Nineteen

Parisa sprinted ahead of him on the ride home, and Jared had a feeling her quick pace had more to do with what had just happened between them than a desperate desire to get the horses back to the barn before dark.

He wasn't as excited to return as she was, because he didn't believe they could outrun whatever was brewing between them. He'd felt a connection to her the first time he'd seen her. In his gut, he'd known she was going to be important in some way. It was probably the real reason he hadn't tried to talk to her at the party. It wasn't just his mission that had kept him away; it was his internal alarm system that had rung all kinds of bells when his gaze had landed on her.

Now that he actually knew her, the tie between them had only grown stronger. She was both a perfect match for him and the worst possible person he could fall for. They were alike in so many ways. They shared a passion for justice, a desire to live life on a big stage, a desperate need to make the world better, and a love of the shadows.

But where did two people who were rarely themselves end up?

He'd thought for some time that being a CIA operative and having a personal life was impossible. There were too many secrets. How could he ever lie to someone he really loved? And not just once, but over and over and over again? It wouldn't be fair to the other person.

But would it be different with someone who understood that lies about the job were a necessary evil?

He didn't really think so.

But kissing Parisa after they'd both finally shared who they really were had felt different. There had been an honesty to their intimacy, a deeper desire to connect that went way beyond the physical.

But it didn't have to be that way, he told himself. They could keep things light as long as they both were on the same page.

And, surely, they were on the same page.

Parisa had a job that she loved. She wasn't planning on leaving the FBI any time soon. Her job took her undercover and wherever the bureau wanted her to go. She didn't want a relationship that would make that difficult. And he felt the same way. Maybe it could work.

Or was he just being ridiculous?

He frowned at the crazy direction of his thoughts. He'd never thought so hard about whether or not he wanted to have sex with a beautiful woman as he was right now, another reason why Parisa was different.

They were together for a reason that had nothing to do with their personal feelings or desires. They had a mission to accomplish. Find Jasmine. Stop the terrorists. Anything and everything else would have to wait.

He just wished there was something they could do right now, because it was the waiting part that made him think too much and want too much. And the night loomed long and large in front of them. He was starting to share Parisa's greatest fear of having too much time…

 

* * *

 

Parisa wondered what thoughts were keeping Jared so quiet. He usually had a lot to say, but on the ride home, and while putting the horses away with Carl's help, he didn't have a lot of words.

They'd finally made their way back to Jared's house, and after a quick tour of the home, they'd ended up in the kitchen. Carl had insisted on giving them a bag filled with sandwiches, chips, and cookies as well as water and coffee, guessing they hadn't had time to stock up on any provisions.

"Are you hungry?" Jared asked, as he unpacked the goodies.

"I'm still full from the tacos we had earlier, but you go ahead."

"I'm fine. I'm going to make some coffee." He put the sandwiches and bottled waters in the fridge, then moved across the room to the coffeemaker.

She took a seat at the table, pulling out one of the new phones they'd picked up earlier. "I want to check in with Damon."

"Good idea. Would you put the phone on speaker?" he asked. "Then we can both get the update."

Years of being secretive and deceptive made her want to say no, to keep the call private, but she and Jared were in this together, and she trusted him even more now that he'd opened up to her. It almost surprised her to realize the depth of that trust.

His gaze sought hers. "Is it that tough of a decision?"

"No, it's not a difficult decision at all. We'll call Damon together."

A smile entered his eyes. "Good. But…"

"There's a but?" she asked warily.

"You can't tell him who I am."

"He already knows your name." She stopped abruptly. "Is Jared MacIntyre really your name? Because he ran a check on you after we first met, and you did not come up as CIA."

"Jared is my first name."

"And I suppose I don't need to know your real last name."

"It doesn't matter at the moment. He thinks I'm a journalist?"

"Yes. Your cover is still intact."

"Good. I don't need the CIA getting involved, and I'm not just saying that because I'm worried about getting fired. I don't want them to throw up barriers that not even the bureau can get over."

