Grey
Forks and shiny utensils I never use scrape against fancy china plates. It is the only sound in the room. At least it is to me. The rich fuckers surrounding the large dining table fit for a king chatter about golf clubs, and handbags, and everything rich in between. I don’t give a fuck because the only thing I can focus on is my princesa.
She sits before me, her eyes are glued to her plate, but she has barely eaten anything. I wish I could listen to what she’s thinking. Right now, and all other times. And next to her is my ex. The love of my past life. The seating arrangement couldn’t have been any more awkward.
I raise my foot and try to get Liv’s attention, but Rose looks up instead.
“Sorry,” I grumble and shift my eyes to Liv. She looks at Rose, at me, and then back to her plate. The flash of hurt on her face is undeniable, and it kills me. Fuck. Why did she have to be here? I’m going to find out. Right. Now. I look at Rose, who has been staring at me, and nod my head, signaling I want to talk to her.
She nods back and grins at her mother, who resembles her in every way. “May I be excused for a short moment?”
“Of course, sweetie,” her mother says in the same high-pitched voice I still loathe.
I watch from under my eyelashes as she scoots her chair back and waltzes away from the table. After a few seconds, I scoot back too and shrug as everyone looks at me weirdly. “I have to take a piss.” They cough uncomfortably and awkwardly resume their boring conversations.
I am turning away when I catch Liv’s eyes. I nearly crumble into nothing. So big and bright…and sad. Fuck. I hope she doesn’t take this the wrong way. I look away from her and follow Rose into one of the many twisted, confusing hallways this house has.
I find her admiring a painting of a boy holding his mother’s hands. The colors are neutral, and the way she looks at it and bites on her full red lower lip lets me know just how nervous she is.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I bark at her, keeping my voice low so the other snobs don’t hear me.
“I could be asking you the same thing,” she says. Damn. Her voice is just as delicate and small as I remembered. It was one of the first things I noticed was so perfect about her. Snap the fuck out of it, Grey. You love Liv. Not her. “Aren’t you supposed to be breaking men’s jaws and other girls’ hearts?”
“I still do that, but I’m here with Liv. The daughter of the family who owns this place,” I tell her, and she huffs out.
“I shouldn’t be surprised you’re attempting to break the poor girl’s spirit,” she mutters, crossing her arms over her chest.
“You’re still standing and breathing, aren’t you?” I shrug, and she glares at me. I hold my hands up in defense. “What are you even doing here?” I ask with more force, more annoyance. She was always talented at diverting conversations.
“Why should I even tell you?” she snaps, her eyes swirling with tears. She jabs a finger at my chest and sneers her bright white teeth at me with vigilance. “You ruined me. You took my heart and smashed it to the ground…and you didn’t even care. So screw you…I should go tell that poor girl what you did, save her from the heartbreak you put me through without a drop of mercy.”
I frantically shake my head and grab her wrists before she can even move. She will not ruin Liv and me. She already has unconsciously, and I’ll be damned if she does it on purpose, too. In the flesh. And not just poison passed around by speaking her name.
“You will not. I don’t know why you or your rotten mother are here, but I don’t give a fuck. Just don’t fuck with me, and you won’t have your little heartbroken again,” I tell her through gritted teeth. “You stay the fuck away from her. Got it?”
“Grey?” a familiar gasp snaps me out of the red I was seeing.
I look over Rose’s shoulder and find Liv staring at me. She looks hurt, confused, and…scared? Oh fuck me…“Liv, I—” I come up short when Rose tugs away from my tight grip. She rubs her wrists and sobs.
Oh no. She isn’t going to—
“Just stay away from me, okay?” she screams. Swiveling on her white heels, she runs down the hall and stops at Liv’s side. I squint my eyes and feel my heart beat against my eardrums as she whispers something that makes Liv pale and stare at me with an unreadable expression.
“Liv, I—” I take a step toward her.
“No, Grey, just…no.” She turns away from me, tears in her eyes. Just like Rose. I’m hurting the person I love today and the person I loved in the past. This is what I tried to protect her from.
“Fuck!” I punch the wall and breathe in and out harshly, trying to gain my composure. I probably left a dent in this pretty little wall in this fucking mansion. Well, too fucking bad. It doesn’t compare to the dent Liv just made in my heart.
Chase after her, dumbass. I listen to my head and run down the ridiculously long hallway, ignoring the skeptic looks and shouts from the table, and jog up the stairs.
I burst into her room and find her staring outside the large bay window in the corner of her room. My heart is in my head and my blood flow is pumping adrenaline until I am brimming with the urge to turn her around and kiss the hell out of her. Make her forget about Rose and whatever the fuck she said. She shouldn’t believe a word that bitch says, anyway. Only me. She knows me. Not her. Rose is like a phantom with no relevance.
