Chapter Eleven

The shouted outburst shocked her as much as it did him, her eyes widening slightly because she hadn’t meant to blurt that out. Yet even as she said it, the memory of the breakup played in her head.

She’d been distracted all day, thinking about him and their upcoming date that night once she got off work. Everything had gone downhill from there.

“Rowan?”

She jerked awake on her office couch to find her assistant standing over her, frowning. The ring of her phone alarm finally penetrated her awareness. “Oh, God, what time is it?” she muttered, sitting up to clear the cobwebs from her brain. She’d only meant to have a twenty-minute power nap.

“Almost one-thirty.”

Rowan gasped. “What? Nooooo…” She leapt up and bolted for her desk, scooping up the paperwork and stuffing it into her briefcase. The meeting started at one-thirty, and she was at least twenty minutes away from the location. She stopped, glanced around. “Am I forgetting something? I feel like I’m forgetting something.”

“Probably because you’re only half-awake. Here.” Her assistant shoved Rowan’s high heels at her.

Rowan quickly slipped them on and grabbed her purse. “Tell Val I’m on my way.”

“Okay. Hurry.”

I’m hurrying. She raced down the hall, took the stairs rather than wait for the elevator and rushed to her car. Of course there was an accident on the way over to the meeting location, putting her arrival time at forty minutes late. From the looks on her boss’s and client’s face, they were both pissed.

“Late lunch?” Val said in a disapproving tone that made her cringe inside.

“Sorry. Here.” She began laying out the paperwork, her heart lurching when she couldn’t find one critical file. Crap, she’d left it in the damn photocopier before she’d lain down to nap. God.

The meeting was awkward as hell, and Val didn’t mince words as they left together after.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you, Rowan, but I have to say I’m extremely disappointed in your lack of focus and effort lately.”

She flushed in embarrassment, squirming inside. “I’m sorry.”

“Every day this week you’ve left the office at four, even though we’re gearing up for trial in another month.” Val frowned. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes. I’m fine.” Just distracted, and sleep deprived. Not that those were good excuses. She’d thought she could juggle her work schedule and her new relationship with Malcolm without a problem, but apparently not. It was embarrassing and a blow to her ego to be reprimanded by her boss. And not only had she allowed Malcolm to distract her, it scared her a little how easily he had gotten under her skin. Deeper every day, it seemed.

Val sighed. “I don’t want to take you off the case, but if you’re not willing or able to put the necessary time in and get everything done when I need it, then I’ll have to.”

“No, it won’t happen again.” She didn’t dare mention Malcolm, or that she had to leave work by four-thirty today to meet him for their dinner reservation. God, this wasn’t like her. She was driven. Dedicated. Married to her job. Had she really changed that much over the past few weeks because of Malcolm? “I’ll come in early from now on and stay late until we’re caught up.” She hated to give up her time with Malcolm, but he would just have to understand. Right now her job had to come first. She would have to talk to him tonight, tell him they needed to stop seeing each other during the week.

Val nodded. “Can you stay late tonight?”

“I…” They’d already bought tickets to the movie. “Not tonight, but starting tomorrow, I’m clear.”

He looked annoyed but didn’t argue. “Fine.”

By the time she got home and freshened up for their date, she was still suffering pangs of guilt about sneaking out of work early. But seeing Malcolm’s smile when she walked up to the restaurant door at six and the feel of his arms around her as he pulled her into a tight hug had gone a long way to temporarily pushing her worries away. She would talk about slowing things down with him later.

“Everything okay?” he asked as they waited for their appetizers. “You seem a little distracted.”

“Just had a rough day at work,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “How was your day?”

“Great.” He talked about the team a little, a training exercise they’d done on vehicle takedowns. “Commander let us break for lunch, so we headed to this little pub I found a while back. There’s an old building across the street that’s been newly renovated and has a couple two-bedroom units for rent. My teammate knows the landlord, says he can get us a reduced rate. Price is reasonable, and it’s closer to work for both of us. Might save you about twenty minutes commute time. You mentioned you might want to move. Interested in going to take a look with me this weekend maybe?”

Fingers tightening around her wineglass, Rowan raised her eyebrows at him in surprise. He had not just casually asked her whether she wanted to move in together. After not quite three weeks of dating? Who did that? “What?”

His broad shoulders moved in a casual shrug and a slight smile tugged at his mouth. “I thought it might be worth taking a look.”

Unease stirred in her gut. She’d already been unsettled about how intense her feelings were for him, and how her performance at work had suffered since they’d begun dating. But apartment shopping at this stage? No. Things were moving way too fast and he was assuming too much. She’d just gotten out of a bad relationship with a controlling former military man two months ago. She wasn’t ready for any sort of long term commitment; she wanted to keep things light and have fun. And it had been fun with Malcolm, up until a minute ago.

“I thought I was clear about wanting to keep things casual,” she finally said.

