Brad

I told someone I’m not related to that I love them. More than that, I’m not completely terrified of how that admission makes me feel. At the moment, I feel like I’m on cloud fucking nine. My feelings for Mika are stronger than anything I ever felt for any other woman in my life before, and they are vastly different for anything I ever felt for Candy.

The feelings I had for Candy that I thought were love didn’t give me the satisfaction I have with Mika. Not even close. Now that I’m removed from that toxic situation, whatever I felt then was more like an addiction, like I was chasing the high constantly and was jittery. This feeling is calm and warm. It’s something that seems foreign, yet also familiar.

I’m sitting in my cubicle, waiting for the program I’m working on to locate any additional bugs before shooting it off to the next developer. My feet are crossed at the ankles and my head is back while I look at the ceiling. I attempt to list in my head what steps need to be taken next, but thoughts of my past, the lack of love life and my blooming relationship with Mika filter in.

Candy was a cold, calculating, and manipulative woman. She held my so-called feelings in the palm of her hand and let me know it every chance she got. She exploited me and turned me into a villain. And not to make myself a good guy in the situation, but now that I look back on the situation as a whole, she made me a victim as well.

Mika is the opposite of Candy. Mika is caring and awkward in a cute way. She is considerate of others. And best of all, she is unaware of the beauty and power she possesses, which brings out an enchanting quality in her. I think I began falling in love with her that day at the gym when she couldn’t shut off her filter. Bantering with someone who isn’t afraid to say what’s on their mind or, in her case, unable to censor which of her thoughts exit her mouth, makes every conversation an adventure.

In my old life, women only told me what they thought I wanted to hear, or they didn’t talk at all. Then Candy came along and controlled everything. Then I had three years of silence. It’s been refreshing to meet Mika, as she’s become a positive force in my life. When Mika told me she loves me, even after my stupid way of declaring my love for her and getting metaphorical about paints and shit, it made me the happiest I’ve been in a while.I did my best to stay calm when Mika told me what Jared’s father was threatening her with. I know there’s a potential that a judge to take Jared away from her, simply due to the fact that my past is public knowledge. My character before I went to prison will be seen as a concern, and I get it. If I had been smarter about the situation when Mika told me about Jared, I would have demanded that she told Jared’s dad about me. But being that I knew, well know barely anything about kids, I didn’t think of that foolishly and now look at the mess that she’s in. Now that I know someone is threatening her and Jared, I know I need to protect them. First, I need to know what her brother has to say about the situation and then I will hopefully have some guidance on what I need to be doing to support her.

As I try to start my life over and create a new and improved version of myself, it is frustrating every time something from my past gets in the way. It’s as if the bars I used to sleep behind still hold me back from moving on.

I’m lost in thought when my computer makes the notification noise indicating the program is ready for me. I finish my work for the day, text Mika and invite her to meet me at my place, and then I head home.

* * *

Mika is at my house already when I pull into my garage. She’s standing at the end of the garage as I get out of the cab; I shut the door and open my arms to her. She looks like she has been crying at some point during the day. She runs into me as if she hasn’t seen me for days. I rub her back and breath her in.

“I hate Derek,” she sobs into my shirt, clutching it in her hand.

“I’m sorry.” I continue to rub her back, unsure what to say. I’m not even quite sure about what has happened.

“He’s petitioning to get our custody and visitation changed. He wants to take me back to court. He wants to take Jared away from me!”

Fuck!

“Let’s go inside. I’ll make us some dinner and we’ll invite your brother over,” I say, holding her at arm’s length and wiping away the tears on her cheeks.

“I can’t bother Reed again today. I sat in his office all day today and came up with a list of topics to bring up during mediation. I don’t need to bring him into this. This whole situation just sucks and I should have gone about all of this differently.”

“He’s your brother, Mika. He’ll want to be involved.”

She sniffles and nods as I steer us toward the house and grab my cell from my pocket. I call her brother and ask him to come over. He arrives within minutes and pounds on my front door. Mika’s curled in a ball on the couch as I answer the door and silently wave him inside. We stand in front of the door and talk quietly.

“Derek’s officially taking her to court.”

“Shit!” Reed swears. “They’ll go to mediation first and if they can’t agree, then they’ll go to court.”

“So all in all, they’ll to court?”

“Yeah. She won’t need an attorney for mediation, but if it goes to trial, my friend who she already spoke with will help her out.”

