Jake
The weekend of Sierra’s wedding arrived and forced my head out of my own drama. Since that insane phone call with Andy, when he’d been drunk and on a roof, he and I had talked almost every day. But we’d talked mostly about my job and his degree and hadn’t settled anything between us. He’d told me he was “trying to work things out.”
Still. There were lots of I miss yous, and assurances that we both wanted to see each other, badly. Our relationship had shifted, if only on the phone. It was romantic. It was sexual. Andy wasn’t even pretending we were just friends. And, for now, that eased my pain and heartbreak considerably, even if I still had no clue how, or if, it would work out.
With Sierra’s wedding imminent, and Andy trying to figure out his schooling before it became too late to change his course load, neither of us seemed likely to get away for a trip across the country anytime soon.
Sierra and Tom’s rehearsal happened and then the rehearsal dinner. Mom was in town, staying at a motel since we had no spare room at the apartment. My dad was there, sans his second wife and two kids, and several of my aunts and uncles, along with a bunch of Sierra’s friends from high school and college. It was a madhouse.
I didn’t hear from Andy the day of the wedding, which was scheduled for five o’clock. And then, when I was walking back down the aisle after the ceremony with Linda, one of Sierra’s bridesmaids, on my arm, I saw him at the back of the church. He was dressed in a rose tie, white shirt, and navy-blue suit that brought out the blue of his eyes. He looked so stunning, he stole my breath away.
I stared at him as I walked by, and as soon as I could, I found him in the crowd outside the church. He didn’t even say hello, just pulled me into a hug. The feel of him against me made my bruised and battered heart gallop in my chest.
He whispered in my ear, “Damn, you clean up nice. I wanted to run up there and steal you away in the middle of the ‘I dos’”
I laughed, picturing it, and feeling so damned happy that he was here. “You should have. Would have made the day memorable, like those fainting groom videos.”
I pulled away to look at him, hardly believing he was really here. “When did you arrive? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
Andy’s expression was odd—he was glowing with a kind of peace I’d never seen in him before, but there was a nervous look in his eyes too. Did he think I might turn him away?
“I’m glad you’re here,” I said earnestly. “God, there’s so much I want to show you! How long are you—”
“Jake? We’re taking pictures!” My mom came up to us. “Hello, Andy! I didn’t know you were coming for the wedding.” My mom was in a good mood, and she sounded welcoming. She had no idea what all had gone on between Andy and me. Some things it was just best not to tell your mother.
“Hi, Mrs. Masterson. I thought I’d surprise Jake.”
“Well that’s nice.” She placed a hand on my arm. “Come on, hon. Everyone’s waiting.”
“You’re not going anywhere, right?” I asked Andy.
“How about I’ll see you at the reception?” He smiled sheepishly.
“Oh. Okay. You know where it is?”
“Yup. Sierra texted me the address, and I have GPS in the rental car.”
“Cool. The Planinator strikes again.”
Andy winked at me—winked! Like he was actually flirting. Embarrassingly, my stomach fluttered on cue. “See you there.”
I let my mom drag me away, but I was confused. He’d been texting with Sierra about coming and she hadn’t told me? I didn’t get a chance to ask her since the entire wedding party was soon being posed like Barbie dolls over and over and over again.
The reception was at a rambling Italian restaurant with Spanish decor, a fountain out front, an open bar, band stage, and several large rooms you could wander between. I’d scouted it out earlier with Bridezilla, I mean, Sierra. The best part of the place was the setting. It was next to a vineyard, and there were mounded California hills in the distance, golden brown against the green of the extensive fields of vines. It was well after six when we all arrived in a limousine, and the light had a soft, shimmering quality that was magical. I admired the view for a moment before pushing my way inside to find Andy.
I found him standing by the bar. I grabbed his hand and led him outside onto a back patio that overlooked the vineyard. It was thankfully quiet out there.
“I can’t believe you came!” I told him, breathless and excited.
“I didn’t want to wait any longer to see you.” His eyes were warm as he cupped my face in both hands and slowly kissed me. The kiss was sweet, his tongue and lips sucking at me softly, but it made waves of want roll through me. It was so familiar, and at the same time, precious. I never thought I’d feel his kiss again.
It struck me that he was kissing me in public. True, no one else was on the patio, but people could see us through the glass restaurant doors. Plus he’d made the romantic gesture of flying all the way to California for Sierra’s wedding. I felt an injection of hope so intense it frightened me.
Don’t go too fast, Jake. This could still blow up.
I pulled away and studied his face.
“Why do you look so worried?” he asked with a bemused look.
“I don’t know how serious you are about this. And I’m . . . Just don’t fuck me around, Andy. Please.” My stomach ached with doubt, with the painful gap between want and fear.
He frowned. “I know I hurt you, Jake. I’m really sorry about that.”
I shook my head. “I know. You already apologized on the phone. It’s just . . .”
“Do you think I’d come all this way if I wasn’t serious?”
I huffed a laugh. “That’s a dumb question. I think you would do just about anything.”
He grinned. “You have a point. How can I prove it to you?” There was a twinkle in his voice, like he had his own ideas. But I was more than happy to offer suggestions.
“Okay . . . Let’s see. I dare you to slow dance with me tonight. In there, in front of all the wedding guests, for an entire song.”
