Chapter Three

 

 

RED STARED out the screen door at the lifeguard he’d interviewed the day before and then later noticed watching him at the restaurant. He knew the kid found him totally repulsive. He’d watched him at the Hanover Grille the way people can’t turn away from a gruesome train wreck, and now he had shown up at his Aunt Margie’s. “What can I help you with?” he asked formally, letting some of the police officer into his voice.

“Red, it’s probably the lady who delivers my dinner a few nights a week. There’s no need to go off at her.” His aunt came up behind him with her walker. “Oh,” she said. “You’re not Gladys.”

“No. I’m Terry. Gladys fell and hurt herself, so I’m taking over for her.” He stepped toward the door, but Red kept it closed. He wasn’t letting just anyone into his aunt’s home.

“Red, open the door, honey, and let him in,” his aunt scolded.

Red pushed the door back and let Terry in but didn’t take his eyes off him.

“Where would you like me to put this?”

“In the refrigerator, honey,” Aunt Margie said. “I’ll heat it up tomorrow. I wasn’t expecting Red to come by, and he brought me dinner too.” Red took her arm and helped her walk to the table. His aunt was the most important person in the world to him, and Red wanted to make sure she was all right. He knew he was being protective, maybe overprotective, but she was all the family he had.

Aunt Margie looked at him and then back to Terry, who put the container in the refrigerator and seemed to be beating a hasty retreat.

“I don’t want to intrude on your dinner, so I’ll just be going.”

Terry was almost to the door and Red was beginning to relax when his aunt turned around. “Terry, have you eaten? Red always brings way too much food, and then he leaves it for me to finish, but I can’t eat this much in a month.”

He looked at her and then at Red. “I can’t impose on you.” He took another step toward the door.

Good boy, Red thought. Just keep walking and I’ll be happy.

His aunt—his great-aunt, actually, on his mother’s side—stepped around him and walked slowly toward the door. “You would be very welcome to stay. Red brought Chinese.” She was turning on the charm for some reason, and Red wished to hell he knew why. It was just like her to invite a complete stranger to dinner. His aunt was the kindest person he’d ever known. She’d taken him in at age seventeen, after his parents had been killed in the car accident that he’d survived only because he’d been in the backseat.

“Ma’am, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Terry said, glancing over at him.

“Don’t let Red fool you. He’s huge but he’s as gentle as they come.” His aunt took Terry’s hand for a moment and tugged on it, then turned the walker and looked over her shoulder to make sure he was following her.

Red stood, his hands coming to his hips, wondering what in the hell had just happened. Even after all the years of living with her, loving her, having her take care of him and now him helping to take care of her, she still managed to surprise him.

“Red is my nephew, and I love him to bits, but sometimes he comes off like a bull in a china shop,” his aunt was saying behind him. “But you’ll get used to him soon enough.”

“Mrs. Markham,” Terry began, “I think you’re under the wrong impression. I barely know your nephew. I met him yesterday at the pool.” He sounded completely confused, and Red saw him turn around and look at him.

Red smiled and shook his head. “Aunt Margie.”

She turned, appraising him. “If that’s true, then how come his hackles are raised so high? That only happens once someone has had a chance to get to know him.”

Red walked to the table and began pulling the containers of Chinese food out of the bag. There was no use fighting her. If she wanted to invite a total stranger into her house and give him dinner, then that was up to her. He’d facilitate things so the unpleasantness was over as quickly as possible. There was no way Terry would cause any trouble with him here. Besides, the scared-rabbit look Terry had had on his face when he’d opened the door made him curious. He’d seen expressions like that on victims more than once.

“Did you see in the news where that boy nearly drowned at the Y yesterday?” he asked his aunt. “Terry here was one of the people who rescued him. He and the other lifeguard saved his life. I was the one who got the call.”

“How wonderful,” Aunt Margie said. “I knew there was a connection between the two of you—you’re both heroes.” His aunt smiled warmly at him, and for just a second, Red felt like a kid again. Only his aunt could make the years fall away and make him forget what he looked like. “Since you’re getting things together, I’m going to use the ladies room.” Red watched her leave the room.

“She’s something else,” Terry said as soon as she left the room. “Look, if you want me to leave, then I’ll just say a quick good-bye when she gets back and get out of your hair.”

“No,” Red said. “Please stay.” Why he was inviting the pretty boy who was so obviously disgusted by him to stay was a mystery, but he did it anyway. Maybe it was because Terry wasn’t looking away this time. He actually met Red’s eyes. “She doesn’t get much company other than me, but I’ll warn you, she’ll talk your ear off.”

“I can deal with that.” Terry smiled, and damn if he didn’t light up the room. Red tamped down the little surge of desire that zipped through him. This kid was gorgeous, and his smile was a delight, but any ideas his stupid body had about seeing this guy in any way other than to please his aunt were ridiculous in the extreme. Pretty boys like Terry did not go for damaged people like him.

Red unpacked the last of the food and got three plates from the cupboard. “I saw you yesterday at the Hanover Grille. You were with the other lifeguard.” He had to come up with something for them to talk about.

“Yeah. Julie and I went out to have a beer after what happened. I’ve rescued people from the water before, but not like that. I knew what to do because I’d been trained, but the entire time I was working on him, I was just praying for him not to die.” That scared-rabbit look was back, and Red started to wonder if the kid wasn’t as shallow as he’d thought. “And then his mother came in while I was still working on him, yelling and screaming at us.”

Red put down the plates and leaned against the table. “Why didn’t you say that yesterday?”

“I thought she might have been right. I should have seen him go in. I should have sent them out of the pool area before….” Terry’s lower lip quivered.

