Here I sit, in the office my dad left me. Bottle in one hand, cigarette in the other, I look around me. I guess he was right after all. I’ll never make something of myself. The man’s been gone for a year, and not one damn thing has changed. I’m pulled out of my thoughts when someone knocks on the door and opens it quickly. It’s Mason. He closes the door behind him and sits down across from me.

“What’s going on? You don’t usually come back here,” I say, turning in my seat to face him.

He runs his hands through his hair, something he always does when he’s nervous. “I don’t know. I met this girl.”

“I figured it had something to do with a girl.” I smile and sit up straight. “So, what is it? Is Ashley stalking you again?” I can’t keep the grin off my face. Sure, I’m a little buzzed, but I get a kick out of watching that girl torture my little brother. She never takes no for an answer.

“No, it’s not her.” He leans back in his seat. “Her name is Lennox, Lennox Madison. I met her yesterday. She and her father came by looking for a place to dock their boat.”

“And let me guess, you rented out dock space?” I scratch my jaw, just waiting for him to confirm my suspicions.

He nods. “How could I not? The girl is gorgeous. She has dark hair, that she wears in these soft curls, and legs that go on for days. She came into the shop in a little white dress and barefoot. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, dumbass. You like a girl. Big deal.”

“I’ve never liked a girl this much. I took her out tonight, and we had a few drinks. After getting all worked up dancing, I needed some fresh air, so I took her on my boat, where we got a little too close.” His Adam’s apple bobs, and he looks at his hands on his lap. “I didn’t want to stop, Dane. Before, I didn’t care about girls. I mean yeah, I like girls. If they wanted me, great. If they didn’t, I didn’t care. But now, here comes this girl, and she has to like me. I’m a fucking mess.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

I know he must be messed up if he’s coming to me for advice. All I do is serve as a bad example. An example of love and loss and the misery life becomes after it. I long to protect him. So, I do the only thing I know. I give him a little bit of truth mixed with a little bit of lie. “Listen, I know how you feel. In high school, I fucked around with a lot of girls and never gave a shit about any of them. Then one day, Alissa walked into my life. She just had something no other girl had. I fell hard for this one. It was great for a couple of months, then she fucked my world up. She cheated on me with that asshole, Sean. I was angry. I beat the shit out of him, and I yelled at her and broke it off. But then you know what I did?”

I fell to my knees and begged her not to leave me, but I can’t let my brother know I’m that big of a pussy.

He shrugs while never breaking eye contact.

“About a week later, I called her crying, begging her to take me back.”

I didn’t actually call her either. She called me but refused to talk. When those calls came through, I knew it was her, and I bared my heart to her. Not that it did any good.

“You did what?” he asks with a smile, clearly finding my moment of weakness amusing.

“Yeah, that’s what a girl can do to you. You fall in love, and it’s over, man. Just like that. One day, it will be over, and you will be left alone to pick up the pieces.” I admit, I may be a little bitter over the whole situation. This was THE girl. The one that got away.

“That won’t happen. I’m not a pussy like that,” he says, interrupting my thoughts.

“Just wait.” I take a long drink of Jack. Thinking about that time in my life makes it feel real. It’s been so long now that it almost seems like I have someone else’s memories. Like it was just a dream I had. Like she never existed at all.

“Dude, this shit is depressing. I thought you would give me some sort of pep talk or some shit.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s true love. You must be with this girl. Go get her, now.” I sit up straight and wave my arms around dramatically. “Is that better?” The grin I’ve been trying to hold back since this conversation started tugs at my lips.

“You’re fucking drunk. Careful going home, man. I will see you tomorrow.” Mason leaves my office as quickly as he appeared.

Throwing myself back in my chair, I raise the bottle to my lips again and let the amber liquid flow into my mouth before swallowing it down. I reach for the pack of cigarettes that’s always tucked away into the top drawer of my desk. With a shake, one falls out, and I place it between my lips before digging the red lighter out of my pocket and holding the flame to the end. Memories wash over me before I have a chance to stop them.

* * *

“Dude, I can’t believe you didn’t come to the party last night,” Sean says as we walk down the dock.

