Chapter Ten
Kami eyed the crowd. Good lord. She was going to be deaf by the time she was forty if she kept picking up bartending shifts. The steady roar of the crowd was even worse tonight because it was the night of the bar’s street dance. Even with a portion of the street roped off for the customers to spill out to, the bar was packed. The band would start soon, then bass would reverberate through the place. Her ears had rung for a full day after the last street dance she’d worked.
Ugh, she should’ve asked some questions when her coworker frantically called her to fill in. She’d had a family conflict and Kami had zero conflict because Kambria wasn’t home this weekend. Waiting for Travis to call and invite her over since it wasn’t her assigned night to cook smacked too much of desperation, and she’d picked up the shift. What had motivated her was the dread of the phone not ringing.
The entire week she’d ended up in his bed after they ate. As soon as dishes were loaded into the washer, he’d take her on the counter, on the table, on the floor—it didn’t matter. The man was insatiable, and she’d thought she had a healthy sexual appetite. He was inventive, too. Just the night before, she hadn’t even left her seat before he had her stripped down and had her legs over his shoulders.
She cut off that line of thinking before she blushed and made the typical handsy customers think she was open to getting hit on and groped.
Her manager draped a dishrag over his shoulder; she suspected because he thought it made him seem dapper and worldly as he flirted with all the single ladies. And Kyle had been doing this long enough that he knew who was single, who wasn’t, and who was single for the night.
He lifted his chin to point to the door to the outdoor section. “Wanna help Megan out there? A big group just came in and she’s swamped already.”
She wove her way through the crowd, excited for some fresh air. Only an hour to go on her shift and she’d get to hear some good country music and enjoy the beautiful night.
“Oh, thank you Jesus.” Megan grabbed her arm and pointed to the far end where a crowd had gathered around one of the long tables. “Like ten of them walked in. I’m dying here, and I wish I could serve them. The Walkers are always good to us.”
Excitement escalated while her stomach plummeted. The Walkers? That many of them? Her gut changed direction and crawled into her throat.
Was Travis here? And if he was, what would he do when she waited on him? Would he dance with anyone? If he did, was it any of her business?
She counted the Walkers as she made her way over. Eight. Five men and three women.
Her palms were sweaty, and her heart rate kicked up. She’d rather face a hoard of annoyed badgers than pretend in front of Travis and his family that she hadn’t had sex with him every night this week. What would they do if they found out about her? He’d be on the receiving end of well-meaning family lectures, and they’d all be right. Kami would be the first to agree that she wasn’t good enough for him. But she wanted him more than anyone else. Did that count?
She forced a smile to her face and prayed it didn’t look fake. At almost twenty-nine, she was too old for this shit. The death of a husband did that to a girl.
Five pairs of blue eyes that varied in shade landed on her as soon as she approached. The Walkers were the golden boys of the county. Good kids who’d never been in trouble with the law, who defended each other religiously, and played a mean game of whatever sport they were involved in. They’d all grown up to be respectable men who lent a hand wherever needed. Travis should despise her after the trouble her dad gave his family but both he and Cash had helped her. She should despise Travis for the way his parents treated hers, but couldn’t. Those were problems for someone else; she had enough of her own.
“What can I get you?” Her voice didn’t shake, which was quite a feat. She’d placed herself at the end of the table where Travis sat across from Aaron. As much as she wanted to avoid a potentially awkward situation, she was a damn adult.
Her mind clicked through the talk around town to identify the women. Three of the Walker Five were engaged, including Cash. The news had sheared through the bar, devastating many ladies, all with wistful well-wishes.
She’d been irritated and purposely ignored every one of those conversations. When she’d left town to marry Ben, all her mom had heard were outrageous inquiries and guffaws of how long it’d last.
The attractive woman smashed into Dillon’s side spoke first. “We’ll each have a root beer.”
Brock’s fiancée ordered for them both; Cash and his woman ordered separately. Aaron gave Kami a speculative look when he ordered, but overall, the rest of the table played it cool.
Finally, it was Travis’s turn. “How’s it going?”
Relief that he didn’t “play it cool” mixed with a spike of anxiety that all attention would be on her.
And it was.
“Good. It’s a busy night.”
“You worked at your mom’s all day before this?”
She nodded. “Trying to get that little John Deere running. I think it will with a new battery.”
“Hey, Kami.” Cash leaned over so he didn’t have to shout. “Have you gotten anyone to hay your north pasture yet?”