Another shrug. “No pressure. It’s just a good price in a great location if you were interested. Which you’re clearly not,” he added with a wry chuckle.

No pressure? Her smile was forced, brittle. “Thanks, but I’ve got my plate full with work right now. I can’t even think about moving.”

He let it drop, but she couldn’t get past it for the rest of the meal. Or that the relationship was already interfering with her professional life. Her career was something she’d worked a lifetime to attain. She couldn’t jeopardize that for a guy, even one as amazing as Malcolm. She also didn’t trust her feelings for him, since she was on the rebound, had been reluctant to go out with him in the first place for that reason.

Then, later, as they were leaving the theater, she couldn’t hold back the giant yawn she’d been fighting for the past hour. “Sorry, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends a little too often lately.”

“Huh. Somebody keeping you up too late maybe?”

“Gee, I wonder who.”

He grinned, his dimples appearing. “How about you spend the night at my place, then? I’ll make sure you’re tucked in and asleep by eleven. Okay, make that midnight.”

Not a good idea. “No, I think I’ll just head home.” She softened the rejection with a smile.

He slung an arm around her shoulders. She liked the feel of it too much. Was tempted to ignore the niggling at the back of her head and risk taking things to the next level. “You sure?”

“Yes. I need a good night’s sleep and if I want to keep my job, I have to be in the office early and stay late the rest of the week.”

Before she could tack on that she could only see him on weekends, he hugged her into his side and said, “Come on, you only live once. And you can sleep when you’re dead.”

He was joking, that was clear in his tone, but she stiffened, cold sluicing through her as the words triggering memories of life with her ex.

Sleep is for the weak, Carter used to say. He’d turned out to be controlling and possessive. Always pushing her to get his way. Nothing she did was ever good enough. God, she’d dreaded coming home to him near the end. And Malcolm was a former SEAL. He had that same relentless, never-quit attitude ingrained in him too.

In that moment, any confusion she’d had about ending things evaporated. They were done. Part of her had been hoping for a clear sign to help her figure out how to handle this, and she’d just gotten it. She didn’t want to go there again with another military alpha male. Been there, done that, still had the scar.

She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, her mind made up. “Malcolm.”

He stopped too, looked down at her with his arm still around her shoulders, a slight frown pulling his eyebrows together at her tone. “What?”

How the hell did she say this without hurting him or coming across as a total bitch? “Look, things at work are crazy right now, and you’re leaving for four months overseas soon. I need to focus on my career and not let distractions get in the way.” She pulled away from his embrace, unable to say the rest with him touching her. “You’re a great guy. I like you a lot, and I’ve enjoyed our time together.” Until tonight. “But I’m not ready to be in a committed relationship again yet, so I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other now, rather than drag things out.”

Her heart thudded in her ears as he stared at her, disbelief in his dark eyes.

“Is this because I brought up the apartment?” he said quietly.

Partly. But mostly because this would never work in the long run. She knew that from past experience. “No, it’s just that the timing is bad for me. I’m really sorry.” When he didn’t say anything, just kept watching her with that are you serious look on his face, she bolted. “You don’t need to drive me home, I’ll grab myself a cab.”

Without waiting for him to respond, she spun around and hurried to the curb to hail a cab and didn’t look back.

The memory hung over them now like a heavy thundercloud, oppressive and dark.

“Too serious,” Malcolm repeated in a low voice, that same stunned look on his face as when she’d walked away that night.

She raised her chin a notch, her fingers twitching at her sides. Yeah, she’d really left him standing there on the sidewalk, thinking she was making the right decision. God, how wrong she’d been. “Yes. We’d only been dating a few weeks and I was just out of a bad relationship, and you were calling me every day, wanting to see me every night even though I was swamped with work, and then you asked about looking at that place together.” Her baggage about Carter wasn’t Malcolm’s fault, so she didn’t add that, although it had been a factor at the time. “Way too much, way too fast.”

“Then what about the keychain?”

What the hell did that have to do with anything? “What about it?”

“It’s a stupid keychain. Why keep it all this time if it was so easy for you to walk away?”

“Because…” Because I missed you and wanted something to remember you by. “It doesn’t matter. The point is, you came on too strong, too fast.” Her tone was defensive, but she couldn’t help it. He was chipping away at her arguments the way she did with a witness in the courtroom.

For a moment Malcolm simply stared at her in incredulity. Then his expression turned shocked and his mouth opened slightly. “Oh my God. You were scared,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Her face went stiff. “No I wasn’t.” No, I was terrified.

“Yes you were,” he breathed, and took a step toward her. She edged back but had nowhere to go, her fingers curling around the edge of the table. “You were scared to death of what I made you feel. Weren’t you?”

“No,” she whispered, the sheer vulnerability in that one word almost splitting her heart open.

“Yeah, you were.” He shook his head in wonder. “God, you hid it so well beneath that strong, independent exterior, even I missed it.”

She gave a tiny shake of her head, in fervent denial, the movement jerky, convulsive as she leaned back more.