“Liv,” I breathe her name and close the door behind me.
“What the hell did you do, Grey?” She whirls around and looks at me with an expression fused with anger, confusion, and…sadness? What the hell does she have to be sad about? I get the other things, but sadness? No. It’s not like it happened to her or anything. But then again, she is the most empathetic person I’ve ever known.
“I…what did she tell you?” I stumble over my words, and she looks at me, bewildered.
“Don’t dodge my question, Grey. Not now. I have given you time after time to tell me what happened. To just let me know about you. Yet you blew me off again and again and again! And I’m sick of it! It takes your ex-girlfriend showing up at my parents’ house to finally tell me the truth? Which I’m guessing you’ll just avoid, now that I think about it,” she rants and stops to breathe.
“I didn’t want to talk about her or my past because they’re both fucked up,” I spit out in anger.
“You’re seriously blaming the girl who ran away from you crying?” she screams, gesturing wildly with her hands.
“I’m trying to protect you—” I start to say.
“Fuck that! You’re just too scared to admit that you’re a coward!” she shouts.
“Just fucking listen to me!” I scream and throw my fist to the nearest thing out of rage. It connects with a white, shiny lamp, and it yanks out of the wall and smashes onto the floor. She jumps back with a shriek and stumbles into the floral chair behind her.
I raise my hand to grip the back of my neck, and she flinches. Actually fucking flinches…as if I’d actually hurt her! What is wrong with her?
“What the fuck was that?” I snap at her.
She looks shaken, like she doesn’t know what to do. “I—I don’t know…” She gulps and looks away, tears simmering in her eyes.
I walk toward her and make her look at me, tipping her head back. She tightens her jaw and balls her hands into fists but doesn’t move.
“I wouldn’t hurt you, Liv. Emotionally, maybe. And even that’s not on purpose. But physically? Never. Never. Ever. I—like you too much to do something disgusting like that.” Whoa, I almost revealed something to her a little too soon. Plus, I don’t think this is exactly the right place or time to tell her that I love her.
She doesn’t say anything, which scares me. She usually has some kind of comeback that usually hurts me more than she realizes. But now? She’s quiet. Too quiet. I need her to say something. Anything.
“You are such a selfish bastard,” she whispers with hatred. She steps back. “You can keep your secrets and your past to yourself, because it’s obvious I’m not worthy enough to know about the man I love.” She spits the last word out with so much venom and pain while a tear finally breaks through her eyes that I feel my blood stop moving and feel my legs go numb.
“L-Liv—” My voice cracks like breaking glass.
She shakes her hands and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her. It sends my teeth rattling and my heart shaking.
What the fuck just happened?
***
A few hours have passed since Liv stormed off to God knows where.
“Hey, Lacey. You seen Liv around?” I ask as I enter the kitchen, finding the older Latina housekeeper washing dishes. Don’t think I said the right name, but I couldn’t give less of a shit. She turns to me, gives me the evil eye, and returns to scrubbing a china plate like I’m not in the room.
She is such a joy to the world, isn’t she?
“Listen, I don’t know what she told you this time, but it’s a misunderstanding. I’m working on fixing it right now.”
She scoffs and breathes roughly. “Fixing it…you have some nerve, little boy! Breaking my Liv’s heart and dragging her around like a puppy, and then you go and break it again. And again. And again. And again!”
“I’m honestly falling asleep right now, and I need to find Liv before I do. So if you can speed up this little lecture of yours, that’d be great.” I smile widely at her and cross my arms.
She mutters something in Spanish, then faces me. “You do not understand.” When I narrow my eyes in confusion, she sighs, puts the plate in the sink, and takes off her yellow gloves. “When her brother died, a piece of her went along with him. She completely shut down and gave up on everything. She is beautiful and had many suitors, but none of them were enough to make up for the terrible guilt that ate her up, a guilt that reminded her every single night.” Her eyes glisten with tears.
“Do you know how many times I’d brush her hair or read her a story or even sit next to her in her bed until she fell back asleep? Too many to count. I thought she’d never find someone who’d make her feel whole again…but she told me about you, and she sounded truly happy. In love even…but then you broke her heart…and then pieced it back together. And then you broke it again, and it became a cycle that broke her over and over again. And I care too much for that girl to allow some boy to cause her unimaginable pain.” She finishes with a big huff and teary eyes.
Man, are girls around here extra sensitive tonight…
“I don’t mean to hurt her,” I say in my defense.
“Yet you do it anyway,” she exclaims.
