“You’re late!” Mother hisses at me as I walk into a church filled with people.

“I know,” I whisper back. “Sorry.”

“Where were you?” she asks, stopping me in my tracks.

Everyone’s looking at me, but I try to ignore the gazes as I whisper, “Out.”

“Drinking again?”

I nod. There’s no use in denying the truth.

She sighs out loud and then pats me on the back. “Go on.”

I take it as her approval to give the sermon. I was almost afraid she’d kick me out right here, right now, but she’s giving me another chance, and I’m grabbing it with both hands.

I make my way up to the chancel and stand behind the pulpit. I realize I didn’t prepare anything, so I guess I’ll have to wing it … again.

I clear my throat. “Good morning, everyone.”

Crickets.

Not surprising, considering my last speech.

“I know last time I wasn’t the brightest star in the sky … but let’s focus on something positive today, hmm?” I look into the congregation, hoping they agree, but they all seem to be staring ahead like I’m not even there. Like I’m talking to zombies or something. Well, one granny does seem like she’s wilting away in her seat. Wouldn’t surprise me if she died.

I snigger to myself, but then I see Laura and her two brothers sitting in the pews again. And somehow, I can’t think of anything else than seeing her pretty face after waking up from my drunken night. Like crawling up from the pit of hell and coming out in heaven.

I swallow away the lump in my throat and clutch the pulpit.

“Today, I wanted to talk to you about joy. Fun. The riches of life and earth.”

People shuffle in their seats like they’re finally waking up.

“As we all know, a long, long time ago, God created the earth and then mankind to enjoy its riches. God created us in his own image, and we, in turn, worship him as the one and only truth.”

The intense look in Laura’s eyes is so distracting; I find it hard to focus.

“God teaches us to love each other and to love ourselves. To be happy with what we have and to enjoy this life he gave us on this earth.”

Some people nod, but I can’t look away from Laura. There’s something about her … something that changes my entire mood. Something that makes me wanna be a rebel again. Makes me wanna be bad.

“So then why do we not allow ourselves a little enjoyment once in a while?” I ask.

Margaret’s eyebrows furrow as she stands in the far left corner of the church, watching me like a hawk.

I hold my head up high. “God creates us exactly the way he wanted us to be. To deny that would be an insult to his name. So that means he created us with all the needs we feel. And if you feel that goes against your belief, then answer this question: How is it possible for someone to love another or themselves, if something they do or think isn’t right? And do you think that loving yourself is more important than following a set of arbitrary rules? Or do you think that God intends for us to experience everything there is on this earth? Because I think it’s the latter.”

Laura shifts in her seat, biting her lip as her fingers slide through her hair. I imagine it’s my hand running through her hair, my hand touching her face, my teeth biting her lip.

Fuck me.

I grip the mic a little bit harder. “To trust in God means to trust in His plan for us. To trust in His ideas of what it means to be human. He created us exactly the way we were intended to be. So enjoy this life you have. Go out. Live a little. Do some things you never dared to do.”

I grin, seeing all the confused faces.

“Party out loud. Live on the edge. Go skydiving. Go crazy. Smash something you don’t like. Go skinny dipping. Make love to your partner in the car or on the table.”

And there go all the jaws again, dropping like stones in a lake.

“Sex is nothing to be ashamed of, people. It’s a natural function of the body, the way God made it. If he didn’t want us to enjoy it so much, he wouldn’t have made it so enjoyable to begin with. So live a little.”

“Frank!” Mother hisses from the sidelines, but I ignore her.

“And whatever you do … don’t judge yourself or others. That’s exactly what God didn’t want you to do. Love thy neighbor as yourself, remember?” I smirk. “And if you think it’s weird to have these feelings, it’s not. I have them too. Everyone does.”

Audible gasps follow.

“What, you thought a preacher didn’t have needs? Wrong.” I laugh. “Like I said, we’re all human.”

Mother storms up to the chancel again and snatches the microphone, shoving me aside. “The sermon is now over, everyone. Thank you for coming. We’ll see you next Sunday.” Her voice is unhinged. “Hopefully.”