"I get it. But at some point, someone from the agency is going to figure out you're still involved in the case."

"By then, I hope to have found April's killers."

"I'd ask if finding April's killers is worth losing everything, but I already know the answer."

He met her gaze. "It is worth it."

"There's a chance you could end up with no justice and no job."

"We're going to make sure that doesn't happen."

"I don't know if I can help save your job, but I will definitely do my best to find April's killers."

She punched in Damon's number, then set the phone on the table, as Jared sat down across from her.

"Hello?" Damon said a moment later, his voice hushed.

"It's Parisa. Is it okay to talk?"

"One minute." Silence followed his answer, and then he came back on the phone. "We're good now. Are you all right?"

"Yes. What's happening with Ben? Did he start talking?"

"No. But Raj Kumar is speaking to him now. We're hoping he might be able to persuade Ben to say something of value."

"I hope so. Are Ben's parents still there?"

"They left when Raj showed up. They wouldn't even speak to him."

"Raj must be really confused and feeling so betrayed by both Ben and his father right now. Maybe it was a mistake for me to turn Ben into the bureau so quickly," she muttered. "I might have been able to get more out of him."

"You did the right thing. He probably would have shut down with you, too."

She wasn't so sure about that, and judging by the expression on Jared's face, his thoughts were running close to hers.

"We did find the bartender at the Stone Cellar, who admitted to knowing Isaac," Damon continued. "In fact, Isaac was in the club Thursday night."

Her heart sped up. "So, he's here in the city."

"Yes. The bartender claims he has never seen Isaac outside the club, but he gave us a couple of other locations Isaac mentioned that he likes to go. They're mostly other clubs, but it gives us somewhere to start. He also said that the night Isaac was in the club, he was talking to two guys, who appeared to be Indian. We're looking through surveillance tape from the club."

"Those could be the kidnappers."

"Unfortunately, the club is frequented by a lot of young men who fit that description. We also chased down the IDs of the two waiters that Ben got into the party. Both men were deceased. The identities were stolen."

"That's not unexpected."

"No. We've gone through Ben's phone. There were three calls from a number that is now disconnected. We traced it to a phone purchased from a convenience store a week earlier. It was a cash transaction, and the team is going through security footage obtained from the store and neighboring buildings to see if we can pick up any familiar faces. That's going to take time."

"Time that Jasmine doesn't have. I could take a shot at the Langdons again. Make them see how important it is for Ben to keep talking," she suggested.

"I doubt it would help. You're not Mrs. Langdon's favorite person. She said you owed the family your loyalty, and you betrayed them."

She felt a twinge of guilt at Damon's words. She had betrayed the Langdons, but she'd only done it to save Jasmine's life. She supposed that didn't make a difference to them, since she'd put their son's life on the line to do that.

"I think it's best if you stay out of this, Parisa," Damon continued.

"What about the ransom? Have the kidnappers contacted the Larimers again?"

"No. The drop is set for tomorrow morning at ten o'clock at Shell Park. Now you know what I know. One last thing. Vincent has been pressuring me to bring you in. He claims to be very worried about you. I told him that you are staying off the grid until Jasmine is found. I'd suggest you do just that."

"I want to do more than hide, Damon."

"There's nothing you can do that we're not doing."

"I'll check in with you again later." She ended the call and sat back in her seat. "Looks like you were right, Jared. We might have gotten more information if I hadn't turned Ben over."

"There's no point in looking back. Regrets get us nowhere." He got up. "Do you want coffee?"

"Sure."

He filled two mugs and returned to the table.

She sipped her coffee, immediately appreciating the kick of caffeine. "At least we know Isaac is in New York, although that only makes me worry more. The city is a target-rich environment. And that diamond could buy a lot of explosives."

"It could also buy a lot of weapons to overthrow the Bezikstan government, which is one of the goals of Brothers of the Earth."

"That's true."

"But I'm not discounting a New York target. The group wants to be noticed. They want recruits and the more attention they get, the more people who sign up. We have to stop them."