“My dad wouldn’t let me out of the house. He’s on some curfew kick.” I push my long, dark hair away from my eyes. It’s hot today, but my dad insists I repair a damn jet ski — something I know nothing about. That’s Mason’s job, not mine.

“You should’ve snuck out. You’ve got to see the hottie that just moved to town. She’ll be starting school with us tomorrow.”

I lean against a tree by the edge of the shop, soaking up any shade I can get after being stuck out in the heat all day. “Yeah, what’s her name?” I ask, squinting against the setting sun.

“Alissa. She has this long blonde hair and a nice set of…” His sentence drops off, but he holds his hands to his chest, showing me what he means by set.

I laugh at his description. “If she’s as good looking as you say, I’m sure I’ll find her tomorrow at school.”

“Dane!” my dad sticks his head out of the shop door and yells.

I turn to look at his reddening face. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Sean. Looks like I’m in more trouble.”

Sean slaps me on the back as he laughs and walks away.

I make my way up the two steps and stand directly in front of my dad. “What did I do now?” His gray hair is neatly slicked back, and his brows are furrowed together. The wrinkles around his eyes only form when he’s mad or serious. I’m not sure which he is at this moment, but I’m assuming mad. He’s always mad at me.

“Did you finish that jet ski?” he asks with the tone of voice that cuts right through me, angering me even more.

“No, I have no idea how to fix it. You showed Mason that crap, not me.”

He lets out an exasperated sigh and shakes his head. “I showed you both at the exact same time. You,” he points his finger at me and continues, “just didn’t pay attention.”

I step around him and walk into the shop, taking a seat next to Joey behind the counter. “I’m sorry, Dad. That kind of thing just doesn’t interest me.”

He walks across the floor and places his hands on the countertop to support his weight as his eyes focus on me. “You’re going to have to get your head out of your ass, Son. What do you expect to do with the rest of your life? Your grades say you aren’t interested in college. You’re lazy around here. In fact, the only thing that seems to get you off your butt is a pretty girl in a bikini.” He motions toward the windows, showing a perfect view of the ocean. My eyes immediately follow, and they just happen to land on a hot girl in a bikini as she gets off a boat.

I smile as I watch her jump over the edge, her full chest bouncing with the action.

Suddenly, I’m smacked up side the head. “Did you hear a damn word I said?” my dad asks. He turns to see what has stolen my attention away from the ass chewing he’s in the middle of giving.

He rubs his brows and shakes his head, tired of putting up with my shit already. “Go pick up your brother from soccer practice.” As he walks back into his office, disappointment and disdain roll off of him.

I don’t move right away. I sit and take a deep breath, then rub my temples with both hands.

“He just cares about you,” Joey says.

“He sure has a funny way of showing it.” I shove off the stool and make my way to the parking lot.

Getting behind the wheel of my beat-up Mustang, I look out over the ocean. I want nothing more than to leave home, but that seems impossible. My dad’s right about me. My grades are shit. My work ethic sucks. And the only thing that gets me off my ass is a hot girl… or a party. I am a lost cause. I’m sure of it.

When I get to the school, I park the car along the fence surrounding the field. I step out and sit on the hood, watching as practice wraps up. My eyes find Mason on the field, and I watch as he steals the ball from one of his teammates and drills it perfectly into the goal. I feel like standing and cheering for the little shit — but I don’t.

A part of me has always been a tad jealous of my little brother. He makes good grades, he’s a big soccer star, and everything just seems to come so easy to him.

Nothing comes easy to me, though. I’ve had to fight my whole life just to get the C’s and D’s I make.

The only thing that’s ever made any sense to me, is music. I picked up my first guitar when I was six and haven’t put it down since. Reading music, that’s what’s easy to me. I’ve never had any official training or lessons. Just Dan, one of Dad’s friends, showing me how to read music while drinking with my dad out on the balcony one night.

The only bad thing about that is that it’s not practical. I can’t make a living playing guitar. I know because my dad has told me time and time again.

