Mina
If Mina had stopped to think about it, she would have known that following Skid and the other bikers to the bar was a bad idea. But Mina never stopped to think about anything, and all she knew was that she was tired of feeling cooped up all the time. She had to get out in the world, to feel the wind on her skin, to see Skid in a setting other than the clubhouse. While she didn’t dare try to get a ride with Skid or the other members, she bided her time. Waiting until the main part of the house was clear, she crept down the stairs and out the door. It took only a little time to get a cab, and then she was off.
In her mind, she imagined what Skid would say when he saw her at the bar. It had been just that sort of situation when they had slept together. The members had gone out looking for adventure, and Skid had found his adventure in her. The night had been dark and surreal, full of temptations and sensations that almost didn’t seem to exist in reality. There was something about being out of the clubhouse that had made everything different, and Mina hoped to recreate that.
“Drop me off here, please.”
The cabbie pulled over to the curb as his passenger requested, then he turned to look at her over his shoulder. “Are you sure? There’s nothing here. That store has been closed down for almost a year, and I’m not sure this is a safe place for a lady at night.”
Mina tossed her head back and laughed a little. “I appreciate it, but I’m not sure I’m that much of a lady. Besides, I’m just going to walk to the bar down the street.”
“If it’s the cab fare you’re worried about, I’ll turn off the odometer and give you that extra block for free.” His forehead wrinkled in concern. “It’s worth losing the extra buck, as far as I’m concerned.”
Mina pulled a wad of cash out of the pocket of her jeans and handed it to him, knowing it was more than she owed. “You’re sweet, but I can’t be seen getting out of a cab. I’m walking, and you can’t stop me.” She got out of the taxi and bounced up on to the sidewalk, taking long strides as she headed toward the bar. The cab’s lights remained still until she got to the door of the bar, and then he pulled out into the street and honked as he passed by.
Taking a deep breath and reminding herself that nobody here had any right to judge her, she pushed open the door and walked in. The place was heavy with the scent of smoke and old beer, and the clamor of the crowd could barely be heard above the wailing jukebox. The tables and chairs were filled with rough-and-tough bikers, complete with leather chaps, bandanas, and plenty of tattoos. They were the kind of guys that would scare most people, but they only made Mina feel at home. She scanned the room, sorting out the men until she found the one she was looking for.
At the same moment she saw him, Skid’s eyes locked on hers. Mina’s breath pulled sharply into her lungs as she saw his fingers wrapped around her arm and the way Jewel’s body was pressed up against his. They were standing at the end of the bar, and they looked like they were just getting ready to go find someplace more private to finish their conversation.
The throb of pain that bloomed in her chest was enough to knock her down, but she hadn’t yet let go of the door handle. It kept her on her feet long enough to turn around and leave, the door slamming loudly in the darkness, and she hurtled back down the sidewalk. Tears streamed down her face, burning hotly against her skin and making her feel even more like a fool than she already was.
She had always had a thing for Skid, and Mina had been dumb enough to think the feeling was mutual. All those secret meetings, the stolen kisses, the quiet conversations, had meant nothing to him. Skid was like the rest of the men, just looking for the easiest piece of ass. And how could she blame him? That’s what any of the members of Satan’s Legion wanted, and she knew that.
But of all the women he could have been interested in, why did it have to be that bitch Jewel? She cried harder, her voice bubbling up through her throat when she could no longer hold it back any longer and emitting a pitiful wail. Jewel was just a dumb whore who had been fortunate enough to fall in with the club so she could have free room and board. Jewel didn’t care about Skid, and she had always been in competition with Mina. It didn’t matter that Mina wasn’t a club girl, Jewel had had it out for her since day one.
Headlights illuminated the asphalt near her, and a voice spoke from behind them. “Hey, are you all right?”
Blinking, she wiped her eyes and turned to see the same cabbie who had given her a ride to town. Mina nodded even as the tears continued to fall. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Get in.” He thumbed over his shoulder toward the back seat and turned off his roof light.
She hesitated, knowing that by getting in the taxi she was giving up. She was letting all her hopes for a future between herself and Skid go racing down the storm drain, never to be seen again. She could just as easily go marching back to that seedy little bar and demand to know what was going on. But it would give away the parentage of her child, and it would change her life forever. If she went on back to the clubhouse, at least things would stay the same. She would have no shame other than what she already suffered. “All right.”
