Chapter 15
The enticing aroma of savory vegetables filtered into his dreams, and Ben peeled his eyelids open to frown at the empty spot on Tanner’s side of the bed.
Sliding his palm over the cool sheets, he flopped to his back. His stomach let out a protracted grumble, asking why he wasn’t already halfway to the kitchen, but his brain told it to shut the hell up because he had other, more confusing, problems at hand.
Number one—he’d just referred to the crumpled blankets on his right as Tanner’s side of the bed.
Number two—he’d really been looking forward to waking up with her snuggled against him, and the fact he’d missed out on that rarity had his arms feeling more deserted than, well, dammit, Tanner’s side of the bed.
Sitting up, he raked his fingers through his hair and swung his feet out from under the covers, digging the sand from his eyes as he made a half-assed attempt at locating his sleeping shorts. The elastic waistband snagged his attention from under the bed, and he reached down to collect them off the floor.
Prior to last night, he’d never purposely split rack time with anyone, and the few times he had, the next morning he’d generally hustled for the nearest exit, consigning the entire incident to too many sleepless hours out on patrol.
But with Tanner… He didn’t know, things were different. Unique. He’d had the most fulfilling sexual experience of his life with her. Been more himself than with anyone else before. After what they’d shared and the enthusiastic way she’d responded, to deliberately drop off with her tangled in his arms and legs had made their time together special. Intimate way beyond the norm.
There was just something about her that beat back the darkness. Got him out of his own damn head. Having her close made him human again, and he wanted more.
Stepping into his shorts, he stood and pulled them onto his hips, stretched his arm toward the nightstand and tapped his phone to check the time.
Half past noon. No wonder she was hungry. Though what she’d found in the cabinets to create such an appetizing aroma, he couldn’t wager the first guess.
A few strides toward the window, and he rifled the top drawer of a dresser that touted more war wounds than him, pulled out a V-neck tee and stuffed his arms into the sleeves.
Generally speaking, he usually carried in whatever groceries he might need to last throughout his stay. Leaving so much as a box of crackers behind tended to attract wildlife, and other than a few MREs he kept on hand for emergency use, at his last inventory, the cupboards had officially been bare.
But he’d also done his fair share of shoving that tasteless glop down his gullet. Enough to know the pre-packaged provisions the Army passed off as a meal, ready-to-eat had nothing on whatever Tanner was stirring up in the kitchen.
Tossing the shirt over his head, he rounded the end of the bed. Down the two steps into the living room, and he stumbled to a stop, brows jacked toward his hairline and hands braced on his hips.
Good Christ. He swiped his palm down his face. There would’ve been less damage had an F-5 tornado decided to stop in and whip up a meal.
Opened cardboard boxes covered one end of the rollaway island, the meals inside dissembled and sorted according to use. Cereal bowls overflowing with packets of condiments littered the counter, several pots bubbling on the stove and a Thanksgiving Day’s load worth of dirty dishes soaking in the sink.
Damn, woman. How long had she been going at it?
He closed the remaining distance at an angle, tipping his head as she came into view behind the flap of a stacked cardboard box. Crossing his arms, he camped one shoulder against the fridge, and then nearly blew his chance at a little covert surveillance by clearing his throat to contain a smile.
Disaster zone or not, he had to admit she was damn cute. He’d even go so far as to say she looked like she belonged here. Hair pulled back in a short, blunt ponytail. The sleeves of a red, over-sized plaid flannel rolled up and pushed past her elbows. Frayed cut-off sweat shorts skimming her bare upper thighs in a way that made him inwardly groan.
One word from her, and he’d even drop to his knees and worship at the altar of those red painted toenails on her feet.
“Okay, next.” She swung open the cabinet beside the sink and wiggled her fingers. A short step back, and she slumped. “Oh, my God. He’s got the spices organized alphabetically? OCD much?”
He cocked a brow.
Rising on tiptoe, she carefully selected some or another bottle. The slightest hesitation in her movements, and he squinted, following her motions as she approached the stove and cracked the seal to sprinkle some guesstimated amount into a pot.
She knew he was watching. He pushed up from the fridge. Without bothering to check over her shoulder. Without him having to say a word. And for some stupid reason, knowing she’d picked up on his presence based on nothing more than the weight of his gaze made him hard as a rock.
Fuck, that was a turn-on. He shook his head. And he’d just stepped into the no man’s land that stretched far beyond his usual SOP of screwed.
“Well?” She adjusted the burners to low and walked the bottle back to the cabinet. If he had to guess, purposely returned it to the wrong spot. “You just gonna stand there grinding your teeth? Or are you gonna come over here and kiss my neck to say good morning?”
“Neck.” Hell, yeah. That was as great a place to start as any, and he’d move on from there.
A few long strides, and his arms were finally content with everything they’d been missing, his hands happy to do a little exploring and lips nibbling her throat.
Shit, she smelled good. Like warm sheets and a hint of coconut. Sex and dreams and the useless hope he could somehow figure out a way to always have her in his life.