She releases the mic and pulls me back with her to her room in the back of the church, slamming the door shut behind us. “Frank. Explain yourself.”

“What?” I shrug. “I wanted to tell them the truth. Isn’t that what faith is all about? To make the people feel better?”

“Not about their sins!”

“Maybe you and I just disagree on what a sin actually is.”

She picks up a Bible and shoves it into my arms. “I suggest you re-read this because you’ve obviously forgotten what it’s about.”

“Or maybe I’ve learned to take it to the next level.”

“Frank.” She sighs and rolls her eyes. “You’re testing my patience here.”

“Look, I’m sorry, all right? I know I’ve messed up a lot in the past.”

Her laughter interrupts me. “That’s putting it lightly.”

“My point is I’m trying, okay?”

“Not good enough.”

“This is who I am. Who I wanna be. Who I feel comfortable being.”

“Oh please, you’re only acting this way because you were drunk and didn’t prepare anything. You used to be so good at this, and now look at you. A bumbling mess.” She places a hand on my shoulder. “It’s time you got your spirit back.”

“And how do you propose we do that?”

“Do a little soul searching. Talk to God. Go to the chapel and pray. It’s the only way to find the answers for you, Frank.”

I sigh. “Do I really have to?”

One stern look is all it takes to get me to relent.

“All right, all right.” I hold up the book like it’s the only truth there is. “I’ll talk to God. See what he has to say about my awesome personality.”

She rolls her eyes again as she grabs the door knob and opens it for me. “Please. Next time … do me a favor and don’t show up.”

I shrug it off as I walk out. “Fine.”

But I can’t even say bye because she’s already closed the door on me.

Damn, she really is disappointed in me.

I hate that look on her face, but what can I do? I am who I am.

Or at least, I became this way a long time ago …

Some days, I wish I could undo everything I did in the past. Maybe then I would’ve been a better preacher. Too bad God never invented time travel.

* * *

I stand at the image of Jesus in the small chapel on the far right side of the church and make the sign of the cross on my chest. I close my eyes and pray like Mother told me. I don’t just do it because she wants me to. I do it because I want to. I need help.

Like so many times before, I seek His guidance when I’ve lost my way.

God only knows how many times I’ve begged for his help. His mercy. For this pain to end.

Yet I still live. It’s like He wants me to suffer.

Maybe He thinks it will make me a better man, but so far, I don’t see any of that yet.

I should try more. Fight harder. Defy the odds even though they’re stacked against me.

Because He must be keeping me alive for a reason.

“God … please show me Your way,” I plead, as I stare up at the beautiful fresco on the ceiling. “I don’t know what to do with myself. I used to love this job so much, and now, look at me. I’m a mess. I’m drunk all the time just to cope with my life. And now … now, I’ve even fallen for a girl who comes to church.”

I sigh out loud and lower my head, feeling the shame hit hard.

“Is it wrong? Is it wrong to want someone to the point of it becoming an obsession? It can’t be healthy to fantasize about her so much. It feels like a disservice to the memory of …” I can’t even say the words without choking up inside.

“Is it cheating? Am I morally corrupt when I want that girl? Even if only for just a day? Could I have that without feeling guilty? Without feeling like I’m sacrificing the vow I made?”

I shake my head, knowing no one can answer these questions except me.

But it still helps to talk to someone about it, even if He won’t talk back.

“I will do my best, God, to serve you as I always have. I promise I’ll do better. I promise I’ll make this right, someday. But first … I need to fix myself. Please guide me. Amen.”

I nod and let out another breath. A small fragment of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Not enough to completely forget, but enough for me to be able to smile again.

Until I turn around, that is.

Because guess who’s standing in the small opening to the chapel area?

Laura.

“I’m sorry … if I’m interrupting,” she mutters.

“It’s all right.” I wonder if she heard me speak … and if so, what part.

“I was looking for you, and then I found you here talking, and I was a bit … mesmerized.” She smiles briefly, looking down at her feet.

“Is there something I can do for you?” I ask.

