Chapter 18
Rowan
I made it to the dress fitting without jumping states this time! I know Everleigh was cool about it but I still feel bad. I met Harley and Everleigh’s sister, Shannon, at the bridal shop about an hour ago. We’re almost done with out fitting. “I’ve got to hand it to our girl,” Harley tells me. “She didn’t pick out those stereotypically vomitous colors and patterns that you usually get with bridesmaid’s dresses.”
“I agree. It’s not just that they aren’t bad, I actually really love the dress.”
“Leave it to my sister to leave no detail unaddressed. She’s always been like that.” Shannon is Ev’s younger sister. She looks just like Everleigh, but she’s shorter and a little more full of energy. I haven’t seen her in a while because she lives out of state with her husband and baby boy.
“She’s a keeper.” Harley jokes. “I’ve never said this about a wedding before, but I can’t wait until it’s the day of.”
“You and me both.” I am looking forward to the wedding. I love parties, but I love being with my girls even more. Seeing one of my oldest friends start a new life with an amazing man is something I know I’ll always remember. But part of me is a little sad. Ev’s counting down the days until she becomes Knight’s wife. Harley is getting more and more serious with Colton, and I know that before too long they’re going to get engaged also. I feel like I’m the odd woman out because I’m not technically in a relationship. After the fitting Harley and I go for coffee and I tell her how I’m feeling.
“Walk me through it, Ro, walk me through it.” Harley’s smiling, but I’m not in a joking kind of mood.
“Walk you through what?”
“Through your relationship with Grayson. Tell me everything. Especially about the sex. Tell me all about sex. Shit, you can even start with that if you want, but what I really want to know is where you guys are in terms of milestones.”
“Like what kind of milestones? Like first kiss and stuff like that?”
“Yeah, all that stuff. First everything. What are you guys up to?”
It’s an interesting question because I’ve never thought of what Grayson and I have so far as a relationship. Maybe that’s because we started off so unconventionally. “Umm. . .let me see. We hung out a few times with you and Colton when we first met everyone. Then he didn’t get back to me. After that I went like a desperate girl to his place, where he was in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I jumped in his car and went away with him for a few days to his uncle’s place in the middle of Nowhere, Arizona. I cooked him a breakfast he’s still talking about. We fucked. I gave him a few pep talks. He ignored me again when we got back, then stopped. And we fucked again at his place. The end.” The expression on Harley’s face is hilarious. Her mouth hangs open for a minute, so I put my finger up and close it. “You’re gonna catch flies.”
“I. . .I’m not even sure how to respond. Congrats to you, Ro. It’s hard to leave me speechless.”
“So what phase of a relationship would that put us in? You’re the expert.”
“The I-have-no-fucking-idea phase. That’s the weirdest set of circumstances that I’ve ever heard of in my life.”
“Yeah, I know, tell me about it.”
“So let me ask you, then. Forget milestones or any idea of what a quote unquote normal relationship is supposed to be. Where do you think you guys are?”
Now I’m really thinking about us, and not just as the girl who’s falling for Grayson, but objectively. If I were analyzing my own relationship from the outside of all this, what would I think of it?
“I don’t know, Har. That’s the truth. I know how I feel, but that’s about it.”
“And how’s that?”
“I’m falling for him. Big time. He’s an amazing, complicated guy. He’s gorgeous, and his writing gives me the feels.”
“It sounds like you should change ‘falling’ to ‘fell’, Ro. I’ve never heard you talk about a guy like this before. Not even Jon.”
Jon. Grayson doesn’t know about Jon. He was the love of my life—the one who got away. Scratch that, he was the one who ran away. We were college sweethearts and dated pretty seriously after that. Everyone, including my parents and my friends, thought that we were going to get married one day. I thought that, too. I used to imagine myself walking down the isle, my father taking off my veil, and me exchanging vows with Jon. Unfortunately while I was envisioning that he was picturing the girl he was with when we broke up for a month. It was literally a month. We’d been fighting all the time and decided to take a Rachel and Ross break, and in that short time he met someone else, slept with her, and apparently developed strong feelings for her. He told me that they’d broken up after we got back together, but I found a whole text conversation on his phone that said otherwise. He left me for her after that.
“Don’t even mention his name. He’s my Voldemort.”
“Sorry,” Harley says. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No, it’s okay, I’m totally over him. It used to hurt me to hear his name but mostly it’s just anger now. I guess I shouldn’t feel anything, right?”
“That was a long time you two were together. I thought I’d be trying on bridesmaid’s dresses for your wedding way before I’d do if for Everleigh.”
“Me, too. I was wrong—about a lot of things. But screw him, we’re talking about Grayson now. I feel like I’m building towards those same kind of feelings that I had for Jon, but I’m not sure he feels the same. He’s hard to read.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t get me wrong. He’s everything that I said he was, but he can also be a little private and distant. He’s not that upfront with telling me how he feels. He seems guarded, so I never quite know if he’s having the same experience as me.”
“Except for sex, right?”
“Yeah. There’s no mistaking that he’s attracted to me. He’s wild in bed.”
“Nice,” Harley says, giving me a high five. “You deserve it. And it’s not like that isn’t something.”
“It’s something, for sure. It’s just. . .”
“What?”
“The whole thing with Jon made me feel like a fool. I was that girl—the one who didn’t realize she was being cheated on for such a long time. I don’t want to ever feel like that again. I don’t want to be the girl who’s chasing some guy who doesn’t feel the same way as she does. I can’t do that again.”
“This may be a radical suggestion, but have you ever thought of just talking to him about this? Like you said, you’ve fucked him twice and jumped state lines with him. Having a mature conversation about his feelings can’t be that awkward after all that, can it?”
She’s right, I should be mature and just talk to him. It’s never something that’s easy or comfortable to bring up randomly. But next time I see an opportunity I think we need to talk about all this. I can’t let myself really fall for him if I suspect that he doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe I’ll text him right now to see what he’s doing.
“You’re right. I’m gonna do that. Thanks for the advice.”
“It’s why you keep me around.“Now,” she continues. “About those two times he fucked you?”
There’s the Harley I know and love!