The night was cool. Far cooler than I’d planned on. I should have remembered a shawl or a sweater, but I’d been too focused on other things.

I looked out at the dark water, secretly wondering what it would be like if I could drift away.

I was alone. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. I normally thrived on being on my own. I loved being independent. But that night felt different. Loneliness seeped into my bones, chilling me far worse than any wind ever could. I closed my eyes, imagining I’d floated away when the sound of footsteps made me jump.

I turned, coming eye to eye with Norm.

“Hey.” His voice was low and seductive.

“Hey.” I smiled slightly as I aligned my body so I could make polite conversation with him while also watching the waves.

“Nice wedding.”

“It was. Not that I’m surprised. They are a perfect couple.” I tried to keep any hint of jealousy from my voice. Alex deserved happiness.

“Took them long enough to get together.”

“Yes, but they did. Eventually.” The story of how they ultimately ended up together was so crazy I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been there myself.

“It's great to see Ryder happy.” Norm looked out at the water.

“Same with Alex. And Langdon.”

We fell into silence for a few moments until he moved a stray hair away from my face. "Are you happy, Nancy?"

The way he said my name sent chills through me. "I already told you I'm really happy for them." Maybe the undertones of jealousy were more obvious than I thought.

"That's not what I asked. Are you happy?"

"Why does that matter?" I focused on the blinking of a light off in the distance.

"Because it does."

"I'm happy enough." I had plenty of reasons to keep pushing forward; I just happened to be in a down period.

"Happy enough?" His voice dropped. “That’s depressing.”

"It's not depressing. It's honest." I appreciated honest after years of begging my father for an ounce of honesty.

"I might have agreed with you a few months ago."

"Seeing Ryder and Alex changed you that much?" I raised an eyebrow. He didn’t strike me as the sentimental sort. He was all business, especially when that business involved his older brother. He could pretend his protectiveness came from Ryder being Alpha of the pack, but it went deeper than that and happened well before Ryder assumed his position.

“That and some other things."

I was too tired and melancholy to push for more of an explanation. "I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't mean I expect to find that kind of happiness."

"It's not about expectations. It's about desires."

"Desires?" For the second time in a few minutes he had me raising an eyebrow. "This I have to hear."

"It's ok to want more. That doesn't make you weak."

“Oh, so I'm weak now?" I felt a surge of energy. His words didn’t make me angry, but they did make me determined to defend myself.

"No. Of course not. I've seen how strong you are. I only mean it's ok to want more."

"And what do you think I want?" I put a hand on my hip. "What am I secretly desiring that I won't get for myself?”

"I can't tell you that. Only you know the answer to that question."

"Then what's the point of this conversation?"

"That you should strive for true happiness. Don't settle for less." His eyes locked on mine.

I tried to shake away his intense gaze. When that failed I turned the question on him. “What about you?’

“What about me?”

“Are you striving for true happiness, or have you settled for less?” I wondered how he’d feel being put on the spot like he did to me.

“How do you know I haven’t reached that level of happiness already?’

“Because you’re standing with me on the beach instead of enjoying the party.”

“The most important detail in your sentence is with you.”

“Why?” I tried to ignore the warm feeling spreading throughout me. He shouldn’t have affected me that way.

“Because I’ve been waiting for a moment like this since I first met you.”

“So you could pepper me about happiness?” I tried to sound neutral. Did he know how he affected me?

“No.” He shook his head. “So I could do this.” His lips crashed into mine sending sparks flying. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands slipped around my waist. I needed him closer. He pushed into my mouth, making me gasp and hold onto him tighter. The sparks were hotter only matched by my rising body temperature. Any semblance of a chill was gone. I lost myself in the kiss, his taste, his warmth, the sparks that only grew bigger until the sound of a horn someway off had us both stepping back. We stared at each other wordlessly.

I pushed away the memory that had once again slipped into my dreams. Was I ever going to forget it? I should have moved on from that dumb kiss ages ago—but for some reason I wouldn’t accept it was silly and a mistake. I may not have been the one to start it, but I definitely enjoyed it. I would never forget those sparks.

I had another day off of work, but I couldn’t lie around all day. I pulled myself out of bed and headed straight for the shower, hoping the warm water would wash the silly dream away. It didn’t work. Norm was still on my mind when I dried off. He was still on my mind when I ate breakfast. He was still on my mind when I made the mistake of opening my email and saw even more of the stupid ad response emails.

I tried Leif again, and it once again went straight to voicemail. I was done waiting around. I put on my shoes, a coat, and grabbed my purse.