“I was wondering if you … would be able to take my confession again?”

I rub my lips together from the thought of being alone again with her. The last time was already so fucking hard … literally, I was hard. I bet it’s going to be even harder this time. My dick, of course.

Fuck.

“Yeah, sure.”

I think my cock responded there. Definitely not my brains. Or maybe my brains are under her influence like my whole entire body just drifts to her. As they say … like moths to a flame.

I follow her out into the main area. Silently traipsing behind her, I’m still thinking about what I said in there … and if she heard the whole damn thing. But if that’s the case, she’d probably be running right about now, and she isn’t, so that’s a relief.

We both enter the confessional, and I sit down on the wooden bench while she closes the curtain.

“Thank you for seeing me.”

I make the sign of the cross on my chest and say, “Of course. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“My sins …” she mutters. “I can’t stop them.” Her eyes flicker with mischief. I wonder if she’s thinking about her time in the church bathroom. If she did it again.

Her hand moves to her chest, and she pulls one of the buttons of her shirt loose. “I feel bad for feeling this way.”

Fuck. Am I dreaming?

What is she doing?

I can’t believe this is happening, so I pinch myself, but it doesn’t work.

Another button pops. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while now.”

With a sultry look in her eyes, she pops another, and her hand slides in. My mouth salivates from the sight, and blood pumps to my dick.

What the fuck is happening here?

“I don’t know why … I just can’t contain myself sometimes.” She starts rubbing her tits right in front of me, and even though they’re still hidden behind her shirt, her nipples are clearly peaking. And fuck me, does it make me hard.

“What are you doing?” I ask, unsure of what to do with this.

Should I walk? Should I defy temptation? I have to say; she’s making it really hard now. Both the decision and my cock.

“What I want to do …” she whispers, leaning forward so I can look into her shirt.

I swallow away the lump in my throat, trying to resist the temptation to look, but she’s making it difficult, and that’s an understatement.

“This is my sin,” she says, and she licks her fingers and rubs them across her nipples. She moans, and my dick bounces up and down in my pants.

“Is it wrong?” she asks, biting her lip.

I blink a couple of times to try to keep my composure, but I’m burning up with desire. Fuck me; I want to reach through the gaps of the lattice partition so badly.

“It feels wrong,” she whispers, and her hand travels down her body. “Tell me to stop.”

“Only God can tell you what to do,” I answer.

What kind of answer is that? Fuck.

“I can’t speak to him the way you do,” she says, eyeing me. “So … intimately.”

So she did hear everything I said.

Damn.

Her hand dives between her legs, underneath her skirt, and my cock bursts with need. “I believe you, Frank. You said needs were okay. And I have a lot of needs.”

I lick my lips. “Oh, I can definitely believe that.”

“And I feel … like I need this.” She rubs herself while she looks at me. It’s like she’s not even ashamed anymore. And it’s all my fault. “Like you need this,” she adds.

I frown, rubbing my lips together because I don’t know what to do or say. I can’t admit it. But fuck, do I want her badly. However, I’m a preacher. I shouldn’t even be thinking about this.

“You snooped on me,” I say. “In the chapel. How much did you hear?”

“Enough.” The left side of her lip tips up into a smile. “Was that bad?”

For some reason, it makes me wanna smile too. Guess the cat’s out of the bag. “Maybe.”

“Bad … I like bad,” she murmurs, biting her lip again while she spreads her legs. “I like it when it’s wrong.”

“Is that why you did this before? In the bathroom?”

She nods, and her hand dives down her panties. “I know this is what you want. What you’ve been thinking of all this time … Me,” she says. “C’mon, say it.”

I shake my head. “You know I can’t. We’re in a church.”

“No one has to find out …” she whispers, pressing her fingers to her lips. “It could be our dirty little secret.”

I try to ignore the voice in my head telling me not to cave in, but it’s already too late. My hand rests atop my dick, and I start rubbing it through my clothes.

