As I walked to the lounge to grab a quick cup of coffee, my nurse gave me a sly smile.

“What?” I asked suspiciously, not a fan of my employees conspiring against me.

“Ariana Colbert is on the schedule today.”

“Is that so?” I asked nonchalantly. “I hadn’t looked at my list of patients today. Let me know when she gets here.”

Mary wiggled her eyebrows. “Are you sure? You seem to be in a particularly good mood today. That always seems to happen when Ariana comes in.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied. “She was one of my first new patients at this practice. I suppose I enjoy seeing her progress. I don’t think there’s anything unusual about that.”

“If you say so,” she sang as I went back to my office.

I walked quickly, hoping that my sweet but annoying nurse wasn’t spreading gossip about my alleged excitement to see my favorite patient. The truth was, she was entirely correct—I was excited to see Ariana Colbert.

I started seeing Ariana a few years ago after she moved to Berkeley for graduate school. The stress of school was making her epilepsy worse, so she needed someone to help her monitor and treat her symptoms. My friend at the student health center referred her to me, and I never got around to thanking him for helping me land such a great catch.

I knew it was unprofessional, but I had a bit of a crush on this girl. She was tall and statuesque with caramel skin. Her hair and eyes were dark brown, but her eyes had specks of gold in them. I had examined them a few times, so I knew them well.

Not only was she a total knockout, but she was also really sweet. A lot of my patients just liked to complain about their problems, but she had such an infectious outlook on life. She wasn’t in great health, but she still walked into my office ten minutes early to every appointment with a smile on her face.

But, it went without saying that she was completely off limits. Most medical professionals held the belief that work and free time were separate entities as far as socializing went. I even refused to work with my friends or family because it was too awkward. Sometimes examinations got a little personal—I wasn’t about to touch someone I knew when I was a child in a somewhat intimate part of their body.

Plus, patients didn’t want that awkwardness either. I felt like that counted doubly for women. If a girl needs to see a doctor, she’s not going to see them again if they make an unwanted pass at them. It’s unprofessional and just plain creepy.

That didn’t mean that my mind didn’t go there. After an appointment with a particularly gorgeous woman, I liked to go back into my office to cool off for a moment. I liked to sit at my desk, close my eyes, and imagine that I’d met the woman on the street, instead of in my exam room. Almost always, I’d be interrupted by a nurse with a thousand questions about a patient and have to snap back into doctor mode. Sometimes, I wished I could meet these women in the right place at the right time.

It didn’t help that I didn’t have a lot of time for dating. Ever since starting my own practice, free time had been hard to come by. Even if I managed to see all my patients and do all my paperwork by five, I still had to stay late and do administrative work. When I finally get home, I usually sink into the couch and forget that I should be going to bars and meeting women.

Once I’d hit thirty, I realized that picking up women wasn’t going to get any easier. It was also around that time that I realized that I didn’t do enough for myself. I had graduated from the top of my medical school class, scoring an awesome residency, and started working at a brand-new practice by the time I turned twenty-eight. A lot of my high school classmates hadn’t even held down a steady job by then. But, whenever I heard from other people my age, it made me realize that I didn’t have it all.

I had the career and the paycheck I wanted, but that was about it. I wanted to feel pleasure in my personal life, too. When I managed to find time to go out on the weekends, I always hooked up with plenty of girls which helped fill the void in my life. But, for some reason, it didn’t fix everything.

Compared to other people, it just seemed like I was missing out on life in one way or another. I rarely traveled, I hadn’t been in a serious relationship in years, and I had no intent on starting a family.

So, I promised myself I would give into my hedonistic desires more often. This meant that if I wanted to splurge on expensive drinks, I would buy a bottle of top shelf whiskey and have a few glasses. If I wanted the companionship of a woman, I would find the most beautiful woman in the club and bring her home for a long night of passion. If I wanted another woman the next night, I would make it happen. One thing that they don’t teach you in medical school is that a few letters behind your name can be the difference between a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night, or a kiss on the lips in the morning when you drop her off at home.

It was almost enough to satisfy my needs. Almost.

“Mary,” I called from my office, “I thought you said you were going to let me know when my next patient was here.”

“She isn’t here yet,” Mary responded. I probably didn’t pay her enough for having to put up with me day in and day out. “When she gets here, I’ll let you know.”

