CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
MELANIE
The moment I walked in here, I felt like I was being slowly strangled from the inside. Death and sadness were old, unwelcome acquaintances. I should have realized that being at Donna’s funeral would remind me of the worst time in my life, but somehow it hadn’t occurred to me. Even the look of the funeral home was the same. Too much hardwood everywhere and far too many flowers.
“Hey there, stranger,” said a familiar voice, and I looked up to find Dominic’s best friend was talking to me.
“Mind if I keep you company?” he asked.
“Hi, Jason,” I said warmly. “Please do.” I gestured to the empty space on the bench.
In truth I barely knew this guy, but Dominic talked about him all the time. Jason was reportedly an unrepentant playboy with his own family struggles to deal with, but he and Dom had been close friends for a decade, so I figured he was all right. Anyway, I’d been feeling a little awkward as I suffered my private panic attack, alone in the back of the funeral home.
Jason settled down beside me. He was one of those guys who managed to take up a lot of room with the sheer force of his charisma. He wore an expensive suit, was still absurdly handsome, and the irresistible spicy musk of his aftershave must have been designed as a magnet to collect women. But as he looked around, his chiseled features conveyed a sad expression.
“She used to feed me all the time,” he said.
“You mean Donna?”
Jason nodded. “It seemed like there was always a pot of sauce on the stove, and she was always waiting for someone to serve it to. I used to go over there under the pretense of looking for Dominic, even after he moved out.” He chuckled a little. “I’m sure she saw right through me, but she was always happy to fill a bowl and watch me eat. Nice lady. I should have gone to visit her more after she moved to that nursing home.”
“I’m sure she knew you cared about her,” I soothed, but it was just a nonsense thing that people said at funerals. I had no idea what Donna Esposito did or did not know. I was starting to calm down a little with Jason beside me. At least I was no longer tempted to jump up and sprint out of the funeral home as if I was being chased by a chainsaw murderer.
There were a few dozen people here, all talking to each other in low, respectful voices. Gio got in front of the room and made a short speech about his grandmother. He talked about how she’d raised him and Dominic, about how she radiated love and acceptance no matter who you were. While Gio talked, I stared at the back of Dominic’s head. He’d been extremely preoccupied the last few days and most of our conversations had revolved around work. At least that crappy Sun Republic article hadn’t hurt business at all, and we’d been crazy busy. In fact I was so busy I couldn’t seem to find time to answer the texts Dominic sent where he said he was thinking about me. I didn’t mean to ignore him. I missed him constantly. But I couldn’t be all sappy when I had some important questions on my mind. I needed some answers. But this wasn’t the right day to seek them.
Dominic had hugged me when I walked into the visitation room, but then he’d greeted everyone that way. Both Esposito’s locations were closed until six p.m., and there were a few staff members here. They shook hands with their bosses and murmured proper words. Carl the ex-cop waved sadly at me before exiting on the arm of a rather twitchy-looking woman. I assumed she was the overbearing wife he was always trying to escape from.
The casket was closed, and burial would take place immediately afterward at the neighboring cemetery. People were starting to rise and shake hands with the family members who sat in the front row. Tara stood beside her husband and brother-in-law as they accepted condolences.
Jason nodded in Dominic’s direction and nudged my arm. “Is he doing okay?”
“I hope so,” I said, checking out Dominic in his black suit, his hair slicked back. He looked excellent. Mouthwatering in fact. I understood what a creep I was for itching to rip the clothes off a guy who was moments away from burying his grandmother, yet that didn’t shut off my hormones.
I didn’t realize my inner struggle had an audience until Jason cleared his throat. I thought he was suppressing a laugh and considered how that might have been odder than my secret lust. Then he shot me a bemused glance, and I grasped that Jason was unusually perceptive, at least when it came to sex. He knew exactly what I was thinking, and he found it funny. I folded my hands and primly looked at the wall. I still felt like a creep.
