Bryan

I dragged myself up the stairs to my office with my head pounding. I was drinking too much, way too much, and I knew it. I could still taste the stale beer at the back of my throat even though I’d brushed my teeth, showered, and gargled. I was falling into the same trap my brother had fallen into, and suddenly, I had a newfound respect for why he fell the way he did. Mom and Dad had ripped out his heart and stomped on it. They had single-handedly changed the way he viewed this manipulative world. Just like Hailey had lied her way into my heart, Mom and Dad had done something similar to him, so he’d turned to something that wouldn’t hurt him emotionally, something that wouldn’t judge him for the decisions he made in life.

I unlocked my office and sighed heavily. I used to hate being up here. I used to hate being cooped up in this space, but now I found it a relief. It covered me from the world just like my home did. It shrouded me from everyone’s prying eyes who felt the need to comment on my life. It hid me from all the bullshit I didn’t want to deal with. It cast out all the things that still reminded me of Hailey.

I could still smell her scent on my skin after that encounter a week ago.

I tossed my bag into my chair and slowly dragged myself to the window. The scruff on my face had grown up a bit longer than I was used to wearing it, and it was beginning to look ragged. I scratched at my face, noting the bags underneath my eyes that were growing more and more prominent. My hair was disheveled, and my eyes were dull. Even with their dark brown color, they seemed less full of ... something.

I didn’t even fucking know anymore.

A for sale sign across the street caught my eye. A row of empty shops was up for the taking. In any other scenario, I’d be interested in it. It was commercial property, and I was still under the impression we were trying to get that division of the company up and running. But I hadn’t talked to Drew since he told me he was considering opening his tattoo shop, and I didn’t have the stomach or the passion for commercial real estate.

Plus, the shops reminded me of the renovation of the gallery.

My mind threw me back to all those summer weeks when I’d sweated my ass off trying to get that thing up and running. I’d taken a substantial pay cut to fully pay everyone else on the job and had to dip into the company tank funds to get that damn building up to code. I did it without a second thought because I’d believed in the motto for the business and I’d believed in her.

I turned from the window as Drew came into the office building. He went straight to his office, not even bothering to look to see if I was here. He barreled into his office and turned on his computer, but then he sat down and pulled out a book.

A sketchbook, if I wasn’t mistaken.

I took a deep breath and walked over, watching as his arm flew across the page. His eyes were focused with an intensity I’d only ever seen a few times before, and I stood in the frame of his door while I watched. I watched him erase and try to get something just right. I saw him turn the book, so he could draw something from a different angle. I’d only ever seen this kind of remote intensity a few times in my life, and each time was when he was tattooing my body.

“Working on my latest tattoo, I see.”

Drew jumped, the book flying to the floor as he whipped his wild gaze up. I stood there smirking, but I could feel his eyes studying me. He was clocking the same things I’d just witnessed on my face when I was staring out the window. The scruff. The bags. The sunken-in look of my eyes.

But if it bothered him, he didn’t mention it.

“Yeah. We don’t have that meeting until ten, and I finished up all the paperwork last night,” Drew said.

“Then why did I come in to do that paperwork?” I asked.

“Because you don’t like being out on the sites anymore,” he said.

“I enjoy being out on them.”

“Not when they remind you of her,” he said.

I hadn’t told him yet about the encounter, and I honestly wasn’t sure if I needed to. It worked for a few days. I slept for a few nights without her popping up into my head, but then she came back with a vengeance. My mind wouldn’t let go of how she felt that night, how she wailed and moaned with my body buried in hers. My mind wouldn’t let go of the look on her face as I tossed her out onto the porch.

My mind wouldn’t let go how she looked, sitting in her car weeping the way she had been.

“You know, there’s some property across the street for sale,” I said. “Some commercial rentals that might be nice.”

“We still doing that division, dude?” he asked.

“I mean, if you did choose to leave, probably not. I have the option of doing some things that might help you,” I said.

“Like?”

“Well, I could liquidate,” I said.

“You could what?”

“Liquidate. Some of your stake in the company, that is. I could pitch in a little investment. You keep a five percent stock in this company, and I take five percent of the tattoo shop. You could set up a parlor over there and live the life you wanted instead of this life.”

“What’s wrong with this life, man?” he asked.

“I don’t know, really,” I said. “You’re the one drawing tattoos in your office. You tell me.”

I looked at Drew for a long time. I’d known him my entire life. Drew and John and I, we used to run the beaches together when we were teenagers hitting on women and trying to teach John how to surf, swimming from sun up to sun down and coming home with massive sunburns on our backs. We’d driven our parents insane with those summer days, and when we were in school, our teachers had to always arrange our classes so we never ended up in the same ones.

The three of us had been unstoppable, and with that kind of history comes an innate ability to read each other.

“You think this area would be a decent one to set up a shop like that?” he asked. “Because I definitely can’t afford the buildings in the heart of downtown.”

“So, you’ve been pricing out buildings,” I said, grinning.

“Just looking around. You know, in my spare time.”

“Drew, it’s okay. Seriously. Yes, I think this area would be a really good one to set up in. You’re on the dividing line of the opulent part of San Diego and the poor part. You could craft deals and things to support both communities, and you could use your business as a way to minimize the divide between the two.”

“Or no one will come visit the shop because it does sit on that line, and it makes them uncomfortable to visit,” he said.

“Have people gotten uncomfortable coming and seeing us?” I asked.

“Well, no, but we’re a construction company,” he said.

