Bailey

I was in my car taking my lunch break the next day. There was no way I could have this phone conversation with Esa in a public setting. As besties, you almost have an ironclad obligation to spill all the graphic details from your best night of sex ever.

Esa stayed quiet, letting me spill the goods, ooh'ing and ahh'ing at the appropriate places. When I finished, there was a stunned silence as she took it all in. To be fair, I'd kept her in the dark with most of this for so long, afraid to give voice to my feelings for Jack, even to my best friend. Come to think of it, I'd been so excited to tell her how things were developing, I'd neglected to apologize for not sharing with her like I should have.

"I'm happy for you, Bailey, I really am. And I want to talk more about that in a second, but..." Esa paused again. "What the hell were you thinking keeping this from me?!"

I pulled the phone away from my ear so I didn't rupture an eardrum. My girl was pissed. I winced, knowing she had a right to be.

"I know, girlie, I know. I'm sorry. I just didn't think it would go anywhere with Jack. I liked him, but thought he was a dead-end. And you were glowing and bouncing with happiness with Ivan...I didn't want to be the black cloud. I know that's still no excuse for not telling you before this, but it's the truth. And I hope you'll forgive me."

Esa sighed long and loud in the phone. "I forgive you, but don't keep shit from me again. Got it?"

"Oh thank God, because I have so much more to tell you!"

"What more could there be? There's only so many times in one night you can come, even if Jack's a rock star in bed." Esa giggled, probably remembering all the times we'd speculated about him when we first met him at the beginning of the year. "Is he even hotter without clothes on?"

I laughed. "Oh lordy, Esa. He's so fucking hot with nothing but that dimple on."

We laughed, the tension cleared now that we'd talked it out. I needed to come clean with her about a few more things though and get her advice.

"So...I'm not sure things can really go anywhere beyond hot sex with Jack."

"What? Why? You guys seem so good together!" Esa cried.

"Well, I may have done a few things that would piss him off if he found out." I took a deep breath and launched into the hacking I'd done, along with the clearance rigging that allowed me to outfit the local homeless with jackets. "It was all for good, I promise! But I don't think Jack would see it that way."

"Oh Bailey...You know I love you, and I love that heart of yours, but I'd have to agree with Jack's way of thinking on this one." She sighed again. She'd sighed a lot during this conversation. I didn't think I was that exasperating, but I could have been wrong. "You can't break laws to help people. Those laws are there to protect bad guys from taking advantage of people. What if everyone broke the laws? It would be chaos."

"Well, I've quit the hacking and I won't discount any more merchandise, so we don't need to argue about this. Even though I still think what I did was fine. I wasn't hurting anyone, only helping." I felt the need to defend my actions since I still felt like I was in the right.

"Well, I guess as long as you've stopped... Are you going to tell Jack the truth?"

"I wasn't planning on bringing it up since it's over and done. No need to stir up trouble. Maybe, after some time has passed, he and I can think about something more."

"Life is always interesting with you." Esa laughed, letting me know she wouldn't hold my actions against me.

Now if only Jack would react the same way if he ever found out...

Jack

"Yo, Jack, that info you sent me panned out. I found the guy."

Our resident tech guy poked his head in my office, excited to bring me good news.

I'd been thinking about my night with Bailey and had to shake my head to clear that x-rated vision before I could focus on what he'd said. He was talking about the online dare game that had already caused several dangerous incidences in SoCal.

"Great! Send me what you got and I'll get a warrant." He nodded and left, eager to close the case and get it off his desk.

How the hell did Hessa know what computer IP addresses and user names to look at? When I'd talked to her and Kai, they seemed to be as tech savvy as I was, which meant not at all.

I grabbed the department phone and speed dialed the tech guy. "Hey, can you trace if someone else hacked this guy's account before us? And if so, trace who it was?" As a detective for almost ten years, I'd learned that when things don't line up it's usually because there's more to the story and I needed to keep digging.

"Sure, Jack. I can check it out and let you know."

We hung up, and I went back to thinking of ways to woo Bailey. Then work intruded, and I got sidetracked with several other cases I was working on.

I was about to leave for the day when my tech guy called me back. "Hey, are you physic or something? I found one other user hacked into our guy's system about four days ago. I traced that IP address and traced it to some other activity on the backend of a clothing website. Want me to trace it further?"

My mind was spinning the moment he said clothing. Bailey worked at a high-end clothing store. Bailey was at Hessa's place a week ago and wouldn't tell me what she was doing there. There was no such thing as a coincidence. Bailey was connected to all of this. Did she hack into this guy's site for Hessa? Was she also hacking into her company's site? That was a hell of a lot more dangerous, let alone completely illegal. Why the hell would she do that?