“You know,” Jason said, leaning close, “I think there’s something at the nursing home after this. You should come, Melanie. I’ll even pretend I’m a gentleman and give you a ride over there.”
“No, thank you.” I shook my head and stood up. “I should stop by the restaurants and make sure everything’s all set. We’ll be open for dinner, and I don’t want the guys to have to worry about anything. Besides, it sounds like something for close friends and family, and I don’t really fit into either category.”
Jason stood up, too, looking a little worried. “He’d like to have you there, Melanie. I’m sure of it.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“No.”
“Then mind your own damn business, Jason.” Instantly I grimaced at my own rudeness.
Jason Roma chuckled, though. “He said you were spirited.”
“Did he?”
“Yes, but I could already see that for myself.”
“I’m sorry,” I said miserably. “I have kind of a hard time with funerals.”
Jason put a hand on my arm and grew serious. “Don’t jump to conclusions. And don’t believe everything you read.”
The Sun Republic article was the elephant in the room that no one talked about, least of all me. If any of the staff had read it, they’d kept their opinions to themselves. Tara texted me yesterday to ask if I wanted to meet for coffee and have a chat, but I found an excuse not to. I was still shaken up by what I’d overheard outside Dominic’s door on Sunday morning.
“What about the kid?”
I couldn’t make sense out of it. Dominic was so good with his little niece. If he’d had a child of his own, then surely he would be a part of her life. I thought I understood Dominic well enough to know at least that much.
The sudden feel of a strong hand on the small of my back was familiar. I whirled around. Dominic was standing just on the other side of the bench. He looked even better up close than he had from across the room, except for the fact that I could see the sadness in his eyes much more clearly.
Jason reached over and clapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder, squeezed briefly, and then let go. “I was just telling Melanie over here about how lucky I was to be Donna Esposito’s charity case. I think your grandmother fed me more meals than my own mother did.”
Dominic moved his hand gently across my back. I thought he would pull me closer, but he didn’t.
“You were never a charity case, Jay,” he said to his friend. “You’ve always been family. Right from the first day you wandered over and demanded I accompany you on a beer run.”
Jason looked touched. “Thanks for saying that. You Esposito people have been my tribe for the last ten years.”
Dominic nodded soberly and glanced at the casket. “Well, the tribe just got a little smaller, my friend.”
“I know,” Jason said. “I’ll miss her.”
Jason scanned the room. It was less crowded now. Gio and Tara were talking to a pair of elderly gentlemen.
“Hey, Dom,” Jason said in a casual voice, “when you get a moment, I need to talk to you.”
“Is it about our little project?” Dominic asked cryptically, dropping his hand from my back.
Jason nodded. “Yup.”
Dominic nodded with approval. “Good. Will I see you over at Sonoran Acres after the burial?”
“I’ll be there,” Jason promised. He looked over at me. “Listen, I haven’t talked to Gio yet, so I’m just going to go torment him and his lovely wife with my presence for a few minutes. I’ll see you later, Melanie. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder for a little while.”
“Bye, Jason.”
Dominic peered down at me. “He cried on your shoulder?”
“Yes. I ought to send him a dry-cleaning bill for the tear stains.”
He flashed a small smile, then turned serious. “Thanks for coming. Means a lot to me.”
I was swimming in his dark eyes. If I wasn’t careful, I’d drown. I cleared my throat.
“Dom, I just want to say again how sorry I am. I know how much you loved your grandmother.”
He swallowed and started to draw his arm around my waist, “Mel,” he sighed, but he never got a chance to finish the thought because a bulky guy in an ill-fitting beige suit interrupted things.
“Dominic, I was sad to hear about Donna,” the man said as he shook Dominic’s hand. “She was a nice lady. She would come in all the time when you were working and would always make sure to ask after Elle and the kids.” The man perspired and wheezed a lot, like he had asthma or maybe emphysema.