“No, I was going to talk to…” She couldn’t summon a name—because she hadn’t gotten around to thinking about it yet. Cash pointed to himself, his eyes bright. “You?”
“Sure.” He grinned. “I’d have to haul a load from across the county and Old Man Furness raised his rates.”
“Call me with the details and we’ll talk.” She glanced back to Travis. Her heart waltzed into her throat at the gleam in his yes. “What are you drinking tonight?”
“Bud Light. Are you almost done working?”
She hesitated. The entire table was watching them.
“I have a little time left,” she said. “But I think I might go home.” And she would. This drama was killing her after a long day in the dust, tinkering with old engines that might never run again.
“You’re welcome to hang out with us for a bit. I hear the band is great.” The open invitation in his voice almost swayed her. They enjoyed conversation over dinner each night and every time her hopes rose. Could they really work?
Every morning, she’d wake up and talk sense into herself. Without Kambria home, the solitude rushed back with all the feelings of abandonment and loneliness after Ben’s death. The crash back to reality was getting harder and harder, like the excitement of what could be forming with Travis amplified those emotions. Because if she had to go back to that state of mind, it’d be ten times worse.
“We’ll see.” Her resolve to head home wavered. A fun night out with other adults was tempting, but she didn’t want to undo the reputation she was building. “I’ll be back with your order.”
Her last hour passed way too fast. The night was so busy that she only had time to check on the Walker’s group once, but the burn of Travis’s gaze followed her all over the outdoor seating area.
She clocked out with her manager and wistfully glanced toward the band. Their music filtered through the din of the bar and started her boot tapping. Gymnastics was tied closely to dance; it was natural for her to want to move to any beat she heard. Moore never had an official dance program, but she and the other cheerleaders infused their routines with rhythm.
All the Walkers were out on the dance floor, even Travis. They were stomping through a line dance. A smile played across her lips. The guy could move, on and off the dance floor. Had he and his fiancée been one of those couples that glided across the floor, completely in sync?
Bless Ben’s heart, but he’d only been able to do the side-to-side shuffle. They’d had some good laughs over it, and he’d made up for the defect by being a superb father and an excellent partner.
She blinked back a sudden sting of tears. Finding both qualities in another man sometimes seemed impossible. Staying felt like she was handing Travis a lot of power over her heart.
The bass-thumping song ended, and a slower one started. Every Walker but Travis twirled a woman into their arms. Travis meandered back to the table, looking around, probably for her.
She couldn’t leave him hanging. Pushing her way back out to the street, she kept her eyes on him. All the single ladies he walked past eyed him with a spark of hope. She knew how they felt.
Large clusters of people blocked what should’ve been a straight path to Travis. She side-stepped one crowd when a young woman tugged on Travis’s elbow. Kami stopped in her indecision to watch it play out or stomp over and claim her man.
Travis’s smile was real and he gave the lady a huge hug.
Kami’s feet were rooted. Stay or go? Dancing was either a fun activity between two partners or an intimate moment between a couple. She didn’t know how Travis perceived it.
He slung his arms around the girl’s shoulder, laughing, and strode to the dance floor.
Kami heart cracked. She spun as he happened to glance her way. He might’ve seen her, but she kept pushing through the crowd.
“Kami!” Travis reached her. Did the crowd part just for him when she’d had to elbow her way through? “Is everything okay?” His voice wasn’t full of challenge, just concern aimed at her.
She couldn’t decide which was worse. Her jealousy at seeing him with another woman, or that he’d made a small scene pursuing her.
***
Travis had to give up ground to Kami’s flight in order to follow her through the throng of people. Her shoulders were rigid and her chin high.
She pursed her lips like she was contemplating something to say, but settled on, “Fine.” She continued her trek outside.
He followed her through the bar and out the exit. She didn’t stop.
“Kami.”
She looked over her shoulder, surprise etched across her face. “Why’d you follow me?”
“Because you look like you were upset. And I’ve been waiting to get you to myself all night.”
“You seemed to be doing well.” He detected anger, but a deeper emotion made him pause. Vulnerability. Surely not his Kami. She was the strongest woman he knew.
“That girl you saw me with was my cousin Bunny.” He’d been itching to dance with Kami all night, hold her in his arms in front of everyone. His cousins were the only other women he’d dance with, except for his future cousins-in-law, besides Kami.