“One thing you learn as a cop—and it applies to what you do as well—it isn’t possible to protect everyone. No matter how hard you try, things can happen that are out of your control. Connor could have simply fallen in the pool, climbed out, and been fine. Instead, he went in wrong and hit his head, but you were there to pull him out. Don’t forget that, no matter what.”

“Are you two ready to eat?” Aunt Margie asked as she slowly walked back into the room. She sat and looked at Terry, patting the chair next to hers. Terry sat down. “So, what am I going to do with two handsome men?”

Red turned away. His aunt had always used language like that. She had told him he was handsome and special for years, but he knew differently. He’d seen his face in the mirror. “Aunt Margie.” He felt eighteen again.

“Don’t you ‘Aunt Margie’ me,” she scolded. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.” She looked over at Terry, and Red was surprised to see him nod. Was this the guy who had made that mean comment at the pool? “See? He agrees with me.”

Red didn’t argue and sat down. He passed the food containers around and helped his aunt when she would allow it. Once she and Terry had taken what they wanted, Red filled his plate.

“Did you have a busy day? Bust any of those hoodlums I keep seeing outside?” Red’s aunt asked him.

“What hoodlums?” Red asked, wondering what she had seen and if she was in danger.

“These kids outside my windows—talking, laughing, and doing God knows what else.” She pointed, and Red looked toward the windows that faced the sidewalk. Some teenagers strode by, talking and giggling, bumping into each other. “Not them. The ones who show up after dark. I hear them out there. I don’t know what they’re doing, but they can’t be up to any good. What kind of parents do they have letting them stay out at that time of night?”

“Aunt Margie,” Red said indulgently. They had had this conversation before. His aunt had very definite ideas on how kids should be raised, and that didn’t include them being out after dark. “If you really think you’re in danger, call the police or me. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s happening.”

She agreed, like she always did, but Red had the idea that she just needed someone to complain about. She’d been doing that more lately, and it scared the crap out of him. She’d never been a complainer, but over the past few years that had changed. He was surprised they weren’t having a conversation about her ailments. “To answer your question, it was a quiet day.” He rarely told her about the things he saw. Red had learned early on in his career that she—most people, really—weren’t ready to hear about the realities of his day.

“That’s good. I worry about you.”

“I know,” Red said softly. It was nice having someone to worry about him. He went back to eating and glanced across the table. Terry was looking back at him. He knew what was going through Terry’s mind—the question a lot of people asked: What the hell happened? Some people were much more tactful than that. But others could be mean and cruel. He’d seen plenty of cruelty when he’d gone back to school after the accident. The kids had already thought he was a little intimidating because he was so big, even then, but add in the scars…. Red put it out of his mind even as he wondered why he was recalling all of this now. It didn’t matter. That time in his life was over, and he’d long ago accepted that he was who he was, and his actions and character would speak for him, not the way he looked or what others might think.

“What has you grinding your teeth?” Aunt Margie asked him, and she reached over and lightly brushed his hand and then glanced to Terry before turning back to him. “I’m sorry.”

Red put down his fork. “What on earth for?”

“I wish I could have done more for you after the accident,” she said softly.

“You gave me a home and love—what more could I need?” His throat was closing up, and he had to stop or he’d make a complete fool of himself in front of a near stranger, and no way in hell would he do that.

“Is that what happened?” Terry asked.

Red stood up, the chair almost toppling in his haste. He leaned over the table to put the kid in his place but saw no malice or even pity, just something he couldn’t identify. He looked away and slowly sat back down, glaring at both of them. He hoped his aunt would let it go, but over the past few months, the prim and proper lady who’d raised him and seen him through the darkest parts of his life had begun losing the parts of herself that censored speech. More and more she said what was on her mind, and Lord knew what that could be sometimes. “Yes. I was in an accident that injured me and killed my parents when I was seventeen. I was in the backseat and was very lucky. There wasn’t much left of the car.” He hated talking about this.

“I’m just sorry there wasn’t more money to get you the help you needed,” Aunt Margie said.

“You gave me all the help that was important.” Red took her hands, which were now shaking, and did his best to calm her. There were times when she could get a little lost in the past, and Red was afraid this could become one of them. “After all, what I needed was someone to be there, and you were the best.” He squeezed her hands lightly and then released them. “Go ahead and eat your dinner. It’s your favorite.”

Red sat back, and his aunt began eating slowly, the crisis down memory lane hopefully averted and the memories put back into their boxes, at least for now. He shifted his gaze and saw Terry staring at him. He wondered what that was about and suppressed the growl that formed in his throat. Terry looked uncomfortably down at his plate, and Red bet he was wishing he’d left when he had the chance.

The sound of a marimba filled the room, and Terry jumped before pulling his phone out of his pocket. He excused himself and got up, taking a step away from the table. “Lavelle?” he said softly into the phone.

“He’s a nice young man,” Aunt Margie whispered to him.

“Aunt Margie,” he returned warningly. She had been trying to fix him up, with no success whatsoever, since he had told her a few years earlier, when he was twenty-four, that he was gay. It hadn’t fazed her a bit, which had been a relief, but it had sent her into matchmaking euphoria. Of course the people she introduced him to were polite enough but took one look at him and asked if they could be friends. “Please. Is that why you asked him to dinner?” he asked softly. Aunt Margie’s hearing was one of the few things not affected by old age.

Terry had moved away and was talking quietly on the phone.

“You shouldn’t be alone,” Aunt Margie said. “And you deserve to have someone in your life.” She turned to look where Terry was still talking on the phone, and Red saw her smile.

He groaned under his breath. If she’d heard what Terry had said that day at the pool, she wouldn’t be trying her matchmaking. Besides, he knew Aunt Margie wasn’t blind. She could see how beautiful Terry was, with his aquiline nose, high cheekbones that meant he could be a model if he wanted to, and perfect lips, red and full. The guy was physically flawless, and Red was so not. “Just leave it alone, okay?”