I’m in a band, and we play a wide range of cover songs. Guns and Roses, Ozzy, and Pink Floyd to name a few. But what I really love to play is the music that I write. I love writing a song and watching as a big group of people hear it for the first time. Not to mention, girls love musicians. Yeah, the girls that throw themselves at me makes it all worth it.

The whistle blowing snaps me out of my thoughts. I shake my head, clearing it from my doomed future.

Mason jogs up to me with his bag thrown over his shoulder. At fourteen, he’s big for his age, almost as big as I am. His dark hair is soaked with sweat. He runs his hand through it, causing it to spike in all directions.

“Did you see that goal I made?” he asks with a wide grin covering his face.

“Yeah, I did. Good job!” I give him a high five as I stand from the hood of the car and make my way to the driver’s side.

Mase throws his bag into the back and takes the seat next to me. Just as I start the car, a girl I recognize from school leans against the passenger side door and bends down to look at him through the window.

“Nice goal, Mason,” she says, flirting with my little brother. I roll my eyes when she places her arms against the door and gives him a nice shot down her shirt.

“Thanks,” he says nervously with a wide smile.

“Are you finally going to be at our school this year?” She twists her long, dark hair around her finger and bats her big brown eyes.

“Yeah, I’m finally a freshman.” He nods with that stupid ass smile still plastered on his face.

She smiles brightly. “Good, maybe I can show you around tomorrow.”

I watch as his eyes fall to his lap and bounce back up to her. “Yeah, I’d…I’d like that,” he stutters.

She stands up and tells him goodbye. Turning back, she blows him a kiss.

When she’s far enough way, I let my laughter fill the car.

Mason reaches over and punches me in the arm.

“What was that for?” I ask around my laughter.

“You’re embarrassing me. What’s wrong with you?” His face is flushed red.

I put the car into reverse and back out of my parking space. “Nothing, I just find it funny is all.”

“What’s so funny?”

“That girl is a sophomore, and she’s trying to lay claim to the new soccer star. Don’t tell me you’re falling for it.”

“I’m not falling for anything.” He turns to look out the window, but within a second, he’s looking right back at me. “She is pretty hot though, right?”

I roll my eyes. “I guess if you like long, dark hair and the innocent type.”

He looks at me. “Well, what’s your type, Mr. Know-It-All?”

I grin from thinking about my dream girl. “Long blonde hair, nice rack, likes to party, and have a good time.” I shrug.

“You just described Mrs. Williams,” Mason says around laughs.

Mrs. Williams is the local druggie. She does nothing but party and get fucked up, refusing to grow up and take care of her daughter, who’s Mason’s age.

I smack him across the chest with the back of my hand. “Fuck you.” I lean back and place my arm across the top of the steering wheel. “I bet she was hot back in the day, though.”

He laughs. “You’re nasty. If you like her so much, why don’t you date Ashley?”

“Ashley Williams?” I look at him for confirmation.

He nods.

“I think Ashley only has eyes for you. Plus, she’s too young for me.”

“She’s my age,” he argues.

“My point exactly. I’m almost seventeen. I’m not dating a fourteen-year-old.”

“She’s turning fifteen soon! Plus, it would really get her off my back.”

I laugh and flip him off. “I see what you’re doing. You just want me to get her away from you. Not happening, bro. That girl is all yours.”

I park the car at the shop, and we both get out and walk inside. Dad comes out of his office and looks at us both razzing each other. He places his hands firmly on his hips. “Alright, that’s enough from the both of ya.”

We stop with the jabs and punches and stand up straight.

“Mason, how was practice?”

“Good. I scored the winning goal,” he beams.

Dad nods. “Good job, but it’s time to get to work. I need you to show Dane how to fix that jet ski out there.”

“Again?” he complains.

I smack him on the back of the head as he steps toward the door. Dad doesn’t know that Mason’s tried to show me multiple times.

Dad’s brows lift while he stares at me. He crosses his arms over his chest with a heavy sigh. “I have a feeling this will be the last time. Won’t it, Dane?” His eyes narrow in on me.

“Yes, sir,” I answer while moving toward the door, trying my hardest to refrain from rolling my eyes.