Her head tipped back and she sighed. “I’m so fucking stupid,” she muttered.
“Why?” He waited. Had she been jealous? Jealous meant she cared—he hoped.
A couple blew out of the bar, the woman giggling into the man’s neck. They looked like they were heading to do what Travis really wanted to do.
He turned his attention back to Kami. Exhaustion was etched over her face, and the source wasn’t from just physical labor.
“Come on. Talk to me.”
“I’m just having trouble with what I’m feeling right now and all I want to do is go home and work it out.”
“Why not talk to me about it?”
“Because…” Her gaze tore from his to stare at the lot packed full of cars. “Because talking isn’t what we usually do when we’re together.”
Where’d that come from? “Isn’t it? I recall you asking me about our crops and what our company planted and why. And then there was the time you demanded I show you the game I designed. I know I love hearing updates about your daughter because your face brightens and you can’t quit smiling when you talk about her. And don’t get me started on sheep, because you and I can go for hours on that subject.”
“Yeah, but that’s all—”
“It’s what people talk about when they enjoy each other’s company.”
She pursed her lips and met his gaze. “Doesn’t it strike you as a little superficial?”
He planted his hands on his hips. The move might be aggressive, but if he didn’t secure his hands, he’d grab her and kiss her in front of the few people coming and going from the bar. “You don’t think we talk about our thoughts and feelings enough? Fine. Here’s what I felt when I saw you. Desperate. Distraught at the sea of people between us. Usually, I spend most of my day watching the clock because all I want to do is go home and see you. Yeah, I like what we do together. Fuck, yeah. But I like just being with you.”
She stared at him, her expression a mixture of stunned and…pleased?
“Now your turn,” he said.
“What?”
“I don’t know if you know this, but you don’t talk about yourself much. I can tell you’re holding out on me, and I don’t know if it’s me, or you.”
“I do not hold back.” She frowned.
He raised his brows. Yep. It was dawning on her that, no, she didn’t. She scowled.
He broke into a grin. “Do you have your car?” She nodded. “I rode with Aaron, but they’re all busy. Let’s go somewhere and just talk. About real things.” Her look was skeptical. He raised his hands in innocence. “I promise to do nothing other than give you a chaste good-night kiss.”
The corner of her mouth hitched up. “I might hate you for your promise at the end of the night.”
He wouldn’t. It’d be worth it if she started trusting him.
She led him to her car. He folded himself inside.
She started the engine. “Why don’t I just give you a ride home and we can have our little talk? I want to get to Mom’s early tomorrow.”
“What are you working on?”
“I’m going to get that riding lawn mower running even if it kills me.”
He wished she hadn’t found that thing; he wanted her day free. “Can you at least roll it out of the barn?”
“It won’t budge, but I get enough light if I open the doors.”
“It’s not the light I’m worried about.”
“It’ll be fine. If Cash hays the pastures, that’ll really help. I’m going to price fences. I think I’ll rent the field, try my hand at sheep, and use the smaller pasture closest to the house for horses like Daddy did.”
Her intentions were sound. “I know a family of five guys who farm and might like to rent your land.”
She didn’t look as thrilled as he hoped. “I feel like a charity case for you guys.”
“Why?” He shook his head. “You misunderstand. Yes, my cousins lent a hand because I asked them to, but you’re our neighbor. Hauling hay from your place is cheaper and easier. Renting those two quarters would also be cheaper and easier. If we could cut a road between my house and yours, it’d be cake.” Taking the tractor and combine the long way was still a better option if they couldn’t outright buy the space. “And we aren’t our parents,” he said quietly.
She cast him a sidelong look before bringing her attention back to the road.
He rallied himself for what he really wanted to ask. The question that had flagged him for over a decade.
“Why’d you sleep with me and then never talk to me again that summer?”
There. That was no superficial question.
“Wow. You’re going right there. I guess I asked for it.” She sure did. “I really liked you and everything that happened that night. But I told Austin I was meeting with you later when he asked me out and he pointed out that you and I didn’t have anything in common.”
“We have a shit-ton in common, and that’s a technical term.”
“Other than growing up around each other? You played football, I cheered for football. We rode horses. That’s about it. School wasn’t hard for you. When I heard you talking with your friends, it wasn’t about fantasy football or the best cleats for the game. You guys argued about GMOs and whether organic farming really could be organic and on what scale would it be sustainable.”
“And? You were obviously listening in. I doubt it was because it bored you.”
