Chapter 5
How Ash wished she’d left her purse in the car so she could escape without returning inside. What must they think of her, acting so strangely? She certainly couldn’t tell them about her true identity now.
Glad she’d fought her penchant for height-boosting heels, opting for jeans and comfy flats, she scurried down the driveway, anxious to put some distance between her and a humiliating situation. At least it wasn’t dark yet, though heavy clouds hid the setting sun. She decided a short walk down the deserted country lane would give her time to formulate a story. Besides, the air smelled good here compared to New York City, a wonder she hoped never to take for granted.
Perhaps she could use elements of the truth to justify her reaction without lying or revealing the violence in her past. She tried to formulate a reasonable explanation.
What if she claimed she thought she’d seen a wasp? It was a pretty good excuse. But it was also an out-and-out lie. She would never be able to pull it off with a straight face.
Could she blame it on a hot flash? Honestly, she had felt a little warm while sitting at the table, but weren’t hot flashes an old lady thing?
Though threatening dark clouds loomed in the sky, she continued to walk, glancing over her shoulder. As the wind picked up, she shivered, having also left her jacket in the house, but she was more concerned about making a poor impression on her newly-discovered family than a few chill bumps. What could she say when they questioned her?
She could say she’d watched too many R-rated movies. That seemed to be a fairly plausible explanation and could technically be true.
“Hey!” A male voice called out, and she heard the rapid thump of footsteps gaining on her. “Ash! Wait up!”
She recognized Adam’s voice. She thought someone might eventually come after her, but why did it have to be him? Why not Erin? Or even Donna?
“Ash?”
The pounding feet caught up to her, and she saw his big boots fall in step beside her. Actually, with her short legs, she was taking almost two strides to his one.
He leaned forward to look at her face, and she was glad of the cold air to excuse her cheeks, which were most likely glowing red.
“I want to apologize for frightening you.”
It was hard not to forgive him when his expression was so earnest, especially since he hadn’t done anything wrong. How could he have known a simple act like standing up from the table would make her go into panic mode? It wasn’t his fault she had some sort of family life PTSD.
“Oh, you don’t need to apologize at all. It’s just me. You see...” She cleared her throat. “I’ve been watching too many R-rated movies lately. Scary ones.”
“Scary movies?”
“Yep. They make me totally jumpy.”
“Which ones?”
“Huh?”
“I’m wondering which movies you saw.”
“Oh… uhmm…” Her mind went blank. She was pretty certain she’d seen a few R-rated movies in the past six months or so, but she couldn’t think of a single one. How can I change the subject? “I’m so terrible with names... That Derby Pie was awesome, wasn’t it? You’re so lucky to have a mom who can cook like that.”
“Your mom doesn’t cook?”
Oops! Wrong subject. “I don’t know any moms who cook like yours. The whole meal was fantastic. I’m a pretty good judge since I’m a trained chef.”
“So you went to chef school?”
Whew! Finally on safe ground. “I graduated from the New York City Culinary Institute.”
She made the mistake of looking at him. Darn those penetrating eyes of his. They would peer right into her soul if she weren’t careful. His mouth curved in a smile, and she realized he had a nice one, though she hadn’t seen it often. White, even teeth stood out against his tanned skin, with a dusting of five-o’clock shadow. Two deep dimples appeared, and her heart sped up. An involuntary shiver rippled down her spine.
His smile disappeared as his heavy brows folded. “You’re cold.”
It was a statement of fact, not a question, and Adam didn’t seem very pleased about it.
“I’m okay. I don’t mind a little cold air.”
But he was already taking his jacket off and slipping it over her shoulders. It was warm and smelled of him—a mix of soap and after-shave and Adam that made her feel tingly all over. Once again, she reminded herself Adam was off-limits. He was her cousin. That he was unaware of the fact didn’t make it any less true.
“Thanks, but won’t you be cold now?”
He shrugged, his mouth twisting into a lopsided grin. “Like I said before, comfort is highly overrated.”
“Yeah, but this coat is kind of trendy, isn’t it? Maybe I shouldn’t wear it.”
“It looks good on you.” His eyes swept up and down her body, and she tugged the coat tighter, as if he could see under her bulky layers. Then he glanced up at the stormy sky.
