Chapter Sixteen

 

I might not have known much about the Sidhe but people were predictable. It was pretty much a given that Aifric would place an unobtrusive guard on my rooms. He couldn’t afford to have me killed off by whichever renegade Sidhe was doing all this shit – not before I’d fixed his Foinse. With that in mind, I slipped out soon after Byron dropped me off – and before any guards could take their places.

I couldn’t wait around for Brochan to use my true name to bring me to him. I wasn’t sure how long I could carry off this fever business. When it was all over, I’d also need to pretend that I had gained some stupid Gift. I had no idea how I’d manage that. Still, I still felt chipper, despite my near-death experiences; I was certain that my words to Brochan were going to prove true and I was going to escape any divine presents.

I found all three of them huddled round a table in a room near the top of the tower Brochan had pointed out. Lexie and Speck sprang up, barrelling into me with outstretched arms.

‘You’re safe!’ Lexie exclaimed. ‘Brochan told us what happened. How can these idiots want you to save them when they’re trying to kill you at the same time?’

‘Because you said it, Lex,’ Speck added, giving me a warm hug. ‘They’re idiots.’

Lexie raised her blue eyebrows. ‘Are you actually agreeing with me for once?’

‘Even a stopped clock is right twice a day,’ he said.

She frowned at him before turning back to me. ‘You wouldn’t believe the bounty we’ve managed to get while we’ve been here. These Fey planks just leave stuff lying around all over the place. Look!’ She pointed to a collection on the table: there was all manner of jewellery, coins and fripperies.

I gave an approving nod. ‘Nice work. Take care who you target, though. It might be better to leave the Moncrieffes alone.’

Even Brochan looked surprised at that. ‘Why?’

‘Byron Moncrieffe is stepping out with Tipsania Scrymgeour. He gave her a beautiful emerald necklace made entirely out of glass.’

Speck’s eyes gleamed. ‘A man after my own heart.’

‘Not only that,’ I continued, ‘but he seemed very worked up at the loss of the Lia Saifire. I think the Moncrieffes are broke.’

Lexie’s mouth dropped open. ‘No shit. There’s not been the faintest whisper of that anywhere on the streets.’

I shrugged, picking up one of the gold coins and weighing it in my hand. ‘They’d want to keep it quiet. Aifric Moncrieffe might have been the Steward for the last three decades but if he can’t keep his own finances in check, the other Clans might toss him out.’

‘What goes around comes around,’ Speck shrugged. ‘Although it explains why his son’s shagging Tipsy Scrymgeour. Her Clan is loaded.’

Brochan was watching me carefully. ‘I’m guessing that since you’re not encouraging us to help ruin them, Byron Moncrieffe isn’t responsible for the attacks.’

‘He’s not. And sometimes better the devil you know. Aifric Moncrieffe is a known quantity. If someone else took his place as Steward, things might get better – or they might get a whole lot worse. Until I have a better understanding of Sidhe politics, we’re best not exacerbating his situation.’

Both Lexie and Speck shot glances in Brochan’s direction. ‘I told you,’ he said smugly. ‘She wants to stick around.’

‘And be a Sidhe?’ Lexie whispered. She stared back at me. ‘Really? I thought you hated them.’

‘I do hate them. But there’s more to the story about my parents than I realised. I want to stick around and find out what. If my father wasn’t the murdering bastard that everyone has made him out to be…’

Lexie smirked. ‘Hell hath no fury like an angry Integrity.’

I grinned. ‘Indeed.’

Speck gnawed on his lip. ‘Aren’t you worried about whoever is really trying to kill you?’

I met his eyes. ‘Frankly, I was expecting it. I get enough looks that could kill when I wander around the castle. A lot of the highborn Sidhe really don’t like me. And they’ve not even spoken to me. I’ve laid the groundwork for them to believe that I’ll have at least one gift emerge in the next few days. I’ve also made a big show of being angry rather than scared. It might buy me some time.’

Speck wasn’t ready to let it go. ‘That’s all very well, but shouldn’t you be scared? I’m terrified and no one even knows I’m here.’

‘I have a secret weapon,’ I said simply. I pulled the scimitar out of my pocket and laid it down.

‘You’re going to read their mail?’

‘It’s not a letter opener.’

Lexie frowned. ‘It looks like a letter opener.’

‘It’s a scimitar.’

‘Tegs, I love you to bits but that’s not a scimitar.’

I placed my finger to my lips, encouraging her to be silent. ‘Watch.’ I slid the blade out of the sheath but, before I could rub it, there was a painful flash of light. All four of us moaned in sudden pain, covering our eyes.

‘Bob,’ I complained, ‘I’d not summoned you yet.’

‘Jeez Louise. You tell me to pay attention in case you need me at the drop of a hat then you fling me off to some Sidhe dude who stomps around and shouts a lot and you’re annoyed because I’m listening in and ready to appear when you want me to.’

He had a point. ‘Okay, okay. But it’s nice to have some warning before you do the flashing thing.’

He smirked. ‘Flashing? I can do flashing if that’s what you want.’ He began to unbuckle his tiny belt.

‘No! That’s quite alright.’

‘It’s larger than you’d think.’ He winked at me. ‘Size does matter.’

I gritted my teeth while the others slowly pulled their hands away from their eyes and gaped.

‘What is that?’ Speck asked, recoiling. ‘I don’t like little people. They give me the creeps.’

Bob stuck out his tongue.

‘He’s so cute though!’ Lexie interjected, jabbing Speck in the ribs. It must have been painful because he exhaled loudly and threw her a dirty look.

‘I prefer handsome,’ Bob said. ‘Or stud-like. Magnificent will also do. Cute suggests kittens and puppies.’ He shuddered. ‘That’s not me.’

