Jack drove toward town as fast as he dared on the snowy roads, wanting nothing more than to get away from the scene that was in danger of playing out at his house. Every time he saw her, spoke to her—hell, even thought about her—his willpower to resist her diminished. He imagined that right then, she was pulling open her curtains as promised, wearing who-knew-what. He’d promised himself to make her life easier by letting her stay at the cabin, but it felt more and more like a selfish excuse to be near her.

As his truck barreled down the dark road, framed on both sides by mountainous piles of snow left by the plow, all kinds of thoughts ran through his head.

I can’t have her.

I want her, and she wants me.

Dad screwed up Elizabeth’s entire life, and you told no one about it.

Things are going to come to a head, some way and somehow. I feel it coming.  How do I keep from hurting her even more?

For the first time in a long while, Jack felt at a loss as to what was the right thing to do. The only course he could think of was to call up a buddy and drink to get drunk and tell someone the whole stupid situation. Not Doc Bauer—he was too much an elder figure, and while Jack valued his opinion greatly, he needed someone on equal footing, someone who knew how Jack operated and wouldn’t judge.

He couldn’t call Josh. He’d always protected his little brother from the truth, and if the day came where he did tell him about their father’s actions, it couldn’t be because of Jack’s desperate desire to be with Elizabeth.

That left Tom Steele, Jack’s closest friend, traveling buddy, and fellow fire captain. He needed someone to talk some sense into him, and Tom was one of the most sensible men he knew.

He called Tom, and they agreed to meet at the bar at the Pioneer Hotel, where the pair of friends often met because of its excellent whiskey selection.

They arrived at about the same time. The bar was quiet, but Jack still chose the table furthest in the corner. They ordered drinks, and Tom ordered a plate of beef sliders.

“You haven’t had dinner?” Jack asked.

“I did,” Tom said. “I’m hungry again.”

Jack noticed the telltale red in his eyes and laughed. “Ah. Got it.” Recreational marijuana had been legal in Alaska for some time, and beyond its medicinal value, quite a few firefighters found that it helped them cope with the stress of the job and the inconsistent sleep. Jack knew which strains Tom preferred, which made birthday gifts easy.

“I thought I’d be staying in tonight,” Tom said. “But I’m glad you called. As soon as my rideshare got to my house, I realized how hungry I was for some burgers.”

Their drinks arrived, along with Tom’s food, and as Jack watched his blazed friend enjoy his sliders, he considered that maybe he should get high. It might help with the anxiety that had been roiling through him unrelentingly since he’d met Elizabeth on that icy road a few weeks back. Growing up with a cop for a father before pot was legal must have left some residual baggage because he’d never before been tempted, although intellectually he was fine with it.

“Tom, I need advice.”

Tom looked up. “Yeah? What about?”

“Elizabeth Armstrong’s got me all tied up in knots. She’s amazing. And attractive. And the more I get to know her, the more I want to be with her, and I need you to talk me out of it.”

“Okay, but why do you want to be talked out of it?” Tom asked. “I mean, I get wanting to stay single. I’m right there with you.”

“That’s not it,” Jack said. “This woman is something special, and I want her. Like, really want her. For the long haul. She’s got me thinking marriage and the whole business.”

Tom’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re kidding.”

“But it’s more complicated than that.” Jack took a long bracing drink of his whiskey. Here it came, the whole story, demanding to be let out. “There’s something I need to tell you. It’s about something that happened a long time ago.”

Tom’s frank blue eyes never left Jack’s face as Jack explained the whole thing, starting with his mom’s illness and his dad’s desperation. He confided to Tom about his dad’s theft of the money and how the path of the Armstrong family was forever changed as a result, and not for the better. He shared the emotional ups and downs he’d suffered, from his guilt at staying quiet to his damaged relationship with his siblings to the current crux of it—meeting Elizabeth and falling so hard for her.

By the time Jack was done telling the story, he’d reached whiskey number three.

Tom sat back in his chair, arms folded, looking up at the molded metal ceiling tiles. He let out a low whistle. “Hell,” he said. “So that’s what you’ve been carrying around all these years? I wish you’d told me. It’s not your fault, you know.”

“Tell that to Elizabeth, will you?” Jack ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t commit the theft, but I committed a crime by not turning in my dad. Elizabeth’s whole life was defined by what happened.”

A fresh wave of guilt crested over him at the thought.  

“That’s a screwed up situation for you to be put in,” Tom said. “Who knows what any of us would do? Probably exactly what you did.”

Jack stared at a knot in the polished wood table. “I doubt Elizabeth would see it that way.”

“Well, the way I see it is, you have two choices. One, you can keep quiet and live as if.”

“As if what?”

“As if none of it ever happened. You can ask her out, date her, marry her––all that––and hope she never finds out.”

“I don’t want to live that way,” Jack said. “I couldn’t. It would eat me up, and it would keep us from being intimate the way I’d want to be. If someone’s going to love me, they’ve got to love the whole me, flaws and all. It wouldn’t be real love, otherwise.”

“Your other choice is to tell her,” Tom said. “To come clean and let the chips fall where they may.”

Jack groaned, downed his drink, and then said, “I was afraid you were going to say something like that.”

“What’s your legal liability at this point?” Tom asked.

“The statute of limitations expired a long time ago.”

“What are you inclined to do, my friend? Besides having another whiskey, which isn’t a good idea.”

“What would you do if you were me?” Jack asked him.

“I’m not you.”

Jack took a deep breath. “Honestly, I want to do what’s best for Elizabeth. I just don’t know what that is. And I’d really like to give up this pretense that I’m such a great guy. It’s exhausting to feel like a fraud.”

“But you are a great guy,” Tom said. “Knowing this about you doesn’t change my opinion on that. You’re a stand-up guy and someone I’m proud to call my best friend. And I hope you know that no matter what you decide to do, you’ve got my support.”

“Thanks, man.”

“I mean it.”

While Tom finished his first drink, which he’d been nursing much more slowly than Jack with his, Jack thought about his options. He didn’t know what he’d hoped Tom would say, but he wanted a way out from his dilemma. He wanted to be with Elizabeth, and it wouldn’t work if this particular secret were between them. He could treat her well, and he could love her, and he could build a life with her, but it would be unconscionable to pursue a relationship knowing what he knew and what she did not.

“I’m not even sure if it’s a good idea to go home,” he said, and then told Tom about Elizabeth’s invitation to watch her through the window. “It took every ounce of willpower I had to walk away from that.”

Tom whistled in admiration for the restraint Jack had shown. “You're a stronger man than me, buddy.”

“Give me advice, man,” Jack said. “Tell me what to do.”

“I don’t know what else to tell you,” Tom said. “Only that if you can’t keep it from her and you don’t want to tell her, then you should move on. Find someone else and let Elizabeth go.”

Yes, Jack thought. That’s what I should do. Let her go. Let her find someone else who’s worthy of her.

“Let’s go bar-hopping,” he said.

Tom burst out laughing. “I was just about to put you in a cab to send you home.”

“Can’t go home,” Jack said.

Tom laughed again. “Because of Elizabeth. Okay, bar-hopping it is. Maybe you can get that twig of a bartender out of your system.”

“As if that’s possible.”

But it would put an end to things with Elizabeth, Jack knew. He couldn’t tell her his unforgivable secret, but he could tell her he’d turned down what she’d offered him that night and hooked up with someone else instead.

She’d think he was a jerk, and she’d be right, but maybe it was the kindest thing he could do, in the end.