“Let’s go back and get you inside before it starts raining.” His arm went around her shoulder, guiding her steps in a tight 180 degree circle.
Why didn’t his bossiness bother her? She usually flew off the handle if anyone tried to make a decision for her. Nobody told her what to do. Yet for some reason, his actions made her feel safe and cared for—a totally foreign sensation.
They took a few steps before he jerked his arm back, cramming his hand into his pocket. An awkward silence followed. What was he thinking? Why was he suddenly being so nice to her when he’d obviously been angry during dinner? Did he suspect she’d been abused? Did he pity her now? Did he think she was a freak? This hadn’t been her plan when she agreed to come to dinner with her unsuspecting family. She’d wanted to come and learn about them and try to make a good impression. She’d hoped to find a way to fit in, something to contribute. But she had nothing of value to offer this well-adjusted convivial group. Her mere presence at dinner had caused a battle between Adam and his parents, and she felt terrible about it.
A vivid memory flooded her brain, her ten-year-old self watching out the front window of their trailer home when her current dad was due home. She could tell from the way he drove how the evening would progress. If he pulled in and parked in a calm fashion, things were likely to be relatively peaceful. But if he turned in fast, spraying gravel, and slammed the door when he got out, she would run and hide in her closet, trying her best to stay out of sight until the next day when he had slept it off.
Her role in every home was always that of peacemaker. With each new father she worked hard, stayed quiet, and suppressed her thoughts and feelings, in order to keep everyone on an even keel. But invariably, she would slip and say the wrong thing, setting him off like a bomb, especially if he’d had a few beers. Her foster homes had been less physically violent, but she learned to be invisible to avoid constant verbal abuse.
Had she been aware yesterday that Adam was her cousin, she would’ve been more careful not to antagonize him. She understood most men wouldn’t tolerate any woman who disagreed with them on a regular basis. It was one of the reasons she hadn’t dated much. Yet since living on her own, she’d grown bold in expressing herself, lazy about keeping the peace. Interacting with a real family meant she needed to practice being accommodating again. Hopefully, she hadn’t lost the ability to bite her tongue.
As if testing her, Adam asked a confrontational question. “How’s your cat? Was her name Lucky?”
“Lucky’s fine, perfectly fine. I’m sure Kujo didn’t mean to scare her.”
“Well, I shouldn’t have even brought Kujo inside, knowing you’re a cat person, not a dog person.”
She hurried to pacify him, knowing how much he hated cats. “I don’t have anything against dogs, and Kujo seems very nice.”
He squinted, his head tilting to the side. “Wasn’t it just yesterday you told me all the negatives of being a dog owner?”
“Yes, but that was before… I mean to say… I shouldn’t have spoken so harshly.”
He frowned. “Look, I’m trying to apologize here, and you’re not making it easy.”
“You don’t need to apologize—I do. I shouldn’t have criticized your dog. I really didn’t mean anything by it. The only reason I prefer cats is because I miss my roommate’s cat back in New York. But dogs are okay—”
“Don’t do that, Ash.”
“Don’t do what?”
A hand grabbed her elbow, pulling her to a stop, and she gasped, yanking her arm away by reflex.
“Geez, Ash, I’m sorry!” Adam stepped back with his palms up in the air. “I’m not going to hurt you, Ash. I would never do that. Ever.”
She swallowed, taking deep calming breaths. “Yes, but I shouldn’t give you a reason to. I need to quit running at the mouth.”
Adam’s face contorted as if she’d stabbed him with a knife. “Is that how I look to you? Like the kind of man who would take a swing at you because of something you said?”
“Of course not.” She didn’t add that he might if he’d been drinking, which was generally true in her experience.
“Then why did you make that comment?”
Ash didn’t know how to answer. Everything she said seemed to offend him. That’s when she got lucky, because the sky opened up and dumped on them, ending the conversation.
He held her arm as they ran for the house, completely drenched by the time they made it back. Like two drowned rats, they sloshed inside. Donna gasped at the sight and clucked about her like a worried mother hen, and Ash basked in her nurturing. Soon Ash found herself warm and dry in borrowed clothes, and she made certain Adam had no opportunity to ask his question again. She desired the family’s approval way too much to risk another volatile encounter with the unpredictable man. Perhaps she could gain their approval, and then they wouldn’t reject her when they found out about her mother.