Brochan, still staring, let out a massive sneeze that startled us all. ‘Genie,’ he said flatly.

‘How did you know?’

‘I’m allergic.’ He took out an embossed handkerchief and rubbed his nose.

Bob jumped up and down. ‘You’re allergic to genies? That’s awesome! Let me get closer! Can I make you sneeze on command?’

‘Bob,’ I said warningly, ‘that’s enough of that.’

‘Uh Integrity, you’re no fun.’

‘So you keep saying.’

Lexie’s brow knitted together. ‘Tegs, you’ve not made a wish, have you? Because that could be related to all the attempts on your life.’

‘No,’ I said cheerfully. ‘Those are all Sidhe and nothing to do with Bob. Up till now there have been no wishes.’

The pixie looked relieved but Speck’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. ‘Up till now?’

I beckoned all three of them over. We got into a huddle, our backs turned on Bob. ‘I know what the side effects are,’ I whispered. ‘But they’re always related to the wishes themselves.’

Speck nodded. ‘I heard there was a guy in Fife who came across a genie. He wanted everyone to like him so he wished he could hear everything that was said about him. The genie turned him invisible and he was never heard of again.’

‘If he was never heard of again,’ Lexie pointed out, tossing her hair, ‘how did anyone ever hear the story of the wish? Although there was that woman who wished to be younger and ended up trapped in the body of a baby. That was real.’

Speck scowled at her. ‘Why is your story real and mine isn’t?’

Brochan rolled his eyes. ‘Enough. Either way, wishes always go wrong. This is a bad idea, Tegs. You can’t trust genies.’

‘I can still hear you, you know,’ Bob piped up from behind. ‘I’m not deaf. I’m not evil either.’

‘I know all that,’ I told them, ignoring Bob. ‘It’s why I’ve not asked for anything yet, despite what’s happened.’ I didn’t bother mentioning that I would have tried when the stoor worm attacked if I’d had the chance. Under that kind of pressure, I could really have messed things up. It was better not to dwell on it.

‘So why now?’

‘Because I’m going to wish for knowledge. If I phrase it properly, it won’t screw things up.’

‘Tegs,’ Speck said seriously, ‘if you wish to know who wants you dead, you might end up with a long list of people. It’ll drive you insane.’

Brochan nodded in agreement. ‘Any time anyone’s thought they’d like to kill you might count. You’ll never trust anyone again.’

I tilted my head. ‘Are you three saying that you’ve thought in the past that you wanted to kill me?’

Lexie wouldn’t quite meet my eyes. ‘Not seriously.’

‘Yeah,’ Speck added, ‘not like we’d actually kill you. Just more the fleeting thought that we’d like to rip your head off and flay your skin.’

‘I thought you liked me!’

Brochan tutted. ‘We do like you. We love you. But sometimes…’

‘Sometimes what?’

Speck shifted his weight. ‘Those jokes are really annoying.’ He looked relieved to have said it.

‘Yeah,’ Lexie bobbed her head. ‘They’re so cheesy.’

‘And you tell them all the time,’ Brochan added.

I looked at him. ‘You too? You feel this way?’

He shrugged. ‘The thought might have crossed my mind once or twice. It’s not any different to the way I’ve wanted to kill Lexie for singing all the time.’

She glared at him.

‘I can’t believe this,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘You could have mentioned before that you didn’t like my jokes.’

‘Would you have stopped telling them?’ Speck asked hopefully.

I frowned. ‘Don’t be silly. I’d have told more so that you could get a wider range of them. What do you call it when you tell a joke in the shower?’

Speck stared at Brochan. ‘Please make her stop.’

‘A clean joke!’

Lexie groaned. ‘That’s the worst one I’ve heard in a long time.’

‘Oh yeah?’ I said, putting my hands on my hips. ‘Well, expect a lot more from now on, darling.’

Bob coughed. ‘Helloooo? I’m still here, you know.’

I turned round. ‘Bob,’ I began.

‘Tegs, don’t.’

I held up my finger. ‘I’ve got this.’

Bob smacked his palms together in glee. ‘Yes, Uh Integrity? I think I’m going to cream my pants in anticipation.’

Speck winced. ‘Don’t. Just … don’t.’

‘I wish…’ Brochan interrupted with three loud successive sneezes. Speck and Lexie jumped nervously but I stayed on track. ‘I wish to know who’s responsible for trying to kill me with the stoor worm and the fireballs.’ I smiled to myself. As wishes went, that was pretty much perfect. I’d kept things as simple and specific as possible.

Bob beamed. He snapped his fingers. ‘Uh Integrity, your wish is granted.’

There was a strange buzzing in the air. My muscles felt tight and tingly, then it was like I was being pulled. Pulled very painfully. Oh shite. ‘No!’ I yelled as I realised what was happening. ‘I want to know! Not see! Bob!’

He shook his head sadly, ‘Sorry Uh Integrity. The wishes do what the wishes want to do.’

I braced myself. As cool as teleportation was, this could be very, very bad. With one final sharp tug on every molecule in my body, my vision went blurry. My stomach lurched and, for a brief second, I was convinced I was going to throw up. Blinking hard to keep as much control of my senses as possible, I clenched my fists. At least I’d know what it felt like to be teleported before I ended up in a bodybag, I thought dully.

When my eyes focused and I saw the stunned face of the Bull staring at me, I groaned. I might have known.

‘You … you…’ he stammered. ‘Your gift is teleportation?’

I squashed down my terror and smiled nastily. It was time to lie for my life. ‘One of them. I have several. I am Clan Adair, after all.’

The Bull swallowed. All I could think was ‘oh shite’.