Eleven
Jonah
“Still with the same girl. Gotta say, brother, I didn’t think you had it in you.”
Owen and I are in the kitchen at the training center, shooting the shit and powering down protein shakes.
“I wasn’t sure I had it in me either, but here I am, one full week.” Pride warms my chest every time I think about the longest and only relationship I’ve ever had. It isn’t at all like I thought it’d be. She doesn’t bug me to buy her shit, ask me to get her into the most exclusive clubs, or fill my bathroom with her girlie crap. I can’t even get her to leave clothes at my house. She’s always tossing clothes in and out of her backpack.
After that first night, she put up a fight about staying over the next two. Until I told her that I’d personally go and feed Dog every morning if it meant having her warm body in my bed every night. And every night since, she tries to leave again, only agreeing to stay once I kiss her until she surrenders.
“You still haven’t slept with her.”
Bringing my cup to my mouth, my arm stalls out in midair and I glare at my friend. “How did you know that?”
He swallows a gulp of his shake. “I didn’t.” A grin spreads across his face. “But I do now.”
Fuck.
“Figured you’re keeping her around for a reason. What’s the hold up?”
“None of your fucking business.”
Owen’s deep laughter bangs against my every nerve. I could lie. Tell him that she’s a virgin and I’m holding off until she’s ready. The first part’s true. The last part’s the lie. She’s ready. Her words haven’t said it, but her body has screamed it.
“I’m just surprised, man. You have her in your bed every night. How can you, of all people, not fuck her?”
“Owen.” The caution in my tone forces him to roll his eyes before he studies me silently.
“That’s it, isn’t it?” His words are almost a whisper. “I had a feeling, but I wasn’t sure.”
I toss my empty cup into the sink a little harder than I need to. This entire conversation is pissing me the fuck off. “Sure about what?”
“You love this girl.”
Irritation is sucked from my body along with my breath. Love her. Do I?
“As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never even taken a girl out unless it was something UFL related. You use woman to get off, move on, and never look back. And now here you are, looking like you’re about to take me out for asking why you haven’t fu—had sex with her yet.”
I’m hearing his words, but still processing his earlier statement. I remain close-lipped.
He starts laughing, then harder, and points at my face. “Yeah, man. That’s the face. You love her.”
“But it’s only been a week. People don’t fall in love in a week.”
“The hell they don’t? I knew I was in love with Nik on our first date. No question.”
We’ve been spending a lot of time together. Mornings are spent working on the Impala until she goes to Guy’s garage and I go train. Nights, she’s back at my house where we cook together, eat together, watch television together and—Holy crap. We’re my parents.
Maybe I do love her.
I wipe the sweat from my forehead, feeling suddenly faint. Must be from the intense training session. Yeah, that’s all it is.
“So now that we’ve established that, what’s the real reason you’re holding out?” He leans against the counter.
He’d never understand why I haven’t slept with Raven. Hell, I’m still trying to figure it out. It’s not that I don’t want to. I want to, badly. So badly, I’ve had to sit in a cold shower for forty-five minutes after making out with her. Every time we get close, I hold back. The rejection I see in her eyes when I shut her down makes me want to kick my own ass.
“What if I . . . I don’t know, screw things up?”
Owen’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “Dude, if practice makes perfect, you should have your PhD in sex. Pretty sure you won’t screw it up.”
“That’s not what I meant, fuckwad.”
He pins me with his stare. “You’re afraid you’re going to lose interest after you do it.”
I blink my eyes, absorbing his words, and conclude that my friend is a genius.
“Yes, exactly, I’m afraid my fucked-up head will ruin things with Raven.”
“This is different though, Jonah. I’m telling you the way you feel about Raven you might as well be a virgin too. This is going to be a first for both of you. Be prepared to have your mind blown, my brother. There is nothing like making sweet love to the girl you feel it for.”
I remain silent, mulling over Owen’s revelation. He’s right. I have a problem with getting attached to people on an intimate level. I always assumed that my hit-’em-and-quit-’em mentality was intentional. That I never sleep with the same girl twice because I don’t have to.
But I’m seeing things more clearly. A deep dark part of me whispers that it’s because I lost my dad. That getting close to someone is a risk because of the potential pain in losing them. And having sex with Raven, combined with the fact that I’ll be her first, will be devastating. She’ll probably see it as solidifying our relationship, and I’ll subconsciously put her in the I-came-I-conquered file.
Unless Owen’s right. Could it be different this time? It sure as shit feels different. Fighting has always dominated my brain space, until her. I have to believe my old ways won’t fuck this up for me. I have to.
~*~
Raven
On an impulse, and an urgent need to update my lingerie collection as new boyfriend status dictates, I talked Eve into meeting me at the mall. Browsing around Victoria’s Secret is a new experience now that I’m shopping with someone in mind. Every piece I pick up, I imagine Jonah’s reaction to it. I can picture myself in each one, and in doing so, practically feel his eyes on me.
