Fear laces my blood and the night air is bitter cold, making my hands shake as I reach into my pocket for his phone I took from him as he forced me out. I’m glad I had the presence of mind to put on my shoes when I went back to my room. I did it to avoid being cut by the broken glass in the bathroom but I should have realized this would be a possibility as well.

My shoes slam down on the porch steps, one after the other as I run forward. I look behind me, over my shoulder, breathing heavily from the terror screaming in my blood.

I knew there was a chance he’d break. Every moment with John I waited for him to remember. It fucking killed me for him to look at me with new eyes. No memory of everything we’d gone through. It was selfish of me, but I needed to know if he'd still love me even if I kept the truth at bay. That selfish desire stayed my hand. That, and the fear of how he’d handle it once he learned the truth.

Once he’s learned who he truly is.

My Jay. The tortured boy and my savior in every way. But he doesn’t see it as that. He never could.

My shoulder brushes against the bark of a tree as I try to catch my breath, breathing in the cold night air that makes my lungs feel like they’ve frozen. My muscles scream from running as fast as I did, but this is as far as I’ll go.

I lean my body against the thick oak tree and look back at the house. The sounds of him yell, pull more pain from my heart. The sob is suppressed as the light from the phone brightens the dark night and tears my eyes away from the lit windows in John’s house.

There’s no one for miles. No help can come soon enough.

There’s no fucking way I’m leaving him. He’s a danger to himself.

I stare at the screen, looking at the numbers to press to unlock it.

A password.

Fuck! I chew the inside of my cheek, looking back up at the house. I don’t know his fucking number! In a moment of panic, I almost forget that there’s an emergency call option at the bottom. I silence the sob that tears its way out from my lips and quickly call the police.

I clench my teeth. No rings. Pick up. Pick up!

A loud bang, like a crash from inside the house makes my heart leap in my chest and my body turns to ice as I look up. Nothing to see, nothing to hear but Toby's barking, over and over.

The click is loud as a calm female voice speaks clearly, “Emergency operator, what-”

“I need help!” I scream into the phone.

“What’s your address, ma'am?” the woman asks me, and I freeze. Fuck! I look around, I look everywhere for a mailbox or a number. There’s only a dirt road.

“I don’t know! I don’t know!” I scream into the phone, tears stinging my eyes. I look up at the house again, feeling like I’m failing him. “I don’t know,” I croak and cover my mouth, hating how weak I sound.

“Is the emergency at the location of your phone?” the woman asks me and I nod my head as I answer her, “Yes, please come fast.”

“I’ve got your address. The police are on their way. I need to know what-”

As soon as she tells me they’re coming, I drop the phone and bolt to the house. Finally help is coming for him. Finally.

“Jay!” I cry out as I grip the wooden railing and race up the stairs. The screen door slams open as I rush to get inside. As soon as I enter the house, I hear Toby barking again.

But it turns to white noise. Nothing matters as I sway on numb legs and stare at the ground.

The bookshelf is splintered on the ground, the books are strewn about. The lamp is shattered, and covering the floor with shards of thin glass are specks of blood that get larger and larger as I walk quietly to the other side of the room.

“Jay?” I call out, just as my eyes lock on his limp body in the middle of the room. The coffee table is overturned and he’s lying next to it. Where he lay the first night I snuck from my room to see him.

“John?” I call out his name out of desperation. I walk faster when there’s no response, falling to my knees next to him. His face is bloodied and bruised, as are his knuckles. A large mark on his face is bright red, covering nearly half of it and it’s then that I realize he slammed his head repeatedly into the coffee table.

I put my hand on his chest, shaking him gently. “Talk to me, please,” I whimper, but he’s still. “Say something!”

I press my fingers to the side of his wrist, but fail to find a pulse. I press harder out of sheer panic. There’s nothing. “Jay!” I scream a strangled cry and wrap my fingers around his wrist, holding his hand with mine.

“How could you?” I whisper. He can’t leave me. “You can’t leave me,” I barely get out. “I love you. I love all of you and I can help you,” I tell him in a ragged voice through the sobs.

Regret and fear are consuming me. He can’t die.

It’s only when I put my fingers beneath his nose and feel his breath that I’m somewhat calmed. But his pulse is so weak. “Help me!” I scream, knowing no one can hear. The tears fall down my cheeks freely, my eyes already are swollen and stinging from the pain.

I can’t breathe as I hold his head in my lap, the warmth of the blood soaking through my clothes.

My body rocks back and forth. “Stay with me, Jay, please.”

“John, come back to me.”

“I love you both. I promise I’ll make it better. I swear I’ll never leave you again.” As I whisper the promise I faintly hear sirens making their way toward the house. Help is coming. Finally, help is coming for him. I sniffle and hold him closer, lowering my head and whispering next to his ear, “I’m so sorry.” I can’t even voice everything I regret.

The sounds of the sirens coming can be heard in the distance, getting closer now.

“Just please come back to me.”