The drive back out the edge of town where the converted warehouse residence was a dark one, and Mina was grateful. The last thing she needed was for someone else to see her red, swollen face.
“Is there anywhere else you need me to stop?” the driver asked kindly. “A phone call you need to make?”
She knew what he was doing, and even though she had no need to call the police or go to the hospital, she was grateful that at least someone out in the world had her welfare in mind. “No, thank you. I’ll be all right. It’s just been a bad night.” Mina took deep breaths, trying to get herself to calm down. She couldn’t walk into the clubhouse looking like this.
“I get that. We all have ’em.” He nodded and turned onto the next road. “Hey, I want you to know I wasn’t trying to get into your business. I was just worried about you, so I made sure I came back down the street when I didn’t have any other fares lined up. I was just lucky to have found you.”
Something about the voice in the darkness was comforting. Maybe it was her emotional distress, maybe it was hormones from the baby, or maybe it was the fact that she knew she would probably never see this man again, but she found herself opening up to a complete stranger. “It’s my own fault. I’m pregnant, and the father isn’t the kind of guy to stay with one woman. I went to that bar hoping to meet up with him, hoping to prove to him that we should be together once and for all.”
“Didn’t go so well, huh?”
“He was with another woman.” Her eyes threatened to leak again, but she sucked in another deep breath and let it out slowly through pursed lips. “If I had thought about it, I would have known before I had ever left home.” And maybe it was time for her to start thinking like that. Skid had made idle promises about being with her, but he was always sure to avoid her. He could be sweet when he thought it might get him something, but that didn’t stop him from looking other places. No, Skid had duped her, and she had fallen for it. “I’m not really sure what I’m going to do now.”
“You know, something similar happened to my sister.” The driver’s face was invisible as they entered the industrial area of town.
“Really?”
“Oh yeah. She got pregnant when she was only seventeen. Our family had always been real poor and nobody had ever been to college because we always had to work, but she was determined to go and be somebody. Knowing that baby was on the way completely crushed her, but she decided she would just dedicate her life to being the best wife and mother on the face of the planet. Well, that didn’t work out so well, either. Her boyfriend said the baby couldn’t be his, accused her of lying to try to get to him, and skipped town. Janey was devastated. But she had that little child, and she got a government grant to go back to school. She just finished her master’s degree, and her son is a musical genius. Janey found a real nice guy with a good job, and he’s marrying her next month. I know that’s a lot to cram into one little story, but the point is that sometimes things go wrong for a reason. Maybe there’s something really great waiting for you.”
Mina couldn’t help but smile into the darkness of the front seat. The driver’s profile came into view as he pulled to the curb in front of the clubhouse. “You’re very sweet. I guess I’ll let you go rescue all the other poor souls in Chicago, now. What do I owe you?”
He waved off the cash she tried to hand him. “The ride’s on me, sweetheart. You just promise me that you won’t give up on yourself, okay?”
She nodded as she got out of the taxi. “Okay. I promise.”
Once again, the car remained in place until she got to the front door, and then it roared off into the night. Mina felt the pain in her chest slowly being replaced by hope. The cab driver’s story had been a sweet one, but there would be one major difference when she finally got a chance to tell her story. The father of her child wouldn’t run off never to be seen again. She and Skid would be together, one way or another. She just had to keep trying.
Her hopes and thoughts of the future made her forget she had snuck out of the clubhouse in the first place, and Park was waiting immediately on the other side of the door when she walked in. His fists were balled on his hips, and the muscles in his face were so tight he looked like he might implode. “Mina! Where the hell have you been?”
It took her a second to pull herself together. “Well, I—”
“I’ve been looking all over for you! I’ve sent several of the men out to see if they could find you, going in all directions!” He turned around and barked at Grill. “Tell them all to come back, that the little runaway has returned.”
“I was gone for less than an hour—”
“It doesn’t matter how long you’re gone! You weren’t supposed to leave in the first place! You’ve made it clear that I have to keep my eye on you, and if you’re not going to be responsible on your own then I’ll make you be responsible!” Park paced up and down the living room floor, running his hands repeatedly over his pale hair. “For God’s sake, Mina. You’re pregnant. You have a child on the way. You have no right to go galivanting off into the city like everything is normal.”