I freeze and turn away. Liv said the same thing. “I just need to find her, okay? I swear it’s just a misunderstanding.”
“Why should I help you?” She narrows her eyes at me.
“Because I love her,” I breathe and lean on the counter beside me.
Her eyes widen for a flash second. She puts a hand on her hip. “¿Cómo sé que no estás mintiendo?” (How do I know you’re not lying?)
I hesitate but say, “No lo haces. Pero puedes confiar en que la amo más de he amado todo antes.” (You don’t. But you can trust that I love her more than I have loved anything ever before.)
She doesn’t say anything for a long time. I want to go up to her and shake the information out of her, but I don’t want to risk her slapping me with her shoe, like my mother did many times before.
“Outside by the pool,” she mumbles, impatiently tapping her foot.
I breathe out in relief and thank the Lord I didn’t shake this lady. “Thank you for—” She stops me from moving toward the sliding door by slapping her hand against my chest. I grit my teeth to stop myself from snapping at her.
“No me hagas arrepentirle,” she warns. (Don’t make me regret this.)
“Tú. Hueles. Como. Lavavajillas,” I grit out, and then with a cocky grin, I add, “Pero gracias por la información, abuela,” (You. Smell. Like. Dish soap.) (But thanks for the information, grandma.)
I walk outside and am immediately met with the sounds of a waterfall and crickets. There is a massive curved in-ground pool with a huge built-in obnoxious waterfall. I wasn’t looking when we came in, but I bet there was a cupid fountain out front spewing water out of its mouth in the front yard. It’s like these people are shitting out money to piss out wasted water.
I look around and spot her sitting at the water’s edge, her feet gliding through the water, her head hung down. My heart slows at the sight of her. I slowly walk over and sit down. She doesn’t look up or move. Just sits there and plays around in the pool quietly. Why won’t she notice me?
“Hey,” I say lamely.
Hey? Could I sound any more stupid?
No response.
I turn to face her, flitting my eyes toward her upturned lips and big, glossy eyes. “Liv?” I try again. No reply. “Liv…can you please talk to me?”
She sighs and looks at me. “Why should I?”
“Because I hate when you’re like this. I don’t like it. You’re all silent, and I don’t know what you’re thinking; it makes me uncomfortable.”
“God forbid you get uncomfortable,” she mutters and looks back at the sparkling blue water.
I frown and glance at the water. We stay silent for a long while, and I try to figure out what to say that will make her get over whatever bullshit Rose told her. But all I come up with is more bullshit that’ll just dig me a deeper grave than I’m already in.
“I’m sorry, Liv,” I say after a while.
“Do you even know what you’re sorry for?” she asks. Shit. She nods to herself and raises her eyebrows. “I’ll take that as a no.”
I grumble curses under my breath and take her hands, forcing her to face me. “Listen, Liv, you mean everything to me. Before Rose showed up like the little—I mean.” I take a deep breath before I go off into a rant, sending her running away from me like before. “Before she came, we were doing so well. We were great together. And we still are. We can’t let her drive us apart. I don’t want that, and I hope you don’t want that either.”
“That isn’t even why I’m upset, Grey.” She looks hurt that I don’t know this. But how the hell am I supposed to know? I can’t read her fucking mind!
“Then why are you upset?” I drop her hands and pout in frustration. She’s giving me a headache.
“The fact that you don’t know only proves my point,” she sighs and starts to get up, but I panic and take her hands and pull her to me. “Grey, no.” She tries to pull her hands from me, but all I can see is red and feel the urge to flip out, like usual.
I swallow the lump in my throat and say the first thing that comes to my mind that could stop her.
“I love you, Liv!”
She freezes and goes slack. And then her face twists in anger, and she yanks her hands out of my grasp. “You are so fucking twisted!”
What? She thinks I’m lying? Why would I lie about something like this?
“I’m not lying, princesa. I really fucking love you. I even told that grandma Lana, inside.” I throw my thumb back, and she gasps, shooting to her feet.
No, wait!
I stand too and try to take her hands to stable myself, like I do when I go a little unhinged in my mind. I really need to take those stupid fucking pills—not important! I’m losing the love of my life here!
“Wait, don’t leave me. Please. What’s wrong? What did I do?”
“What did you do to Rose?” she shouts.
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. “I…I’ll lose you. Trust me, you don’t want to know. Just stay with me. Please.” I try to reach for her hand again. My skin becomes clammy, and my heart beats through my throat. I just need to touch her, and I’ll calm down. Just one little touch—
She slaps my hand away and spits, “Don’t fucking touch me.”
With that, she spins around on her heels and storms back into the house, taking my heart and sanity with her.