Terry hung up the phone and returned to the table. He seemed happy enough and sat back down to finish his beef with broccoli. “I forgot to call in when I was done delivering,” Terry explained. He began eating again, and the marimbas sounded once more. Terry pulled his phone out again, took a look at the display, and paled considerably. He silenced the phone and put it back into his pocket. He’d been eating pretty steadily, but after that call, Red noticed that he didn’t seem to be hungry anymore.

Red’s innate curiosity rose, but it was Terry’s private business, and it wasn’t for him to interfere. Besides, he hardly knew the guy.

“Thank you so much for the dinner and the company, but I really should be going.” That scared-rabbit look was back, and Red wondered why. He was sure it wasn’t his doing this time.

“That isn’t necessary,” Red said. “Finish your meal.”

“No. I really should be going.” Terry turned to Aunt Margie. “I appreciate the invitation to join you. I’ll see you in a few days, I hope.” He got up, and after a hasty good-bye, he hurried out the front door. Red got up as well and followed him. He knew something wasn’t right. From the door, he watched Terry hurry to his car and pull away a little faster than he should have. He thought about following to make sure Terry was okay, but that was probably taking things a little too far.

“That young man is deathly afraid of something,” his aunt remarked when Red returned to the table. “From the look on his face, I’d thought he’d seen a ghost.”

Red nodded in agreement.

“You should go after him and find out what’s wrong.”

“I can’t do that. He has a right to his privacy, and he didn’t ask for help.” Red sighed. “I can’t just follow anyone I want because they look scared and I happen to be a police officer.”

“But aren’t you supposed to keep people safe?”

“Yes. But they have a right to their privacy too. And I can’t just go over to where he lives and barge into his life unasked. I could get in trouble.” There were rules to protect people’s rights, and he had to be careful not to break those rules. If Terry had told him something was wrong or asked for his help, that would have been different, but he’d simply run off like a scared rabbit, and there was nothing illegal in that.

His aunt made a sound he had never heard her make before, and Red widened his eyes. “Redmond Markham, you listen to me.” His aunt got up and opened one of the cupboards. She got out a plastic container and put the rest of the beef with broccoli in it. “You are going to finish your dinner, and then you are to take this over to him. Now that’s not police business but a favor for your aunt.” She crossed her arms over her ample bosom, and Red knew there was no arguing with her. He had never found an argument that would work when he’d been younger, and after a decade he still hadn’t. “You tell him that I sent this and wanted to make sure he was all right.”

“Aunt Margie.”

“Don’t you ‘Aunt Margie’ me. That young man was scared out of his wits by a phone call he wouldn’t take.” She shuffled back over to the table and took her seat again. “Even I know that’s not normal.”

Red gave up and nodded. “All right. I have his address in my notes from the pool incident. I’ll drive by and make sure his car is there, but that’s all I’ll do. I’m not going to disturb him or butt into his life.” No matter how much he wanted to spend time looking at him. “But after that I’m going to leave it. If he reports something, I’ll try to help, but other than that my hands are tied.”

“Very good, dear,” she said with an innocent smile that Red knew was anything but. His aunt was up to something, and Red knew she wouldn’t stop until she got what she wanted.

She’d never had children of her own, and she’d never married. When his parents were killed, he’d come to live with her in this small house. She’d made room in her life for him. Hell, she’d rearranged everything in her life trying to make him happy. She’d taken the room she’d used for her sewing and made a bedroom for him. Red had indeed been very lucky to have her, and he owed her so much that there was no way he could tell her no.

Red had moved out to go to college. At the time Aunt Margie had been in better health. He’d offered to move back and help take care of her, but his aunt wouldn’t hear of it. She was fiercely independent and wouldn’t dream of relying on Red.

Aunt Margie finished her plate, and when they were done eating, Red took the dishes to the sink.

“I’ll wash those,” his aunt said. “You take the food to that nice young man, and make sure he’s all right. You must promise to call me, and let me know that you got home okay afterwards. You know I worry.”

Red sighed and capitulated. “I’ll be over tomorrow after my shift if it’s not too late.”

“That would be nice,” she said and made her way around the counter to the sink. He hated the thought of her getting weaker and dreaded the day when he wouldn’t have her any longer. She was all the family he had and his only connection to his parents, whom he missed every day.

Red pushed those thoughts from his mind. They weren’t productive and only made him want things he could never have. His mom and dad had been loving and caring people. Even in the car the night of the accident, the last thing he remembered before his entire world changed was his parents holding hands. He picked up the food container, kissed her on the cheek, and said good-bye. Then he left the house, making sure to lock the door before he walked to his black truck. Without thinking he pulled the small notebook he always carried from his pocket and retrieved Terry’s address from his notes. The engine roared to life when he turned the key, and Red pulled out into traffic.

Five minutes later, after wondering to himself at least half a dozen times why he was doing this, Red turned into the drive of one of the apartment buildings in the southwest section of town. Terry’s building was small. Red saw Terry’s Mustang parked in one of the spots. He approached the building, and the hair stood up on the back of his neck. Something wasn’t right. Red stopped and took stock of his surroundings. He saw no one, heard a few birds chirping, followed by a muffled crash of glass. Red dropped the food he was carrying and raced into the building. The sound came again, followed by a scream.

Red hurried inside. A hallway ran the length of the building, a set of stairs leading upward. Everything appeared quiet on the first floor. Heavy footsteps echoed above. He peered up the stairs and then began to climb. He saw no one as he approached the top of the stairs. A door slammed closed at the back of the building. He stopped and listened but heard no more footsteps. Figuring whoever it was had left by the back door, Red proceeded cautiously down the hall toward a door that hung open.

