“EVERYTHING’S FINE, MOM, I PROMISE,” Holly said into the phone.
“I wish you’d come home. You’re so far from us, and I know you. You’re probably going to work and straight coming home, not interacting with anyone other than your students. You need more than that, honey.”
I’m interacting more than you know, Holly thought as an image of Ian Gallagher flashed through her mind. Uncomfortable with her thoughts, she cleared her throat and replied, “I’m happy here in Eagle Creek. I like my job and I love my students. I don’t want to leave.”
“I’d feel better if you were closer. Wyoming is a long way from Texas.”
“You mean you’d feel better if I was somewhere closer so you could keep an eye on me,” she replied with a smile.
“I don’t understand what’s holding you there,” her mom said. “I worry about you being so far away and alone. I know that was Kyle’s hometown, so that’s where you two moved when you graduated college. But he’s gone now, and you never talk about having any friends.”
Rubbing a hand over her brow, Holly suppressed a sigh. “If you came to Eagle Creek, you’d absolutely understand why I prefer it a thousand-fold over Dallas. Look, Mom, I need to go. I have papers to grade, and I still need to make dinner.”
“All right, dear. Just promise you’ll give some thought to moving back home,” her mother said, just like she always did.
And as always, Holly replied, “I promise I will. Bye, Mom. Love you.”
Not having dinner yet was true, but she’d already finished grading papers. She just hadn’t wanted to listen to another lecture from her mom. They were becoming more frequent, despite Holly assuring her she was fine.
She knew her parents, her mom especially, didn’t understand why she insisted on staying here. She and Kyle moved here just a few months after she graduated college. High school sweethearts, they’d been married for three years already at that point. They’d only been living here for a year when he unexpectedly passed away. At first, she stayed because she wanted to be close to the memories she had of Kyle. But she gradually fell in love with Eagle Creek, and she couldn’t imagine living somewhere else.
Her mom was right about one thing, though. Holly never talked about friends, because she didn’t have any. She’d made a few when they first moved here, but after Kyle’s death, she let them slip away. And the friendships had been tentative and shallow at best, so they weren’t strong enough to withstand the grief Holly had been going through.
Sometimes she missed having someone to talk to, but she never felt any great desire to make friends. Kyle had been her best friend and all she needed. She was the first to admit that after he died, it was a shock to find herself suddenly thrust into a world she knew little about.
With Kyle, all she’d been able to see was him. She never had any desire to open her eyes and see who else was around her. She grew up sheltered, and being with Kyle had isolated her more. She knew it, but she hadn’t cared. She still didn’t.
Kyle had been her everything—her lover, her friend, her protector. He’d kept all of life’s harshness away from her, and as a result, she’d been naïve to the reality of the world.
Everything was easy for her. Her home life, her schoolwork, her love. Sure, she studied hard and put a lot of work into her education, but everything had been so easy.
Sometimes she thought it was too easy, and the universe had been set upon correcting her view of life. She’d never had experience with tragedy or loss. No unrest, no drama. When Kyle died, she felt like she was being punished for having such a good life. For having too much happiness.
Life had gone from being beyond Heaven to the deepest level of Hell in the space of a breath. Suddenly, she was trying to navigate this world alone, with no one to shield her or guide her. Maybe moving back home would have been easiest, but she couldn’t make herself. She’d just managed six months ago to sell the home she and Kyle bought together, and it’d been three years since he passed.
From blissful to infinitely disappointed with life, in a heartbeat. Literally. When Kyle’s heart stopped beating, hers was broken forever. There was no coming back from that, but she’d made her peace with it. She had her days when the sadness still felt like it was crushing her, but for the most part, she was on the verge of content. And that was enough. Although having a friend might be nice. She just wasn’t sure she could open herself up to hurt again. Bad things happened every day, even to her, she knew that now. She couldn’t take another loss.
An image of Ian Gallagher’s face floated in her mind again, and she groaned as she pushed herself off the couch. Heading to the kitchen in search of a dinner that didn’t require too much effort, she chided herself for thinking about him again. If she was going to take a risk on getting close to another person, it would be a friend. Not someone like Ian, who had the potential to mean more to her.
No. No, he didn’t. Absolutely not, she told herself firmly as she took a thoroughly unappetizing frozen pizza out of the freezer. There was no man who would ever come close to meaning to her what Kyle did. No man she would ever have that connection with again, if she could even make herself take the chance on someone else. And she couldn’t. She didn’t even want to.