“No, we’re comforting people. That’s why. We treat everyone the same, no matter where they’re from. Our office space is comfortable, we talk to them with respect, and we give everyone the same options while being open to cutting deals for those who need them. That’s why people come to us,” I said.

“And you think it’ll be no different for a tattoo parlor,” he said.

“People won’t remember what you said to them,” I said.

“But they will remember how you made them feel,” he said.

“Drew. You’re pricing buildings. You’re looking at inventory prices. You’re one step away from coming to me and asking me to construct the inside of the building. When will you admit to yourself that you’re serious about this?”

“Because that means leaving you here with all this. We built this thing together, man. You and me against the world. Against your parents. Against everyone.”

“But that doesn’t mean this is your end-all-be-all. I’m still going to keep this thing going. This is my career. This is what I love to do. And yes, you enjoy it, too, but it’s not where your heart is. Not like it is with me. And you have to understand that it’s okay,” I said.

“Do you know what the prices are on the shops across the street?” he asked.

“No, but I could easily find out with a phone call. Why don’t I do that, and you start pricing out more supplies and equipment. And actually write the numbers down this time.”

“Before we do all that shit, can I ask you a question?”

I felt my blood run cold. Was he about to ask about Hailey? Was he about to comment on how I looked? I wasn’t sure where this conversation was about to head, but I wasn’t ready to tell him that it hadn’t worked. I wasn’t ready to verbally admit to anyone that screwing Hailey didn’t get her out of my system. I didn’t want to admit that feeling her skin against mine only served to enhance the truth I was scared to admit.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Have you ever thought about using that architect degree of yours?”

“I do. With the blueprints and schematics.”

“No. I mean, really doing something with it. You know, making that your thing like tattooing is my thing, dude.”

“You mean have I ever thought about abandoning construction and opening up my own high-end architecture commission to make more money?” I asked.

“So, you have thought about it,” he said, grinning.

“On some rare occasions when this job becomes a bit too much,” I said. “I have considered liquidating this thing altogether and going in another direction. If I had more money, I could donate more money. Do more things.”

Fuck, I was sounding more and more like my father, and I’d just chastised him for that exact reasoning a few days ago.

“That doesn’t sound like you at all. You defend volunteering with your life. You’ve always told me that reaching into the community and giving people a chance to prove themselves is always better than handing them money without a way out. Hell, you have this whole diatribe on homeless people not being a cause, man. What gives? What’s happened?”

“Nothing, but do you think I’m being selfish?” I asked.

“Out of all the words on this planet, that is the last one I’d used to describe you, dude.”

“I mean with my outreach. You think I’m doing it just to make myself feel better?” I asked.

“What’s wrong with that? You lost your brother, dude. You see John in their eyes every damn day. You carry guilt around you shouldn’t for the death of your brother, so you help to try and calm that emotion down a bit. In the process, you change lives. Who the hell cares if the motive is selfish?”

“But doesn’t that defeat the purpose of community outreach? Isn’t that supposed to be a selfless act?” I asked.

“There’s nothing wrong with doing something because it makes you feel better, dude. The world’s filled with people who hurt others for that same reason, because it makes them fucking feel good. The opposite isn’t a big deal. It’s actually a relief. Who the hell got in your head so bad?”

Just then, the phone on my hip rang out. I furrowed my brow, not recognizing the number scrolling across my screen. Everyone I’d ever come into contact with for a decent amount of time had a slot in my phone. I still had my parents’ numbers, and I still had Hailey’s number.

Hell, I still had John’s number in my phone.

“Take it,” Drew said. “I got some stuff to price out anyway, dude. Let me know who it is. I can tell you don’t recognize the call.”

I answered the phone and put it to my ear as I was shutting Drew’s door.

“Hello?”

“Before you hang up or say anything, I just have something to say.”

Her voice made me freeze. How the hell did Anna get my phone number?

“Hailey told me everything. All the bullshit you pulled with her that night. But if it’s affecting you half the way it’s affecting her, that shit didn’t work. Now, I’m willing to put killing you aside if you come hear what Hailey has to say. Listen to her story, her side of it with your brother. Then, if you still want nothing to do with Hailey, then I’ll pick her up off her feet, and we’ll continue going. Without you.”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. Anna was in town? How long had she been in town? Did Drew know? Drew would probably want to know. I knew they’d had a good time when she was here back in July, but as I walked back into my office I wasn’t sure how to answer her.

“You can speak now,” she said.

“I’m still thinking,” I said.

“Don’t think for too long. Hailey doesn’t know I’m making this call,” she said.

“So I figured. But fine. What if I come meet her in a week? At her studio when I’m not needed in the office or on site anywhere.”

“Fine. But come with an attitude of listening. Whether or not you want to acknowledge it, she’s hurting like you are except she’s not drinking her sorrows away. She’s running herself ragged at this gallery, so much so that she’s giving herself stress headaches. Get yourself the relief you need, and in the process, maybe it’ll help her.”

“Stress headaches?” I asked.

“Like you give a shit,” she said. “One week. Be there or be ready for me to intervene for good.”

She hung up the call as my eyes gazed back out the window. I could see the number on the for sale sign I told Drew I’d call, but my mind was whirling with all the things Anna had just thrown at me. Stress headaches? The gallery? Was Hailey all right? Why the fuck did I even care? She was a liar. For all I knew, her sister was too.

But I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t adding up, so I went to my calendar and wrote down a time for me to stop by the gallery.

I’d schedule all the shit I had to do around it.