“Oh, hello.” She wiggled her ass with a husky chuckle, bumping the hard-on he couldn’t help and didn’t care to hide. “How long were you standing there?”
“Five seconds.” Flicking the tail of her shirt aside, he slid his palm up her ribcage, and it took all of one flutter of her lashes to figure out exactly what he wanted next.
The food could wait. His stomach had gone without longer than two days before, and he had more urgent needs to fill.
Wedging his foot between her ankles, he knocked her feet apart. A bend of his knees, and her pulse kicked under his tongue as he seated himself right where he belonged. “You made a mess of the kitchen.”
“If you’re going for mad, I should probably warn you that really isn’t the vibe you’re giving off. And I think what you meant to say was I made use of the kitchen.” Lifting her hand, she wrapped her arm around his neck, nails raking his scalp as she wriggled closer. The angle of her hips drove him higher and tighter along the heat of her sex as she propped her heels on his feet. “God, you feel good.”
Nowhere near as good as she did. Damn, he was so bound up in her, there wasn’t a single place on her body he didn’t want to lick, nip or suck.
The front of her shirt pleated over his wrist, slipping down his forearm as he cupped and palmed her breast. He brushed her nipple with his thumb and she shivered, reaching down to stroke and press his erection harder between her legs. Her hips began a rhythmic swaying, and he met each sinful gyration as she rode forward then back along the pounding arc of his cock.
Jesus, she was perfect. He jerked her tighter against him as that silky skin beaded to a tight peak. Her head fell back to his shoulder, and she fisted his hair to tug and twist the strands. She was so keyed in to how he liked it, their sexual needs synced like they’d been designed as two sides of a matched set.
Leaning over her, he clasped her inner thigh and slowly straightened. His fingertips met the mouth-watering crease at the top of her leg, and a breath caught in her throat as he brushed the slick folds of her sex.
Christ. She wasn’t only wet and ready, she was bare-assed naked under those shorts. The goofy woman should’ve known better than to leave that sweet temptation within reach.
One glide of his middle finger down the center and her spine bowed. “Shit, I love your hands on my body.” Tension cinched her ass and thighs as he tapped and teased her entrance with a light stroke.
Yes. That’s what he needed. What he craved. Another teasing swirl, and he cursed as her clit hardened and she ground against the heel of his hand. From the way she reacted, she’d become every bit as lost in him as he had in her.
And it blew him away. He wanted all of her, of them. As much and for however long life decided they should get.
Greed screamed to the forefront and pushed reason aside in his head. Inching forward, he urged her to the counter with his chest and flattened her hands along the top. He wanted to feel her. A quick yank to the drawstring on her shorts and the waistband went slack. Craved her skin to skin. The material slipped off her hips, and he tugged it to her knees at the same time his shorts hit the floor. He was desperate to know every inch of her if only for a few blissful seconds.
“Do you trust me?” He’d been tested, had never messed around with unprotected sex in the past. And based on the full physical Eden had insisted Tanner undergo before joining Dirty Deeds, he was confident she was outside the danger zone, as well.
“You know I do.” She turned her cheek to the counter, legs trembling from the way she remained perched on her toes. One look at the way she was spread and ready for him, and he gripped his cock against the thick pulse that heated and swelled in his balls.
Damn, she was beautiful. Right down to the white gauze he’d taped along those painful reminders on her hip.
The first time he’d laid eyes on her scars, he’d been nearly frantic trying to come up with a way to change what she’d been through. To work out how he could travel back through time and rewrite history so he could make all her heartbreak disappear.
“I’m clean, Ben. Just use this when you’re ready.” She worked one of her hands under her chest and foil crinkled as she pulled a condom from the breast pocket of her shirt. “I’ve never known anything like this before. You have me. Just like you said this morning, whatever I have is yours.”
Jesus H. Christ. His heart wrenched as he stepped between her legs, molding himself along her back and kissing wherever his lips landed. Her cheek, her ear, her hair…his fingers curling through hers and holding tight to her hands so she would understand what his mouth refused to say.
Now, there was no way he’d change one thing about her. Not one goddamn thing. The fire, her scars, that stupid fucking list—those experiences defined her. Made her who she was just like all the bullshit he’d lived through defined him.
Together they fit. She made him feel things in ways he’d never known existed. She was exactly the person she should be and, goddamn it, so was he. If wanting her to stay the same made him an asshole, then so be it. He wasn’t giving her up no matter what kinda nightmare was thrown at them next.
His gut, lungs, heart all seized with the reality of that thought, but he didn’t—couldn’t bring himself to back away. He’d never been the type to stand down no matter what fucked up circumstances were tossed in his face, and he wasn’t about to start doing so with Tanner.
He loved her. Christ, on some level, it was clear he always had. Every sneaky, infuriating, stubborn, sexy, drive-him-batshit-crazy trait that completed her and then some.
“You knew, didn’t you?” He nipped her earlobe and she grinned, shimmying her ass and her thighs brushing his. “You knew I was gonna come in here looking for a repeat performance of this morning and you were ready before I even got out of bed.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She batted her lashes. Then winked.