“Thanks, Bill,” Dominic said warmly. The he gestured to me. “This is Melanie Cruz. She helps manage both restaurants. Don’t know what we’d do without her.”
Bill extended a meaty hand. It was sweaty. “Pleased to meet you,” he said cheerfully. “Bill Toro, owner of Toro’s Pizza, up in Scottsdale. I’ve known your boss here since he was a teenager. He and his brother both worked for me for a while.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” I said politely, but on the inside I was a little flustered. Dominic hadn’t introduced me as his girlfriend or anything even vaguely close. As far as Bill Toro knew, I was just a regular everyday employee. That shouldn’t bother me right now, but it did.
Bill Toro didn’t stay and chat long. He made Dominic promise that they would find time to catch up soon and then he wheezed and waddled his way to the door.
“Dominic!” Gio called from across the room. He beckoned his brother.
Dominic waved and then held up one finger.
“I think we’re going to the cemetery now,” Dominic said. “It’ll be real quick and then we’ll head over to Sonoran Acres for a little while.”
I nodded. “Okay, well I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow. Tell Gio there’s no need to come down to the restaurant tonight. I’ll make sure everything gets taken care of.”
He looked a little surprised. “You’re not coming?”
“No, you should be with your family right now.”
He glanced around and then tried to reach for me. “I want you there,” he said quietly. “More than anyone else. Please come.”
I wavered. How could I say no to him, especially on a day he was hurting? Yet my brittle mood won out. Being here at the funeral home, mingling with mourners left me feeling deeply uneasy. My earlier sense of being slowly squeezed somewhere deep in my chest had returned. This was the first funeral I’d attended since my parents’ deaths four years ago. In that bleak time I had clung to someone else instead of sorting things out for myself, and it had solved nothing. I didn’t doubt Dominic’s sincerity when he said he wanted me around, but I still wasn’t sure exactly where we stood or whether he really was the man I had thought he was. And grief complicated things. I knew all about that.
“I have to go look after the restaurants,” I told him, backing away slightly. “There’s no one else who can do it. You and Gio shouldn’t have to worry about that today. I’ll call you later to let you know how everything went.”
Dominic sighed and raked a hand through his hair. He said my name, but I’d already grabbed my purse and was quickly walking away. I had to get out of there. I might suffocate if I stayed in this room any longer. Dominic followed me out the door and into the tasteful wood-paneled lobby of the funeral home, where I could see that there were two other rooms hosting two other sad events with a bunch of other anguished people.
“Melanie,” he called again.
I would have kept walking, but he seized me around the waist and tried to pull me toward him.
“Stop!” he hissed in my ear.
“I can’t right now,” I snapped and shoved him away with more venom that I intended. The overwhelming sense of death was too strong. I needed to breathe some air that wasn’t thick with sorrow. He backed off.
Just before I pushed the glass doors open, I whirled around. Dominic hadn’t chased me any farther. I expected that he’d look angry, or maybe see that he was already on his way back to the visitation room. But neither of those was true. He looked even sadder than he had earlier.
On the drive home I thought about how, since I’d started working at Esposito’s, I’d felt like part of a family. It must have been wishful thinking on my part. A therapist probably would have been able to properly explain the trajectory of my life, why an orphaned girl-woman hastily married the wrong guy, remained adrift for years, and then finally tried to pathetically glue herself to someone else’s family just because she didn’t have one.
Dominic wasn’t completely to blame for my confused cornucopia of emotions. The Espositos just weren’t my family. No amount of clinging to them would change that.
In the midst of all this introspection, I was feeling mighty sorry for myself by the time I walked into my living room. Even the company of my purring cats did nothing to thaw my dark outlook. So I called the only person I knew who might understand exactly how I felt right now.
“I was just thinking about you,” Lucy said brightly when she answered. “Must be that incomparable sisterly bond.”
For some reason those kind words spoken by my only sister caused me to burst into tears.