A pinch formed between her brows. He watched her emotions play across her face. She hadn’t connected the two. She hadn’t paid attention just to prove that she wasn’t good enough for him.
“I had nothing going for me. I barely graduated. I wasn’t going to college.”
“But you graduated. And you could go to college. I refuse to believe any excuse you give. The girl who barrel raced and did flips in the air could do anything she put her mind to.”
She threw a hand up, keeping her other on the wheel. “Don’t you see? It’s all physical. I never said I wasn’t a hard worker.”
“Why’d you marry Ben?” Her mouth dropped open. Hell, he’d surprised himself with the question. “You don’t do anything without reason. You never have. I know it wasn’t because of Kambria.”
“Ben treated everyone the same, with respect and compassion. All he wanted out of life was to live and work and spend time with the people he loved.” A tear rolled down her cheek. He brushed it away. He thought she’d quit, but she kept going. “I haven’t told anyone, but I tried to take online classes. I failed. He didn’t ridicule me, though.” She sniffed. “Austin would’ve. Mom would’ve said ‘I told you so’ without really saying the words. So I didn’t go to college? He didn’t care. Was I happy? That was all he cared about. If he worked at the same job for forty years and we never moved from Normandy, he wouldn’t have cared. I liked that about him. We were happy being mediocre.”
Tears rolled too fast for him to keep up. “That sounds way more than mediocre, Kami.”
She rubbed her face. “You’re right. It was.”
When she said that, he and Ben were the same guy. His parents had a hard time understanding why he wanted to come back and farm. He’d pursued an agriculture degree in hopes they’d realized his passion was the land. The science behind farming, the giant game of chance every farmer took each year.
“I was born in my house. Did you know that?”
She sniffled again and shook her head. She turned down the road that led to his place.
He nodded. “Mom didn’t think it’d go so fast. No one did. So she thought she’d play it cool, not be the first-time mom who panics over all the details. But she waited too long. They called the ambulance, but Dad delivered me. My bedroom now is the same one I was born in.”
“That’s really cool.” Said like she didn’t know why he was telling her after she spilled her heart about her husband.
“Yeah. I’m tied to the place. Moore is my home. If I never move, I’m okay.” He almost said he hadn’t wanted to go to school. It was expected of him. But he couldn’t bring himself to. He trusted Kami, but if he let the floodgates down and mentioned it around his parents, they’d be so disappointed. All the couples in their fifty-five-plus housing knew about his degrees. They all played his game. His parents gave him regular updates.
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m just a guy, Kami.”
“You’re not like other guys. You can’t see it, and that speaks a lot about your character. Your family is not like other families.”
He was losing ground. “We have our problems.”
She pulled in to his yard and parked in her normal spot. “Does the whole town know about them?”
He was about to say “probably” but he paused. Dillon’s drinking problem had been deeply personal and he’d hidden it well. Brock had finally told the rest of them about his autism diagnosis, but they were all highly protective of him, and if he didn’t tell anyone else, neither would they. Cash was the exception. It was common knowledge that he’d been a playboy and the older generation remembered that he wasn’t his mom’s biological child, but the product of an affair. Aaron’s parents had moved back in with him in a case of reverse empty nest, but that was hardly the talk of the town.
Kami’s dad, on the other hand… He’d blustered through town, leaving a wake of whispered conversations. Inept. Moronic. That poor wife of his. The only time he’d heard anything other than derision aimed at Pam English. Travis remembered the day clearly when Earl English passed away and left Pam a single mom. Mom and Dad had whispered their own conversations and speculations about why and what would happen to his wife and daughter.
Yet, no one reached out to help them. He’d asked his parents one day if they were going to. His dad had shrugged and said maybe. That was as far as it went. To be fair, Pam would’ve bitten a few fingers off. She wasn’t as tyrannical as Earl, but just as atrocious at asking for help.
“Okay, I’ll give you that one,” he said.
She broke into a smile. “This talking feelings kind of sucks.”
“I disagree. I’ve learned a lot. Now, my next question is where do we go from here?”
“Well, you ditched Bunny to chase after me, so I don’t know how much longer we can keep it between us.”
“Between us and all my cousins.” When her eyes widened, he chuckled. “It’s the curse of growing up so close. They can read me well.”
She traced the steering wheel and looked out the windshield. The car was running, the AC at a comfortable level. They could talk all night. “I guess I can RSVP as your plus one to Dillon’s wedding.”