She’d had her happiness. It was brief and over far too soon, but she’d had it, and it’d been so intense, so consuming, and more than her fair share. It was enough. It had to be.
IAN WALKED OUT ONTO THE PORCH AND SAT in his favorite chair after his shower, exhaling in relief at being able to sit. His muscles were the satisfying kind of sore that only came after a good training session. He’d never admit it, but his meeting with Shelby’s teacher left him unsettled, and training had been his way of trying to work it, work her, out of his system.
Mrs. White. Holly. Yeah, he’d looked up Shelby’s beginning of the year paperwork so he could learn her teacher’s name. Holly. It reminded him of Christmas, but it also just suited her. He didn’t know how he knew, because he barely knew her at all, but it felt right.
Groaning at the direction his thoughts were going, he spotted Cammie walking toward the porch, grateful for the distraction. Lips quirking, he watched her basically waddle over. He’d never use that word in front of her, though. Cammie was tiny, and at nearly seven months pregnant, her belly was the biggest thing about her, and it was hard not to stare. He’d made that mistake once, and he swore his ears were still ringing from the tongue-lashing she’d given him.
He wouldn’t risk another. Especially since she never forgot anything, and once the baby was born, she’d probably kick his ass. And she could, literally, tiny or not. Every shifter had a special gift. Some were mental, some were physical, and Cammie’s was speed. It was almost impossible to catch her. Add in a hormonal rage she would no doubt be feeding the whole time, and it made for a fight that scared even him off.
“Ian,” she said curtly, lowering herself onto a chair.
“Cammie. How are you?”
“Miserable already. There’s no comfortable position I can get in, and my hormones are crazy. I’m up one minute and down the next. It’s frustrating.”
His brow quirked in concern. “Is everything okay? I mean, is that normal? When’s the last time you and Alex went to that shifter obstetrician?”
“Last week,” she replied, groaning as she tried to get comfortable. “Everything’s fine. The baby is just huge, damn Alex for that. He’s so damn big.”
“He’s tall, but not big, really. You’re just too small.” Ignoring the glare she sent him, he frowned as the implications sunk in. “The baby’s not too big, is it? You’re not in danger, are you?”
Rubbing her stomach, she shook her head. “Not right now. The doctor thinks his growth will slow down. But I have to go in once a week so they can monitor him.”
“Him?” Ian grinned. “You’re having a boy?”
A smile stretching her lips, she glanced over and nodded. “Keep that to yourself. I wasn’t supposed to say anything, it just slipped out. But Alex doesn’t want to know. He wants to be surprised, so not a word.”
“My lips are sealed.” A baby boy. Soon, they’d have a strong little male dragon running around at Rocky River. He hoped Cammie and Alex could keep control over the little firebreather. They’d just built a house on Rocky River property, plus the main house had recently been renovated. The last thing they needed was for either to be burnt down.
“How are the plans for the gym going?” she asked.
“They’re going okay,” he said, exhaling. “Seth is great at what he does, and he knows what a good gym should look like. I’m just still unsure if I’m going to follow through with it.”
“What? Why?” she asked in surprise.
“I don’t need the income, and there’s not a very big market for a gym in Eagle Creek. Plus, I know fighting. I know how to work with wood, thanks to Seth. I don’t know how to run a business.”
“You’re smart. You’ll figure it out quickly. And you know we’ll be behind you one hundred percent. I’ll have my CPA degree by then, so I can keep your books for you. Alex is a whiz with computers and advertising. And you’d be a great boss. Look at how well you keep us in line, and Lord knows, we don’t make it easy for you. If you can whip a bunch of misfits like us into shape, you can be a boss, and an amazing one at that.”
Lips curling in a half-smile, he replied, “You have a point with most of that, especially the last part. Managing you lot hasn’t been easy.”
“Exactly. We’ve all been trouble in one way or another. And sure, there’s a market. How many times do you get asked to train someone? Every Saturday at the fights, someone is approaching you about it. And not just the human fighters, but spectators as well. Offer lessons when you open and you’ll be a big hit. And you know me, Seth, and Jax would help train, too.”
“You make a convincing argument,” he conceded.
“It’s convincing because I’m right, as usual.”