Things with Jonah have escalated physically, but not to the level I’d hoped. It seems like every time I’m about to beg him to make love to me, he freezes up. He’s nothing like his reputation, at least, not with me. I tell myself it’s because I mean more to him, but a small voice in my head tells me it’s because I’m a virgin. An even smaller, but no less influential, voice tells me that he’s not sure about us or more specifically, me.
I hold back a frustrated growl and move to a table covered in panties.
“You’re staying at his place again?” Eve pulls out a pair of blue leopard-print hip huggers and tosses them in my arms.
“Yeah. He wants me to stay with him every night.”
“You’re so lucky. The guy I’m dating won’t even invite me over.”
I look over to see her wiping her eyes with a pair of cotton bikini underwear and then tossing them back on the display table. We’ve been at Victoria Secret for almost an hour, and I’ve been so wrapped up with Jonah, I never even asked about her boyfriend.
“I’m a jerk. Sorry. Here I’m going on about Jonah, and I never asked about, um, what’s his name?”
She bursts into tears. I drag her back and lock us into a dressing room, dropping my arm full of stuff and pulling her into a hug.
“Eve, what is going on? Did you guys break up?”
“No.” She sniffs, and wipes her nose on a pair of panties I was going to buy. “I think he’s into me. I mean he tells me he’s in love with me every time we have sex.”
Envy creeps in at the thought that Eve’s getting sex and I love you. To be fair, I’ve known that I’m in love with Jonah since my first night in his bed, but haven’t told him. Could it be possible that he feels it too, but just hasn’t said it?
“So then, why are you crying?”
She looks up at me, and I can see the pain in her eyes. “He’s so secretive. I’ve asked him if he’s married or, like, I don’t know, a member of the Secret Service, but he just laughs and swears it’s just because he’s skittish about relationships.” She straightens her shirt and checks her make up in the mirror.
“I’m sure he’s not married. Hasn’t he gone into your restaurant on the nights you’re working? Surely he wouldn’t show up at the restaurant his girlfriend manages if he wanted to keep the relationship a secret.”
Her eyes drop to the floor. “He only came in the one time. Now we just hang out at my house.”
That doesn’t sound good.
“I wouldn’t think the worst yet. Give him some time. If things don’t get better in the next few weeks, break it off.”
She nods and takes a shaky breath. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” She manages a sad smile. “You want to try any of this on? Might as well since we’re in here.”
I study the pile of lace and satin at my feet. Maybe one of those will be the pair to finally break Jonah’s iron restraint. “I’ll just get them all.”
~*~
Jonah
I’m pulling swordfish out of the fridge to throw on the grill for dinner. Raven says she can’t eat anything that isn’t microwavable at her place. Since she’s been staying with me, I cook almost every night. With my strict training diet, eating out is next to impossible.
Raven’s recent text said she was on her way, and I want to get dinner going so she can eat when she gets here. I shake my head, contemplating what in the hell has gotten into me. I told myself I’d had enough of taking care of people when I moved out of my mom’s house. Nothing will shove you into a lifestyle of partying and irresponsibility like becoming a man at twelve. When I moved out at eighteen and came to Vegas, I was like a big kid in an adult candy store.
The sound of my phone bumps me from my thoughts. I check the caller ID.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hey, Joey, how are you?”
Rolling my eyes at her nickname for me, I wonder why she didn’t just name me Joey. “I’m really good. How about you?”
“I’m great. Just got back from spending time with Beth and the boys. They’re getting so big.”
I rub my forehead, reminding myself to call my little sister Beth. She lives in Phoenix with her husband Rick and twin boys. Things have been so hectic I haven’t stayed in touch.
“Yeah, I need to make a trip out for a visit. I’ll do that after the fight.”
“Oh, that would be great. She’d love to see you. What have you been up to lately?”
“Just training, getting ready for the fight. I’ve been working on the Impala I bought last year. I found a great mechanic who’s been coming over every day helping me take it apart, clean it up.”
I feel guilty keeping Raven a secret from my mom. She’s not some dirty indulgence or a passing good time. Even though I’ve never talked to my mom about the recreational girls in my past, with Raven, things are different.
“Mom, I want to tell you I met someone. It’s the mechanic who’s helping me with my car. Things are getting serious between us, and I thought you should know.”
Silence.
“Mom?”
I check to make sure our call didn’t get dropped. Nope, still connected.
“Mom, you still there?”
She clears her throat. “Yes, Joey, I’m here.”
Why is she acting so weird? I know I’ve never had a serious girlfriend before, but I thought she would be off the wall about my finally settling down.
“What’s wrong? I thought you’d be excited about my being in a serious relationship.”
“Oh, honey, I’m very happy for you. It’s just . . . I guess I thought . . . Well, it’s just a shock, that’s all. I always thought you liked girls.”