She closes her eyes and leans her head back against the hard wood, and I take the opportunity to let my eyes glide up and down her body, enjoying the view. She touches herself so seductively that I immediately find myself rubbing faster and faster, trying to keep up the pace. I imagine how her body would look naked. How slick and wet it would be when I brushed my dick along her lips. I can picture it all, and that makes this all so much more frightening. Because … if I already gave into this, there’s no telling what I’ll do next time I see her.

“Fuck …” she murmurs, licking her lips. A soft moan escapes her mouth, and she adjusts herself so I can see her even better. My hand dives into my pants because I’m unable to stop myself any longer.

When she briefly opens her eyes and sees me jerking off, she purrs, “Do you like this?”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t …” I mutter, stroking my length. “But it’s wrong, and you know it.”

“Then why are we doing it?” she asks.

“Because this is our dirty little secret,” I hiss, feeling the veins in my dick throb with excitement. “And I need to see just how naughty you can get.”

She grins and slides her panties to the side with her index finger, showing me her naked pussy. And fuck me, it makes me one hungry motherfucker. What I wouldn’t give to be able to suck on her clit.

“Is it wrong that we’re doing this?” she asks. “Because I’m so damn wet right now.”

“Do you even care people are just a few feet away from us?” I ask.

She shakes her head, grinning even more. “That only adds to the excitement.”

God, this fucking woman … she sure knows how to make a guy’s heart throb. And his dick too.

At this point, I really don’t care anymore.

Screw the consequences.

Fuck morals.

I’ve thrown every rule out the window.

I rip down my zipper, unbutton my pants, and pull my dick out of my boxer shorts.

Her eyes widen and immediately focus on my length; her lips parting as if she’s preparing to receive it.

“My eyes are up here,” I muse, smiling.

She winks and then continues to rub her clit right in front of me. She doesn’t even look remotely scared of discovery, and I love it. With long strokes, I pleasure myself to the sight of her. Each time a soft whimper escapes her lips, my dick reacts, hardening under my touch. Fuck, I wanna come so badly.

Holding my shaft, I picture her hands running along it instead of mine. I imagine shoving her down on my bed and ramming my dick into her pussy, finally fucking her brains out.

With squinted eyes, I watch her be filthy. Her clit looks so delicious; I wanna lick it, but this damn lattice panel is in the way. God, what a tease she is. Especially when she rubs her tits too. We’re both reaching an epic climax soon, and I don’t think I wanna stop it.

She moans, and her eyes roll into the back of her head. My breathing is rapid as I watch her come undone, her body quaking from the powerful shocks. And it’s so fucking sexy that I come.

“Fuck,” I hiss through gritted teeth, unloading myself.

My cock shoots all over the wood, coating the confessional with cum. I furiously beat my length to release every last drop, squirting it everywhere. By the time I’m done, I’m completely out of breath, the entire confessional is covered in my jizz, and Laura is grinning at the scene I left like a motherfucking vixen.

She’s already corrected her panties and buttoned her shirt like nothing ever happened. “Impressive,” she mutters under her breath, and I wonder if she’s referring to my size or my load. Either way, I’m happy.

She reaches into her pocket to take out a few tissues. “Here.” She tucks them through the lattice, and with a frazzled look on my face, I grasp them. “Thought you might need these.”

“You think of everything …” I mutter under a heavy breath as I wipe the cum off and then try to wipe it off the wood. No pun intended.

“I’m always prepared,” she muses, winking again.

“What about your confession?” I ask.

“You know we didn’t come here for that …”

As she gets up, I ask, “Why?”

She shrugs. “Because I saw you struggling … and I know you needed this.”

“So it was all a lie?” I frown.

“No …” She smiles. “But everyone needs someone sometimes …”

“I don’t need a pity fuck,” I reply.

She raises a brow and shakes her head. “It’s not.” Then she opens the curtains.

“So you wanted this?” I ask before she goes.

She doesn’t answer. All she does is smile and close the curtains, leaving me here with my dick out. I’m completely wiped out by one girl and her fingers.

With what remaining energy I have, I make the sign of the cross on my chest. “Jesus Christ, I beg your forgiveness … because, by God, this woman will make me commit more sins than I ever have.”