* * *

Morning comes bright and early. I’ve slept ‘til noon all summer, so six A.M. is an unwelcome change for me.

I pull on a pair of jeans from the floor and dig through my dresser, looking for a t-shirt. Then I check myself out in the mirror. My dark hair is falling in my eyes, so I push it back before my dad sees me. He’s always on me about getting a haircut.

Rummaging around my mess, I look for my backpack, which I haven’t seen in months. Finally, I find it in the corner of the room, buried under stacks of trash and clothes. I throw it on my shoulder and head downstairs.

My dad and Mason are already up, dressed, and ready. They’re in the kitchen sitting around the unfinished bar. Mason has a bowl of cereal, and Dad sits with a cup of coffee and the newspaper.

I pour myself a cup of coffee and lean against the counter.

“You boys will have to take care of dinner for yourselves tonight. We’re breaking ground on the bar and grill today,” he tells us.

“Not it!” I shout.

Mason nods his head. “Like I’d eat anything you cook anyway.”

“Dane, while Mason is at practice, you need to finish up that jet ski. I trust that your brother showed you everything yesterday.” He doesn’t bother taking his eyes off the paper he’s reading.

I roll my eyes. “Oh, come on, Dad. It’s the first day of school. Can’t I be a normal kid for once and hang out with my friends?”

His back straightens, and his eyes shoot up to glare at me. He doesn’t like it when I talk back. “You can…after you finish your work. I’m not paying you for nothing.” He stands and places his cup in the sink. “Better get going. You’re going to be late.”

With that, Mason jumps into action. His bowl is in the sink and his backpack is on before I can even turn around. “Later, Dad,” he says as he runs for the door.

I shake my head and place my cup in the sink.

“It wouldn’t kill you to be a little more like him, you know?” He points in the direction Mason took off running.

I shake my head. “Well, I’m not like him. I don’t want to go to school. I don’t want to be some star soccer player. And, I don’t want your life either.” I shove past him and head to the car.

I don’t know what’s so hard for him to understand. I’m not Mason. I’m not the golden child. I’m the fuck up. I’m the one that likes to sneak out of the house, go to parties, and have a good time. I do nothing but serve as the bad example around here.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I have anger issues and an attitude problem, but I try to keep them in check. It doesn’t help when I’m constantly expected to be like my little brother. Trust me, I wish I was like him. My life would be much easier if I was, but I can’t force myself to be someone I’m not.

Mason bitches the whole way to school, worrying that we’re going to be late on our first day. When I roll into the parking lot, he jumps from the car before it’s even stopped.

“Class will still be there, you know?” I throw the car into park.

“Fuck off, Dane. I like being on time. I’m getting out of this town.” He laughs. “You’ll probably get stuck running Dad’s new bar and grill for the rest of your life.” He turns and runs toward the school.

Fucker. He’s probably right. There’s no chance I’m getting out of this town.

I get out and lean against the driver’s side door, checking out my surroundings. Everything is the same, despite it being a new year. The same cliques are already forming. The same group of stoners stand in the back of the parking lot, smoking it up. The same dorks stand under the tree as they look over books. And then the popular girls and jocks stand around their expensive cars, having a pissing contest and bidding for each other’s attention.

And then there’s me. I don’t fit in with any of them. I sure as hell ain’t going to spend my free time reading. I like to smoke on occasion, but not first thing in the morning before going to class — that’s something reserved for parties only. And the jocks, I’d rather beat their asses than to ever be caught dead with them.

“Have you seen her yet?” Sean asks as he joins me against the side of my car.

“Seen who?” I ask, still looking around.

“Alissa, the new girl.”

I shake my head. “Na, I haven’t seen her.”

“Too bad. I’m calling dibs.”

I look at him and laugh. “You know she’ll pick me over you.” I look at his short, neatly styled, blond hair. He’s wearing a dark blue polo shirt and khakis. No way will she go for him, a total dork, over me.

Who am I kidding? I haven’t even seen this girl yet. She may be nothing like he described.

Sean laughs. “I’ve already started laying the ground work with this one. I bet she would’ve given it up Saturday night if I’d tried.”