My eyes bug out of my head and I choke. I cough to clear my voice. “What? Of course, I like girls. Wait, Mom, Raven is a girl! Shit, you thought I was telling you I was dating a guy? Fuck me.”
“First of all, Joey, you watch your mouth. Second, what was I supposed to think? You told me you were dating your mechanic!”
I laugh so hard that it brings tears to my eyes.
“No. Raven is very much female.” My laughter calms. “You’ll meet her when you come out for the fight. She’s been staying with me, so I guess that will give you guys a chance to get to know each other.”
“Oh, honey, that would be wonderful. I can’t wait.”
“Shit, Ma! You thought I was gay! Fuckin’ hell.”
“Jonah Ryan Slade, you watch that mouth!”
After giving her the details I’ve arranged for her flight, I finish up with my mom and go back to preparing dinner. While pulling out some vegetables to grill, I hear the front door open.
“Baby! I’m in here,” I yell from the kitchen.
The soft beat of her Converse against the tile floor has me smiling. Her chest presses into my back as her arms wrap around my waist.
“Hey,” she says softly into my back, and bringing on an even bigger smile.
I turn around and wrap my arms around her, placing a wet kiss against my spot over the tattoo on her neck. The pear scent of her hair, combined with the sweet taste of her skin, is a heady mixture. I trail kisses along her jaw then pull at her lips with mine. After a little coaxing, she tilts her head, always eager, but making me work for it. Perfect. My tongue explores, gliding against the roof of her mouth and her teeth. Sucking on her lips, I slowly pull back. We lock eyes, panting and hungry, giving our blood a chance to cool.
She looks past my arm at the fish. “Mmm, is that swordfish?” Her voice carries a different kind of hunger.
“Yeah, you ready to eat?”
“Mm-hmm.”
I grab an iced tea for her, and we head out to light the grill. We settle ourselves at the bar. It’s getting warmer, but the outdoor misting system and ceiling fans make the temperature perfect for eating outside.
“How was shopping?” I grab myself a Muscle Milk from the outdoor cooler.
“Good. How was your day?”
I pop the top off my drink, take a swing, and lean a hip on the bar. “Infinitely better if those bags I heard you drop at the door are pink.”
“How did you know?” She sips her tea that I’ve sweetened and added lemon to, just like she likes it. “Mmm.” She takes another sip.
“Babe, if you keep this up, you’re going to have to take on a sponsor. And I’d like to be the first to volunteer.”
“I only buy the stuff that’s on sale.” She sets down her drink and traces patterns into the condensation on the glass. “I know I don’t make much now, but I will. I have a plan.”
Why am I not surprised? I take a few steps to the barstool next to her and drop down. “What’s your plan?”
She shrugs and drops her eyes to her lap. Her delicate hands knot together, something I notice she does before she opens up about something personal, so I wait patiently.
“Guy said when he retires he’s handing ownership of the shop to me. He has no children of his own, and he knows I love the garage.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.” I lean back and prop my feet on the bar.
She fixes me with a glare, but the shadow of a smile plays on her lips. “Wow? Is it that hard to believe?”
“Not a lot of women dream of owning their own auto body shop.”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” her shoulders slump and she picks at her nails, “I’m not like most women.”
“No, baby, you certainly are not.”
She peers up at me from beneath her eyelashes. “It would be nice to own a business, make my own hours. If I’m ever lucky enough to get married and have kids, it’ll make things easier.” Her cheeks turn pink and she hides behind her tea.
My mind conjures up images of Raven, her belly swollen with a baby. And like the flicker of an old home movie, pictures flash of her cradling a dark-haired infant. Scattered visions of dark pigtails, training wheels, and ballet recitals manifest behind my eyes.
“Holy shit.” I grind my fists into my eye sockets, rubbing out the fantasy. That has never happened to me before. Never.
“You okay?”
I shake it off, pull it together, and attempt to hide the full-fledged freak out that’s bubbling to the surface.
“Yeah, fine. Just a-a weird headache or s-something.” I’m fucking stuttering!
Time for evasive maneuvers. I breathe deep, and fix my eyes on hers. The concern in her face dissolves into an easy smile. I smile back, making sure it’s bright enough to expose both dimples. It’s a desperate move, but it works. She licks her full lips, slowly rubbing them together in anticipation of what’s coming. As I’m leaning in, happy to give her what she wants, the muffled sound of her phone fills the air.
“Whoops, sorry.” She grabs her phone from her pocket. Glancing down at the caller ID, her eyebrows scrunch and mouth goes tight.
“Who is it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t recognize the number.”
“Answer it, baby.”
She nods and hits the answer button before pressing the phone to her ear.
“Hello.” Her pleasant smile quickly fades. Her body shoots ramrod straight, and the color drains from her face.