- Aiden -
I was still annoyed with Chelsea when I woke up Sunday morning so I didn’t lie around. Instead, I got up right away and went for a run, feeling better as soon as the warm summer sunshine hit my face.
I hated to be annoyed with her, especially when I knew how much pressure she was putting on herself. Still, it was obvious we had some problems.
First of all, she blatantly lied to me about her wallet, and while I don’t care how much the groceries for dinner cost, that wasn’t the point.
Unlike my father, I believed money was best spent on people and experiences, not hidden away where no one could enjoy it. And I never regretted being generous with my money. For example, she only had to drop three hints before I realized she wasn’t going to be happy with anything besides that butt ugly Louis Vuitton backpack for her birthday. So I got it for her. Big whoop.
And while I gave her that gift- and so many others- without hesitating, I did it because I thought we were on the same page. Unfortunately, if she couldn’t dig deep for a few rolls from the supermarket, it was hard to believe she was invested in having a future with me, one that I wanted to be a part of anyway.
The other problem was what she said last night. I know she was just angry and hungry and that her own feelings were hurt, but if she meant what she said about me being a washed up loser even a little bit, I couldn’t stay with her. I didn’t want to be with somebody that saw me that way.
If I wanted to feel like I disappointed somebody, I’d just call my old man.
Obviously, I wished I was still playing rugby. That was no secret, and neither was the fact that I left the game because I was a few concussions away from having no future at all. Surely anyone who sincerely cared about me would understand that I didn’t really have a choice in the end. Plus, the way she said it didn’t make it sound like she pitied me. It was more like she thought I gave up. Or let her down.
And while I was sure enough in myself and what I wanted for the future that her opinion wasn’t about to make or break me, I wanted a strong woman in my life, a woman who would support me and actually fucking listen when I tried to comfort her.
And I was beginning to think Chelsea couldn’t be that for me long term.
As I finished my first lap of the park, I tried to figure out how we got where we were. Maybe Lucy was right. I did have a habit of dating models, but that’s just because I still hung out with athletes, and they just happened to show up places looking hot.
But I was starting to think that a physical connection wasn’t enough.
Though I’m not sure when that happened.
It was enough when I was in college, when all I was after was a bit of fun. But now that I didn’t spend the majority of my time partying with big groups of people, it was becoming increasingly obvious that choosing a girlfriend the way I might choose any other accessory wasn’t bringing me as much happiness as it used to.
Maybe I needed to find someone that was on my level, someone who wasn’t cranky from denying themselves carbs all the time. And surely there were ambitious women out there who didn’t cry about their job every other day. And while I liked the fact that Chelsea wanted to please me sexually, there was less of her to hold on to all the time, as if she wasn’t just slipping away figuratively, but literally, too.
Perhaps our relationship had run its course.
It had been almost a year, and I wasn’t convinced I loved her enough to keep working at it. It’s not like I had unrealistic expectations. I knew it was natural for the initial excitement of being with someone to fade and that eventually both of our cracks would start to show, but I was starting to think her cracks weren’t the kind I could live with.
After all, things were pretty stressful already. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be around for the day she got the call saying she couldn’t model anymore. Which was bound to happen. It was the nature of her business.
And when I tried to picture us ten years down the line, there was no smile on my face.
Regardless, I wasn’t going to do anything about it now. As long as we both cared about each other, I wouldn’t throw in the towel. Deep down, she was a good person, and she needed someone in her corner right now.
I ran up the steps outside our apartment building, stopping at the top to stretch my calves. When I let myself back in the apartment, I didn’t see her. I figured she was either still sleeping or out picking up McDonald’s breakfast. Not.
I pulled my sweaty shirt off as I walked in the bathroom and closed the door. Then I reached in the shower to turn the water on and scooted a towel along the bar so it would be closer to the shower.
Normally, I tried to avoid looking in the mirror, but I let my eyes wander there while I waited for the shower to steam up. It wasn’t that I didn’t like how I looked because I was in bad shape. It was the opposite.
I still had the muscle definition I built playing rugby. I was a little skinnier, of course, since I didn’t need extra bulk to protect me from getting hit by other players, but seeing myself naked just reminded me that my muscles had so much purpose before I got injured.
My shoulders used to have to be strong so I could barrel into my opponents. My abs were cut to help me hold my position in the scrum. And I hated that they were only aesthetic now, just souvenirs from a game I was never going to play again.
I slid the shower door open and stepped inside, letting the hot water scald my skin and relax my tight muscles. I grabbed one of my feet and pulled it behind me, steadying myself against the wall with the other hand while I stretched my quads in succession.
A moment later, the shower door slid open and Chelsea stepped inside.
“Morning babe,” she said, sliding her arms over my shoulders.
“Morning,” I said, pulling her under the water.
“I’m sorry about last night.” She looked down for a second and let her hips fall against mine. “I was a total bitch.”
“You were just upset. Don’t worry about it.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I never should’ve said those things to you. I didn’t mean any of it. You know I didn’t, right?”
“Of course.”
“I’m going to make it up to you.”
“Oh yeah?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I’m going to make you forget last night ever happened.”
“And how are you going to do that?” I asked.
She answered me by dropping to her knees.