As Red approached he saw it had probably been forced open. He knew he should probably leave and call this in, and he nearly did, until a whimper reached his ears. Red stepped into the apartment. Shards of glass littered the carpet in the living area and the linoleum of the tiny kitchen. He wasn’t sure what it had once been, but the glass crunched under his shoes as he went inside. “Hello, are you all right? It’s okay, I’m here to help.”

He was greeted by silence. Red stopped, listened, and inhaled. More than once the scent of violence and blood had assaulted his senses, and he got a whiff of it now. Someone was hurt. He noticed a few drops of blood spattered on the carpet. “I’m here to help,” Red called again, and this time the whimpering came again. Red moved carefully around the furniture. He peered into the bathroom and, in near shock, saw Terry huddled on the floor next to the bathtub, holding his hand. He was shaking like a leaf. Blood covered his fingers.

“H… he’s gone,” Terry muttered and turned toward him. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re hurt,” Red said, coming forward. He was careful, but he needed to see how badly Terry was injured. “Can I look at it?” Terry was either terrified or terrorized, Red wasn’t sure which. His eyes were dark, and he backed away as far as he could, staring at Red as though he thought Red would hurt him. “I’m not going to hurt you.” Terry didn’t move for a few seconds, and then he nodded slowly. Red moved closer, making no sudden moves, as though he were approaching a cornered, injured cat. “I promise.”

Terry stared at him for a moment and then lowered his gaze. Red knelt next to him and gently took his hand. “It isn’t too bad.” The cut didn’t seem deep and was no longer bleeding, which was a relief. “Can you stand for me?”

Terry shook his head slowly, and Red stood. He nearly filled the tiny bathroom as he found a clean cloth, wet it, and then knelt back down next to Terry. As gently as he could, Red sponged at his injured hand. “Do you want to tell me what happened? Should I call the police?”

“You are the police,” Terry whispered.

“I’m off duty. Do you need them to come so you can report what happened? I can call them for you.”

“No,” Terry whispered. “No.”

“I won’t let anyone hurt you. I promise,” Red said softly.

“You can’t… no, please don’t.” Terry pulled his hand away.

“Okay. I’ll do what you want,” Red agreed. His hands were tied. Arguing with Terry at a time like this was not going to help. He needed to gain some measure of trust from Terry before he would let him help him, and Terry needed someone’s help. There was little doubt of that in Red’s mind. Someone, probably the man who’d been leaving by the back door, had put the fear of God into Terry. “Let me look at your hand.”

Terry moved slowly but allowed Red to take his hand once again. He gently began wiping away the blood but stopped at a small glint that shone in the light. Red opened the medicine cabinet and found a pair of tweezers. He removed the tiny shard of glass and finished cleaning Terry’s hand.

Thankfully the cut was clean and not deep. Red bandaged Terry’s hand and then helped him to his feet. “Will you tell me what happened? Will you trust me with your pain? I’ve known enough of it in my life—I promise I won’t treat it lightly.” Red gently helped Terry out of the bathroom. The glass crunched under their shoes as he got Terry into the living room and settled on the sofa. Red closed the apartment door. It wouldn’t latch completely, so he used the deadbolt to hold it closed.

Then he looked in the kitchen. He saw a broom and dustpan resting in the corner near the trash can. He got it and began sweeping the glass on the linoleum into a pile. Then he used the dustpan to put it into the trash. He found the vacuum cleaner in the closet by the door and did his best to get the glass up off the carpet. Whatever it had been had shattered into millions of tiny pieces, except for a few larger chunks he’d picked up.

To most people it might have seemed strange for him to clean up the mess, but Red figured that Terry needed a few minutes to get himself together, and it gave Red a chance to show him that he was concerned by caring for Terry’s home and putting it to rights. When he was done, Red sat down next to Terry on the sofa. “Is there someone you’d like me to call for you?”

Terry shook his head. “They’d only worry.”

“That’s what friends do—they’re there for you when you need them. Sure, they may worry, but it’s because they care.”

Terry lifted his gaze from his fashionable fluorescent yellow shoes. “Please don’t. This is something I have to deal with on my own. I got myself into this mess, and now I have to get out of it.”

Red knew that was wrong, but some people under stress pulled into themselves, and Red thought that was what Terry was doing. It was almost always the wrong choice because it shifted the weight of the world onto their shoulders at a time when they could least support it. “No, you don’t.” Red waited as Terry looked down at the floor once again. “You know I’m a police officer, and you know I’ve seen a lot and been through a lot—it’s written on my face.” It was the first time he had ever made light of his disfigurement. But it felt surprisingly okay.

“I’m so sorry for what I said at the pool.” Terry put his hands over his face and fell to pieces right there. He began shaking.

“It’s all right. Everything is going to be all right.”

“No, it’s not. Things will never be right again.”

“Hey. Yes, they will,” Red said to Terry gently. “Things will be okay. But you can’t take it all on yourself.”

“But….” Terry gulped. “I’m so stupid. I should have known he wouldn’t leave me alone.” Terry steadied himself. “I didn’t think I was worth bothering with anymore. He hasn’t—” Terry gasped for air, and Red sat patiently. He might have been wrong, but he thought Terry needed to talk to someone. He was fairly certain it was a now or never kind of thing.

“Okay. Don’t take it all at once. Why don’t you start by telling me what happened today. What broke, and how did it come to be broken?”

“It was a crystal vase. James gave it to me, before—” He gulped for air. “He gave it to me and then he smashed it.”

“Why?”

Terry swallowed. “It was his way of saying he could take whatever he wanted. ‘I gave you everything, and I can take it away if I want to.’”

“Okay,” Red encouraged. “Please start at the beginning if you can.”