Throwing his head back with a laugh, he nodded. Opening his mouth to reply, he paused when the front door opened and Shelby stepped out. “Hey sweets. Finished with your homework?”
“Yeah.” She took a seat between him and Cammie. “I overheard what Cammie was saying, and she’s right. You should totally do this, Dad.”
Reaching over, he ruffled her hair. “Yeah, maybe I should.”
“Can you teach me?”
“Teach you what?”
“How to fight,” she replied, glancing over at him. Catching a glimpse of his brow furrowing, she added, “Not to fight just because. But to defend myself.”
“What did we talk about earlier, Shel? Violence isn’t the answer to someone hurting your feelings.”
“I know. And that’s not why I want to learn. I just want to know what to do if something happens.”
Ian hesitated. Shelby rarely asked for anything, and he hated to tell her no, but… “I don’t know, sweets. Holly—I mean, Mrs. White doesn’t think it’s a good idea to teach you stuff like that, and I think she might be right.”
“Holly?” Shelby asked, eyes forming full moons. “Why are you calling my teacher by her first name? Do you like her or something?”
“What? No,” he sputtered, catching a glimpse of Cammie sitting up in her chair and looking at him in interest. “Just a slip of the tongue is all.”
Shelby said, “You know, I’m a shifter, too, and I can hear lies just as well as any shifter. She is awfully pretty, isn’t she? I think this is great.”
“Shelby, no. Don’t go getting any ideas in your head. Yes, she’s pretty, but that doesn’t mean I’m interested,” he replied, trying to convince himself of that. “Besides, even if I was, she’s married. That makes her off limits, hard stop.”
Shelby nodded slowly. “And if she wasn’t married? Would you be interested then?”
“That’s a moot question. She is married, so this discussion needs to end here.”
“But if she wasn’t, would you be?” she persisted.
Knowing she’d hear the lie in his voice if he denied it, Ian reluctantly told the truth and acknowledged it to himself for the first time. “Maybe. Okay, probably. Happy now? This is pointless, but yes, I most likely would be.”
A slow smile curled Shelby’s lips. “That’s very good to know. And luckily for you, she’s not married. Not anymore. She’s a widow, and I noticed today that she finally took her ring off. Mrs. White is great. Now, I need to get in the shower. See y’all later.”
Shelby walked back in the house, pausing when Cammie held out her fist, bumping it with a giggle. The screen door banged shut and Ian sat in silence, unable to find his voice.
“Damn, she’s gotten sassy,” Cammie said with a laugh. “It does my heart good. She expertly set you up with that, and it was perfect. You should see your face right now, Ian.”
“Yeah, well.” He cleared his throat. “I wasn’t expecting that. She’s a little too smart for her own good.”
Bringing her leg up, Cammie turned to face him. “So this Holly… you like her, huh?”
Ian squirmed in his chair, he said, “I don’t like her like her. She’s a good teacher, is all.”
Shooting him a look, she replied, “Like Shelby said, I can hear lies. Truth, please.”
“Okay. She’s beautiful, there’s no denying that. But I’m not going there, Cammie.”
She frowned. “Why not? She sounds like a good woman, and you’re attracted to her. I don’t see the problem.”
“We clashed pretty hard at first. She was going on about how I don’t know what I’m doing and I was teaching Shelby bad stuff. We’re probably not compatible.”
“Oh, please. You don’t know what you’re doing with Shelby. Don’t give me that look. It’s true and you know it. Give her props for coming out and telling you how it was. Besides, from what I heard, you ended the meeting amicably, and you even took her advice, so it can’t be that bad.”
Leaning his head back, Ian rolled his eyes closed and took a breath before opening them to stare into the deepening twilight. “All that’s true. Hell, maybe we are compatible, I don’t know. But I’m still not going there.”
Frowning uneasily as his tiger stirred inside him, he brought a hand up and rubbed his chest. He didn’t like his tiger taking note of Holly. Didn’t like it at all.
“Is this because of Shelby? Your fear of a woman fooling you and turning into Farrah? You’re not the young cub you used to be, Ian. The likelihood of that happening again is slim.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s not about that. I’ve honed my shifter gift in the last nine years. I’m not suppressing it like I was back then. I can tell one hundred percent if people are good or evil now. And Holly… she’s firmly on the good side. I could feel it rolling off her in waves. I know for a certainty she’d never hurt Shelby, or me. But we’re too far apart. The things I’ve done, hell, the things I do now. The fighting—she hates it, I can see why. I’ve killed people, Cam. Not just hurt in a fight, but killed.”