“Yeah, I was afraid of that. Come on, she’s in here. She feels bad for bringing you into this, but I figured you’d be pissed if she didn’t.”

“Thank you,” he says, walking further into my home.

After a few hours of talking over strategy, a little or a lot more crying, and some pizza delivery, Reed leaves and Mika goes back to sitting quietly on the couch looking off into space. I excuse myself to the bathroom and just stand at the sink looking in the mirror.

I’m not the same guy I was before; I can be a good guy for her. While she didn’t say it outright, I know this is happening because of me. I knew my past would be an obstacle for me as I built my new life, so I’ve been working my ass off to put the past behind me and to make myself a better man. But now it seems my past has become a burden to the woman I love.

I know what I need to do.

Mika

Today officially sucks – not just one part of the day, but all of it. I spent much of my day in Reed’s office telling him what transpired between Derek and me. He called one of his buddies and the three of us went through as many scenarios as we could during lunch. Never once did I think that I would come home to being served papers by some random about Derek wanting a change in the custody agreement.

I knew at that point, I couldn’t fix this on my own and needed more support, so I had to bring it up to Brad. Even though I could tell he had no idea what to do, he took care of me and he called my brother. Brad sat with us and we discussed everything, from his record to what I would potentially face. After Reed left, I felt numb. I wasn’t sure if Brad wanted me to stay, or if I should go.

Brad sits beside me on the couch so I lean back and snuggle into him. His hand rubs up and down my arm.

“I need to ask you something,” he starts. “I need to give you the option for an out. If you want to take it, there are no hard feelings. But if you don’t, I want you to know I will back you up every step of the way.”

I sit up and turn to look at him.

“No,” I simply say.

“No?”

“No, there is no out.”

“Then I’m with you. Anything that you need, I’m there,” he says assuredly, his face level with mine and his palms cradling my face.

A tear escapes; I didn’t think that I had any more to spare. Brad catches it with the pad of his thumb, leans in and kisses my forehead.

He holds me close all night, and doesn’t make any attempt to turn the moment sexual, despite the erection I felt pressed against my body from time to time. While part of me wants to feel his body moving inside mine, there’s nothing I want more than just to feel his presence and absorb his strength.

I know I have to face the real world again. There’s an eight-hour shift in front of me to keep my mind otherwise occupied from the bullshit I will be facing over the next months.

Step one. Put on a smile.

Step two. Think about any instances that Derek would likely bring up and hold against me.

Step three. Try not to think about why I’m creating these steps.

I go through the motions of a shower in Brad’s bathroom. When I return, I find him sitting up in bed, coffee in one hand and a tablet in the other. He looks up at me as I cinch the towel tight against my body.

“You sleep all right?” he asks.

“I think so. Thank you for last night. I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with drama – my drama. Maybe I should give you the out,” I say quietly.

He sets the coffee and the tablet down and stands. His boxer briefs hug him perfectly, the waistband accentuating his “V” even more than I ever thought was possible on a real person. The subtle line of hair that leads to a happy place and his defined stomach make me want to jump on him and ride him like a pony. I lick my lips as my eyes trail up his torso. When my eyes finally meet his, he’s standing in front of me with a cocky grin and his hands on his hips.

“You done?” he asks.

“Huh?”

“You done thinking of all the things we could do if we were naked?”

“I might need a few samples. Could you jog my memory?” I smile with a tilt of my head and an arch of my eyebrow.

“You seductress.” He smiles and places his hands on my shoulders. “I don’t want an out. I didn’t realize it when I made my starting-over goals, but the one about family? It doesn’t need to be the Maddox family specifically.”

“I’m not following.”

“Sure, it would be spectacular if Jake and Ty allow me back into their lives, but what I didn’t think about was that I could have my own family.”

I’m stunned silent and I’m sure my eyes are wide.

“Okay, that sounded creepy.” He appears to regroup and take another approach. “So, I love you. I’m not trying to force myself into your family, but I’m being honest. So, no. No, I do not want an out. I want you. I want Jared. And I want whatever this is and will become.”

“What if I become a mess?”

“Then I’ll clean you up.”

“What if your character is attacked?”

“I know who I am; they’re just words.”

“What if—”

“We can play the what-if game all day. Bottom line: I’m here with you, if you’ll let me.”

I wrap my arms around his waist and breathe him in.

“Thank you,” I mumble against his chest as his arms squeeze me in return. “And for the record, I like you too – a lot. Even love you too.”