She scowled at him, the rage and the fury that had left her only a moment ago suddenly crashing back down on her once again. She wanted to be like the girl in the cab driver’s story, where everything worked out beautifully, but that couldn’t happen if her father was always looking over her shoulder. It didn’t make things any better that several of the men were sitting around the room, each of them pretending not to pay attention. Mina knew they had already heard every single cuss word in the dictionary from Park’s mouth, and probably every insult in her direction. “Don’t you think there’s a better place we can discuss this?” she snapped as she breezed past him toward the stairs.
“Fine by me!” He followed her, his boots thundering on each step and making that whole end of the clubhouse shake. Park was trying to intimidate her, but there was nothing he could do to her now.
Only Skid held her future in his hands. She wouldn’t give him away yet, but she wouldn’t let her father believe he had any control over her. Mina reached the end of the hall and turned into her room.
Park came in after her. He shut the door and stood there for a moment, as though suddenly dazed. He sucked in a deep breath and put his hands over his face. “Why do you do this to me, Mina? Why do you torture me like this?”
He wasn’t yelling anymore, but Mina was still suspicious. “Torture you? What about me? You’re the one who’s trying to make me stay in my room all the time. I’m twenty-two years old, Dad, but you treat me like I’m a little child.”
Park’s hands dropped limply to his sides. “Maybe if you would start acting like you’re twenty-two, I could treat you that way. But every time I turn around, you’re defying me. Don’t you understand that I’m doing everything I can to keep you safe? I’m doing all of this for your own good.”
“Just what do you think you’re protecting me from? Living? Because you’re doing a damn good job of that.” Mina turned away from him to stare out the window, but all she could see against the night was her own reflection. She looked young and stubborn, like she was just trying to get her own way no matter what. She didn’t like it.
He sighed. “You’ve always been uncontrollable, Mina. From the time you could walk, I was constantly chasing you down, keeping you from toddling out into traffic or exploring the fire escape. I hoped that you would outgrow some of that as you got older, but your curiosity never left. It only changed. You’re still trying to go out and get yourself killed or hurt, and it’s my job to stop you.”
She turned to face him. “But that’s the whole thing, Dad. It’s not your job, anymore. I’m old enough to take care of myself, and if I make a few mistakes then it’s my problem. I don’t need you breathing down my neck constantly. How am I ever supposed to figure out what I want to do if I always have to worry about what you’ll say about it?” Mina often rehearsed what she wanted to say to her dad, but since he was usually yelling she rarely got the opportunity. She did her best to keep her voice from rising to a high screech, but it was difficult. Maybe it would have been easier if he had just kept on reaming her out.
“You talk about making mistakes like they’re no big deal, but the situation you have on your hands right now is a really big one.” His eyes glanced down at her stomach and darted back up to her face again. “If it’s too much for you, then there are always options.”
Mina squinted her eyes. “Just what are you implying?”
Park sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the comforter. “Don’t tell me the thought hasn’t crossed your mind. It’s going to be difficult to raise a child on your own, and especially in a place like this. Trust me, I know. Even with a whole crew of men behind me, it felt nearly impossible. I’m still not sure I did it right. Things might be a little easier, Mina, if you didn’t have to worry about it.”
It had been anger that had suppressed her tears when she had come in the front door, but now it was anger that brought them back again. “I’m not giving up this child. How can you even suggest it?”
“I just want what’s best for you.” His blue eyes met hers. “Trust me, Mina, this isn’t a small thing. This isn’t deciding what college classes to pick or even whether or not you go to college. This is about changing your entire life and never being able to look back. Never.”
“I’ve already changed it, Dad. I’m not giving up my child. I’ve always been in love with the father. Even if he and I can’t be together, I’ll know I have a link to him. Besides, you never know what this child might turn out to be. He might be the world’s greatest scientist or the next piano prodigy. Maybe he’ll design a whole new motorcycle engine. Either way, he’ll be mine. I’ll have him, even if I have nothing else.” She pressed her lips together, wondering if she had said too much. Would her comment about loving the father give her away? Was there any chance Park had noticed the way she treated Skid?
But he was more focused on Mina wanting to have a child of her own. “Believe me, that’s one part I understand.” He glanced at the framed photo on her nightstand.
With a rush of understanding, Mina plopped down on the end of the bed. She knew her father was watching her from just a few feet away, waiting for her to say more, but she had to wrap her head around things first. “Mom died in childbirth. You don’t want me to have this baby because you think you’re going to lose me, too.”
