Sunday morning, I did something I hadn’t done in a very long time. When I stripped off my pajamas and shoved the shower door open, I didn’t allow myself to gloss over my reflection or to pretend that I wasn’t purposely avoiding catching a glimpse of myself. Because that was what I’d been doing for a long time. Almost like if I didn’t see myself, I didn’t have to acknowledge how I felt.
But this morning, I looked.
The hollows of my cheeks were a bright pink and my gaze wary as I took in my disheveled hair. It was probably my imagination, but my lips looked swollen. There was no way that was the case, but I didn’t have to try hard to remember Colton’s kisses. My lips tingled. Those kisses were something I wouldn’t forget.
My gaze drifted down, over the slope of my shoulders and then across my chest. I pressed my lips together as I lifted my hands, placing them over my breasts. The skin was smooth, nipples puckered. Steam began to fill the bathroom, dampening my skin. I lowered my hands. My breasts were round and full. Definitely nowhere in the general vicinity of perkiness, but they…they matched the rest of me. My waist curved in slightly and then flared out, forming round hips. The shadowy area between my plump thighs drew my attention. Brazilian wax? Uh, no. I almost laughed out loud at that thought.
God, it had been so long since I had sex.
Could I do it? An image of Colton formed in my thoughts, and the flush raced down my throat. Biting down on my lip, I was pretty sure that I could do it. The man neared perfection when it came to his body.
That would be a lot to overcome.
As I twisted to the side, peeking at my behind, I tried to come to terms with how I felt about myself. It wasn’t easy and the steam covered the mirror before I had any answer. I stepped into the shower, letting the hot water beat down on me. I wasn’t sure if it was a lack of self-esteem or a lack of action that had my confidence bouncing all over the place. Or maybe it was the fact that I spent every day caught up in the fictional worlds of the authors I edited, experienced their love, their heartbreak and everything in between that I hadn’t, in the last four years, experienced anything in the real world or taken any time for myself.
When Kevin passed away, I had thrown myself into work. If I was honest, that was when I started to lose sight of myself, of who I was. I didn’t want that any longer. Last night I had decided that I couldn’t pass up the chance to feel again. And what I saw in the mirror wasn’t horrifying. It was the same body Kevin used to refer to as Botticelli beautiful. Curves weren’t a bad thing.
I just needed to get my mind on board with all of that.
Since I had gotten up early, I hit the computer after I’d showered and changed into a pair of jeans and a loose, cap sleeve blouse. I was able to work on a couple of pages before my phone dinged. It was a text from Colton. He was outside.
Heart jumping all around like a bouncing bean, I saved my work and closed the laptop. My bare feet were silent as I came down the stairs. The fresh pot of coffee I’d put on scented the air. Reaching the door, I opened it with a deep breath.
And the same breath punched out of my lungs.
The jeans he wore were faded along the knee and the old screen T-shirt stretched across his broad shoulders. He lived in these kinds of clothes. Not dress shirts and pants, and while he looked good in his detective getup, he looked damn good in jeans.
“Mornin’,” Colton drawled, stepping inside. He held a white cardboard box that smelled like heaven, and as I moved to close the door, he swooped down, pressing his lips against my cheek. The innocent brush of his lips across my skin sent an acute shiver down my spine. “I swung by the hardware store and picked up the stuff.”
Closing the door, I ordered myself to pull it together. “And the bakery?”
“Always the bakery.” He tossed a grin over his shoulder as he headed toward the kitchen, where he placed the box on the counter. “I got some muffins and éclairs. You haven’t eaten yet, right?”
My tummy grumbled happily. “No. Thank you for doing that—for doing all of this.”
“Like I said before, my pleasure. Do you prefer chocolate or fruit?”
I watched him from under my lashes. “Chocolate. Always chocolate.”
He chuckled as he plucked the chocolate éclair out, placing it on a napkin. “I’ll have to remember that.” Picking up a fruity éclair, he faced me and leaned back against the counter. “Did you sleep well last night?”
At first, I had tossed and turned, thinking about his kiss and what he’d said. I’d been turned on and I had to take care of that. Not that I was going to share that piece of info. Obviously. “I slept okay. You?”
His lashes lowered as a small grin tugged at his lips. “It took me a while to fall asleep.”
Could he have had the same problem as I? An image of him took hold in my thoughts, vibrant and seductive. I saw him in bed, his hand beneath the sheet, gripping his cock. My stomach hollowed at the thought, my mouth dried. His back would definitely be bowing and his head would be kicked back against the pillows as he worked himself…
He tilted his head to the side. “What are you thinking about, Abby?”