I roll my eyes. “You wouldn’t know what to do with it even if she did give it up.”

“Yeah right,” comes his epic reply.

After a few minutes of silence, he points across the parking lot. “There she is.”

My eyes follow his hand, where I see a tall, blonde girl get out of a beat-up S-10. She pushes her long hair away from her face as she reaches across the seat, pulling out her backpack and putting it on. When she steps from between her truck and another car, I get a full view of her.

She’s wearing cut-off jean shorts and a ripped-up Nirvana t-shirt. The sleeves have been cut off, and she has it tied just above her bellybutton. Her Chuck Taylor’s are dirty and worn, and her long, tan legs tease me with every step.

“I’m overriding your dibs,” I tell Sean as she walks closer to us.

“Fuck you. I already called it. Didn’t I tell you she was hot?”

“She’s not your type of hot though,” I argue while crossing my arms over my chest.

“What’s that mean?” He seems offended.

“Look at you. You go for pep squad girls. Not rocker girls like that.” I nod in her direction. I lick my lips while watching her walk closer and closer to me.

My eyes never leave her as she walks by. She offers up a small smile as her eyes look me up and down.

“Hey, Alissa,” Sean says, standing up straight.

She spins around and takes the few steps back to us with a wide smile. “Hi, Sean is it?”

“Yeah. How was your weekend?”

She shrugs her tan shoulder. “It was alright. Who’s this?” She nods toward me.

It suddenly occurs to me that I’ve been standing here, staring at her this whole time. “I’m Dane,” I tell her with a cocky grin that makes her smile brighten. Girls can’t deny what I’m asking for when I shoot them my grin. “Can I walk you in?”

“Yeah, sure,” she replies, the corners of her mouth turning up into a coy smile.

I smack Sean in the stomach as I stand up straight and walk to her side.

“I’m going to get you back for that,” Sean calls out from behind me. I look over my shoulder and hold up my middle finger with a smile.

He’s pissed I stole his girl right out from under him, but she isn’t his girl. And she never will be. Even though I’ve just met this girl and I know nothing about her, she’s mine.

“So, where’d you move from?” I ask her as we walk toward the doors.

“Um, just a few towns over. I’m in the foster care system, and I just got placed with a new family here.” Pausing outside the school, we lean against the brick wall.

“So, you don’t have any parents?”

She offers up a big but forced smile. “Nope.”

Even though a smile’s in place, I see pain behind it. “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head. “It’s nothing for you to be sorry about. I was taken from my mom when I was still a baby. I don’t even remember her. I bounced around from place to place, ending up with foster parents who took me for the money. It’s always been just me.” She crosses her arms over her full chest and diverts her eyes to the ground.

I turn to face her, leaning my shoulder against the wall. “My mom died a long time ago. It’s just my dad, my brother, and me.” Why the hell am I telling her this? Maybe so she doesn’t feel so alone?

“I’m sorry, but at least you still have family.” She still doesn’t look at me. I don’t know why, but I want her eyes on me.

Something about this girl makes me want to reach out and touch her. I can’t fight the pull she has on me. Placing my hand under her chin, I lift her head until she’s looking at me. “I’ll be your family,” I say, giving her the same grin as earlier.

She lets out a small laugh. “What kind of pick up line is that?”

I shrug. “It’s not one. I just want to get to know you, that’s all.”

She studies me for a long minute. Her mouth drops open to say something else, but the bell rings, cutting her off. Adjusting her backpack higher on her shoulder, she nods toward the doors. “Want to show me where the office is?”

I push myself off the wall. “Oh yeah, I’ve been there plenty of times.”

She shakes her head with a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

I walk by her side while the herd of students moves toward the doors alongside us. Surrounded by a sea of people, she takes my hand in hers. I look down at our conjoined hands, feeling a tingle of electric current ripple through me, and back up to her smile.

“Just to let you know…” I can’t contain my grin. “This is way better than a stupid pick up line.”

She laughs, and her blue eyes light up, sealing my fate.

I don’t know this girl, but I want to be the only person to make her eyes light up like that for the rest of my life.