Best news ever. “Great. And before then?”
“This week will be the same as last week.” She glanced at him through her lashes. His blood heated and pooled south. No touching. No touching. He would not go back on his word. “Then Kambria’s back home this weekend. Then another week,” another hesitant smile, “and the wedding. Unless you want to debut earlier.”
“I want you to myself,” he growled.
“Then we’re agreed.” She nodded once and stared back out the window.
“What’s going on in that dynamic little head of yours?”
Her mouth quirked, but she didn’t answer right away. Was he going to get a response? The longer she waited, the less sure he was. Finally, she spoke. “It’s after the wedding I’m worried about.”
He didn’t speak. She was smart enough to know that he’d want an explanation.
“We’re not our parents, but we still have to face our parents. I don’t think my mom has anything more than general animosity toward you, but you’ve been so generous with your time.” She shot him a wry grin. “And, of course, Kambria has filled her in on how great you are.”
An unexpected boon of giving lessons. “I’m an adult, and I want to date you. I’ve wanted to date you for years. Mom and Dad will just have to deal.”
She gave him a questioning look. “You’ve said that before. But there’s over eleven years and an entire relationship in there for you.”
His humor died, and he thought quickly. “I’m not talking about those years. When you ran into me at the bar that night, it was like no time had passed. I’ve had a terrible crush on you since I first saw you, Kami Lee Preston.”
How could he show her that this was as real as it gets? That his infatuation with her preceded him and Michelle, her and Ben—her and anyone. It was always her. He’d wanted to live in his house, farm his land, and marry his woman. For years, all he’d had was his house. The years he tolerated school were bearable because he knew he was going back home. All those extra years for graduate school was all in the name of the farm, so they could pass strong and healthy land down to their children. Michelle had been his woman, but she hadn’t. She’d wanted nothing to do with Moore or his farm. If it wasn’t cutting edge ag research, her interest plummeted.
He couldn’t touch Kami and communicate with his body that she was all he’d ever wanted. He couldn’t tell her that he was about to dump his fiancée as she was breathing her last breath. How could he show Kami how much she meant to him?
A memory rippled to the surface. “Remember the first day of kindergarten when we got on the bus?”
She thought for a moment. “You and your cousins were the last ones picked up and there were no seats left?”
He nodded. “The middle schoolers were taking up all the room. Dillon and Cash found a seat, I gave Brock the spot by Aaron, and I was left in the middle of the aisle holding up the bus. Then you yelled ‘Move your butts. Can’t you see the guy needs a seat?’”
She gasped, covering her mouth. “I totally remember that. I was such a mouthy kid.”
“You made quite an impression on me. I was dismayed to find out your dad was ‘that neighbor,’ but you captured my complete attention that day.”
“My dad…” Her smile fell. “It’s no mystery who I emulated.”
Travis snorted, and she looked offended for a heartbeat until he clarified. “You don’t think your mom had anything to do with that?”
Understanding lightened her gaze. “Yes, but not then, not around Dad.”
“Serious?”
Dipping her head, she had an almost apologetic look. “She didn’t talk back to Dad. I dunno. He was so much older than her, and I think she saw him as an authority figure. I know I did.”
“You miss him, too?”
“Of course, but not like Ben. Dad wasn’t healthy. You only had to spend five minutes with him to know his blood pressure was hammering at his heart. He ate antacids like breath mints.” Her expression turned melancholy. “His death was easier to accept.”
Much of their night was spent discussing death. He might as well push his point about her insecurities. “Michelle’s death is hard to accept. She was, essentially, one of my best friends. But I’ve been surrounded by family ever since and it’s made it easier to accept.”
That was the best he could explain it without confessing the twist that made the situation even more tragic than it was.
“I’m sorry I stood you up that night, when we were supposed to meet for a movie. I almost ignored Austin, but I had gymnastics practice and the girls, you know”—she sighed—“asked about you. I could hear it in their voices. The disbelief.”
“Give me a chance. I don’t care about proving anyone wrong, I want to prove myself right.”
Their gazes met and held, his breath suspended. She grasped his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I want you to, too. I guess this is it until Monday night. Homemade pizza night?”
“You know I eat whatever you make.” He leaned in close, his breath tickling her ear. “And I have some ideas that involve you and the back-porch swing.”
Her inhale was audible, and he grinned. An hour ago, he feared the worst. But here he was with his house, his farm, and his woman.