“Now, Mina, that’s not fair of—”
“Not fair? What’s not fair is that you want to hold me to impossibly high standards because you think somehow it will keep me safe. What’s not fair is that even though you raised me to be wild and impetuous, you somehow think I can instantly stop. Dad, I know it was hard on you to lose her. It’s been hard on me never to have her. But you can’t think that the same thing will happen to me. Maybe it’s time you start thinking about the future instead of the past.” She turned back around and folded her arms around her knees. In a few months, she wouldn’t be able to sit like that anymore. Silence took over the room for a moment. It was so quiet Mina could hear her own blood rushing through her ears.
Finally, Park pulled in a breath that seemed ear shattering by comparison. “Your mother was wild and impetuous, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah. It was one of the things I loved about her. She never hesitated to jump on the back of my bike, and she was all about staying out all night and sleeping all day. We were both young, and we didn’t have anything better to do with our lives.”
Mina smiled a little, but she didn’t let her father see it. He rarely spoke of his late wife, and it was nice to know he hadn’t forgotten about her.
“Of course, when we found out we were having you, everything had to change. Marlena had a rough time adjusting. She had no energy, and she didn’t want to eat any of her favorite foods anymore. She rode on the bike some, but as she got further along in her pregnancy she knew it wasn’t safe anymore. Don’t think any of that meant she regretted it, though. Her little baby was the only thing she wanted to talk about. She’d get mad at me when I wanted to talk about motorcycle parts or new leathers, because she was more excited about baby clothes and cribs and what kind of bottles to use.” Park reached out and touched Mina gently on the arm. “You remind me a lot of her, you know.”
“I get that.” Mina sighed. “But you have to understand that I’m my own person. I’m not going to be exactly like Mom, and I’m not going to be exactly like you. I think I know what I want out of life, but I reserve the right to change my mind about that any time.”
“It’s a nice thought, but I still have to keep you safe. You’re my responsibility.”
“You’re impossible.”
“I know.” Park let out a rough laugh. “I guess you come by it honestly. You say you have always been in love with the father?”
“Yes.” She held her breath, waiting for it to all to come crashing down on her. Park would accuse her of sleeping with Skid. In her mind, she could deny it, but she wasn’t sure that would happen in real life. If Park happened to guess the truth, she just might spill her guts out of pure defiance.
“You think you could tell me who he is?” The question was a quiet one, gentle. He was trying to be kind, to do things a different way. Park had always been one to demand answers, not to ask for them, and Mina had to give him credit for trying something different.
But it wasn’t going to work. “No.”
“All right.” He got up off the bed and walked to the door. “I know you don’t like the way things are, Mina. I know you don’t really understand why I do the things I do. I was a kid once, too. And yes, you’re still a kid. But someday very soon, you’re going to be a mother. And every day there will be things that you see from a new perspective, things you’ll suddenly understand that you couldn’t even conceive of before. Having a baby doesn’t just change your life, it blows your mind.” He opened the door and stood in the doorway. “Even so, you’re staying in your room. Until you can be upfront and honest with me and tell me what’s going on, until you can act like an adult, then you can consider yourself grounded. No exceptions, no bending the rules. I’ve got to stick to my guns, Mina. I don’t want to see you out of here until breakfast time tomorrow, and then it’s straight back to your room. Understand?”
She didn’t reply. His question didn’t deserve one. How could she not understand? He was continuing to treat her like she was a baby, and he didn’t care about what she had said. Park would never back off and let her make her own decisions, no matter how maturely she acted. It was pointless.
As the door clicked shut behind her, Mina studied her reflection in the window once again. It was a faded one, one that could be interpreted so many different ways. The features of her face in the window were only a hint of what she really looked like, and she could just as easily be staring at her mother or Park with long hair. If she turned to the side, she could imagine that she saw a much bigger baby bump than what was really there, but she could also pretend it was completely nonexistent. She was anybody right then, and it was her job (not her father’s) to decide who she would be and how her future would go. It wasn’t up to Park, and it wasn’t even up to Skid. It was up to her.
She stood up and went to the window, the pale image of herself in the glass growing clearer and more defined as she got closer and reached to undo the lock. She was out the window in a moment, sliding it quietly shut behind her.