“Nothing.” Turning away hastily, I all but shoved the éclair in my mouth. “So…um, how much do I owe you for the stuff to fix the window?”
“Dinner.”
I dabbed at my lips when I turned back around. My brows rose. “Dinner?”
A half grin appeared. “Yes. Dinner. You know, where two people, sometimes more, go out to eat?” He took a bite of his éclair while my eyes narrowed. “Tonight.”
I started to ask why but managed to stop myself before I looked like a complete idiot. Well, I wasn’t sure I would look like a moron, but it would be so evident that my confidence in what was going on between us was somewhere between crappy and craptastic.
So I smiled as excitement and hope bubbled, and prayed there wasn’t chocolate on my teeth. “Dinner would be nice.”
* * * *
Colton was as handy as he was good looking, and I really could get used to him doing work around the house. Actually, I could get used to him just being in my house in general.
As he boarded up the window, making it more secure until the window guys could come out, an easy conversation flowed back and forth between us, and it was the same when he reappeared later that evening to take me to dinner.
After he’d left in the late afternoon, the struggle had been real when it came to concentrating, but I managed to get some work done on McGuire’s novel. I was lucky; her manuscripts were typically clean.
Nervous giddiness had my heart and pulse jumping all around as I picked out a dress that I hadn’t worn in what felt like forever. Actually, there was a good chance I’d never worn the sleeveless pink and blue floral dress. I sort of felt like I was wearing my grandmother’s couch when I slipped it on over my head, but the high waist and heart-shaped neckline were super flattering. I felt pretty in the dress.
Maybe even a little sexy.
I carried a pair of pink heels downstairs and then slipped them on mere moments before there was a knock on my door. Colton had texted, letting me know he was there. With my heart lodged somewhere in my throat, I opened the door and my tongue nearly lolled out of my mouth and rolled across the floor.
Once again dressed in jeans, he’d paired the dark denim with a plain, white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showcasing powerful forearms. I didn’t know what it was about sleeves rolled up, but it had always been a huge turn-on for me.
I was so weird.
Colton’s gaze glided over me as a small grin appeared. “You look lovely.”
Like I was love-struck or something equally silly, I felt my cheeks flush. “Thank you. So do you. I mean, you don’t look lovely. You look hot. Sexy. Very nice.”
His brows rose.
I wanted to smack myself. “I think I’ll stop talking now.”
He chuckled as he lowered his head, kissing me softly. “Actually, keep talking. It’s doing wonders for my ego.”
“I don’t think you need any help in that department.”
“True,” he admitted, straightening. “My head is probably already too big.”
The thing was, Colton was confident and self-assured, maybe even a little cocky, but he wasn’t arrogant. He was like a unicorn.
“You ready?”
“Just one second.” I grabbed my purse and keys off the coffee table and then joined him outside, pulling the door closed behind me. The heat was near stifling, coating my skin as I glanced at the boarded window. I cringed. “That looks terrible.”
“Not the greatest curb appeal,” he agreed, placing his hand on my lower back. We started down the short set of steps. “Did you get in touch with anyone today after I left?”
“I called my insurance company—the one-eight-hundred number. It doesn’t make sense to file a claim, not with the deductible, but they did give me a list of companies to call tomorrow.” Despite the heat, I couldn’t suppress a shiver when he slid his hand to the center of my back.
He cast me a knowing side-look as we stepped onto the sidewalk. “I want someone to get out here quick. I don’t like the idea of the window being like that for long.”
“Me neither. I feel like—”
A loud pop caused me to jump and lose my grip on my purse. It slipped from my fingers, falling to the pavement as I whipped around. Heart racing, my frantic gaze searched for the source of the sound, terrified I was about to come face-to-face with the bald man.
He wasn’t there.
“Are you okay?” Colton placed his hand on my shoulder, turning me toward him. Concern was etched into his handsome face. “Abby?”
“Was that a…a gun?” The moment I spoke the question, I already knew the answer. If it had been a gun, I doubted Colton would just be standing there. “I’m sorry.” My cheeks burned as I looked away. “I know that wasn’t what that was.”
“It was a car backfiring. Probably down the street.” His hand curved around the nape of my neck and he guided my gaze back to his. “I get it.”
That was all he needed to say and I believed him. Nodding slowly, I forced an even breath in and then out. “I guess…I’m just a little jumpy after Friday. When I heard that, I thought…”
“I’m not surprised.” His hand shifted and he curled his arm around my shoulders, drawing me to his chest. “You freaking amaze me, Abby, with how you’re holding it together after Friday, but I know it has effected you and that’s okay. That’s normal.”
The citrusy scent of his cologne surrounded me and my heart rate slowed. The embarrassment from overreacting eased off. “Thank you.”
“There is no reason you need to thank me.” Leaning back, he brushed his lips over my forehead and then lowered his arm. He swooped down, picking up my purse. “But I want you to feel safe. Nothing is going to happen to you.”
I didn’t respond as he took my hand in his other one. Still holding my purse, he led me to where his truck was parked under a large oak tree. The leaves stirred in the warm breeze. “Reece has been keeping an eye on your place during the night and throughout the day, doing drive-bys.”
I stared at him, floored.
“It’s not perfect, but I doubt you’re ready for me camping out in your place like I want to until we get those shitheads and put them behind bars.” Stopping in front of the passenger door, he let go of my hand and opened it. “Up?”
I didn’t move, not even when he placed the purse in my hands. “You have Reece watching my place?”
“Yeah. And the other deputies know to keep an eye out.” He cocked his head to the side, studying me. “You look like I just dropped my pants.”
I liked to think I’d be rocking a totally different look on my face if he’d done that. “I’m just surprised. That’s a lot of trouble for them.”
“It’s nothing.” His gaze met mine. “And they’re glad to do it. You’re important to me. They know that.”
For the umpteenth time since he appeared Friday night, I was absolutely flummoxed by Colton. I was important to him? Since when? That question sounded like such a douche-tastic thing to think, but could he really be telling the truth? Did I have any reason to doubt that he was?
“You have that look on your face,” he said.
I snapped out of it. “What look?”
“Like you don’t believe a word I’m saying.”
My eyes widened. Was I that obvious? Holy crap. But he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand that there was a part of me, no matter how much attention or attraction he tossed in my direction or what he said, that couldn’t truly believe he really wanted all of this with me.
“That’s okay.” He tapped my hip with his hand, motioning me to get into the truck. I did just that, staring at him as he closed the door and jogged around the front. When he climbed in, he started the truck, cranking up the air conditioner. Snagging aviator-style sunglasses off the visor, he slipped them on and looked over at me. “Do you know why it’s okay?”
I shook my head. “I’m guessing you’re going to tell me?”
His lips kicked up on one corner. “Nah, sweetheart, I’m going to show you.”
* * * *
I’m going to show you.
Those words lingered in the back of my head throughout dinner, a tantalizing distraction that resurfaced whenever our gazes collided. Conversation wasn’t lacking though.
While we waited for the food to arrive, along with the wine, we chatted about high school and he asked about college. I talked about what it was like to live in a city like New York, and he’d admitted that he could never handle day in and day out in the city, not even Philadelphia. During the dinner, he led me into a conversation about editing, something that many people outside of the publishing industry would have absolutely no interest in, but he seemed genuinely curious about it.
And when I started to go fan-girl over the authors I worked with and hoped to work with in the future, he said I was cute. Again.
We didn’t talk about the investigation. I hadn’t brought it up, figuring it would kind of ruin the lovely dinner.
Sometimes I found myself missing what he was saying, just tiny bits, because as terrible as it sounded, I ended up just staring at him. It wasn’t just because he was that attractive. It was more than a physical thing. A mixture of his charm and kindness, the fact that he was actually here, after all this time, having dinner with me, had a lot to do with it. And yeah, some of it had to do with him simply being so freaking hot.
And I was woman enough to admit that.
I had to wonder what people thought when they saw us together. Like when the waitress’s gaze lingered on Colton, what crossed her mind? Did she wonder how the hell I ended up on a date with someone like Colton, who was universally attractive? No one wanted to admit it, but I knew people thought things like that. Hell, I had. After all, if they didn’t, there wouldn’t be a thousand articles online showcasing couples that didn’t match on the attractive scale.
Maybe I wasn’t giving myself enough credit. I didn’t want to think about things like that right now, because the dinner was sort of perfect, and the steady internal stream of nonsense was ruining it.
Night had fallen when we left the restaurant and bright stars blanketed the onyx sky. He kept his hand on my lower back until we reached his truck. It was such a simple gesture, but I felt like there was so much meaning to it.
The ride back to my place was quiet as I was lost in my own thoughts, replaying the dinner over and over. I wasn’t even aware of the fact that we were at my house until he parked the truck.
I glanced at him in the dark interior of the truck, half hopeful that he would come in and partly terrified that he would.
One hand rested on the steering wheel as his gaze met mine and held. His features were shadowed, so I had no idea what he was thinking. “Walk you to the door?”
