She didn’t order wine.
“You’re pregnant.” Coco’s tone was adamant.
“What? No.” Mia flapped a hand toward us, shooing away the idea like a mosquito.
“Then why aren’t you drinking? Nothing short of human gestation would cause the Mia I know to turn down a glass of wine.” I’d offered to treat them since they’d helped me out today.
“I told you earlier. I didn’t feel right this morning, so I’m avoiding alcohol.” She crossed her legs and clasped her hands primly on her knee as if the matter was settled.
Coco and I exchanged a look. “We don’t believe you,” she said. “Have you taken a test?”
“No.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because I don’t need to. I’m not pregnant.” Her eyes slid over to the bar, where Lucas was chatting with customers who looked like they might be trying absinthe for the first time. We were sitting opposite the bar on an antique curvy-backed ivory sofa against the exposed brick wall. Lounge remixes of scratchy old jazz played softly in the background.
Coco gasped. “You think you might be pregnant but you don’t want Lucas to know!”
“Shhhhhhhh!” Mia flapped both hands at Coco, practically jumping off the couch.
“Oh my God.” I covered my mouth with my hands. “Is that it?”
Her eyes on Lucas, Mia nodded tearfully. “I just keep thinking if I don’t admit it’s a possibility, it might not be a reality.”
“Mia.” Coco rubbed her shoulder. “This is very unlike you. You should want to know! You do, I know you do. When’s your period supposed to come?”
“Right about now.” She lifted her shoulders. “I’ve always wanted kids, but…I don’t feel ready. And I don’t think Lucas is ready. We just got married! He’ll be furious with me.”
“Oh, Mia. Lucas loves you so much. He’d never blame you for this—I’m pretty sure we’re not talking Immaculate Conception here.” I reached over and patted her hand. “You should tell him.” Now if it were Charlie on the other hand…I could see being nervous telling a guy like that. He probably would be furious. Blame the girl. Or the condom.
Crap. Condoms broke. My pulse raced with panic for a moment. But I was on the pill too. Pill plus condom was good, right? I wondered what Mia was using for birth control.
She took a shaky breath and let it out. “I know. You’re right. And it felt awful to hide it from him. He probably suspects but he’s too scared to ask. I was a mess two mornings this week. Not throwing up, but pretty sick to my stomach.”
“Oh my God. You’re so pregnant.” Coco’s smile lit up her face. “Please go home and take a test tonight. It should be accurate at this point. I have to know. I have to.”
Mia allowed a wavering smile. “Let me talk to Lucas first. Then I will.”
“Do you know how it happened?” I asked casually—at least I hoped I sounded casual—as the waitress appeared with two glasses of wine and an ice water. I don’t even know if the base of my glass hit the table before I took it from her hand.
Mia waited until she left before answering. “Not really. I’m on the pill. I think I just got a little distracted and careless after the wedding. Not on purpose or anything,” she said, eyes wide, as if we’d been about to accuse her.
Coco put a hand on her leg. “Mia. You are the most careful person I know. Lucas is not going to think you did this on purpose. For what, to trap him? You’re already married.”
The word trap made me slug an extra ounce of pinot noir before setting my glass down. But Lucas and Charlie were not the same man at all. “I think you’re underestimating Lucas,” I said. “I bet his reaction will surprise you.”
“You’re probably right.” Mia picked up her water and took a long drink. “OK. Tomorrow. I’ll do it.”
“In the morning,” Coco specified. “I don’t even know how I’m going to sleep tonight, so you better get this done right away. I’ll expect a phone call before noon.”
“I’ll try. OK, let’s talk about something else before I start to freak out. Wedding update?”
Coco made a disgusted sound and picked up her wine. “No. I can’t even. I’m so mad I agreed to this shotgun wedding next month. Do you know I can’t even have flowers at the church?”
Mia gasped. “Why?”
“Because it’s fucking Advent!” she yelled. Then she looked skyward. “Sorry. I should be a better Catholic now.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “Because it’s fucking Advent,” she said, calmer.
I laughed. “Yes, that’s much better. God doesn’t hear the quiet swears.”
“I have to keep the whole thing toned down, the deacon said. Not that my taste was so flamboyant to begin with, but I was at least hoping for flowers.” She looked miserable. “I’ll probably have to wear rags and carry frankincense and myrrh. Ride there on a donkey.”
“It’s going to be beautiful no matter what.” I rubbed her arm. “How about candles? Candles are very Catholic and you can probably light a million of them in there. Tell them you want one for every saint.” For one insane second, which I will blame on the sudden and accelerated intake of wine, I entertained a quick fantasy of walking down a candle-lit aisle in a little chapel somewhere. But I was very, very careful not to look up at the altar to see who was there waiting for me. It wasn’t Charlie. It wasn’t.
“Oh my God.” Mia set her water glass down on the table with a thump, jolting me from my Dream Wedding to Not-Charlie. “I just realized, I might be pregnant at your wedding. I won’t be able to drink. And what if I’m fat? I already ordered my dress!”
“Mia.” Coco gave her a look. “Give me a break. My wedding’s in three weeks. You’ll only be like ten minutes pregnant, you won’t be showing yet. You probably won’t show for another six months. And who cares about drinking? You’re having a baby.” She reached over, grabbed Mia’s neck, and shook her back and forth.
“OK, OK.” Mia laughed. “And don’t worry, we can deck your house out in all kinds of winter flowers, candles, greenery, and white lights for the reception. I have a vision.”
“I know you do. And I’m counting on it because I can’t be objective here, and I need you. RSVP’s are piling up, and of course, everyone can come. I think we’re going to end up with about eighty people.”
“That’s a nice number,” I said. “Not tiny, but not unmanageable.”
Coco looked smug. “I agree. I got my way with the guest list—no five hundred Italian cousins with all their screaming children.”
“Good. Now you.” Mia nodded in my direction. “Do you feel better now that your new floor is in at the studio?”
“Definitely.” But what really felt good was being pounded in the studio before the floor went in. Should I tell them? What would they say? Part of me wanted to put it out there for a fun discussion, but I didn’t want them to think I had a thing for him. Because I so didn’t have a thing.
I set my glass down and bit my lip. “Actually, I have something to tell you guys.”
“You slept with that cop.”
I stared at Coco. “How did you know?”
She clapped her hands and Mia stared at me openmouthed. “Because you’ve got that freshly-fucked glow.”
“Do I?” I put a hand to my cheek.
“Wait, it’s true?” Mia leaned over Coco toward me. “You slept with Charlie Dwyer?”
“Yes.” I waited a beat. “Twice.”
Coco squealed and I could have shoved a grapefruit into Mia’s mouth, it was so wide.
“But it’s not like we’re dating or anything.” I picked up my wine again, but didn’t miss the look they exchanged.
“Why not?” Mia said.
“Because it’s not like that. I’m too busy for a boyfriend and he’s not interested in a relationship. We’re not really compatible anyway.” I hid my face in my big wine glass. Both of them stared at me in confusion.
“Erin, this is very unlike you,” Mia said. “And while I’m totally fine with just enjoying a fun sexual relationship for the hell of it as long as both parties are on the same page, this just…” She looked to Coco for help.
“Just doesn’t seem like a page in your kind of book,” Coco finished.
“Well, it is.” I jutted my chin. “I don’t have to be in love with someone to have sex with him. I’ve slept with guys who weren’t my boyfriend.”
My friends looked at each other and then back at me. “When have you ever slept with someone who wasn’t your boyfriend?” Mia asked.
Confession: I have never slept with anyone I wasn’t in love with already or didn’t fall in love with eventually. But people could change, right?
“My past isn’t the point, OK? And anyway, Charlie and I agreed we’re not going to have sex anymore. Although, we said that after the first time, and he still showed up at my house last night with tented pants.” I laughed, but they were bug-eye serious.
“Last night?” Mia blinked. “When was the first time?”
“The night before,” I said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Wednesday night.”
“You’ve done it two nights in a row?” Coco grinned. “So what time do you think he’ll be over tonight?”
“Coco! He’s not coming tonight. I told you, we agreed not to have sex anymore.”
“And why’s that, exactly? Wasn’t it good? It must have been, if he came back around sniffing for more so soon.”
I exhaled, feeling a shiver move down my spine and settle with a tickle between my legs. “It was good. It was insanely good. Sexually, we are very compatible. But that’s it.”
“How do you know?” Mia asked.
“Because I can barely stand him the rest of the time.” I grimaced, tilting my head side to side. “I guess I shouldn’t say that. He helped me out with the floor Wednesday night, and he can be funny and charming and sweet. But then he’ll say something insulting or cocky, and I realize I can’t take his bloated ego for another minute. I want to punch him.”
“Sometimes I want to punch Nick,” Coco offered, “if that makes you feel better.”
“Thanks, but Nick would never have said he shouldn’t sleep with you anymore because he’s worried you’ll fall in love with him.”
“Charlie said that?”
I shrugged. “Pretty much.”
“God. What an asshole. He doesn’t deserve to have sex with you, then.” Coco nodded with finality, then spoke out of the side of her mouth. “But I still think he’s going to show up tonight.”
“No, he’s not,” I insisted. “He wants to be friends. He’s insisting on taking me ice skating.”
“Ice skating!” Mia looked surprised. “You skate?”
“No, I’m horrible, as he will see. But that was our deal. He gets to take me skating—after which I’ve been promised there will be hot chocolate—and then I get to take him somewhere of my choice. I might torture him with some classical music.”
“Those are called dates, Erin. You’re dating each other.” Coco wore an amused expression.
“We’re not dating,” I said irritably.
“You know,” mused Mia. The votive candles on our table gleamed in her eyes. Or maybe that was mischief. “I’m beginning to think Coco might be right. If you’re serious about not having sex with him, better set that alarm tonight.”
#
After I got home that night, I took off my jeans, blouse, and heels, and purposely put on my ugliest sweats and granniest of panties. A hugely oversized, faded black sweatshirt so old it had pilled, with holes under both arms. It used to belong to my Dad and said Lakeshore Lanes on it, which I think was a bowling alley at some point in the last century. In a contest of frayed hems, my green flannel pants gave the sweatshirt a run for its money. The pants were so long I had to roll the stretched-out elastic waist band over twice, and the ends still flopped over my feet.
I took off my makeup, gathered my hair on the top of my head in a scraggly nest, and slathered my face with avocado masque. “There,” I said to my reflection. “You are about as unattractive as you can get. Now, if he shows up—which he won’t—it will look as though you were not expecting him—because you aren’t.” I frowned at a glob of avocado that had plopped off my face and into the sink. “And even if you are and he does, one look at you will neutralize his desire. You’re safe. Now let’s go downstairs for some ice cream and crystal meth.”
A few minutes later I was settled in front of the television with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Cake Batter ice cream and the remote. The doors were locked, the alarm was set, and the shades were drawn. I’d just started the episode of Breaking Bad when I heard a knock at the back door.
I froze.
No way.
I paused Netflix and went to the front window, pushing aside the shades to peer out.
Charlie’s silver Honda was at the curb. At first, I felt a little jolt of elation, my heart echoing his sharp rapping on the glass. He came!
But then I remembered what we’d decided.
Stop it. You have a plan in place, so just stay cool. Calm. Clothed.
Steeling myself with a few deep breaths, I headed for the kitchen.