* * *

“Have lunch with me?” I lean against the locker next to hers.

Her eyes flash over to me, and she smiles and nods. “Okay.”

I wait for her to put her belongings away and lead her down the hall and out to my car. We drive over to the local pizza joint in silence.

I’m normally cool around girls, but she makes me feel different. We connect on some level I’ve never felt before. And God help me, because I can’t put my finger on what it is that draws me to her.

She’s gorgeous, that’s easy to see. But there’s something about her that makes me feel like she’s broken, and I’m the only one who can fix her. Like she needs me. I’ve never been needed by another person in my whole life.

When I shut off the engine, I rush to meet her around the car. I want to reach out and take her hand in mine, but that isn’t my style. Actually, taking girls out to lunch isn’t my style. But it seems I’m breaking all my rules for this girl. So, I reach for her hand. When our fingers touch, tingles form in the pit of my stomach. She quickly glances down at our hands and then up to my face with a nervous smile. Maybe she felt it too.

We find a small, two-person booth in the back and sit down. The waitress comes to the table and asks us what we’ll have. I order two lunch specials, which consists of two slices of pepperoni pizza and a soda, and she walks away to put in our order.

I watch Alissa as she sits across from me. Her hands rest on top of the red and white checkered tablecloth, and her fingers twist together nervously, making the dozens of bracelets on her wrists jingle. Her eyes bounce from one thing to the next as she chews on her bottom lip. I study her for a while, trying to figure out what she’s so nervous about. Finally, when I can’t take the awkward silence anymore, I lean in and ask, “Do I make you nervous?”

She lets out a small, quiet laugh. “Kind of.”

The waitress sets down two Styrofoam cups full of soda and walks away. When she’s gone, I look back at Alissa and lean in once again. “Why are you nervous? If anyone should be nervous, it should be me.”

Her blue eyes flash to mine before she places her straw in her cup and takes a sip. “I don’t know, actually. I mean, I’ve been on dates before, and most of my old friends were guys… But there’s something different about you.” She tears her eyes from mine, looking at her cup. “Why are you nervous?”

I shrug and lean back, trying to play it cool. “I’m not nervous,” I lie, but she hears it in my voice.

Her eyes snap back up to mine and her smile widens. “Yeah, right.”

My brows furrow together. “What? I’m not.”

She rolls her eyes with her smile still in place. “Okay, so I guess I’m just supposed to believe you sweat like that all the time?”

I quickly wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. “No, it’s just hot in here. Aren’t you hot?”

She laughs and shakes her head as the waitress sets two plates in front of us. I hand over a twenty and wave off the change. As I watch, she grabs the parmesan cheese and dumps it all over her pizza. I do the same but with the red pepper flakes. Her eyes double in size when she sees the amount that spills onto my pizza from watching her instead of what I’m doing.

“Shit.” I pick up the pizza and try shaking some off. All the while, she laughs at me around a mouthful.

“What’s so funny? I like it this way.” I take a big bite and force myself to chew and swallow it — despite the burning of my tongue.

I wipe my mouth with a napkin and lean back, fighting the urge to take a drink.

Her eyebrow lifts as she watches me. She picks up her pizza, takes another bite, and chews — all while never taking her eyes off me and my reddening face.

When I can’t take the burn any longer, I grab my soda and suck half of it down before taking a long breath to cool the fire burning on my tongue. When I lean back to take a breather, she erupts in laughter before handing over her second slice.

“Here, this is much better than that nasty mess you just made.”

I take the slice she’s offering me and take a bite. “Thank you. I guess maybe I am a little nervous after all.”

Her cheeks turn to light shade of pink before she tears her gaze from mine.

I push away the two slices of pizza covered in red pepper flakes and eat the slice she offered me.

We eat in silence, not in any hurry to talk or get to know one another. I don’t know how I know this, but already I can tell that Alissa is going to play a huge part in my life. There’s no need to rush anything with her.

We have plenty of time to get to know one another. Right now, I just want to sit across from her and enjoy watching her blue eyes light up and her cheeks turn that light shade of pink.