Chapter Thirteen
Noble
The guys have our apartment all cleaned up, and there’s nothing going on that would break any of their rules, so I know they won’t be able to say anything about what they see. After all, we live here, and everything we’ve arranged for the neighbors to do is perfectly within a tenant’s rights to do in their own home. That includes watching porn in the living room.
Being buck naked in your own home is also acceptable, and boy, are they going to get an eyeful of some of my friends today. I’m glad the inspections start after the school bus picks up all the children for school.
After the last two nights I’ve spent with Jani, nothing can wipe the smile off my face. I don’t know why I panicked the way I did. I’m so much happier with her. She doesn’t add stress to my life, it’s just the opposite. I don’t worry about much of anything when she’s near, and I know she’s always got my back.
She stayed with me after we cleaned up her place, and we went back this morning before she went to work to toss some more bleach and vinegar around, topping it off by spraying almost a whole can of the ultra-concentrated hospital grade disinfectant. Whew. We were both choking and had to beat a quick retreat outside.
I toss a throw blanket on the couch and grab Kenny’s tablet. It doesn’t take me long to find a porn site featuring some hardcore guy on guy action, and cast it to the living room television. I’m so glad Denton opted for the fifty inch screen when he got his tax return last year. I make sure the surround sound is working and turn the volume up loud enough that you can just hear someone’s voice over it. Not excessive, but annoying, more so because of the sounds emanating from it. Ugh, it sounds like a bulldog eating oatmeal. I don’t want to look.
Shit. I looked. And props to that guy who obviously has a much higher pain tolerance than me. I had a girl stick her thumb in my ass once, unexpectedly. It hurt in a unique way I never plan to feel again.
My phone lights up with a text from Barney, letting me know the inspections have begun. We have him as a lookout, but he isn’t going to do anything to antagonize them. He’ll be lucky to pass the inspections as it is, although I know a couple of neighbors helped him get his place cleaned up.
There’s nothing to do now but wait. The minutes tick by as the video goes from one couple to another. These two guys must be the romantic type since they’re making out on a beach. That is not a place I’d want to get sand in.
My phone beeps with a message from Jani.
Jani: The suspense is killing me.
Me: They’re on the way now. Should be here any minute.
Jani: Enjoying the movie?
Me: Way too much hairy ass in it for me.
Jani: The guys usually wax.
Me: How would you know?
Jani: Got to get back to work.
Me: Busted. Dirty girl.
I’ve shut and locked the front door, and though my car is out front, they barely tap on the door before coming in.
Neal is first, and I see him stifle a smile as he stands to the side, trying to make sure the camera in his glasses catches everything that’s going on. He’s followed inside by a man, a woman in her mid-thirties, and a woman who must be over sixty.
Their expressions are priceless.
I’m sprawled on the couch, one hand thrown across my bare chest, the other tucked beneath the blanket. I have shorts on, but they can’t tell. “What the hell?” I exclaim, sitting up. The onscreen couple are in the middle of a vigorous blow job, and the audio coming through the speakers sounds like someone is stirring a cooked pot of macaroni.
“The first inspection is today, Mr.” The gruff sounding man pauses until I reply.
“Bradley.”
“Mr. Bradley. We’re here to check on things.”
“Oh, right, I think I heard about that.” I fall back and wave them on. “Have a look around then.”
The older woman’s mouth falls open. I guess she expected me to turn off the video, maybe run away in embarrassment. The younger woman gives me a sideways look, and I swear her lips twitch like she’s restraining a laugh.
They make a quick trip through the apartment, but with the surround sound on and the volume at this level, there’s no escaping the man party going on in the living room.
The onscreen characters choose that moment to get vocal.
“Oh, yes, lick that cock.”
“You want it in your ass, don’t you? Tell me you want my cock in your ass.”
When they return to the living room, the man shoves a paper and clipboard at me. “Sign here. Just says we inspected and everything was fine.”
“Sure, just give me a sec to read it. I never sign anything without reading it.”
It’s a short form, but I take my time, making them stand there while the guys on the T.V. graduate to rimming. The older lady lets out a squeak, then rushes out the front door. Finally, I sign the paper, and they leave. Neal grins at me before he steps out the door.
Nailed it.
No pun intended.