“I don’t want to. I just want him to go away. He left me alone for weeks, and now he’s back. I have a job. I saved that boy’s life. I did good, right? I started building a life again, and he’s going to take it away. He always takes it away, takes me away.”

Red stood up and gently touched Terry’s knee before going into the kitchen. He got a glass and filled it with water, then took it back to Terry. “Just drink something and think about what you want to say. I know it all wants to come out at once.”

“Yeah,” Terry said and drank from the glass. “The guy that was here was my ex-boyfriend. I left him a few months ago because I realized if I didn’t, there wouldn’t be anything left of me. He said he loved me, but what I figured out after nine months was that I was just another of his possessions. Something like his car and his thirty-thousand-dollar watch. A pretty accessory. So I left him.”

“Did he hit you?” Red asked, and Terry shook his head.

“It probably would have been easier if he did. Today was the first time he’s ever done anything violent, but he threatened me and controlled me in other ways, and I let him. He used to buy me things, and then I’d feel like I owed him something.”

“Is that where you got your car?” Red asked. He had wondered how a guy who worked as a lifeguard could afford a car like that.

“Yeah. Lots of stuff. The thing is, I didn’t realize until it was almost too late that he’d dang near bought my soul. So, no, he never hit me with his fists, but he did with his words. He’d say how pretty I was and how much he loved me and cared for me, and then a few minutes later, if he got angry about something, he’d yell at me and make threats. After a while of being told that you’re worthless or stupid, you start to believe it. And when he’d be nice to me, I thought it was the most wonderful thing in the world.” Terry took another drink from the glass. “I know I’m nice-looking. I won’t lie, and I always thought I could use my looks to get what I wanted. It worked, until my looks got me something I didn’t truly want in the end but couldn’t get rid of.”

“Okay. How did you leave? What made you realize you needed to get out?” Red asked as calmly as he could. He could already see the pain on Terry’s face. This relationship had cost him something precious.

Terry shifted nervously. “I was so stupid. A year ago I was training for competitive swimming. I really wanted to make it to the Olympics, so I was training for hours a day. James hated the time I was spending at the pool and kept asking me to spend more time with him. I worked my schedule at a pool, but training and swimming were important to me. He kept pressuring me, telling me he loved me and that he needed me to be with him. He had some huge business deal he was working on and said he couldn’t do it without me. James kept it up all the time, and I loved him, so I started spending less and less time at the pool and more time with him. I thought, hey, he loves me, and he’ll be there for me.”

Red could already see the pattern that was beginning to form, but he kept quiet and let Terry continue.

“All James was there for was himself. At first he bought me things, like the car, when I did what he wanted. After that, he just expected it, and I went along. I ended up giving up swimming altogether. Then it was the friends that James didn’t like, which was all of them. One little thing at a time until all I had left was him.” Terry sighed. “I know I was dumb and as shallow as they come. I figured I could get what I wanted from him rather than having to work for it. I didn’t even realize how small my world had become. He was smothering everything I was and had wanted, and I let him.” Terry lifted his gaze. “I know what happened to me was all my fault. I let him take over my life, and I gave up the things that were important to me. I know that. I have no one to blame but myself. I did this to myself.”

“To a degree. But James was manipulating you.”

“I know that now. But I let him. I let him buy me with stupid stuff. I’d do what he wanted, and he’d get me something. At least that was how it was at the beginning. After a while he just figured I’d do what he wanted. When I didn’t he’d threaten me.” Terry began to shake. “I know it sounds stupid, but he didn’t have to hit me or anything. All he’d do was tell me what he’d do to me if I didn’t do what he wanted. I had been happy at the beginning, but then I grew more and more scared. I was living with him, and he controlled everything. The money. Me. I was like the furniture in his house or one of the ghastly paintings he had on his walls—an accessory, nothing more.”

“So why did you leave? What opened your eyes?”

Terry met his gaze. “I woke up one day and wandered through the house and realized there was nothing of me there. Heck, when I looked in the mirror, it was like I wasn’t there. What had made me special was gone. But I had nothing, no job or anything else except the things James had given me, and I didn’t know how to get out. So I called my friend Julie. We used to swim together. She helped me get the job as a lifeguard. I stayed with her until I could save up some money to get my own place and moved out while James was away on one of his trips.”

“He didn’t take you with him?” Red asked.

“No,” Terry answered softly. “Thank God. I gathered what little was mine, packed it into the car, which I was shocked to see had actually been put in my name, and got the hell out of there. I left him a note telling him good-bye and that I needed to try to figure my life out. I wasn’t cruel or mean, but I had to get away. At first he called me a lot, but I told him it was over and that we both needed to move on. After a while I thought he had let me go and had moved on. He stopped calling, and I was getting on with my life. I had some friends again and a job I really liked. I’m swimming again. I don’t know if I’ll ever compete, but that isn’t as important as getting something of me back.” Terry took a deep breath. “Then last week he started calling again. He told me that he’d given me plenty of time and that he wanted me to come home. It was like he thought I was playing with him. The crystal vase showed up at my door a few days ago. I brought the dang thing inside and set it on the counter. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it, but I knew I wasn’t going to keep it. I’ve thought about selling the car.” Terry bolted to his feet and hurried to the counter. He grabbed his keys and pressed them into Red’s hand. “I don’t want anything of his. Nothing at all. I want him to go away.” Terry was shaking all over.

Red set the keys on the coffee table. “Do you want to go back to James?”

“No! I have a life now, and I like it. It’s like I’m coming back to myself. I should have seen James for what he was and not let things get this far.” Terry covered his face again. “I’ve made such a mess of everything. I took the easy road and thought that would make me happy. It didn’t.” Terry sighed. “God, I’m such a fool, and I have no one to blame for all of this but myself.”

