Jake

A rustling pulls me out of a deep sleep, and I have to blink a few times to get my bearings.

I’m in my bed, between my sheets, with the first hints of dawn peeking through the curtains.

And I’m alone.

I bolt upright. “Kaitlyn?”

“Oh, fuck, did I wake you? I’m sorry. I was trying to be quiet.” She’s dressed, duffel bag in hand, three steps from my bedroom door.

I fling the covers back. The cool morning air pebbles my bare skin, but it’s the sight of her sneaking out that chills my bones.

She’s leaving.

I just found her again, and she’s leaving.

“Don’t go.”

“Ty called. We’ve gotten six requests for the girl Santa after last night. I’m due in Brooklyn in ninety minutes.”

“Don’t go.”

Even in the darkness, I can see her blink at me.

As though I’m the crazy one for wanting her to stay.

“I thought we—” I thrust a hand through my hair and stifle a sigh. “I’m going to see you again.”

“Oh, god. Jake.” She drops the duffel and in two steps, she’s wrapping her arms around my chest, resting her head over my heart.

Her heart. Always has been. I crush her to me, because I’m not letting her go.

“I left a note,” she whispers. “With my number. Christmas is just really busy. You know how—mmph!”

I cut her off with a kiss, because I don’t give two fucks how busy Christmas is. If I have to hire extra staff out of my own pocket so she doesn’t have to work herself to death, I’ll do it, but not seeing her until January isn’t an option.

She still needs Christmas.

One night isn’t enough.

One night is never enough.

Especially not when she’s melting against me, giving me ideas about stuffing my tree up her chimney and sending her off with a few extra ho ho hos.

She pulls back. “Jake. I really do have to go.”

I grab her hand. “I need to show you something first.”

She glances down at my favorite wooden toy and smiles.

“Not that. Well, yes, that, but something else.” Before she can object, I grab her hand and pull her into the living room.

The tree’s still lit and the scents of cookies and spiced cider linger in the air, but I don’t want to show her my decorations.

I want to show her my bookshelf.

I grab one book in particular off the shelf and hand it to her.

A soft, sad smile crosses her face. “I’ve seen this,” she says.

“You have?”

“Kaitlyn the Reindeer. Yeah.” She flips open the children’s book. “Christmas has been…hard the last few years. Ty got me a copy, but I felt like… I don’t know. Like maybe Kaitlyn the Reindeer took all my Christmas joy.”

This woman is going to break my heart. I swallow hard. “You used to tell me there was no shortage of joy in the world if you’re willing to look for it.”

“I forgot to look.” She lifts her face to mine. “You reminded me. Thank you. I should probably give Kaitlyn the Reindeer another try.”

“You should definitely give Kaitlyn the Reindeer another try.”

Her smile’s slowly coming back. “Zoe probably loves this.”

“She has to.”

“You make her?” she teases.

“I wrote it.”

She gapes up at me, eyes blinking, mouth floundering.

“When Zoe was born, I wanted her to believe in magic. You were the most magical person I ever knew. I quit work, and I started drawing this. For her. And…for you. For how I wanted to remember you. Because I never forgot you. I never could. And I never will. But I couldn’t just knock on your door with fresh divorce papers and a new baby—”

She flings her arms around me, barely missing knocking me in the head with the book, and suddenly she’s kissing me as though I’m her air. Her life. Her joy.

She’s mine, so I kiss her back with everything I have.

I don’t ever want to lose her again. And whether she can ever learn to love Christmas again as much as she taught me to love it, I don’t care. So long as she’ll let me in—let me and Zoe in—I want to be there for her.

She pulls out of the kiss with tears sprinkling her cheeks. “I love you, Jake,” she whispers. “I never stopped loving you. But I stopped loving me.”

“Stay,” I say. “Stay. Let me love you for both of us.”

“They want the girl Santa at—”

“Fuck, I’ll send my mother. She’s a girl. She can do it. But you. I want you to stay. Here. Today. God, Kaitlyn, I lost myself when you left me the first time. Please don’t leave me again.”

She blinks at me twice, and then suddenly, she’s laughing.

I’m standing here buck naked, confessing my deepest secrets to the only woman I will ever love, and she’s laughing.

God, this is a great life.

“Your mother?” she gasps.

I grin. “Can’t wait for you to meet her. You’re going to love her.”

She strokes my cheek, still giggling. “I think I’m going to love you.”

“You better. Because I’m going to love you. You’re my Christmas miracle, Kaitlyn Claus.”

“Oh, Jake. You’re my everything.”