***
“It’s time!” Jani squeals, grabbing her coat. The weather has cooperated with us tonight, warming up far more than normal for this time of the year, as if it too supports our cause. I returned to Jani’s apartment and opened her windows while she was at work, so it’s mostly aired out. It was a good hour after they left that I showed up, but it still made my eyes water just walking through the door, so I can imagine how it was when they came in. We’ve spent the last hour rinsing the over bleached and vinegar drenched areas.
I’m as excited to see the video as Jani is after some of the stories I’ve heard today. Everyone did their part and then some. Pulling my coat on, I grab a fold up camping chair while Jani grabs another, and we head down the road. It’s full dark, and everyone is gathered on the lawn facing the laundry room wall, laughing and exchanging stories.
There are no kids present, obviously, and with it being so far after business hours, no way anyone from housing management is going to see this.
Too bad.
Neal and Denton walk out and wave their hands, getting our attention so it’ll quiet down. “Okay,” Neal says. “I managed to get footage in every apartment, and Denton has edited it down to the ones that participated. Everyone did fantastic, but I think I have to throw a couple special mentions out there to Noble and his jacking off to gay porn show, and Mallory and Dennis for actually making one of them vomit.”
“Hey, they saw me blowing a guy!” Samantha calls, sounding defensive.
“Like that’s out of the ordinary,” I murmur, and Jani elbows me, giggling.
Neal nods to Denton before he walks off to join Veronica.
“Okay, let’s see it. I believe Veronica’s place is first. She went a little overboard with scented candles and air freshener.”
The wall jumps to life with an image of Veronica’s living room as the three inspectors come in behind Neal. Instantly, their hands go to their mouths. “I-I’m allergic to flowers,” the older lady stutters and retreats back outside.
Onscreen Veronica smiles brightly. “There are no real flowers. I just wanted to freshen the place up for the inspection. Please, come in.”
Yeah, this girl is going to fit right in here.
We watch, as the three inspectors are assaulted, apartment after apartment, without ever being touched. One apartment is filled with the scent of cooking cabbage and chitlins that have been boiling overnight. Another features two tenants faking the flu, cuddled up in blankets on the couch, retching and dumping fake vomit into basins. You can’t blame someone for being sick.
All of the inspectors are green after leaving there, and there’s a time gap before they move onto the next as they try to gather themselves. The next apartment is Samantha’s, and everything looks normal until they open her bedroom door to find her gobbling a knob wearing only a pair of panties.
Looking up at them, she feigns surprise, then outrage. “Hey, this show aint free!” The man she’s with just shrugs at them, looking bored.
They don’t have much luck at the next apartment either, where sex toys are scattered across the living room. Leaving the dishwasher open where an array of dildos and butt plugs drip dry was a pretty good touch.
You’d think they’d learn, but no. They go to the bedroom where a massive St. Andrews Cross stands, displaying a selection of handcuffs and spanking implements. “We can thank Jani for that set up!” Stephanie calls out. “I’ll return it to Scarlet Toys tomorrow.”
“Now, let’s not get too hasty,” her husband interjects, making everyone laugh.
One of the tenants even brought their three-year-old twins into the fun by having them “play a game” where they scratch their heads. She was very apologetic about the head lice, but they caught it at pre-school, so she could hardly be blamed.
Finally, they get to Mallory and Dennis’s place. The three inspectors who were so eager just an hour ago now look bedraggled and weary. Mallory invites them in with a smile, but what you don’t see is Dennis, dropping the mother of all stink bombs in the bathroom.
Mallory chats with them in the living room and just as they walk past the bathroom, Dennis bursts out, a magazine tucked under his arm. “Whew! You may want to give that a minute! I swear I shit stuff I ate when I was ten!”
“Dennis!” Mallory pretends to scold him.
“What? I ain’t kiddin, woman! I saw corn! I ain’t had corn in years!”
It’s at that moment, the stench really hits, rolling out of the bathroom and down the hall. The lady in her thirties clamps a hand over her mouth and races for the front door. She manages to make it to the street before throwing up. Neal follows her, asking if she’s okay, so we don’t get to see the other’s reactions after, but Mallory speaks up.
“They were right behind her. Didn’t even look in the bedrooms!”
“I think we can call this a success!” Denton announces, and everyone cheers.
I grin down at Jani. “Do you think they learned anything?”
Jani wraps her arms around me. “Don’t fuck with Violent Circle.”
“That’s right, baby.”