Rory closes her eyes when she finishes reading the letter. I hold my breath waiting for her response. The tears fall silently down her cheeks and I want to pull her in my arms and hold her until I’ve soaked up all her pain.

She opens her eyes and throws the letter at me as she leaps from the sofa and runs to the bathroom. Skippy and I race after her, but she slams the door to keep us out. The sound of her vomiting makes my stomach ache. But the sobs that come between each chorus of retching make me absolutely sick with myself.

I knock on the door when I hear a few seconds of silence, but her response echoes in the toilet bowl. “Go away!”

She’s dry heaving now, but she manages to tell me to get out a couple more times. If it were anyone but Rory I would listen. I push the bathroom door open slowly and she’s sobbing with her cheek resting on her arm, which is resting on the toilet seat. Skippy peeks inside the bathroom, sees her near the toilet, then turns around to go back to the living room.

I kneel next to her and she looks up at me, her eyes full of absolute despair. “I’m sorry I didn’t show you the letter sooner,” I begin, “but you can’t tell me you don’t understand why.”

She covers her mouth as she sits up and leans back against the tub. “I don’t understand any of this.” Her shoulders fold inward as she tries to hold back the sobbing and retching. “And I don’t know if I even want to understand it. I’m so disgusted with myself. I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. You’re the only smart person in this whole fucked-up situation.”

“No, I’m an idiot. I’ve spent thirteen years loving someone who was incapable of loving me. How, Houston? How could you pretend to love me for so long?”

I clench my jaw as I look into her eyes. “I wasn’t pretending,” I reply. “I couldn’t ask you to choose between me and your father. Just because our relationship was built on a lie, it doesn’t mean I didn’t love the fuck out of you… I still do and I always will.”

She rests her elbows on her knees and closes her eyes as she covers her face. “I knew you were hiding something from me, but I never expected this.” She draws in a long, stuttered breath, then she looks up at me with a question in her eyes. “You said our relationship was built on a lie. What does that mean?”

I let out a deep sigh as I prepare to tell her the most damaging secret of them all. “When I asked you to move in with me, I hadn’t read Hallie’s letter yet. But after we went back to my apartment, I sat in the bathroom with the letter and tried not to punch the mirror as I read Hallie’s words. I’ve never been so mad in my life. I wanted to burst into the bedroom where you were sleeping and take my anger out on you even though Hallie had just begged me not to in that letter.”

Rory shakes her head as she covers her face again. I wish her father were here to see what a frightening mess all of us have made of this beautiful girl. This innocent girl whose only sin was to love and trust with all her heart.

“But I decided that instead of hurting you right there and then, I would bide my time. And I’d hurt you when you least expected it. I wanted you to hurt as much as Hallie did, then maybe your dad would feel the gravity of what he’d done to my sister. Maybe then he’d feel just a drop of the pain I was feeling.”

She looks up at me, her eyes wide with shock. “That’s why you broke up with me when I told you about the pregnancy? To destroy me?”

I shake my head adamantly. “No, you don’t understand. Initially, I wanted to hurt you. But it only took a couple of days for the anger to subside. And in less than a month, I had fallen so utterly and completely in love with you, Rory.

“When you told me about the baby, I broke up with you because I was afraid if we got married, and I had to see your father walking you down the aisle or holding our child, I wouldn’t be able to keep on lying to you. But I knew the truth would knock the stilts out from underneath us and we’d fall so hard we might never get up. I didn’t want to ruin you. All I ever wanted was for you to move on.”

“Move on?” Her hands tremble as she wipes the tears from her chin. “How was I supposed to do that when you were holding on to the one thing that would give me closure?”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t show you the letter. It’s the biggest regret of my life.”

“Your biggest regret?” She shakes her head as if she can’t believe what’s she’s hearing. “Fuck you and your regrets. Your regrets ruined me. Get out.”

I reach for her face and she smacks my hand away. “I know you hate me right now, but this isn’t over.”

“Yes, it is.” She rises from the floor and I follow her out of the bathroom. “This is where it ends.” She stops just inside the front door, her lips trembling as she presses them together and looks me in the eye. “Good-bye, Houston.”

“We’ll always make it back to each other.”

“Back to what? There’s nothing left.”

Stepping forward, I take her face in my hands. “Back to us. This isn’t the end of us, Rory. You know it as well as I do.” My lips brush softly over the tracks of tears glistening on her supple skin and she lets out a muffled sob. “The world can fall to pieces around us, but in the end, we’ll always make it back to us.”

She grabs my wrists as I kiss the corner of her mouth. “No, Houston, don’t.”

“We’re the only thing that makes sense in all of this.” I kiss her again and she whimpers. “Just give me some time to make this right.”

Tangling my fingers in her silky hair, I kiss her tenderly. Her lips are salty and moist with tears, but she kisses me back. I want to lift her up and carry her to the bedroom, but I don’t want to make this even more difficult. After today, Rory and I will have to go back to being strangers until I can figure a safe way out of my marriage.

She groans as she pushes me away and whispers, “Stop.” Her gaze is fixed on Hallie’s letter and the Sierra Nevada box where I left them on the coffee table. “Get out, Houston. And don’t ever knock on my door again. Ever.”

I stare at the box on the table and consider taking it with me—she did try to give it back to me earlier—but I decide to leave it. Telling Rory the truth doesn’t change the fact that the ring is hers. If she doesn’t want it, neither do I.

I also want to grab the letter. It’s been such an important part of my life for the past five and a half years. It’s my last connection to my baby sister. It’s proof of her suffering. But I think that’s exactly why I have to leave it with Rory.

I may have loved Hallie, but Rory knew and loved her like no one else. Rory deserves to hold on to that letter so she can seek the answers she needs to finally find some peace. I only hope I’ll be there when that happens.

I sigh as I reach for the doorknob. “You’ll always be the deepest scar on my heart.”