“You’re a shit.” Another nip to her ear, and he drove against her. Her fingertips whitened on the counter as he pinned her in place with his hips.
Moving forward, he was gonna do whatever it took to be worthy of her, and if that meant shoving words past his throat before he was ready or peeling back another layer to expose the raw pain underneath, then that’s what he would do.
She’d become more to him than the sum of his past, present or future. She’d become a tether that drew him back to the land of the living. His chance for things he’d believed a long time ago had been beyond hope.
Nuzzling her ear, he took another penetrating grind along the sweet curves of her ass. “I suggest you hold onto something. You’re about to get the ride of your life.”
A shudder wracked her shoulders, and he chuckled as that telltale sign traveled into his chest. Yep. He’d gotten to her, which made item number one on his agenda wringing as much pleasure from her body as he could.
Straightening behind her, he slipped the condom from her hand and tore back the strip, placing the disc in his palm so he’d be ready the second it was needed. One hand at her slender nape, he folded her shirt to her waist and brushed his thumb along the small divot at the top of her crease.
She whimpered and her back arched, legs shaking and straining as she leaned into his touch. A bead of sweat trickled down his back. Nerves tingled at the base of his spine and his ass clenched.
“You like that?” Another deliberate swirl of his thumb along that same spot, and she panted, pushing harder as he dragged two slow pumps along her sex.
A hiss cooled his teeth as her ass cheeks parted over the base of his cock. She was so fucking sweet. Swiveling and grinding, he jammed his hand between her legs and squeezed himself closer.
The pulsing rim met the distended nub jutting from her folds, and he cursed as warmth spread, wet and slippery along the head. Fuck, he needed inside her. Ached for it like nothing he’d ever known. He wanted her clamping down around him, gloving and milking him as she came.
“Don’t move.” Easing back, he prodded her entrance with the tip and her moan mixed with his as he tapped her clit, pushing deeper. Shit, she felt good. So goddamn warm and tight.
The stretch flexed, gripping and kneading each throbbing vein as he came forward. She rippled around him and he gritted his teeth against the urge to pound into her until the lights dimmed and she shattered in his hands.
Reaching farther, he forked his fingers around where they were joined, keeping his thumb poised to let her find the right pressure, to let her ride him as she writhed and squirmed.
“Harder.” A roar built in his ears as she grabbed the back of his thigh, forcing him higher inside. He bumped resistance and groaned as ecstasy triggered down his spine.
She tightened around him. Gasped and fisted her hands. His eyes slammed shut, fingers digging into her hip as he urged her forward then back. Driving into her slick path over and over until she clamped down around him and spasms ricocheted down his shaft.
No. He stopped mid-stroke and held her in place, blowing a harsh breath to clear his head. It was too much. One more glide, and they’d be shit out of luck.
He wasn’t doing that to her. To them. A growl heaved up from his chest as he pulled out and strapped the condom in place. At the same time, leaving her when they were both so close, came down somewhere around eight degrees of insane.
Snaking a tight grip around her waist, he scooped her off the counter. Fingers splayed along the top, he braced his arm down the length of hers. A tilt of his hips, and he gradually brought them together until he was seated all the way home. She smacked a firm hold to his wrist, her body trembling. Lifting his palm to her cheek, he turned her head and kissed her long and slow and deep.
“God, Ben. I can’t…”
He eased off and rammed them together, bringing her to her toes. She tossed her head back and he plunged again, urging her to his lips as she convulsed and the aftershocks flooded and heated his cock. His balls hitched, sparks detonated down his legs. He groaned into her mouth as his orgasm hit like a freight train and a shudder rocked him from shoulders to hips.
He was torn apart. Pulsed inside her a second time and the pieces were smashed back together. He tangled his tongue with hers and stayed right where he was, soaking in the moment as the two of them swayed as one.
“Holy shit.” A weak chuckle spilled from her chest, and he cinched her against his waist as their tremors slowly subsided. “Damn. Good God, Ben. Have you ever had it be so—”
“No.” Not anywhere even remotely close. Using his chin, he brushed a few damp strands away from her ear to kiss and nip her neck. “It’s you, Tanner. You make me…”
What? Break every promise he’d made to never reopen his heart? Wish things were different so he could keep her protected from all the dangers lurking outside the cabin? “Whole.”
Her brow twitched. She searched his gaze. Two heavy heartbeats thudded in his chest before she lifted her hand and pressed his palm to her face. “I think that just might be the most beautiful gift anyone has ever given me.”
He huffed, guiding her forehead down to his lips. No one had ever referred to anything about him as a gift, though he was fully in touch with the feeling. And yet, when it came to describing the devastating emotions that knocked him sideways every time he looked at her, words failed.
But maybe, just this once, he didn’t need to come up with something soppy to say. Tipping her mouth within easy reach, he tasted her again and again, knowing he’d never get his fill even if he somehow figured out a way to keep her secluded within the walls of this safe haven.
Eventually, they’d starve to death. Not that he could bring himself to care.
In this moment, he had everything he needed. Only her.
“You’ve been a gift for me, too, Tanner. You’ve been a gift for me, too.”