"I want to do that; I'm just not sure how." She thought for a moment. "Maybe I should call Neil. I didn't speak to him earlier. I could make a case for Ben cooperating with the FBI. He's a reasonable, intelligent person, and I know he cares about Jasmine." She paused. "You still have his phone number, don't you?"

"I do," he said, pulling out his second phone. "It's worth a shot." He read off the number to her, and she punched it into her phone.

She put the call on speaker again. The number rang four times, and then Neil answered. Her heart quickened. She hadn't really thought he'd pick up.

"It's Parisa," she said. "Please don't hang up."

"Do you know what you've done?" Neil asked, anger in his voice.

"I know that Ben is probably the only one who can save Jasmine, and you're not letting him talk to the FBI. I don't understand why."

"As I told Raj, Ben doesn’t know who took Jasmine. He was being threatened by an unknown person. All the information he had, he gave to you."

"He knows more, Neil. He knows about an explosion in Paris that's tied to a group called Brothers of the Earth."

"I'm aware of the group. It started as a peaceful group of protesters in Bezikstan, who were working toward changing policies that would be beneficial for the country. Unfortunately, extremists took over and turned it into a terror group. Ben is not a part of that."

"But the girl he was seeing, Sara Pillai—her stepbrother, Isaac Naru, is in the group. And they are both in New York City. They're probably involved in Jasmine's kidnapping, and Ben may know where Sara and Isaac are."

"He doesn't know."

"When I asked about Ben's romance in Paris, you acted like you didn't know, but you do know, don't you?"

"Ben gave me a bit more information after I spoke to you," Neil said. "He told me that Sara had gotten into some trouble, and he might be caught up in it as well."

"That's why he needs to talk to the FBI. There may be some small detail that he knows that can help."

"My lawyer has advised against it."

"Your lawyer?" she echoed. "Why are you letting a lawyer tell you what to do when you already know what's right? You taught me to think for myself, to stand up for what I believe in, to risk everything for a friend. And you didn't just tell me, you showed me, when you saved my life at great peril to your own. Please, Neil, help Jasmine. She doesn't have much time left."

"I want to help her," he said, his voice filled with pain. "But my son—I have to protect him."

"If Ben helps find Jasmine, everything will be easier for him. And I'm pretty sure Ben wants to do the right thing. When I saw him earlier, he was scared, but he was also torn up about Jasmine. He genuinely loves her. And, so do you."

Neil didn't say anything for a moment. "You're very persuasive, Parisa. No wonder Elizabeth told you where Ben was."

"I'm only telling you what you already know. Give your son a chance to prove he's the man you know him to be. Save him the way you saved me."

"I'll think about it," he grumbled. "I have to go."

The call disconnected, and she turned off her phone, feeling like she'd failed. "Well, that's that."

"You might have gotten through to him."

"I doubt it. He can't see past Ben. He's afraid for his son."

"But his son has more to fear than just the FBI."

"I know. Neil said the Brothers of the Earth started out as a group of peaceful protesters. I wonder what turned them from wanting a better life for people in Bezikstan to wanting to end the lives of people they don't even know."

"Greed—and not just for money: for power, for control, for respect."

"I should have asked Neil if he knows any members of the group still in Bezikstan."

"That's a good question for another day. The players we're interested in are already here. We just have to find them."

"I wish we could do that before tomorrow, but I don't see how." She let out a sigh.

"Tired?"

"And frustrated. There are too many missing puzzle pieces." She paused, giving him a speculative look. "Why haven't you checked in with your contact at the CIA?"

"I sent him a text when we were riding back. He hasn't answered yet."

"Interesting that you did that on the sly while I've been putting every call on speaker."

"It was just the easiest way to do it. I promise if I get a text back, I will read it to you."

"Or let me see your phone," she said.

He tipped his head. "Sure."

"Do you think we should go back to the city, Jared?"

"No. I think your friend, Damon, was right when he told you to stay off the grid."

She frowned. "I didn't join the FBI to be safe. And I can take care of myself."

"What would you do if we went back to Manhattan?"