“Is he harassing you constantly? He seems dangerous.” Red thought about the mess he’d walked into. It sounded to him as though James was escalating things with Terry in order to put pressure on him. Terry was obviously afraid of him. “You could report him for breaking into the apartment.”

“Yeah, but what is that really going to do? Except make him angrier and more determined. I want him out of my life, and I want him to leave me alone. That’s all I want, and like I said before, it’s something I have to do myself.”

There was little Red could do for someone who didn’t want his help. “Are you sure? I’ll help if I can.” That scared-rabbit look was back. Red knew he would kick himself for this, but he’d offered before he could think about it. Getting involved in domestic disputes was not a good idea, and this one seemed like a convoluted mess. If it hadn’t been for the broken glass, he most likely would have chalked everything up to Terry being a little dramatic. But he’d seen the terrorized looks, and the story Terry told was one Red had heard more than once.

Some people needed control of everything and everyone in their lives. It always seemed to start out innocent and loving, but it was very seldom about love and instead about control. And by the time the person figured it out, they were in deep with someone they wished they had never met.

“I don’t know if anyone can really help. I’m a stupid, shallow, vain person who let himself get carried away by a good-looking rich guy. I thought he was the beginning and the end because of how he looked, and I keep falling in the same trap.”

“Hey… you saved that kid’s life at the pool. From what I heard, you didn’t think twice. You dove in and got him out. You were also a huge hit with Aunt Margie, and she can’t abide shallow. So why don’t you give yourself a little credit? You recognized what was happening and got out. That takes guts, and you’re still trying to rebuild your life.” Red caught Terry’s gaze and locked on to it. “A shallow person would have stayed as long as the gifts and presents kept coming.”

Terry swallowed. “Why are you being so nice to me? I don’t deserve it. I was mean at the pool and said…. God I was so wrong.”

“Yeah, well… that wasn’t the first time I’d heard things like that, and it probably won’t be the last. People take one look at me and thank God that they’re not me.” Red turned away. Now that he was thinking about his looks, he wasn’t too keen about being seen. “I’m alive by sheer luck, and I have someone who loves me. I think I need to learn to count my blessings and accept what I have.” Now it was his turn to shift his gaze to his shoes.

When Red was acting as a cop, he was confident. He knew what to do, and his training took over. He had a role that he was comfortable with. But they’d strayed from that, and Red didn’t know quite what to do. There were still many times when he felt as vulnerable as a child, and he hated it. The only person he’d ever felt comfortable enough with to be seen at his worst was Aunt Margie.

“What you have is a kind heart,” Terry told him. Red shifted his gaze to Terry in disbelief. “What? You think that because I look like this that I don’t know a good heart when I meet one? Well, I do, and you have the best heart I’ve met in a long time.” Terry stood up and wandered over to the window. He parted the curtains slightly, and tension flowed out of him. “Why is there a spilled plastic food container on the walk?”

“The reason I came over was because Aunt Margie insisted I bring you the rest of the beef with broccoli.” Red knew it sounded totally lame, but it was all he had. “She was concerned about the phone call you got, and it worried her. So when I said I couldn’t just follow you because we were concerned about what had scared you, she packed up the food and sent me over.”

“You could have just humored her,” Terry said. “But you didn’t.” He paused. “The call was from James. He’d left me alone after his last spate of calls, and I hoped he’d given up. He hasn’t, and you saw the result.” Color was returning to Terry’s cheeks, and he didn’t look as drawn. The fear was still in his eyes, but it had diminished. “I’m not sure what to do.” He turned and looked out the window again. “I never told him where I lived, but he found out easily enough.”

“Well, with the Internet, it’s easy enough to find out almost anything, I suppose.” Red was worried. James had already come here once, and it was likely he’d be back if Terry didn’t do what he wanted. Not that Red wanted Terry to give in. He hated bullying in any form, but somehow in his gut, he really felt this was a situation that went beyond that. “Do you have a place you can stay for a few days? I don’t think you should be here alone.”

“I can call Julie and see if I can stay with her,” Terry said softly. He pulled out his phone and made the call, but it seemed he didn’t get an answer. Terry left a message and hung up.

“Is there anyone else?”

Terry shrugged. “My parents live in Florida, and most of my other friends don’t come around anymore.”

“Okay,” Red said. “Pack a bag. You can come to my place.” He wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but he wasn’t going to leave Terry here alone. If he left and anything happened to Terry, he’d feel miserable, and his aunt would never forgive him.

“I can’t do that,” Terry whispered. “You barely know me.” For a few seconds, Red thought Terry was going to break down again. “I’ll just stay here and wait for Julie to call me back.”

“You didn’t ask—I offered. And you shouldn’t be alone,” Red said firmly. “Besides, there’s a price for my hospitality. You’re going to tell me everything you know about James. That guy pisses me off, and I want to check him out.”

Terry went rigid. “Look, just be cool about all this. It isn’t that bad and….”

Red glared at Terry’s injured hand. “You told me he’s never been violent before, but I’m not really buying that. He came into your home, broke things, and you ended up hurt. Then he left. He doesn’t really care, so protecting him isn’t going to do you any good. If I can find something, then I can have him taken care of without anyone knowing the information came from you.” Red stood up and towered over Terry. “Please go pack a bag and come with me. I need to make sure you’re safe. It’ll only be for a night or two, or until your friend calls you back.”

“You’re serious about this?”

Red stepped closer. “When it comes to safety, I’m always serious.” He’d almost added words about the people he cared for but blocked them because he had no idea where in hell that sentiment had come from. Terry was someone in trouble who needed him, and Red would try to help. It didn’t matter if he thought Terry was the cutest thing he’d ever seen in his life. That wasn’t why he was doing this.