There was always something quasi-depressing about driving around during the day in the weeks and days before Christmas. Looking at houses with unlit bulbs, and worse the deflated Santa’s and snowmen lying on laws like murder victims. Okay, maybe that last part was a little harsh, but it was the one time of year when it was much more pleasant to drive around at night. Things were lit up, and it was easier to pretend all was right in the world.

I decided against trying to call Leif again as I sped over—or rather drove a few miles over the speed limit. Getting a speeding ticket wasn’t on my to do list or in my budget.

After driving around a few times I found a parking spot out front of the day spa Leif lived above. I fed the meter before heading up the stairs and passed a babble of college girls heading into the spa. I made it up to the third floor and knocked loudly on his apartment door.

At first I heard nothing and was about to scream. I knew he was there. He worked from home, and he never ran errands until after lunch. I put my ear closer to the door and heard faint footsteps. I stepped back right as he pulled open the door. “Well, this is a nice surprise.”

I pushed passed him inside before he could try to close me out. I spun around as he closed the door. “What the hell, Leif?”

He laughed.

I pushed his chest. “Laughing? You think this is funny?”

“What harm was done?” He pulled on a t-shirt that was lying on the back of a stool in the kitchen. His hair was wet. I must have caught him right after a shower. At least I knew he hadn’t meant to leave me waiting at the door.

“What harm was done? I’m getting emails from random guys talking about my picture.” I could feel my anger about ready to boil over.

“They don’t actually have your email. It’s sent through a forwarding email if you’d bother to look.” He poured a cup of coffee and pulled milk out of the fridge. I knew instantly he was making the cup for me. He always drank his black. He was trying to butter me up so I’d forgive him.

“What about the picture?” That was at the core of my fear. Leif was one of the few people who had bikini photos of me.

“You want to see the picture?” He set down the coffee in front of me—as I’d expected— before he headed into the little office nook he’d built in what was supposed to be the dining room.

“Yes.” I didn’t actually want to see it, but I wanted to know it wasn’t quite as bad as I’d thought.

“Here.” He handed me his phone. I squinted. I could barely tell it was me in the picture. The only reason I knew for sure was the jacket I was wearing. It was one of those artsy shots that was black and white.

“This is the picture?” My shoulders relaxed. “You promise?”

“Yes. What kind of picture did you think I shared?” He grabbed the coffee pot and refilled his own cup.

“Something worse than this.” I allowed myself a relief sip of coffee. At least the picture wasn’t anything scandalous or even identifying.

“I’m not a complete jerk.”

“You’re still a jerk. You gave out my email and name.” I put down the coffee even though I was loving the warmth.

“I already told you they don’t have your actual email, and I was simply trying to remind you of your options.”

“My options? Of guys responding to an ad from some random girl with sunglasses?”

“No. I was reminding you of a certain option. An option that lives in Virginia.” He didn’t use Norm’s name, but he couldn’t have been talking about anyone else.

“Ugh, it worked.”

He laughed. “Really? That was fast.”

“Well, you wouldn’t help, and I couldn’t figure out where the ad was posted.”

“Wait. You called him for help?”

“What do you think I called him for?” I eyed my coffee. I wanted it, but I didn’t want Leif to think I’d forgiven him completely.

“To invite him to the ball. Then you’d call me and tell me take down the ad. Norm would come to the ball with you. You’d admit your feelings, and then I’d have to listen to you go on and on about how in love you are. I’d put up with that, you know.”

“You did not think that.” I crossed my arms.

“I did. I absolutely did.” He grinned. “Then I could brag about how I’m a Christmas cupid.”

“That part I believe.”

“So how about you call him and invite him so I can still brag? I’ll delete the ad as soon as you do.”

“Oh no.” I pushed away the coffee. “No manipulating me. On principle I can’t invite him now.”

“Come on, Nancy. You’re being ridiculous.”

“No, you are.”

“I’m deleting the ad.” He picked up his phone. “Are you happy?”

“Not happy, relieved.”

“I really did think you’d see the humor in it. You usually laugh at these kind of things.”

I sighed. “Maybe one day.”

“When you’re having babies with Norm.”

“I’m not inviting him.” I buttoned up my coat.

“Leaving already?”

“I can’t stare at that coffee any longer without drinking it.”

“Then drink it.” He pushed the cup closer to me.

“Nope. Can’t. Have a safe flight.” I turned on my heels wishing I wasn’t already starting to forgive Leif. If he was right and the emails were only being forwarded, then there was no harm done. On the steps down I checked my email. There were a few more messages, but they were from earlier. I refreshed and no more showed up. At least it seemed as if he’d actually taken the ad down. I had to celebrate the small wins.