“You didn’t murder anyone. It wasn’t in a normal fight, and it wasn’t in anger. It was battle, Ian. It was kill or be killed.”
“I know,” he replied softly. “My conscience is clean. But Holly won’t understand that. And yes, it was a battle. Shifter battle. This life is too rough for her, too hard. I can’t ask her to live in the kind of world I do.”
“What, you think she can’t hack it?” Cammie cocked an eyebrow. “She’s not strong enough, or some shit like that? And you know all this after a ten-minute meeting with her. I think you’re underestimating her. And yeah, I’ve never met her, but I think you’re doing her, and all women, a huge disservice by acting like she’s some wilting flower who can’t handle the grittier aspects of life.”
Ian held his hands up. “Whoa. Don’t take this the wrong way. This isn’t a woman thing. There are plenty of human women who can handle shifter life. Amelia, Piper, the human mates of the shifters of Red Moon and Bear Claw. This is a Holly thing. Maybe she is strong enough for it. But I can’t ask it of her.”
“You don’t have to ask her, now do you?” She stood up and stretched with a grimace, hand on her lower back. “It’s not like your tiger has declared she’s your mate, unless I missed something big. This isn’t you asking her to spend her life with you. This is you just spending time with her and getting to know her.”
Ian set the rocking chair back into motion as Cammie walked down the porch steps. Sitting out here, rocking, usually made him feel at peace, but not tonight. Tonight his mind was in too much turmoil for that.
Cammie was right. He could admit spending time with Holly would be enjoyable. And he’d love to get to know her better. But it was a risk he wasn’t sure he could take. Farrah was a monster, pure and simple. The evil ran deep in her, he knew that now that he’d honed his shifter gift. And he couldn’t take the chance that he’d bring another woman into Shelby’s life who was as bad as her mother. So no. As much as he’d like to spend time with Holly, it would be beyond selfish. He had to focus on Shelby and only Shelby.
His tiger growled deep in his chest and Ian stilled, surprised. His animal wasn’t liking the idea of him staying away from Holly, and Ian wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Because the tiger had the power to say one little word that would turn his willpower to ash—mate. If Holly was Ian’s mate, all bets were off. He knew some shifters who tried to deny their mates, and it never worked. He doubted it would be much different for him.
Every shifter has a true mate. They can love whomever they want, as many as they want. But once their animals choose the one they’re meant to be with, that’s it. There’s no going back, and the shifter will be forever devoted only to her. But if the animal doesn’t… well, it can’t be forced. He knew that from experience. Back when Farrah got pregnant, when he still thought she was a good woman, he’d tried to force it. He wanted them to be together for good, for Shelby’s sake. But no matter how hard he urged and pleaded with his tiger, the animal refused to say the words. A blessing in disguise, that was.
But the possibility of Holly not being his mate was high, despite his tiger’s interest. All the shifters around here, including his own crew, found their mates, but that wasn’t the norm. Mates were rare, and all the more precious for it.
He shouldn’t be getting so worked up about it. He didn’t want a mate. Not after Farrah. He couldn’t put Shelby though that again. He wanted only her happiness now. The possibility of making another horrible choice gave him no desire to look.
But he had to admit, he couldn’t see Holly ever being nasty to his daughter. This wasn’t him sticking his head in the sand like he did with Farrah, either. He wasn’t fighting his nature or his gift anymore. And his talent had been spot on with Holly, he knew that as well as he knew his name. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he told Cammie that Holly was pure, either.
This wasn’t about worrying that Holly was good enough for Shelby. This was about the very real fear he felt over starting something with Holly, only for it to backfire on him and leave him hurt.
Disgusted with himself, he paced the porch, running a hand through his hair. What was he, a sixteen-year-old, scared of heartbreak? He was a grown ass man, a fighter to his soul. He wasn’t weak enough to feel fear over something like that, much less admit to it.
And he was acting like a wimpy ass motherfucker, because he couldn’t deny the truth of what he felt. He needed to stay away from Holly. Shelby better be a model student, so he could keep his distance from the tall, blonde, amazingly gorgeous woman he could already hear calling his name.