Deanna had lain awake all night, afraid if she closed her eyes she’d wake and find it’d been a dream. Although it wasn’t the hot and steamy night of a romance novel, it was diary material. Too bad I stopped writing in one.

Once she started to live a life of lies, there wasn’t anything she felt worth remembering. Each day was only more of the same, a life she wanted to forget. For the first time in what seemed like ages, Deanna didn’t want to forget.

She’d thought she and Rafe would’ve been at odds all day, but when he’d returned from the beach, he’d calmed down, and they’d actually sat and talked civilly. She’d done most of the talking, but he seemed to take it all in. Or hope I’d eventually shut up.

But today was a new day, and she’d made a decision she hoped didn’t bite her in the butt. She’d been waiting for Rafe to come out of his room, but he hadn’t made an appearance yet. Deanna was going to lose her nerve if that didn’t happen soon.

She went to take another sip of her coffee only to find it empty. Since she was getting up anyway, why shouldn’t she pour Rafe a cup and take it to him? Yes, he’s in bed, but I’m supposed to be taking care of him.

She chuckled to herself. It was funny how she was trying to rationalize why she was going to his room. He didn’t need anyone nursing him back to health. Rafe may have gotten shot, but he probably still could outmaneuver and fight off any intruder better than most. If anything, he was taking care of her.

They both seemed to know it too, and she found that frustrating. Why couldn’t they clear the air and enjoy their time together? Was it really that difficult? I guess it’s all on me.

With two coffees in hand, she headed for his bedroom. She couldn’t knock because her hands were otherwise occupied, so she decided to tap it with her foot. What she hadn’t noticed was it hadn’t been closed all the way, and even though she barely tapped it, it was plenty to open it completely.

Deanna half expected to find Rafe lying in bed fast asleep. His bed was not just vacant but made, as though it’d never been slept in. She scanned the room, and there was no sign he’d ever been there. Did he leave and not even say goodbye?

She knew she should turn around and walk right back out that door. Yet somehow, one foot after another took her deeper into his room until she was sitting on his bed. Placing his coffee mug on the bedside table, she held hers on her lap. He’s really gone. That explained why the house was so quiet. She should be happy. It was what she’d asked for, but it wasn’t what she wanted. Not anymore.

She ran her hand over the bed cover. I made my bed, and now I get to lie in it. She’d always hated that saying, but never as much as she did now. She was sitting in a room with her only company the lingering scent of his cologne. It made her feel more alone than she’d ever felt before.

It was all catching up with her. All the lying and deceit had come between everyone she’d cared about. It ticked her off to realize Rafe had fallen into that category. She didn’t have to get in that taxi when Gabe called. And when she found out Rafe was at his house, there was no reason she stayed except because she wanted to. That’s why his leaving hurt. No one seemed to know what was going on inside her heart and soul. That’s because I’ve done such a darn good job at hiding it, there’s nothing left for people to like.

Deanna put her cup on the nightstand by his, then lay back on his bed. So what if she ruffled it a little; she could smooth it out when she got up. Besides, she was exhausted. It’d been foolish staying up all night thinking of Rafe. Reliving the enjoyable conversation and hoping for more. The reality was, there wasn’t any more. And never will be.

But a girl had a right to dream. Closing her eyes, she could almost feel the ocean breeze blowing her long brown hair off her shoulders and whipping it in the air. The warm sand felt blissful between her toes as she walked on the beach. Far off in the distance seagulls soared high in the sky with such abandoned freedom she was almost jealous.

Looking out over the horizon, all she could see was the vast ocean glistening ahead of her, not a sailboat in sight. Turning to the left there was only sandy beach, then to the right, the same.

Looking up again, even the seagulls had left her. Hot tears ran down her face as she realized how alone she was. What was the point of it all if this was how it would be? Dropping down to her knees, she buried her face in her hands. I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much to do alone. I can’t lie anymore.

She couldn’t stop the gut-wrenching sobs. Deanna was paying a price that wasn’t hers to pay. What had she done? Her only crime had been to live. And what has happened since surely didn’t represent true life. She felt more like a robot barely going through the motions.

The roar of the waves became deafening as she felt the force of them knock her over. There was no fight left in her. No struggle to break free. They held tightly with a harsh grasp, and she knew it’d soon be over. The lies, hiding the pain. It could all die with her.

Why did I volunteer to go for water? If I hadn’t, I could be with you, Phoebe. I should’ve died with you!

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

I can’t stand lying anymore. I don’t care what you do to me. I just don’t want them to hurt my family. And if I’m gone, you can’t.

“Honey, wake up. You’re not going to die, and no one is going to hurt your family. I promise you.”

The ocean disappeared and what felt like crushing waves drowning her, now seemed to be comforting arms holding her gently. “You can’t. No one can.”

“Deanna, look at me. I can. All you have to do is trust me.”

She had to be dreaming because he was gone. Yet, Rafe’s voice was filled with tenderness. If she was dreaming, she didn’t want to wake. The ugly reality would come slamming into her once again, and she couldn’t bear it. “No more lies.”

“There don’t have to be. You can trust me, Deanna. Just open your eyes, and you’ll see. It’ll be okay. I promise you.”

Deanna reached her hand up and gripped his arm. It felt as real as his voice sounded. Slowly she opened her tear-filled eyes. Even through blurred vision, she could tell it was true, Rafe was there holding her.

“What . . . what are you doing here?” Deanna stammered, overwhelmed with mixed emotions.

“Honey, I live here remember?” Rafe answered softly.

Oh, she knew that because he’d reminded her enough times. “I mean why . . . why did you come back?”

Rafe looked puzzled as he brushed away a stray hair that clung to her tear-streaked cheeks. “I never left.”

“But you were—”

“Out for a jog.”

Panic filled her. “Rafe you shouldn’t. You’re not well. You should be—”

He placed a finger across her lips, and said, “Deanna, I’m okay. It’s you I’m worried about. The things you said, weren’t . . . good.”

What things? She’d been dreaming. He was darn good at reading her, but how could he read her private thoughts? If anyone could, it’d be Rafe. Deanna would ask what he was talking about, but his finger wasn’t leaving her mouth.

“Tell me what has you so scared that you feel you need to protect your family, above protecting yourself?” Rafe asked, then slowly removed his hand but continued to hold her.

He really did hear me? Deanna didn’t think she talked in her sleep. But stress ran havoc on a person, and she definitely was under stress. Everyone had their breaking point. Was her dream telling her she was at hers? For years she’d been haunted by what had happened and riddled with guilt for being a coward for never saying anything. Sitting here with Rafe was her opportunity to spill it all. What domino effect will it have?

“You have no idea how badly I want to tell you.”

“Then tell me, Deanna. I can’t help if you don’t.”

“Rafe, I’m not sure you can even if I do. You don’t understand. No one does. This nightmare isn’t just about me. My family will be . . . well, nothing will be the same again.”

Rafe loosened his hold on her. “Nothing is the same. We’ve all learned that, haven’t we?” Deanna nodded. “Eventually you have to trust someone. Whatever it is, I can help. Protection is what I do.”

“Not from these guys.” She wasn’t even sure who they were. All she knew was everyone in Moreira that day had been killed, and no one knew why.

“Tell me everything, and I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Promise is a mighty big word.”

Rafe looked away for a minute then turned back to her. “I promise.”

There was something about the way he was looking at her. He unquestionably meant it. She could trust him, and he wasn’t going to let her down. But what she was about to say wouldn’t be pretty. I’ll be glad to speak it out loud. Maybe then I can start to heal.

“I’m not honestly sure how to tell you this. It’s hard to say, and I’m sure it’s going to be even more difficult for you to hear.”

“There’s not much that shocks me.”

“I was there and thinking about it . . . it still—”

“Deanna, look at me.” She did as he asked, then he continued. “Don’t visualize it. Just say it.”

She took a deep breath and started from where it all began. “There’s very little you know about that day that is accurate. The only truth is I was the only survivor.” Rafe didn’t say a word, so she moved on, telling him everything from how she heard the gunfire and hid to what happened when she entered the camp to find all the men murdered.

His darkening eyes were the only sign that he was hearing what she was telling him. She knew that would intensify as she told him every detail about what happened to the women.

Deanna saw Rafe’s jaw tense as she delivered the news about Phoebe being alive for a week after the first attack. She only knew the length of time between the men being killed and the women because her captive’s made sure to use that fact to instill even more fear into her. It had worked, not that she needed an additional push.

“And you kept this information private why?”

“At first I didn’t. When so-called help finally arrived, I told them everything exactly as it happened. But they didn’t want the truth. The local authorities, if you want to consider them anything more than leaders with guns, held me there for days and fed me what the world believes to be real.”

“Held you? In what way?”

She swallowed, fighting back the tears. Just tell the facts. Don’t feel it. “I was held against my will and . . . beaten each time I said anything that even appeared to be the truth. After a few days, I didn’t care anymore. But the authorities refused to let me go until I promised never to share what truly happened. They told me if I ever told a living soul, my family would be lucky if the only thing they suffered was the same fate as everyone at the camp.”

Deanna mourned for each and every single one who had lost their lives at the hand of those vicious men. When she questioned the authorities about bringing them to justice for their crimes, they made it clear to her it was someone back in the United States who’d decide their fates, no different than they did hers. She’d often wondered if the authorities were the ones who’d committed the horrendous attack and murders in the first place. They obviously weren’t above such actions and hadn’t seemed concerned such offenses had taken place. That’s when she knew she could never break her silence.

Rafe got up and ran his hand through his hair. She’d just delivered a boatload of information that was going to take him time to process. Even three years later she still hadn’t. When he sat back down, he asked her an odd question.

“Do you remember a woman named Abby there?”

Deanna thought for sure he’d be asking specifics about Phoebe. She wasn’t exactly sure what reaction Rafe should’ve had to hearing all this. Maybe this is his way of dealing with it. Talk about anyone but the one person he’d lost there. “I do. She was killed with the other women. Why?”

“Was there anything . . . different about her that day or in the days leading up to the attack?”

“Phoebe?”

Rafe shook his head. “No, Abby.”

Deanna struggled, trying to remember anything that might have been odd. But the truth was, everything about Abby had been different. It wasn’t her personality because she was sweet as could be. But there was something different about her, and everyone knew it. Like there was a secret hidden deep inside her. One Abby didn’t want to admit even to herself. But that could be said about everyone. Look at me I’m full of secrets. Horrible, cruel ones.

She wanted to get Rafe back on track about what she was trying to tell him. Maybe she’d told him enough, and that’s why he was going down this path about Abby. What she wanted was to hear how he was going to protect her family with all this new-found information.

“Don’t you want to talk more about Phoebe?”

“Yes, but right now I need to know everything you can remember about Abby. Trust me, it’s important, or at least I think it is.”

Belief and trust were things she struggled with, yet something deep within her knew these were what both she and Rafe needed most of all right now. “Abby was there for the same reason we all were. I would have to say her life was all about making a difference in Moreira. I heard Abby having a few words with someone over the treatment of the young girls.”

“Was that common?”

There was a strict policy of not getting involved in personal family issues with the locals. They were there only to bring education to women and children. They were not even allowed to enter the villages to speak to them. It made doing their job difficult, as they were required to stay in the camp and hope people came to them.

Deanna shook her head. “No, it wasn’t. Abby’s husband and one of the local men had gotten into an argument. It had become physical from the look of his face when he returned to camp.”

Again Rafe seemed puzzled. “Her husband was there? I didn’t know they had couples on site.”

“They don’t, but he would just show up. From what I learned, he’d been doing that for years.”

“No one complained?”

“I guess the family had some kind of pull. Phoebe asked Abby about it once, and she’d told Phoebe that it was good for his political image. Strange because he didn’t look like a politician.”

Rafe paced a bit then asked, “Do you know what they fought about?”

“No. Everyone kept their distance because he was fuming mad. Whatever it was, he packed up and left right afterward. Abby didn’t seem all that upset with his departure.”

Rafe sat down beside her. “This is very important. How long before the attack did all this occur?”

Deanna had never put the argument together with the attack, but Rafe might be onto something. “Two days.” She gripped his hand and asked, “You don’t think that—”

“I’m not ruling it out. We need to know what that fight was about.”

“There are only two people who know, and one of them is no longer with us. But why would they attack? They had to know he left. The locals normally provide all the transportation to and from camp.”

“I don’t think it was him they were after.”

“Then who?” Deanna asked.

Rafe squeezed her hand and said, “That’s what I’m trying to find out. I have a feeling that connection is your connection to who has been threatening you.”

“And you think it has to do with what they fought about?”

“I do.”

“Well then, let’s get to work,” Deanna said as she stood up, raring to go.

Rafe stayed sitting on the bed, watching her. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To help find this jerk.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Placing her hands on her hips, she asked, “Why not?”

Rafe reached out, grabbed the waistband of her shorts, and pulled her toward him. “Because I promised you I’d never let anything happen to you.” He tugged harder, and she slammed directly into him before falling into his lap. He rolled her onto the bed then covered her body with his. “You’re staying here.”

“Right here?” Deanna asked, barely able to catch her breath from his weight on her.

He propped himself up on his elbows, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, urging him back down to her.

“Deanna, we shouldn’t. I’m not the man you think I am.”

She smiled up at him saying, “You mean, the man teasing me to try and keep me here?” There was so much more to him than that, but right now she wanted, no needed, him to hold her. Deanna had just shared the pain she’d held so long in her heart. Whether it was that release that had her feeling this way or a bond neither wanted to admit, she didn’t care. She wanted him to hold her, and if all they had was this tender moment, she wasn’t going to let it go. This wasn’t about anything sexual. It was more. So much more. Tightening her hold, she said in a soft tone, “Please Rafe. Just hold me.”

Her body instinctively arched up toward him. She could see it in his eyes. He was worried about losing control, that’s why he resisted.

“Deanna, I can’t fix what’s hurting you.”

He was right, he couldn’t, but it was more than just this moment. It was the same reason she didn’t leave him when she’d first arrived. Although he wasn’t willing to admit it, she was. Every cell in her body ached for him to notice her as more than his little sister’s friend. If he could read her so well, why didn’t he see this? Maybe I need to show him. She slowly licked her top lip, never breaking eye contact with him. Although he said nothing, she felt his body tense against her.

She watched as Rafe battled to maintain control. He swallowed hard, fighting to resist, before claiming her lips as he said, “One kiss.”

She tightened her hold and pulled him closer as she snuck one leg free from beneath him. As he kissed her tenderly, she twisted a leg over his. There was no way he could deny their bond after this kiss.

Deanna knew she’d savor this moment forever.

“Deanna, you should tell me to stop.”

She untangled her hands from behind his neck and cupped his face, bringing his attention to her eyes. “Rafe, I opened up to you. Now tell me the truth. Do you finally see me as more than your little sister’s friend?”

His eyes darkened as his gaze fell to her lips before returning to her eyes again. She felt him stiffen as though battling with himself for control. She didn’t want him to hold back. He bent his head, and she thought he was going to kiss her again, so she opened her mouth, waiting. Instead, he buried his face in her hair that was sprawled out on his blanket. “God, Deanna, you have no idea what you’re doing to me.”

“Tell me,” Deanna pleaded for the words she needed to hear. He raised his head and stared into her eyes. There was something in how he was looking at her. She could see it in his eyes. A longing churning in him, echoing her own, making hers even more intense.

Deanna was being consumed by her own longing. Never had she wanted a man to notice her as much as she did Rafe. She bit her bottom lip trying to control the urge to kiss him. It’d be so easy to give in, and she knew he wouldn’t fight it. There was no doubt the chemistry was strong between them. But she refused to until he opened up to her.

“I don’t know what you want to hear?”

She touched his cheek gently and repeated words he’d used on her earlier. “Just look at me and don’t visualize it.”

Rafe gave her a playful smirk. “Is this the way it’s going to be? You use my tactics on me?”

She winked at him. “Only if it works.”

He looked serious then said, “You don’t need any tricks, honey. All you need to do is be you. That’s more than enough to make me go weak at the knees.”

Aw, that’s so romantic. There was no way she’d tell him that. He liked to maintain his macho image. There was no doubt in her mind he was bad to the bone, but she’d seen the softer side. One he probably hid from most people. I like it too.

She knew there was more within him, but no one changed overnight. Intimate conversations were probably something he wasn’t used to.

Arching up to him, she broke down and kissed him. As soon as their mouths met, everything changed. Rafe wrapped an arm around her and rolled them so she lay beside him.

It was more powerful than she’d anticipated. Everything within her yearned for more. All the emotion she’d kept bottled up flooded through her to him. She’d resigned herself to wanting but never having; now he was holding her, kissing her.

Through their kisses, Rafe said, “Deanna, I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Deanna answered breathlessly.

He stopped and cupped her face, so she had no choice but to meet his gaze. “I don’t know what this is between us or how long it will last. I can’t promise you tomorrow.”

Her heart ached, wishing it could be different, yet she knew he was a man who wanted to be alone. Why did she think she could change that? There was only one question left. Could she accept those terms after all she’d just shared with him? She knew she wanted more, but she wasn’t willing to have nothing.

“No promises and no regrets,” Deanna said as she claimed his lips again.