Terry stood and left the room. Red didn’t follow and sat on the sofa, waiting. Terry returned a few minutes later carrying a small designer bag. Red didn’t ask Terry where he’d gotten it because he didn’t want to upset him, but he suspected it was another of James’s little presents.

“What about my car?” Terry asked.

“We can park it in one of the lots downtown. That way, unless James is looking, it should be fine. There’s one right near city hall. I doubt he’ll look there.” It was a decent precaution. “Just follow me. I’m in the black truck parked a few spaces away from you.” Terry followed him out and locked the door. Red didn’t think it would do much good if someone really wanted to get in, but he remained quiet. When he got home, he’d ask one of the guys on patrol to keep an eye on the place during the night. Carter owed him one for taking a couple of his shifts when he’d wanted to go out of town last month.

Red wondered what the hell he was doing the entire walk out to his truck. He watched Terry get in his car and listened as the massive engine in the sports car roared to life. The car was louder than his truck, even with him inside, for God’s sake. He pulled out and watched as Terry followed. Red kept an eye out behind them to see if anyone was taking a particular interest in where they were going. He didn’t see anyone, but that didn’t mean anything.

The drive to the station near the borough hall didn’t take long. He got Terry parked legally and then transferred him and his things to the truck.

“I can’t thank you enough for doing this. I tried calling Julie in the car, but she still isn’t answering.”

“It’s all right. We’ll get you to my place and settled. No one is going to try anything there.” Red pulled away and drove to his house. It was a few blocks away, in the historic section of town. He went through the alley and parked his truck around the back before leading Terry through the small backyard.

“This is really nice,” Terry said.

“I sometimes like to garden in my spare time. It gets me out of the house and gives me something to do.” He didn’t mention that plants didn’t care what he looked like. He unlocked the back door and held it, letting Terry go inside. “Wow.”

Red followed him.

“Did you do all this?”

“Some of it.” The kitchen was like stepping back in time. “The previous owners took out the cabinets that had been installed in the twenties and completely reworked and restored them. So I found the antique stove downtown and added it. The refrigerator body is antique, but the inside has been reworked so it’s more modern and efficient.” Red was proud of his small house. It was enough for him, and he’d saved up to buy it, with some help from Aunt Margie.

He led Terry into the living room and then up the stairs. He showed him the guest room and told Terry to make himself comfortable and to come down when he was ready. It was getting dark outside, so Red turned on some lights and settled on the sofa. His habit was to kick back and have a beer, but he and Terry needed to talk, so he got a couple of sodas and placed them on the coffee table. Terry came down the stairs looking shaken. “What is it?”

“I opened my suitcase and took a look at what I’d packed. Almost all of it was gifts from James. I had to look for something that I’d bought myself.”

“Hey, you’re on your own now and trying to leave him behind. That’s what counts. You’ll find your way because you’ve decided to move on. You can’t let the rest hold you back. I’ve worked with people who’ve been controlled the way you were, and it takes time to come back to yourself.” Red inhaled deeply. “The thing is, you need to decide the person you want to be.”

Red motioned to the seat next to him, and Terry sat down, his gaze never leaving him. It had been a long time since people regularly looked him in the eye. “I don’t understand.”

“Okay,” Red began, going for broke. “You know how you were before you met James. The person you were, the way you acted, and the way you treated others.” Red paused. “You don’t have to tell me or explain. Because that person is gone—James squeezed him out of you. Right now, at this moment, you have the chance to be the person you want to be.”

“But how? I am who I am,” Terry began.

Red shook his head. “I suspect you were the person your friends expected you to be.” He wasn’t getting through. “Would the person you were before you met James have delivered meals to people shut in their homes?” Red held Terry’s gaze.

“No. He would have run the other way so fast.”

“Exactly. And would that person have thought twice about the comment at the pool? I don’t think so. That person probably took whatever came his way as his due, just like the gifts you accepted from James. You took them because you thought that being treated that way—fawned over and the center of someone’s attention all the time—was your due. I’ve never been treated that way, and I never will be.”

Terry opened his mouth, but Red gently shook his head to quiet him. “This is what happened to me. It isn’t just my face. I have scars on my arms and legs from the crushed metal. They had to cut me out of the car. I was lucky I didn’t bleed to death.” Red stood up and walked over to an antique desk. It had been his father’s, and Aunt Margie had saved it and a few other pieces for him. He pulled open a drawer and took out a photo album. He kept them but rarely looked at them. The pictures always seemed like they were from another time or another life. He walked over to Terry and opened the album to a page toward the back. He had no intention of going down memory lane. Not the fuck now.

“This is me,” Red said pointing.

Terry gasped softly. “You were… stunning.” He stared at the photograph.

“Yeah. I was tall, dark, and handsome when I was seventeen. I had everything then, tons of friends. I was popular. Of course, all that ended after the accident. The friends faded away, and popularity blew away like a fart in the wind. Kids watched me all the time when they didn’t think I was looking. It didn’t help that I continued growing taller and bigger. Within a year I went from that to freak.”

“You aren’t a freak,” Terry told him, looking up from the album.

“Yes, I am. The crash did a number on my face.” Red touched the rough skin on the side of his face. “It isn’t necessary to patronize me. I’ve seen myself in the mirror many times. I have no delusions.” Red chuckled softly. “It is the way it is.” He shrugged and took the album. “So you see, I know what it’s like to be good-looking and use it to get what I want. I also know what it’s like when the looks are gone.” Red put the album back in the drawer.

When he turned around, Terry had stood up and was slowly walking toward him. “I don’t lie,” Terry told him in a whisper. “I never lied to that snake James, and I won’t lie to you. Your face takes a little getting used to. But you are not a freak.”

“I’m not?” Red said, swallowing hard.