"Jack?"

The tech guy's voice broke into my thoughts, bringing me back to the present. "No! Sorry, no, don't trace the IP. It's not connected. We got our guy, should have the warrant by tomorrow, so case is almost closed. Thanks for your hard work, man."

"Sure thing, boss, anytime."

I hung up and ran my hands through my hair, trying not to freak out. What the fuck was she thinking?

Only one way to get to the bottom of this: straight to the source.

I beat Bailey back to her place that night, choosing to wait on her doorstep until she got home from work. I couldn't rest until I sorted this out. Was she the sweet, sassy, vivacious woman I was falling for, or was she a manipulative, lying criminal? I couldn't continue to plan a future with her if she was breaking laws left and right. That's just not who I was and I couldn't be with someone who did that. My whole profession was about maintaining order by following the law.

Pacing back and forth on her tiny front patio, I was sick to my stomach thinking I could be so wrong about her. I wanted her to explain it away and prove that my tech guy had his information all wrong. I wanted to go back to that brief hopeful glimpse of happiness being possible for her and I. That bubble of excitement for the future I hadn't had until I'd let her in.

Her car pulled in and I nearly ran to the car to put a stop to this inner torment.

"Jack! I wasn't expecting to see you." She smiled up at me as she climbed out, leaning forward as if to kiss me. I backed away and walked to her front door, not able to respond. I couldn't pretend everything was fine until we'd cleared the air.

"Okay...we're going to have to work on proper greetings." She chuckled, but fell silent as she took in my serious expression. She opened her door and led us into her dark living room. I turned on her lamps, wanting to see her face clearly when we talked. I could tell a lot from a person's facial expressions, things they couldn't hide behind lies.

"Wanna tell me what's up or are we going to sit here glaring at each other all night?" She had a hint of a smile but I could tell she was getting pissed at my cold demeanor. Best to just jump in and get this over with.

"Have you been hacking into your company's computer system?"

Her eyes widened, and she looked away from me for a brief moment before answering. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I have it on good authority that you've been doing some hacking. Your company's site, Hessa's case...any of that ring a bell?" I was good at interrogating suspects at work, but I was finding I lost all finesse when it was someone I cared about. I didn't bother trying to trap her or intimidate, instead asking straight-forward questions and hoping she'd tell me the truth.

She jumped up and walked to the window, looking outside, not at me. "I didn't think we'd be having this discussion quite this soon."

"So you are a hacker?" I asked incredulously.

She huffed out a humorless laugh. "I guess you could say that." She turned from the window and met my gaze. "I found Hessa's guy and yes, I hacked into my company's site. I stopped that though the minute you and I got involved. I don't expect you to understand, but I had my reasons for doing it."

My stomach dropped and all hope that I was wrong about her fizzled. I'd spent all last night planning a real future with this woman and I didn't even know her. I had to give her credit for answering truthfully and bravely, but I couldn't get over the fact that she'd broken the law and seemed so blasé about it.

"Just--just give me a minute." I ran my hands through my hair and had a seat on her couch. I needed to think, so I didn't let my emotions get in the way of finding out what the hell she did and especially why. Maybe if I could understand her motivation then I could figure out exactly who she was.

"I can see why you did it in Hessa's case. You wanted to help her, right?" Bailey had come over to the couch but hadn't sat down yet. She nodded at me and I tried to ignore how shiny her eyes looked in the low lamp light. "But why your job? They have a whole team of tech people that could have detected you and landed you in jail. Why the hell would you take that risk?"

Bailey just looked at me as if deciding whether she wanted to tell me anything further. Then she sighed, her whole body drooping for a fraction of a second, and she sat down next to me.

"I'll tell you why I did it, but I'm not telling you because I feel like I need an excuse. I still feel justified in doing what I did. I just want you to perhaps see it from my point of view." She sat with her back ramrod straight and she confidently met my gaze. Her hands were twisting in her lap, the only clue that she was nervous.

I nodded my head, my heart dying to hear an explanation that would make what she did okay. The law was sacred. It was black and white. I'd always shunned people who thought the grey areas were okay. Of course, it made sense it would be Bailey pushing me to expand my definition of 'okay'. She had a way of not letting you rest easy, instead finding your personal buttons and pushing them. Repeatedly.

