CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SOLOMON

I felt like complete and utter shit. 

But sometimes doing the right thing felt shitty, right?

I tried to tell myself that on the long, lonely drive home while my heart felt like it was being torn in two. 

Natalie deserved a normal life. Getting a normal job, finishing college, and settling down with an ordinary guy. She deserved a life that had nothing to do with me, a down and dirty criminal with ties to that dark, evil industry that kept her prisoner and dehumanized her for months.

It didn't matter how badly I wanted to stay in bed with her that morning and wake her up by feasting on that delicious pussy. Nor did it matter how much it pained me to treat her so coldly, to see the confused and hurt expression on her face. 

No, none of it mattered in the long run. And it was better to set her free sooner rather than later, not only for my sake but for Ari's. I couldn't break my daughter's heart by letting her get too attached, only to have Natalie walk out when she was ready to start her own life.

This was for the best, really. It hurt now but after some time, Natalie would be just a fond memory and things would go back to normal. 

When I got home, the smell of fresh-baked bread wafted throughout the kitchen and living room. Ari stood on a footstool wearing her pink Barbie apron. She kneaded dough on the counter with utmost concentration and Netta standing beside her, watching closely. 

"Daddy!" 

Ari hopped off her stool and ran to me, her fingers and cheeks covered in flour. 

"Whatcha making, baby?" 

I scooped her up and squeezed her into my arms, planting fat kisses on her cheeks. This was all I needed. My life was complete with just my daughter and me, no matter how much my gut twisted at leaving Natalie behind. 

"Sourdough bread!" she announced before looking out the door behind me expectantly. 

Shit. My heart dropped. 

"Where's Natalie?" she asked. 

I glanced over at Netta who stared me down with a stern expression. 

Double shit. It seemed like I would be getting an earful from both of these ladies soon enough. 

"She had to go, baby," I said softly, setting Ari gently down on the ground. "Remember when I told you? She has her own home to go to." 

Ari's lower lip stuck out and trembled. Oh no. 

"B-b-but she was gonna read to me. She promised. When's she coming back?"

I sighed deeply as I knelt down next to her, coming to her eye level. 

"She's not coming back, baby. She was only staying for a little bit." 

"But I want her back!" Ari's face grew beet red. "Why'd you make her go away!"

"I didn't--" 

A lump lodged in my throat as I realized what I was about to say. 

Yes, I did. I made her go away. 

"Baby, I know you liked her but--"

"I like her and I hate you!" 

Ari tore away from me and stomped as loudly as she could up to her room. When she reached it, she slammed the door with all her six-year-old might. 

“She’ll get over it,” I sighed as I walked over to the fridge for a beer. 

“Will she?” Netta’s stern gaze like a school principal never wavered as she watched me. “She’s old enough to remember these things, Solomon.” 

“Yeah well, she’s also smart enough to figure out Daddy’s a crook one day. When she does, she’ll know this was for the best.” 

“Was it, really?” All these accusatory questions from Netta sounded like I got everything wrong. 

I grabbed a bottle blindly and slammed the refrigerator door closed. My temper was getting the best of me but I didn’t give a shit anymore. 

“Fuck, Netta. I don’t know anymore!”

“Solomon.” Netta pulled the dishtowel off her shoulder and slapped it on the counter. That, plus the fact she was saying my full name, showed she was fucking serious. 

“Natalie needs meaning. A purpose. Happiness. Something to look forward to when she wakes up every day. She was finding that here and you shipped her off like cattle! Did you even bother asking her if she wanted to stay? Now she’s got nothing again. She’s just drifting out in the open with nothing to hold onto in a world that will eat that poor girl alive.” 

“What about me?” I said defensively, raising my voice in frustration. “This is my house! I decide who comes and goes and when! What about Ari? It’s not fair to her, letting her get attached to some woman who might just abandon her again.”

“Natalie isn’t your ex,” Netta said calmly. “Did you not enjoy having her stay here?” She gave me a pointed look that told me she knew exactly what Natalie and I did last night. 

“Even if I did,” I replied. “It’s not healthy for Ari in the long-term.”

“Solomon, Ari needs a female role model in her life.” 

“She’s got you!”

“Me?” Netta scoffed. “Sol, you know I love that girl to death but I’m ancient and jaded. She needs someone she can talk to and relate to. Natalie connected so well with her in that way. And I hope I’m not overstepping but she could see the…chemistry between you two. She needs to see adults in good relationships.”

“Good relationships?” I repeated incredulously. “You know how I am, Netta. I don’t do those. I don’t think I’ve ever had one in my life. And with everything Natalie’s been through, she might not know how to have one either.” 

Netta shrugged. “Stranger things have happened. But you’ve got to take the chance. That’s what you’re afraid of Sol, taking a leap. You’d rather leave that girl out there with no help than take a chance on something that could be wonderful for you. For Ari. And that’s a damn shame.”

I collapsed on the couch and leaned my head back to take a long pull of beer as I let Netta’s words crawl around in my brain. I gave her a lot of shit for being a meddlesome old lady but after all these years of helping my ass out, she really got to know me and Ari. 

Five years ago when I first moved into this neighborhood with a screaming, toddler Ari in my arms, she marched straight up to my front door and basically threw a frozen teething ring at my head.

“Stick this in her mouth and maybe she’ll stop trying to wake the dead,” she told me. 

I relied on her wisdom ever since. She was like a mother to me in a lot of ways. Because of her, I learned how to grow up and become a halfway decent parent.

“So you’re saying I fucked up,” I said as I rubbed my eyes. 

“Quite monumentally, yes.” She gathered up her purse and started for the front door. “We’ve all gotta live with the choices we make, Solomon. You’re a good dad and I know you want to keep Ari safe. But you’ve got to be willing to take risks sometimes.” 

“Thanks,” I sighed. “See you tomorrow.” 

She left quietly and I wondered about getting Ari for dinner. No, she would definitely still be too mad at me to come out of her room. 

I polished off the beer and resisted the urge to throw the bottle across the room. 

She was fucking right. 

I treated Natalie no better than Antigua by doing that shit to her. And for what reason? 

I did like having her here. I loved seeing Ari light up when she was around. Here, she had my protection. Who really knew how things would be at the women’s shelter? And when she snuggled into my chest during the night, I knew she felt safe with me. 

Taking her to that place was like leaving her stranded in the wilderness to be eaten by wolves. 

And I couldn’t go back to get her. Abusive spouses tried to take their women back all the time. They wouldn’t let me anywhere near her. 

I fucked up badly. 

It wasn’t the first time. I’ve fucked up before. 

But this was the first time I felt helpless and unable to find a solution.