“No. You’re a good man with a big enough heart to give an ignorant guy who didn’t know his butt from a hole in the ground a chance.” Terry continued walking toward him like Cleopatra approaching Caesar. “You could have left me at home and said good-bye. That’s what most people would have done. But you invited me over here to see to it I was safe.”

“It wasn’t that big a deal. It’s what anyone would have done.”

“No, it isn’t. Most people would have just left. They would have found some excuse to get the hell out of there.”

“I’m a police officer. It’s my job to protect people. That’s what I do.”

“Maybe. But today was above and beyond.” Terry reached up and touched his cheek. Red had to suppress his instinct to pull away. No one had touched his cheek except a doctor or himself since the accident. His aunt never did, though she hugged him at every opportunity. She alone had made him feel loved. “You took care of me. James always said he would take care of me, but that was bull. He never did anything unselfishly, but you did.” Terry’s light touch slipped away, and Red wished it was back. Terry’s hand had been warm on skin that always seemed a little cold.

“I’m glad I could help.” Red took a step back and then returned to the sofa. He needed a few seconds to get ahold of himself. He hadn’t been expecting Terry’s touch, and he certainly hadn’t expected his reaction to it. His breath still came a little quickly, and he swallowed a few times to moisten his dry mouth. What Terry had done had been out of gratitude and nothing more. His body’s reactions, all of them, were just wishful thinking. He had no illusions that Terry had any feelings for him other than gratitude or that he ever would. Beautiful people like Terry did not go out with damaged people like him.

Terry prowled over to him, and Red sighed to himself. Thankfully, the now familiar marimba ringtone began. Terry pulled the phone out of his pocket with Red watching every contour as Terry’s excitement tightened his jeans. The view he got was fleeting, but would be enough to fuel his imagination for days. Red stood and strode into the kitchen to give Terry some privacy. He figured the call was from Julie and assumed it signaled that his time with Terry was at an end.

A few minutes later, Terry came in the kitchen and said, “Julie just got my message. Her mom had chest pain, and they’re at the hospital. Julie said she’ll be there for hours yet.”

“You should have someone with you,” Red said softly, not sure if this was a good thing or not. It would probably be best if Terry went to his friend’s to stay.

“She isn’t sure when she’ll be home.”

“Did she say if it was serious?” Red asked. “I hope her mom will be okay.”

“They aren’t sure what it was, but Julie said they were pretty sure it wasn’t a heart attack,” Terry explained, and Red nodded slowly. “So that’s good.” Terry stood looking at him. Tension built in the room, or at least it felt that way to Red. It was probably all his imagination.

“It’s getting late,” Red commented lamely. At least it sounded lame to him, though it was the only thing he could think of to get out of this situation. He could handle people shooting at him more easily than he could deal with the way Terry was watching him. He was determined not to show how nervous he was, so he motioned back toward the living room. He’d meant for them to go up to bed, but Terry sat down and popped open the soda Red brought out for him. Red looked at the clock and realized it wasn’t that late, so he sat down as well and turned on the television. He drank his soda while they watched a few sitcom reruns. At least the television replaced the need for conversation.

“I have to work in the morning,” Red announced after the second Cougar Town episode. Why they’d been watching that Red had no idea, but Terry appeared to like it, so he hadn’t changed the channel. It seemed rather pointless to him, but then most television was, in his opinion. Red stretched and turned off the television. He made sure all the doors were locked and turned off the lights before heading upstairs, with Terry following him. “The bathroom is right there, and I’m in that room if you need anything. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He went to his room and closed the door. He swore quietly when he remembered that he’d wanted to talk to Terry about James so he could check him out. They’d gotten off-track, and it had slipped his mind. Red made a mental note to talk to Terry in the morning. He needed to know who this guy was and try to figure out what he was capable of. Red heard Terry in the bathroom and waited until the house was quiet before he stepped out of his room. The door to Terry’s room was closed, to his relief. Red entered the bathroom and closed the door.

Red usually avoided the mirror like the plague; he had for years, and he was good at it. But tonight, he stared at himself straight on. Of course nothing had changed. His one cheek and eyebrow were still mottled with numerous tiny scars and one longer one. Over the years the scars had faded. They were no longer red, and some of their pinkness had started to fade, but they were clearly visible. When he was a teenager, he’d used gallons of fading cream hoping that somehow they would magically turn to normal skin. It wasn’t going to happen. He turned to the other side, which wasn’t as bad. His left side had been toward the center of the car and therefore better protected, so with the exception of a few small scars, that side was normal. He turned away from the mirror. He’d had enough of this foolishness. He was who he was. He had decided long ago that he was going to hold his head high and be the person he was no matter what. He’d done that, and a whole lot of wishing and dreaming wouldn’t change jack shit.

He stripped off his shirt, used the facilities, and then washed his hands and brushed his teeth. Then he straightened up the small room and opened the door.

Instead of going back to his room, he went downstairs, checked out the front windows just in case someone was hanging around, and then once again made sure the house was secure before climbing the stairs one last time. At the top of the stairs, Red stopped outside Terry’s door. He’d thought he’d banished yearning and longing for what he couldn’t have years ago, but knowing Terry was behind that door made his heart race and his pulse pound in his ears like a drum. What in the hell was it about Terry that made him long for a different life?

Not that it mattered. Red turned and quietly stepped away. When he got to his own room, Red left the door open a crack before getting in bed and burrowing down under the covers. As a small child, he’d been afraid that there were ghosts in his closet and monsters under his bed. His dad, of course, told him it wasn’t true. But he’d also told him that nothing could hurt him while he was under his covers. Monsters and ghosts couldn’t touch him because covers were magic. Red pulled up the sheet and light blanket, wrapping himself in the childish notion. Right now, he needed his covers to be magic, because he sure as hell felt just as vulnerable—although in a very different way—as the child who’d once been afraid of the monsters under his bed.