always knew it. You’re still not over him. That’s why you’ve never even had a serious boyfriend since him. That’s why you’ve never even had sex.”

“Jessica!”

I’m so mad at her. This really isn’t the time or place to remind me that I’m an old, loveless hag because I’m still hung up on this jerk.

“I’m sorry, Em,” she says, but she’s giggling. “I just… this thing about his daughter sucks, but I’m hoping there’s some kind of reasonable explanation. Because I really do think this is what you need. Him back in your life. Because you love him. Quite clearly. Or else this wouldn’t bother you so much.”

“Oh, Jessica,” I sigh, trying not to sound as close to crying as I feel. “I don’t know why you’re so happy about this. This is really, really bad for me.”

“Geez, Em, don’t cry,” she says, softly. “I’m sorry. I know this is a bummer. But maybe somehow it will all work out.”

“How could it work out?” I ask her. “That little girl looked at least four years old. That would mean…”

“Yeah,” she says, finally sounding as glum as I’ve been feeling. “The timing there is pretty close.”

Wade and I had broken up five years ago.

“It would explain a lot, too,” I tell her. “Maybe that’s why he became such an asshole. He had found someone else, but didn’t want to tell me. So he was being a big jerk so that I’d have no choice but to break up with him. And it worked. I broke up with him.”

“Oh, Em.”

She’s silent a moment.

“I mean, they do say to look for signs like this to know if you’re being cheated on. And hindsight is always twenty/ twenty. But I just can’t imagine Wade doing this.”

“You never thought he’d be such a dick, either,” I remind her. “You kept saying there had to be some explanation.”

“Well, maybe there was,” she says, sounding hopeful again.

At least that makes one of us, who is hopeful, I think.

“And that’s another thing,” she says, suddenly. “He was in training. And then he went off to war. Where and how could he have found the time to cheat on you?”

“I don’t know,” I shrug. “Maybe he met someone just before he left, and he was kind of carrying on two long distance relationships at once. Or maybe it was just an emotional thing at first and then as soon as he finally got me to ditch him, he made it physical. The end of his first deployment did happen just a little bit after I broke up with him.”

“Yeah, and I told you to just hold off and talk to him like he wanted,” she reminds me. “Then maybe you would have some of these questions answered.”

“Jessica,” I groan.

“I know. Now is not the time for I told you so’s.”

“Exactly.”

But she’s right. Wade had been desperate to talk to me when he got home and begged me not to break up with him until we could communicate face to face. He had said there was more to the story that he needed to tell me.

He was so on again, off again though that I couldn’t trust anything he said. I was tired of being hurt by him. And I knew that if I saw him in person again— just like I had in his office today— that I would become weak and melt under his touch. I wouldn’t have the resolve to stand up for myself.

So, I left him, and never looked back. Until now, which was a mistake.

But Jessica does have a point. What would have happened had Wade and I talked, like he had wanted? Why did he want to talk to me so badly if my current theory— that he was trying to break up with me— is the correct one?

Nothing is adding up or making sense. Usually talking to Jessica calms me down, but right now it’s only made me more confused.

“There was a woman in the hallway,” I tell her. “It had to have been the girl’s mom. Was he… cheating on her with me?”

The thought makes me sick.

“I really don’t think Wade would do that,” Jessica says.

“You also didn’t think he’d cheat on me back then, but there’s a little girl whose existence might prove otherwise.”

“Might prove,” Jessica says. “Operative word being might.”

I sigh. I have no idea how to get to the bottom of any of this. The only way would be to give Wade a third chance, and I really don’t think I have that in me. For all I know, he doesn’t even want it. Maybe he was just using me, but as soon as Baby Momma found out, he’s done with me all over again.

Suddenly, my door bell rings.

Looking out the peephole, I see Wade’s face peering back at me.

“Emily,” he’s shouting, while pounding on the door. “Please let me in. Please, let’s talk.”

How does he know where I live? I wonder.

Oh yeah, the paperwork I filled out at work had my home address on it.

Damn Wade. Damn his sexy eyes peering back at me.

I don’t want to let him in. And yet, I do.

“You’ll never guess who’s here,” I nearly whisper into the phone.

“Oh yes I will,” Jessica almost sing-songs back to me. “Wade Covington. Love of your life. Here to save the day and make things right. So that you two can finally have the happily ever after you deserve.”

“Very funny,” I tell her, my heart nearly pounding out of my chest. “I’m going to have to call you back.”

“Of course, I’ll let you go,” she says. “You have important business to attend to. But I’ll be waiting on pins and needles to hear the rest of how this all- American love story turns out.”

“Goodbye, Jessica,” I tell her.

I should thank her for her support. But I can barely breathe. I forget to hang up the phone.

The only thing I seem to be able to do, by some sort of force outside myself, is open the damn door, and let Wade Covington back into my life just when I thought he was really gone for good.