"I don't know. I just hate waiting."

"Believe me, I share your impatience. I've been running through all the things I could have done differently so that we didn't end up here, but like I said before, regrets don't change anything. We can only move forward. Tomorrow we'll do that."

"I was really hoping we could find Jasmine before the ransom drop."

"The FBI might still find her. It sounds like there are a lot of people working around the clock."

"I hope so. At any rate, I want to go to the consulate in the morning, before the drop. If I can't be a part of the operation, I can at least stay with Anika and Kenisha."

"We'll go back to the city when the sun comes up."

"That's a long time from now."

He gave her a sexy smile. "We can play cards again. I'm sure there's a pack around here somewhere."

"Maybe." As she rolled her neck around on her shoulders, she felt a twinge of pain in her neck.

Jared's gaze narrowed. "Let me check your wound."

"It's fine."

"I want to make sure of that." He got up from his chair and switched on the light.

"You keep the lights on even though you're never here?"

He shrugged. "I like knowing the house is ready in case I need a place to go." He grabbed the bag he'd picked up from the drugstore earlier and brought it over to the table.

She took off her coat, already feeling warmer, and he hadn't even touched her yet. "When were you last here?" she asked curiously, as he pulled a chair close to her and lifted her hair off her neck.

"When I transferred the property into the trust three years ago." He paused. "I'm going to change the bandage."

"I'm sure it's fine."

"Well, I don't want you to get an infection on my watch."

"I promise not to sue you."

He smiled as he gently removed her bandage. "It looks good. No more bleeding. I'll just put a little more antiseptic cream on it."

"That stuff stings," she complained, as he opened the tube.

"You're a badass FBI agent. You can take it."

"Well, now I have to take it."

She winced as he applied the ointment but knew it was the best way to keep the wound clean. He applied a new Band-Aid, his fingers stroking the area around her neck a few seconds too long, stirring up all kinds of other feelings.

He was so damn close to her. It wouldn't take much to fall into another kiss.

But where would that lead?

She didn't want to give herself permission to answer that question. Clearing her throat, she tried to get back to what they'd been talking about. "So, three years—that's a lot of utility bills to pay for a place no one lives in. It's not just that you want to have a place to stay in if you need it, it's because you need the lights to be on at home. You need to imagine this place as it was, filled with family—your family."

He gazed into her eyes. "Maybe that's part of it."

"I told you I don't have a place that's home anymore, but there was one Christmas a year after my mom married Harry when we went to a cabin in Aspen for the holidays. And it felt like I was living inside a holiday card. There was a roaring fire, a live Christmas tree that smelled amazing, presents under a huge tree, and hot chocolate with marshmallows. But it wasn't just all those things that made me smile—it was that my mom was so happy. She and Harry would kiss under the mistletoe, accidentally getting caught there dozens of times." She smiled at the memory. "I hadn't seen her smile or laugh like that in years. I felt the love between them and also the love they had for me. It still stands out in my mind as the perfect holiday. And sometimes when I'm far from home, or I haven't talked to my mom in a while, I let myself go there in my head."

"Have you ever actually been back?"

"No. I'm afraid to ruin my favorite daydream. I guess what I'm saying is that I can understand why you want to keep this place as it is, or as it was, even if you never come back."

"I don't want to ruin the daydream, either," he admitted.

"But you brought me here. Why?"

He thought for a moment. "Because I wanted to show it to you. And don't ask me to explain that."

She smiled as she impulsively brushed a strand of hair away from his eyes. "You don't have to explain. I know why. I'm just a little…afraid, Jared."

"The woman who never backs down from a challenge? You're afraid? Of what?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Or you don't want to get hurt?" he countered, his knowing gaze clinging to hers.

"Maybe a little of both. You and I—we have nowhere to go."

"I've been telling myself that since I met you. It doesn’t seem to make me want you less." He paused. "But the real question is—what do you want?"

She licked her lips and knew she had only one answer to give, one response that was honest and true and terrifying. "You, Jared. I want you."