As it turns out, it wasn’t such a good idea to become friends with Will Cummings.
He was a good guy and all, and he definitely made me laugh the few times we’d gone out for drinks after work, but he’d also been the one to rope me into this event.
Beards for Bab(i)es.
His girlfriend Melody had a free women’s clinic at St. Luke’s, and they needed more funds to continue their endeavor of providing free healthcare to women in need. As someone in the field, I knew how it worked—how much free medical care really cost—and it didn’t come cheap. I only had experience with one other clinic that did pro bono work, a gender nonspecific place in Palo Alto, California. They had benefits every few months, such was the demand on their cash flow.
So I’d done my part, growing my beard—something the now emotionally hollow version of me didn’t mind at all—and I’d shown up tonight despite not wanting to.
It’d almost been three months since Charlotte and I broke up, and no matter how much I wished for it, it never got easier.
My life felt like a fuse, burning along on its way to a bomb—my episodes of the show.
Scott’s were airing now, and after watching a fair number of them, I knew I was fucked.
Just like they’d caught Will sneaking into an on call room with a nurse, I knew they’d have footage of Charlotte and me, and I knew at least some of it would place us in compromising positions.
Once it was in the national spotlight, there’d be no avoiding the consequences of her past with Remy and the fallout of what he and Winnie might feel as a result.
Speaking of…
“Hey, Win,” I greeted, careful to keep my hands firmly off of her in all aspects as Wes looked on from behind. He’d settled into a peaceful observance of me on most days, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t like a visual reminder of a time when I’d had my hands all over his now wife—graciously trusting person or not.
If it were me, with Charlotte, I knew I wouldn’t.
Honestly, that was the twisted part. One of the hardest things of the whole breakup for me had been my inability to stop picturing her with Remy. Every time I saw him, I felt irrationally jealous and territorial. The woman wasn’t his anymore, hadn’t been for a long time—in fact, that was the actual issue—and she certainly wasn’t mine. Still, it burned.
“Dr. Nick Raines,” she said with a smile. “You’re looking just about as miserable as ever.”
I smiled dryly. “Thanks.”
“I just thought you’d cheer up at some point. This is bordering on ridiculous. I’m wondering what kind of charms this mystery ex-girlfriend held to keep you so wrapped up.”
I bit my lip and shook my head instead of getting into it.
I didn’t have anything sturdy enough to clean up that can of worms.
Not only was it never good to tell the woman it didn’t work out with all the things you liked about the one with which you wished it did, it really wasn’t a good idea to get into anything specific about Charlotte. Lord only knew what Winnie remembered from back then.
“Listen,” I said, my brain bleeding the blood my heart was furiously beating through it as I thought about what I was about to ask. It was quite possibly the stupidest thing I’d ever considered doing, and yet, here I was doing it.
Winnie moved in a little closer as I lowered my voice, her eyes openly curious and assessing.
“What happened with Remy and his fiancé?”
Her head jerked as she registered what I was asking. Panic parachuted directly into my veins.
“His fiancé… How did you… How do you know about that?”
I shrugged, doing my best to play off one of the least casual things I’d ever brought up, casually. Ironic.
“I just…I heard it. It opens some new perspectives on him for me, so…I’m curious.”
Winnie’s clever eyes were sharp on my face, but they didn’t seem knowing. Just interested.
She sighed. “She left the night before the wedding and never looked back.”
I chewed at the inside of my lip and hoped she couldn’t tell. “And so you hate her,” I surmised.
Her melodic laugh was completely unexpected, but it cut off quickly as she shook her head. “You’d think. Given the circumstances and how much I love Remy…how much he’s done for me and Lex.” Her eyes went soft, and I nodded.
I knew he’d been there when I wasn’t.
“But Remy told me some things a couple of years after.” She shook her head. “He was drunk, but he was tortured. And completely guilty.”
“Guilty?” I asked, surprised. Charlotte had always taken all the blame. She’d never said anything to plead her case or ease her mistake. She’d just taken responsibility.
Winnie nodded. “She was young, had just graduated college. And she’d gotten a job offer. A big job offer in California. Remy could have gone along with her, his job was flexible enough for it, but he told her he wouldn’t go. Basically, gave her an ultimatum. Him or the job.”
She sighed. “At twenty-two, with the way he’d given her no choice?” Her voice was soft and forgiving. “I’d have taken the job too.”
She grabbed my shoulder and shook me slightly to free me from my thoughts; I knew I had to look torturously introspective. But she didn’t mention it.
I watched woodenly as she walked away, the sound of Charlotte’s crazy laugh ringing in my ears with every step Winnie took.
Winnie was my past; Lexi was my present.
I desperately wanted Charlotte to be a part of the future.