Chapter Thirteen
Hearing Darren laugh was one of the best sounds Miranda could remember. That he could do so even given his circumstances was even more reassuring than what her visions showed her.
She could tell that he was scared about the changes happening to him—as anyone would be. She was absolutely terrified.
Beyond the maybe-zombie apocalypse, her own impending transformation, and knowing that fairies were a very real threat, she was already falling in love with Darren. She could feel it—a weakness opening up in her heart, making her vulnerable to pain and loss.
“I really wish this car had a bigger back seat,” Darren said.
“Why?”
She looked over her shoulder into the tiny bench in the back, then to Darren. He shifted in his seat. Her gaze dropped to his lap and the bulge straining against his pants.
If she hadn’t been thinking such maudlin thoughts, she’d be all over him again. But her heart felt tender, and she didn’t have it in her to…have him in her. She let out a nervous laugh at her horrible joke.
“What can I say?” He shrugged and smiled a little sheepishly. “You have a profound effect on me.”
Will shutting him down now set him off?
She shook her head, refusing to see him that way or make any decisions at all based on fear. At least where Darren was concerned.
He had been so insistent that she only do what she wanted to do. He needed to get it through his head that she was actually attracted to him. Powers, werewolves, fairies, whatever else aside, she’d spent plenty of time indulging in carnal fantasies featuring Darren over the weeks they’d known each other.
If he kept thinking their feelings were just a byproduct of unfortunate circumstances, it would color their entire relationship. She could give in to the same doubts, if she let herself. For all she knew, he’d feel the same level of attraction to any woman now that he’d changed.
Crap. She really wished she hadn’t thought of that. An altogether new vulnerability came to her awareness. Another chance to be hurt.
Darren was gorgeous. And yeah, she was pretty, but not in the supermodel way most guys liked. She was short and round and her cheekbones didn’t look like they could cut glass.
Plus, she was a waitress, barely eking out a living, while he was a successful private security…guy. Whatever they were called.
She was so used to focusing on the end result. She never spent time thinking about the origin points, aside from strategizing which path would lead her to the best outcome.
She knew eventually she’d be a werewolf, and she and Darren would be in the same pack. What she didn’t know was anything about the others. For all she knew, the other five were females—his many mates.
That wasn’t a future she could be comfortable with. She wanted a one-on-one commitment based on mutual feelings, not a curse-based attraction heightened by proximity.
“What’s wrong?” he said.
“Before things go any further, I have to know something.”
“What?”
“Did you ever think about me? Before tonight. Did you ever have fantasies that involved me?”
His eyes widened and his jaw went slack. He stammered and looked away, his cheeks actually turning pink.
She’d made a werewolf blush. Miranda wanted to laugh again, but her question was too important.
“Of course I did,” he said.
“There’s no ‘of course’ about it. I need to know if what’s happening between us is just a side-effect of your curse.”
“Miranda…” He shook his head. “I don’t really like eggs all that much.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
He sighed, but the corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile. A dimple appeared in his cheek.
“The first night I stopped by the Red Thread, it was because it was the only restaurant that was open,” he said. “I ordered some skillet meal thing, and you chatted with me. I didn’t come back the next day for the eggs, even though I order the same thing every time. I never really looked at the menu afterwards. I didn’t care what I ate. I just wanted to see you. To spend time with you.”
“Oh.” It was the only word she could manage. The rest seemed to stick in her throat.
She’d been focusing on physical attraction. What he was describing sounded deeper. But then, she never let herself dream too big.
When she’d thought of him, the farthest she’d ever let her fantasies go was dinner, a movie, and then taking him back to her place. She’d loved spending time with him, but had thought nothing could ever come of it. It’d been too painful for her to dream about anything more.
“Scott is my best friend as well as my partner,” Darren said. “We go to lunch together just about every work day. We used to go to dinner a lot, too, or out for drinks with the guys.” He chuckled. “Ever since I started going to The Red Thread every night, I’ve had to come up with so many excuses. I thought about inviting him along, but then realized I wanted you all to myself.”
There was so much about what he was sharing that she loved. Hearing about his life, his friends, his work. Knowing that he wanted to be with her before this all began. It was almost too much to process. She’d been part of his life without even realizing it.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I don’t work every night.”
Darren looked chagrined when he smiled. “I know. But it would have been weird if I only showed up when you were working. I didn’t want to seem like a stalker. I figured if I went every night, people would just think I was a regular if word got back to you. Even when you weren’t there, I thought of you. I couldn’t help it.”
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
“I was working up to asking you out. I wish I had before all of this happened.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Before all this happened, I would have said no.”
His face fell, then darkened. Her heart leapt to her throat—not because she was afraid, but because she realized that she’d hurt him.
She reached across the space between them, resting her hand on his thigh. His breath hitched.
“That’s not what it sounds like,” she said. “I would have wanted to say yes. More than anything. But my powers…”
Tears welled up in her eyes and her throat started to pinch shut. Dammit, she needed to fix this. She closed her eyes and coughed to clear her throat, then forced the words through.
“My powers make it dangerous for me to get close to people. I couldn’t risk it. I wouldn’t risk you.”
She felt like a crack opened along her heart.
She had finally given in and taken the risk when this all started. She had touched him. And then she had sent him to his death. She had thought her worst fear had been realized.
And now he was here with her—alive, strong, immortal. But he was still so raw. He needed all the help he could get to hold on to his humanity.
Would finding out what she had done send him over the edge? Would she lose him after starting to connect in a way she had never let herself dream was possible?
“I don’t understand how it would have been dangerous for me for us to become closer,” he said.
“Because it would have made you another resource for my powers to draw on. If you were part of my life, you’d be written into my visions.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad.”
“Until something comes up like that accident you pulled me from.” It felt like so long ago, even though it had only been… Less than two days? That didn’t seem possible.
“You had a vision about your accident?”
“Not my accident. Not originally.” Her insides felt hollow as she remembered. “It was supposed to be the minivan that was behind me in the intersection. The one with the kids and the soccer mom.”
Darren looked over at her, his eyes wide. She couldn’t hold his gaze. She hugged herself as she looked out the window.
“I went through as many versions as I could handle, but the only way I could save everybody was to be the one who was hit.”
“I can’t believe you did that,” he said.
“I was pretty sure I’d be okay.”
“Pretty sure?”
He turned back to the road, his hands clenching the wheel. She heard a metallic clink.
“Darren, you need to ease up on—”
His skin had turned gray. A muscle was leaping on his cheek, which was…longer than she remembered. His cheekbones were higher and more prominent.
“It wasn’t an accident,” he said. “My boss and her goon set it up as a diversion so they could steal those goddamned coins.”
Her stomach sank. How could they risk people’s lives like that? They had almost killed a family. They had almost killed her. No wonder Darren was freaking out.
She started to unfasten her seat belt, planning to climb onto his lap if she had to. She was already reaching for him when he shook his head.
“If I’m going to live with this, I need to learn to control it,” he said.
He took a few deep breaths, blowing the air out forcefully. His skin gradually turned pink again.
Miranda laughed. “That was amazing! How did you do that?”
“I thought of you. The future you say we’re going to have. Getting to spend eternity with you.”
“Oh.” She tried to laugh it off, to shut down the reaching of her heart toward him. “I didn’t know I was that good at blowjobs.”
He let out a tiny snort, but shook his head. “Well, first of all, you are. But that’s not what I was thinking about. I wasn’t kidding when I said I loved spending time with you at the restaurant. You’re quirky and fun and make me look at things differently. You care about people enough to put your own life on the line. I was thinking that I get to keep you safe—I need to keep you safe. And losing control wasn’t going to help with that.”
Her eyes filled with tears. They spilled down her cheeks as she clenched her eyes shut. No one had ever said anything like that to her before.
She needed to tell him. The truth had a way of getting out. And he deserved to know. The longer she waited, the worse it would be. She just had to time it right.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said.
“I’m sorry.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I just wasn’t expecting that.”
“What were you expecting?”
“From what you and Jack have told me about werewolves, I kind of thought your attraction would be more physical. When I asked about fantasies before, I was just thinking of sex.”
He let out a huge laugh, smiling broadly enough that both dimples showed on his cheeks. “Is that all you ever think about?”
“It’s all I felt safe letting myself think about.”
“Wait a minute.” He put on an expression like he was thinking really hard. “So, while you were wrapping silverware and glancing over at me…”
She started to nod. “I was usually thinking about you bending me over the counter or knocking everything off one of the tables or—”
He shifted in his seat, his smile fading. “I really wish I had known that sooner.”
“I couldn’t have told you.”
“I still don’t get that.”
“Everybody dies. Everybody. And I can’t… I can’t watch people I care about…”
He reached across and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tight. His skin was warm.
“Don’t,” he said. “You don’t need to worry about that with me. I’m stronger now, and… Hell, I can’t believe it, but I guess I’m immortal. And I can control this. For that future with you, I will.”
“Does that mean you’re feeling better about turning me?”
“I don’t think better is the right word for how I feel, but I’m going to do it.”
Forever with Darren. She couldn’t think of a better future. They’d find the Knights, learn how to use their abilities to help people. Heck, with a whole pack of super-powered werewolves to help her with her visions, she could make a real change. Starting with preventing that apocalypse.
Well, starting after…
“There’s no way your boss is watching my apartment too, right?” she said.
“I can’t see why she would.”
“Then we should go there next.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to change you yet. I mean, the full moon is so close, and we haven’t figured out what that will be like and how to keep people safe.”
“Relax,” she said, casting what she hoped was a sultry smile at him. “That’s not what I’m planning.”
“Oh.” He laughed. “Damn, that is all you think about.”