I checked the time. She was usually early for her appointments, which I loved. That meant that I could spend just a few extra minutes chatting it up with her before I had to move on to my next patient. Having a pleasant experience with a patient really made the work day go so much faster.

“Do you think she forgot about her appointment?” Mary asked. “I can give her a call.”

“No, wait a few minutes,” I said. “Maybe her bus was late or she couldn’t get a ride. I don’t think she would just not show for her appointment.”

“She’s still not able to drive, is she?” Mary frowned.

I shook my head. “She had a seizure just three months ago. We’re in the process of figuring out what medications work for her.”

“Poor girl. It can’t be easy to deal with epilepsy while trying to go to school. She’s a tough girl, though.”

“Yeah,” I mused. “She is.”

I began to lose myself in a daydream. I think Mary noticed because she excused herself from my office without another word.

I thought about examining Ariana, professionally, of course. Afterward, I would make small talk with her, but it would lead to longer discussions about our lives and our interests. Eventually, I would work up the courage to ask her on a date. She would giggle and blush but agree to go out with me.

I would take her somewhere really fancy, like a nice restaurant. I would let her order whatever she wanted on the menu, then we’d do something romantic, like go for a walk on the beach. When it got late, I would invite her back to my place to hang out.

Then, things would get serious. We’d both swear that we’ve never slept over on the first date before. For me, that would be a lie, but I didn’t want her to think that I was a slut. It wouldn’t take long for her to decide that she would be bad, just for one night, and give in to her desires.

Everything would go according to plan. After one night in bed with me, she would keep coming back for more. I usually didn’t see women more than a few times, but she would be the exception. We’d spend time in and out of my bed, just having fun and making each other feel good.

My mind was still wandering in dirty places when my phone rang.

“Hello?” I said into the phone, sitting up straight in my seat. Though no one was around, I felt like I had just been caught doing something dirty.

“Were you sleeping?” Mary asked. “Your voice sounds funny.”

“No, just doing some paperwork,” I lied. “What’s up?”

“Ariana Colbert is here. I’ll bring her to Room 3 in about two minutes.”

“Thanks,” I said quickly before hanging up the phone.

I rubbed my palms up and down my face, trying to shake the inappropriate thoughts about my patient before I saw her. What worried me the most was that I would see her face and see her as the object of my desire, and not my patient who relied on me for medical care.

I don’t know what we would do if I suddenly couldn’t see her anymore. I had been treating her for long enough that her care would be disrupted if she had to find another doctor. Plus, how could I ensure that she was getting adequate care? I knew a lot of skilled doctors in the area, but I didn’t trust any to give Ariana the level of service she needed. I didn’t know anyone else who would be as caring and careful as I was with her.

For a moment after my daydream, I had the ridiculous thought that maybe I could ask her out on a date. It didn’t take long for me to realize how ridiculous that was. Even if I managed to work up the courage, she would surely turn me down. A smart girl like that didn’t have time to get mixed up in a fling with her doctor.

It would probably ruin my career. Word travels quickly, and before I knew it, my entire staff would be whispering about how I was dating one of my patients. Rumors would fly and it might even cause me to lose patients if they saw me as unprofessional in any way. It would be career suicide.

I balled up my hands, pushing my short fingernails into my palms as if the slight pain would bring me back to reality. I could daydream about women like Ariana all I wanted, but to act on those feelings would be nothing short of idiotic.

Instead, I braced myself for Ariana’s devastatingly stunning smile and bright eyes. I would have to put on an act to appear like my normal self at this appointment.

Because she had always been in such high spirits for our visits, I was shocked to open the door to the exam room to see her on the verge of tears.

“Ms. Colbert,” I said, shutting the door behind me. “Are you not feeling well? Have you recently had a seizure?” I asked, afraid that her health had taken a turn for the worse. I would be devastated if something serious happened to her. Not only was it my job to keep her healthy, but I also cared specifically about her wellbeing.

She shook her head. “No, I’ve been feeling fine. I’m sorry I’m late and I’m acting like this,” she said, her big, brown eyes full of moisture. “This has nothing to do with my epilepsy,” she sniffed.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

She shrugged. “I don’t think so. I’m just in a lot of trouble.”