But unlike a year ago, there was nowhere for her to go now. No escape. And his insight was dead on.

Scared.

Rowan tested the word as she clutched the edge of the table, denial shrieking in her head and her heart slamming against her ribs. Busted, she stared at him, unable to think of a single thing to say in her defense.

How? How had he seen through her, realized the truth when even she hadn’t until the moment he’d said it?

Malcolm prowled toward her slowly, that dark, magnetic gaze impossible to break, his intense expression so full of hunger that it made her knees wobble.

Hell yes, she’d been afraid. Spooked by what he’d made her feel, and even more terrified of risking her heart and having it broken down the road. Because Malcolm would have broken it in a way that her ex never had. She’d never truly loved Carter. But Malcolm? No, he had the ability to tear her heart out.

Right now, facing off with him in his dark, quiet kitchen, she was more vulnerable than ever, the invisible barrier between them gone, destroyed by his uncanny insight.

Malcolm came right at her, stopping mere inches away from her. Close enough for her to breathe in his addictive scent and feel the heat of his body licking along the front of hers. He stared down into her eyes, this powerful, magnetic man who held the power to break her if he so chose.

She held her breath as he raised a hand, brushed a lock of hair away from her hot cheek, her pulse thudding hard in her throat. “You’re shaking,” he whispered.

Automatically she locked her knees and clamped her jaw to stop the embarrassing tremors. She didn’t dare touch him, didn’t dare act on the need humming through her. If she did, there was no going back.

“I’m only gonna tell you this once, so listen up,” he murmured, the pads of his fingers skimming down the side of her face, raising goosebumps all over her body, tightening her nipples to hard points under her tank. “You don’t ever need to be afraid with me. Not of anyone ever hurting you. And never of what I make you feel.”

She swallowed and stared up at him helplessly, all her senses on overload, unable to form a single coherent response. It took all her strength not to reach out and take what was right in front of her.

Those deep brown eyes delved into hers for a long, breathless moment before they dropped to her mouth. He stared at it intently, dragged the pad of his thumb across her lower lip, making her whole body tighten with need. She vividly recalled how he’d turned her inside out with his kisses. Was dying for him to do it now, aching to finish what they’d started so long ago, what she’d only allowed herself to imagine with him.

“No more running,” he said, taking her face between his big hands. “I won’t let you this time.”

Even if she wanted to, there was nowhere to go, trapped against the table by over two hundred pounds of smoldering, protective male. But she didn’t want to run. She wanted Malcolm.

She choked back a moan of pure need as his lips molded to hers and let go of the table to grip his wide shoulders, her fingers digging into the powerful muscles there. He held the back of her head in one hand, slipped his other down her spine to press on her lower back, pulling her tight into his body.

Her insides clenched at the feel of the thick, hard length of his erection pressed against her belly. So many times she’d fantasized about what it would feel like to have him inside her, feel the weight and strength of his body as he pinned her in place and buried himself in her.

All her thoughts scattered at the heat and hardness of him, the hungry, almost desperate kiss. Malcolm made a low, hungry sound and kissed her senseless, nibbling at her upper lip, sucking at the lower one before stealing his tongue inside to stroke hers.

She came up on her toes, arching into him with an incoherent sound muffled by his tongue. He stroked hers, sucked it, tightening her nipples, the blazing heat deep in her belly spreading to the pulsing throb between her legs.

All too soon he broke the kiss and buried his face in her hair, breathing hard.

Rowan couldn’t catch her breath, her heart racing, pure need thrumming through her veins. He still cradled her head in his hand, the other dipping under the edge of her tank to caress the sensitive spot at the small of her back.

The last functioning bit of her brain warned her that they were on the brink. One more move by either one of them, and they would wind up naked on the kitchen floor.

She shook the tempting image away. Too soon. Way too soon when there was still so much unresolved between them to take that disastrous step.

Malcolm drew in a deep breath and pressed his cheek to hers, his body eerily still, tensed, the muscles under her hands coiled as if he was about to pounce. Or explode. “God dammit. I didn’t want this,” he whispered in a ragged voice. “Swore I wouldn’t fall under your spell again.”

At that, the haze of arousal evaporated like fog under a blinding ray of sunlight. She stiffened, tried to push away.

“Don’t,” he said, his hold tightening. She stilled, closing her eyes to better absorb the feel of him. It would be so easy to give into this need. But it would be another mistake.

After a moment she found her voice. “So what happens now?” she whispered.

It was as if her words broke some spell they’d both been under. Malcolm straightened and released her, taking a step back to put some distance between them. In the dim light filtering through the kitchen windows his expression was unreadable.

“You go back to bed and get some sleep,” he said gruffly, as though he hadn’t just made every nerve ending in her body come alive. “If you want to go to the hospital we need to be there early, before the shift change.”

Before she could answer he turned and walked away, leaving her body and heart crying out for him.