"Growing up, I didn't have much parental support or supervision. My mom tried her best, but she was working two jobs to raise me by herself. I fell in with the wrong crowd in middle school and she finally had enough. We moved to Huntington Beach so we could start over my freshman year of high school. I wasn't too happy to be leaving my friends and being in a new state. My very first day, I met Esa." Bailey chuckled, lost in the memory.

"We were so different! But it just worked. She calmed me down, and I added some spice to her life. I think I told you before that her parents took me in and made me their second daughter. God, they used to drag us to their charity events and make us volunteer at the homeless shelter all the time. Like a typical teenager, I acted like I hated it, but I secretly loved it. It made me feel good. It gave me perspective. It changed me. So when the Grants died suddenly one morning, it was like I grew up, all in one day. I was taking care of Esa, helping with the funeral, helping her pack up the house, making decisions. And one of the decisions I made was that I would continue their legacy by helping other people as often as I could. I'd never made a promise like that one. I would rather die than break that promise to the best people I ever knew."

Her eyes were filled with tears, one slipping out to slide down her cheek. My thumb was there to wipe it away before I could overthink my actions. I was still angry, but I was starting to see where her head was at.

She quickly swiped away the other tears as if she was embarrassed.

"So why the hacking? How did that start?" I still didn't get how you went from volunteering at a homeless shelter to hacking a huge retail site.

"I found out in college I was good with computers and coding. Which was something I kept quiet about. I was a fashion student, for God's sake! You don't make it in that world while also being a computer geek. The only people who knew the extent of my skills were my computer teachers and they pretty much left me alone after they failed to convince me to change to a programming major."

I didn't want to acknowledge where my head was at, but there was something really hot about a stunning woman like her being a total brain. I mean, she found Hessa's guy before my own tech guy did! Shit, I loved her body and her spirit before all this, but now I was falling for her brain too.

"I continued volunteering my time, but one thing you quickly see is that this is a huge problem in this state. The number of homeless people is steadily climbing and the state can't afford the climbing costs. Volunteering my time was like a drop in the ocean. I needed to do more, have more of an impact. So when I was tasked with overseeing the markdowns on clothes in my department, I kept an eye out for things like jackets, scarves, etc. When they came through, I marked them down as low as I could without attracting attention and then purchased them."

She hooked her thumb over her shoulder. "Those two jackets you saw? Those were the last two out of ten that I bought and handed out."

"And the hacking?" I wanted to get back to that, the most egregious of broken laws.

She shrugged. "A lot of up-and-coming designers get totally overlooked because they're new and no one knows about them yet. And most of their stuff is even better than the established brands! So I just changed some coding in the search function bar to give preferential treatment to the smaller designers and get their clothes higher up in the search results. I was super careful and besides, the tech guys are looking for people hacking into the payment processing parts of the website, not the search function."

I ran a hand down my face, trying to keep the exasperation from my expression. "Bailey. Hacking is hacking. A judge wouldn't care what you hacked into. The fact you got behind their fire walls at all is enough to get you in trouble. Like actual prison time. Do you get that?"

"Yes, I get that, I'm not an idiot! I was willing to take that risk." Bailey hopped off the couch, hands on hips. Standard defense mode.

I shook my head, not understanding why she had no self-preservation skills. I stood up, hands out in a gesture of peace, wanting her to really hear me. "What good would being in prison do for you or the homeless people you help every week? Why not use your skills and obvious desire for good rather than sully all those good intentions with illegal activity?"

She flung her arms out at her sides, and I was wagering on if she'd stomp her foot too. "Because I'm good at hacking. Why not use my skills? Plus, no one knew, not even Esa, that I was that good of a hacker. No one would suspect me. Besides, I was doing it all to help people. I wasn't hurting anyone, so what's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal?" I couldn't believe she didn't see it. I sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm myself so I could explain logically. "What about the bigger designers that worked their asses off to be household names? Do they deserve to have sales taken away from them? What about other lower income shoppers that needed those coats but now can't get them because you snatched them up? What if everyone hacked into sites and tinkered with things to get what they wanted? Do you know what would happen?"

I was out of breath, and as she crossed her arms over her chest, I was also out of time. She wasn't willing to see this from my point of view and I didn't know how to get through to her.

Deciding to drop the argument and give her the out she wanted, I took a couple steps toward the front door, intent on leaving before I erupted. I stopped, my churning stomach making me unwilling to leave things as they were between us. I turned back around and saw her, tears back in her eyes and her crossed arms looking more like she was trying to give herself a hug of support than gearing up for a fight. She looked alone.

"Bae." I shoved my hands in my jean pockets so I wouldn't give in to the urge to reach out and comfort her. "I massively admire your desire to help people. