Puffy, bloodshot eyes greet me in the bathroom mirror as I brush my teeth. Spending the night crying and unable to sleep has a way of taking its toll. I look like crap, but I feel even worse. My stomach burns like there’s a pit of bubbling lava inside and nothing seems to soothe it. I tried eating something late at night and taking an antacid, but it was no use. Maybe I’ve suddenly developed a stomach ulcer. Is it possible to get one in less than twelve hours?

After the devastating turn last night took, I’m thankful I don’t work on Sundays. A day of sitting in my pajamas and feeding my face until my heart aches less seems like a solid plan.

Running the brush through my hair, I work out the tangles then fasten the long sandy brown tresses into a ponytail.

My feet have barely cleared the bathroom threshold when there’s a knock at my door. Nick. It’s gotta be him. Who else would knock on my door at eight o’clock on a Sunday morning? My knees go weak at the thought of having to see him...of having to speak with him. Walking steadily to the door is a challenge. My gait is similar to someone who’s been out on a bender, not a person who didn’t have a single drink and just woke up.

Tugging the door open, I lean against the wooden frame. Crossing my arms over my chest, my eyes have a mind of their own as they eagerly drink in his broad shoulders and muscular neck.

Traitorous bastards.

Why can’t they stay locked on his hazel orbs?

Because you don’t want to see his concern and love shining there.

“Nick, what are you doing here?” My tone is harsh like I intend it to be. If I give in now, he’ll never achieve his dreams.

If you love someone set them free…I’ve always disliked that saying and now that I’m in this situation it sucks even more.

If you love someone and they love you back, don’t ever let them go.

Hang on as tight as you can, until you can’t hold on anymore.

That’s how I think love should be, but I guess there are always exceptions to the rules. Nick’s not going to want to let me go; I have to be firm in my stance. He doesn’t understand what giving up your dreams for another person can do to your spirit, like I do. I don’t ever want him to regret us.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. You left the party early.” He stares down, leaning closer. His concern for me is evident in his expression and body language.

“I’m fine. Do you want to come in?” At his nod, I step back, allowing him through. Closing the door, I briefly lean into the thick wood hoping to gain strength. “Go sit down,” I urge, needing some space between us. This isn’t going to be easy. Every nerve in my body calls out to him. I want to wrap myself around Nick and never let him go, but Tabby’s words continue to repeat in my mind, like an old record needle endlessly skipping. “Nick has his future mapped out. Has he shared how he’s always dreamed of playing for the NFL and how it’s almost a sure bet now?”

Joining him on the couch, I choose a seat at the other end. If we’re within three feet of each other I’m going to climb into his lap and beg him to take me with him wherever he goes. California, Colorado, Washington, it doesn’t matter what team he plays for. I’d give up dental school again just to be with him, but I can’t do that. I have my own dreams and I’m not giving them up this time.

Not even for Nick.

“Last night I did a lot of thinking,” I begin.

“That doesn’t sound good,” Nick replies, a serious expression on his handsome face. Fuck. He’s so damn gorgeous.

Focus Carter.

Do the right thing.

Lowering my eyes, I carefully avoid contact with his. “I want to break up,” I blurt out, gracelessly.

“What?” His deep, hurt filled whisper has my eyes flying to him. I was expecting a shout of anger, not one ragged word containing a vast sea of hurt. And the devastation on his face makes my stomach tumble nauseously. Hurting him is the last thing I want to do and seeing it first hand is tearing me apart. But it’s better to do this now than to have it happen somewhere down the road. I can’t go through that scenario again; Nick is not Joseph. There’d be no getting over him after investing three years of time.

Who am I kidding?

There’ll be no getting over him after spending the past three months together.

“I can’t do this anymore. I thought I was ready to be in a relationship, but I’m not.” My eyes dart around looking at anything but him. I’m winging this as I go. I thought I’d have more time to work all of this out in my head. I wanted to have a speech ready and make this break up as believable as possible. I expected him to be hungover and sleeping in this morning, not sitting on my couch.

“It’s a little late to tell me all this, don’t you think?” He stands and begins pacing. “Why are you doing this?”

“I told you…”

“Don’t feed me some bullshit excuse,” he yells. Raking a hand through his hair he inhales deeply calming down. He pauses in front of me. “I deserve better and I’m not gullible. What did Tabby say to scare you off?”

“Nothing.” I stare at the floor.

“Carter, give me some credit. I know something happened to make you have a change of heart.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. I thought it would be okay, but it’s not working for me.” My eyes meet his uncertain hazel ones.

“Call me when you’re ready to be honest. I don’t have time to play fucking games.”

His words have barely registered when the deep thunder of the slamming door makes me cringe. My head falls into my hands as I burst into tears. That was horrible. I hate that I had to hurt him so much. Nick has never been anything but kind and loving with me. What I did to him might have been motivated by love, but it ripped both our hearts to shreds. How am I going to see him around without throwing myself at his feet and apologizing? As it is right now, I want to run across the hall and beg for his forgiveness.

Rising from the couch, I trudge to my bedroom. Flipping back the covers, I climb on the mattress and bury my face in my pillows. Closing my eyes, I think about the day we spent out on his boat. That was when I knew for sure I wanted him to be a part of my life. My thoughts trickle back to the first time I saw him, and I let my mind replay every minute we’ve spent together since. Alternating between smiling and crying, the emotional upheaval has me exhausted. I close my eyes once more and allow myself to drift off to sleep.

* * *

I’ve been out of sorts all day. No matter how hard I tried to focus at work, I couldn’t get my foggy mind to clear. I’m lucky Dr. Banyon didn’t seem to notice or if he did, he was nice enough to give me the benefit of the doubt this time.

By the time I enter the front door to my building all I want to do is eat dinner, climb under my covers and forget the last twenty-four hours.

There’s a box addressed to me, sitting in front of my door, gift wrapped with bright pink paper. Picking it up, I tuck it under one arm and unlock the door with the other hand. Once inside, I kick my shoes off and slide to the kitchen on my sock covered feet, too tired to lift them for each step. Placing the package on the granite counter along with my keys, I stare at it like it’s a bomb about to explode. Who would leave a gift in front of my door?

Could it be Nick?

There’s only one way to find out. Sliding my index finger under the seam, I tear the paper open, exposing a white box. It’s not small enough to contain jewelry and it’s not big enough to be clothing. Opening the top tab, I lift the cover and peer inside. White tissue paper is all I can see at first. Reaching my hand inside, I pull out the wrapped item. It’s hard circular edge clues me in that it’s a mug of some sort. Ripping away the remaining tissue paper, I find a white mug with the name Candy on it. I smile, solemnly. Guess I know who it’s from now.

On closer inspection, I notice he’s tucked a note inside. Pulling it out, my heart pounds as my eyes scan over the jagged, masculine script on the lined paper.

Candy, I picked this up that day we spent walking around New York City together. I hope it reminds you of what a great time we had and brings a smile to your face.

Thinking about that day does bring a smile to my face. Of course, said smile is accompanied by tears leaking out of my eyes and trailing slowly down my cheeks. It’s been less than thirty-six hours since I’ve seen him, and I already miss him more than I imagined I would. I’m not sure how I’ll survive living across the hall from him and also attending the same school. At least we won’t have any classes together.

Even if by some miracle I can avoid him as much as possible, he’s still friends with Noah and Reagan. I’m never going to be able to get away from him completely.

How will I feel when he starts to date someone else?

Sleeps with someone other than me?

Shit, I don’t want to think about that right now. I can’t. It’s all too fresh and the pain of missing him burns in my chest.

Setting the mug down on the counter, I tuck the note back inside. I need a shower and some food before I can indulge in any more torturous thoughts about Nick O’Shea.