“Sure.” Disappointment snapped at my heels. So he didn’t want to come in? Did I want him to come in? Colton dropped his hand from the steering wheel and reached over, and as he unbuckled my seatbelt, his hand brushed along my stomach. A series of shivers danced over my skin.
Oh yeah, I wanted him to come in. Like that door was wide open.
We walked to the front door, silent with the exception of the humming of crickets. I didn’t know what to say when we reached my door and I dug my keys out, unlocking it. I wished I could be brave and confident, invite him in with a sexy little grin, but it had been so long since I’d done this.
Actually, I’d never really done this before. Kevin and I had done the dating thing while in high school. Parents were involved then. Dates ended at the door and picked up again with late-night phone calls. This was a whole different ballpark I had no experience in. I looked up at him, drawing in a shallow breath.
He was staring down at me, and even though I couldn’t see his eyes, I could feel his gaze, it was that intense. “I had a really good time tonight.”
“So did I.” I was breathless as I opened the door and stepped inside. When I turned to him and looked up once more, whatever I was about to say faded, lost in the space between us.
There was a certain intent to the line of his mouth, and I knew before he even lowered his head, that he was going to kiss me. The breath I took got stuck in my throat as he cupped my cheek with one hand, tilting my head back. He brushed his lips over mine like he had done the night before, tentative and questioning. There was something so sweet about the kiss as we stood with me just inside the door and him leaning in.
Last night had been the first time I’d been kissed in four years. This being the second time, instinct quickly took over. Or maybe it was simply just arousal. Pleasure darted as I tilted my head to the side, and when the tip of his tongue touched the seam of my mouth, sweetness was the furthest thing from my mind.
The kiss deepened as our tongues tangled. My hands ended up on his chest and his delved into my hair as his arm circled my waist, drawing me tight to his front. I felt him then, hard against my belly, and feeling just how effected he was had my blood simmering.
The fear of things escalating took a backseat, still there but not consuming my attention. I couldn’t think around his kisses, could barely breathe, and somehow, we were moving. I heard the door slam shut behind us and then my back was pressed against the wall and there was no space between us.
“I’ve been wanting to do that since I saw you in this dress,” he admitted, and then kissed me before I could respond.
I clung to his shoulders as his hand slipped down my side, curling around my thigh, just below my hip, leaving behind a wake of shivers.
Lifting his mouth from mine, he breathed heavily. “I told myself I was going to behave tonight.”
My hands clenched over his shoulders, wrinkling the material of his shirt. “You’re not?”
He kissed my jaw. “Well, I was planning on being a gentleman.”
“Why?” I asked, surprising myself.
“Hell. Good question.” His lips moved over my neck as I tipped my head back against the wall. “I’m not even sure.”
I gasped when I felt his tongue circle where my pulse pounded.
“I just can’t keep my hands off you.” He lifted my leg just enough that he was able to settle his hips against my core, and oh God, the ache that blossomed almost made me weep. “Damn,” he groaned, burying his face in my neck. “That didn’t help.”
My chest rose and fell sharply. “No. No, it didn’t.”
A deep groan rumbled out of him, and I felt his hand on my thigh move, slipping under the hem of my skirt. The glide of his palm against my bare skin shook me, pushing a soft moan out from between my parted lips, and that was nothing compared to what came next. He dragged his hand up and over, cupping my rear as he pushed his hips in. Muscles coiled in response.
He dragged his lips up my throat, finding my mouth as his hand kneaded my bottom. The kiss rocked me, and there was little doubt in my mind that I’d stop him if he pulled my panties down and took me right against the wall. The mere thought of him doing so burned my skin, twisted up my insides in a crazy way.
The attraction I felt toward him was startling.
His kiss slowed as he dragged his hand out from under my dress. “Okay,” he murmured. “I told myself I wasn’t going to do this tonight.”
I opened my eyes, barely making out his features in the soft glow radiating from the stairwell light. My heart thundered. I wanted to tell him to ignore what he’d told himself. I was damp between the thighs, ready and wanting. I wanted him.
Colton lowered my leg as he rested his forehead against mine. His chest rose just as rapidly. I didn’t say anything as we both struggled to gain control over what our bodies demanded, but him putting the brakes on where this was heading was obviously the smart thing to do.
All of this felt so fast and I knew it could quickly get out of hand, but I…I wanted it to do that. I liked Colton. I’d liked him in high school. I’d liked him from afar when I’d moved back home. I really, really liked him now.
And that was terrifying.