Andy’s eyes took on that dangerously reckless light. “That’s all? You’re daring me to give you one dance?”
“Yes, but it has to be to ABBA,” I deadpanned.
He looked pained.
“I’m kidding! Any slow dance. And you have to hold me closer to your body than two feet.”
The dare wasn’t only on Andy. I still wasn’t out to my mom, dad, assorted aunts and uncles, or my coworkers at Neverware, some of whom were at the wedding. But it had always been my intention to be, so this seemed like a great way to kill all those birds with one stone. The question was: was Andy prepared to own it?
He smirked. “Dare accepted. Let’s go.”
He took my hand and turned back to the patio doors.
“I meant later! No one’s dancing yet!” I protested, laughing as he tugged me into the restaurant.
The reception was still in the early wander-around-and-gab stage. Sierra and Tom were chatting with people by the doors. The waitstaff were moving around with hors d’oeuvres. But Andy didn’t seem to care. He dragged me to the middle of the empty dance floor, left me there, and went up to the band. Tom had hired a four-piece group of guys with drums, electric guitars, and a keyboard who, according to Sierra, could play anything. They were playing some low instrumental soft rock at the moment. Andy spoke to one of them.
I looked around self-consciously. What was he doing? The dork. He wanted to dance now?
I caught Sierra’s eye across the room. She smiled at me and gave me a nod. Go ahead. Her face looked anxious.
Okay, this was weird. My pulse began to race.
The band started playing something slow. Andy came up to me and took me into his arms. It was strange, with his hand on top and him leading. I’d never danced with another guy before. But that worry amounted to a momentary burst of awkward nerves, and then I just let go and let him lead. God knew, he always had led when it came to our craziest moments.
“Andy . . .” I looked around. Everyone was watching us.
“It’s okay, Jake,” he said in my ear. But he sounded nervous too.
And then I heard the lyrics the band was singing. It was Ed Sheeran. Andy had picked this song? Surprised, I pulled back far enough to look at his face. “‘Thinking Out Loud’?”
He shrugged a little, as if saying he couldn’t help it. “Just listen.”
He tugged me in again with his arm on my back, and I let him. It felt too good to be close to him. And, anyway, no one had ever done anything this romantic for me in my life.
I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. All the systems in my body were in a state of five-alarm fire, overwhelmed with scatter-shot emotions: disbelief, nerves, longing, embarrassment at being stared at, love . . . There was definitely love. A hot mass of it sitting on my chest.
This felt bigger than just a dance. Bigger than coming out even. I worried about Andy making such a statement. I didn’t want him to regret it or pull away.
But I decided to cling to the love and dismiss the rest. Andy was doing this for me, declaring himself in front of the world, and I wanted to appreciate every minute of it. I sank close to his body as we moved, resting my chest against him, the top of my head leaning against the side of his jaw. I felt him nuzzle my hair.
God, I’d missed him so much. I’d gotten used to the feeling of his body against me during our time at the cottage. It’d been torture when he’d been ripped away, like losing part of myself. Now he was here, and there was so much intent in the way he held me. No longer in a casual or heated way. Not my best mate, Jake. There was something new in his hands. Like I was important.
His body was warm against me, his hands slightly damp.
The song lyrics ripped out my guts as Ed sang about finding true love in the same place you’d been all along. Did Andy mean that? Was he talking about him and me? Or maybe it was the only slow song he could think of. I didn’t want to assume too much.
He spoke into my ear. “I was talking to my mom about us the other day.”
“You were? You did?” I was surprised.
I felt him nod. “Yes. And while I was telling her about us, I realized I’ve always loved you, Jake. Even back when we were eating caterpillars, I was crazy about you.”
“You did? You were?”
My knees went a little weak. I opened my eyes so I didn’t fall over. Everyone was still watching us, though I was only vaguely aware of them. The song was winding down. I gripped his hand harder, not wanting to let him go.
“I was. And I want you to know that I have permission from Sierra to do this next part at her reception.”
“What next part?” I asked faintly, just as the music ended.
Andy released me and sank to one knee. I covered my mouth with a hand to keep in the scream.
He help up a small black box. Inside was a thick and heavy platinum ring.
I thought I might throw up. I’d never been so shocked in my life.
The band went into some low instrumental thing, and it was suddenly quiet enough that I could hear my pounding heart.
Andy tried to smile up at me, but it wobbled. His eyes were burning blue. “It turns out I’m miserable without you. So miserable, I was hoping you’d promise me we’d never have to be apart again. I love you. Whatever it takes for us to build a life together, I’ll do it.”
“Oh my God!” I said, brilliantly.
“We don’t have to get married soon if you’re not ready. I just want you to know that, ultimately, I’m committed to you. You’re my white picket fence, Jake Masterson, and you always will be.”
Somewhere people were clapping. Somewhere, my mother asked “When did this happen?” in a loud voice. Somewhere there was sunshine, and birds, and a whole planet full of people doing stuff. But it honestly felt like no one else existed at that moment but Andy and me.
I sank down into a squat in front of him and closed my hand over his wrist. “I’ll never stop loving you,” I told him, my voice suspiciously wet. “So ‘forever’ sounds pretty good to me. And you’re absolutely insane, by the way.”
He smiled, bright and beautiful. “Well, I wouldn’t want to bore you.”
I took the box, threw my arms around him, and kissed him.