"Where did you go?" Drew demanded as Kelia crawled back into the warm bed. His arms instantly locked around her waist, pulling her even closer to him than she had been before she left.

"I needed some air," she responded honestly. Her eyes closed as her head rested on his shoulder. Some of her hair spilled over her shoulder, and she knew that when she woke for the day, she would have to take a brush through it quite thoroughly.

"I don’t mean to sound like a possessive man, Kelia," Drew said, his lips finding the spot on her shoulder where her tunic fell away and left her skin bare. The way he said her name made her shiver, made her insides tumble into each other. "But I don’t want you to leave my side when I am sleeping. I cannot even trust my own crew." His fingers caressed her curves, tracing gentle patterns in her skin. "I cannot risk anyone taking you once more."

Kelia nodded. She couldn’t bring herself to open her mouth and tell him that she had been visited by a Siren just now, ready to pull her underwater in order to bring her back to the Queen.

"Why does the Queen want me?" Kelia asked. She turned so she stared up at the ceiling.

Drew shifted so he rested his head in his hand, looking down at her with shadowed eyes.

The candle had gone out, and the rain had started to fall once more. Kelia wasn’t sure what time it was because of the darkness, and she shifted next to Drew, trying to accumulate more warmth, whether from him or from the blanket.

"She wants you because she is a miserable, bitter thing," Drew said with a sneer. Kelia was surprised he responded in the first place. She didn’t think he would let himself talk about the Queen at all. "And she wants everyone else to be as miserable and bitter as she is."

Kelia pressed her lips together, pushing her hair from her shoulder, and looked up at him, waiting for him to say something more. Deep down, she knew there was more to it than that. There had to be. She knew miserable, bitter people back when she was a Slayer. That did not mean they wanted to possess Kelia—or anyone else for that matter.

Drew dropped his gaze to where his hand caressed her body. "She fancies herself in love with me," he finally said, lifting his gaze so they could lock eyes. His hand stilled on her side. "And she fancies you are someone who means a great deal to me. She’s a jealous monster who thinks that if she removes you from the equation, I will fall madly in love with her. Alas, such a thing is not true, and will never be true."

Kelia swallowed, but it did little to moisten her scratchy throat.

"Why don't you love her?" she asked, her voice raw. It came out almost in chunks, where some of the words were hard pressed to leave her mouth at all.

"Besides the fact that she ripped my very soul from my being in order to keep me by her side for all of eternity?" Drew asked.

Kelia took in a shaky breath. His fingers on her bare skin did things to her body that she did not want to think about.

"She is evil, pure and only,” Drew continued finally. “There is no redemption in her soul. She is cold and calculating. She is selfish. She only cares about her desires. She craves humans because they continue to make her young, but she allies herself with the East India Company because they created her. And surely also because they are too stupid to realize they are being used as pawns in her game. She wants nothing more than to scorch the earth with death, to raise an army and be Queen of everything. Anything less than that will never be enough to satisfy her greed. Her insecurities. But she needs the key that will grant Shadows the ability to walk on land during the daytime."

Kelia's eyes snapped open. "There’s a key for that?"

"Aye." He trailed his hand up her side, pulling on the material of the tunic so it fell away, leaving more of her chest exposed. "To answer your question, darling, she wants you because of the effect that you have on me. An effect that she doesn’t want anyone but herself to have."

Kelia stilled.

"And what effect is that?" she asked, her voice dropping to a low whisper.

Without a reply, Drew pulled the tunic off Kelia and pushed it over the side of the bed. The cool air pinched at her skin, and she burrowed under the blanket, pressing herself against his bare chest to reclaim the heat he had just taken away.

Finally, he spoke. "You are the person I want to be with,” he said. “You, and you alone. I’ve given you something I never gave her."

Kelia paused, and she peered up at him, her eyes filled with questions and concerns.

“I don’t think I could be a Shadow, Drew,” she said quietly. She couldn’t look at him. Instead, she started playing with the edge of her sleeve. She was a coward, she knew, but she would not lie to him. Not about this. “I don’t think I can promise you forever.”

"We can discuss that at a different time, though I do respect your sentiment.” He stepped toward her. “My feelings are not something I share freely.” He pushed errant strands of hair away from her face and leaving chaste kisses in their wake. Kelia’s eyes closed on their own accord. "I find myself unable to be without you. And if anything were to happen to you..." His words were jagged edges, his fingers gentle. "Promise me, no matter what happens, you will stay by my side."

"Drew," Kelia said. "What if I need to help someone? What if Emma or Daniella or Wendy...What if they need my help?"

"What would they need your help for?"

Kelia felt the color drain from her face, and her heart cracked. She stilled underneath Drew's touch, certain her reaction was clear to see on her face.

Drew seemed to realize what he said because his hands dropped back to her waist in a firm grip.

"That wasn't what I meant," he said. "Surely you must know—"

"I know I don't have the same capabilities Emma or Wendy or Daniella do," Kelia said. "But that doesn't mean I can’t do something. It could be as small as creating a diversion. I can also occupy someone's time with my blade. Perhaps a Shadow has speed and strength, but I am telling you that I’m not just some woman who needs your protection. I have a place here—a place that is not defined by your feelings for me."

"I did not mean—"

"I know very well what you meant." She pulled herself away from him, turning so she faced the wall. From where he rested, he would only be able to see her bare back, hunched over, as she grabbed her tunic and slid it back on. "You see me as a human who needs your protection."

"That is not how I see you at all," Drew said. He was not shouting yet, but Kelia noted the way his voice got louder. "I see you as a stubborn woman who can do whatever it is she sets her mind to. I see someone who will do anything for those she loves. You are forgiving and skilled, observant and curious. I would never think to categorize you as distressed or even a damsel for that matter."

Kelia tied her tunic loosely before dropping her hands on her thighs. She took in a deep breath, and then another. She did not know how she felt, except for angry. And hurt.

She didn’t want Drew to see her as helpless. And she had nothing to prove to him. If he did not already see her as someone he could trust to fight at his side, then what sort of relationship would they have? It would not be equal. There would always be a power difference between them. She didn’t have to be the one on top, but she didn’t want to feel as though she was constantly on the bottom, either. They would be side by side.

"What would you categorize me as, Drew?" She turned so she was standing, looking at him with a tilted head, hair over her shoulder. She was already reaching up to braid back. "If not a damsel, then tell me: When you look at me, what do you see? And no pretty words or compliments. I want the truth."

"Those pretty words and compliments are the truth." Drew stood on the other side of his bed. She was certain his eyesight was much better than hers. Besides his silhouette, it was hard to see anything else. She longed to touch him, to feel warm with him once again, but she would not leave her ground when it was so important to her to stand it. "You are one of the few people I see as my equal."

"Do not lie to me, Drew."

“What makes you think I'm lying?"

Beyond the shadows, Drew stepped around the bed, his jaw tight, his eyes narrowed. Her heart pounded against her chest with each step he took, each step that brought him closer to her.

"Would you trust me at your side in battle?" Kelia asked. "Would you let me defend you, if I must? You don’t even want me alone on the deck of the ship because you think someone will snatch me away."

"Someone did snatch you away," Drew pointed out. "Two someones, or have you already forgotten? My crew is not filled with the Shadows I thought they were. And I will not risk you falling into their hands."

"What about Emma?" Kelia asked when he was a mere step away from her. She wished he had not closed the space between them. It was difficult for her to focus when he was so close to her, looking at her with his fiery brown eyes. "What about Wendy? Why are you not worried about them falling into the wrong hands? Both already have on your watch, just as I have. Why not worry about them?"

"I don’t feel for them the way I feel for you," Drew growled. "Don't be daft, Kelia. Don’t pretend you don't know what it is I feel."

"I only know what you tell me, Drew." She reached out to touch his shoulder. She didn’t know why she did it, but she needed to feel something of his, something safe. "I can’t read your mind. Wendy is your sister, and you've known Emma for decades. Why are they not locked in your room for protection the way I am?"

His fingers came up to curl around her arms, wrapping around her bicep with a firm, passionate grip.

"Because,” he said, seemingly to struggle to finish his thought. “Because...I do not love them the way I love you."

His hands released her, falling to his sides as his words echoed through her mind. He’d already looked away, nearly as soon as the words had spilled from his mouth. Her knees went weak, forcing her to sit back on the bed lest they give out from under her.

Drew loved her?

Perhaps she had suspected he might, but even so, Drew admitting so was not something she ever would have imagined. It also called into question her own similar feelings for him.

She lowered her gaze to her hands, not quite sure what to do now.

Drew looked awkward. In all the months that she had known him, she had never seen him uncertain or standoffish.

"You sound as though you resent your feelings," Kelia murmured. "That you would rather not feel the way you do. That I am some liability you would rather not have, but because you do, you feel obligated to offer me your protection."

"Don’t be a fool, Kelia." This time, when he said her name, it did not elicit the same pleasure it had before. "My love for you... If I could take it away—if I could cut it out from my heart in order to protect you from the Queen—I would. I would—I will—do anything and everything in my power to prevent that from ever happening.”

“And that love—is it such a bad thing?”

Drew seemed to scoff beneath his breath, but Kelia couldn’t read his expression in the darkness.

“I remember my humanity when I am around you, when I breathe in the same air that you breathe in. But you also bring me to my knees. You make me weak, Kelia. Weaker than I ever imagined I could be." Drew dropped to his knees, as though to emphasize his point. "The love I have for you knows no bounds. The worst fate would be for me to lose you to the Queen, or anyone else. Yet, she is the one thing I cannot protect you from. I will not so easily give you up to her. And if that makes me inconsiderate or cruel, so be it. I am allowed to want to protect you.”

Kelia stared at him long and hard. She didn’t know if this was what she needed to hear, or if it called into question everything she once thought. She could understand his desire to protect—she felt the same way. But she couldn’t be a prisoner. It would be as though he were shielding her with a cage. Perhaps no one could get in, but she could not get out, either.

"I don’t want to be your weakness, Drew," she said, reaching down so she could cup his face with her hand. "I know nothing of love, but I know it should not consume you into a manic person who thinks your sole responsibility is to protect the other person from something that has not come to pass. I’m not naive enough to think that I am stronger than a Shadow, but I would like to think I have the ability to defend myself. That your strength, plus my own, should make your stronger. Not weaker. I long for you, Drew Knight, but if you see me as something fragile, I cannot stay. Because I cannot allow myself to mirror your thoughts and feelings about myself."

She traced his lips with her thumb. He parted them, and Kelia was tempted to kiss him, but dropped her hand and took a step to the side.

She could not continue her slumber here. And if things didn’t change, she wasn’t sure she continue anything here at all.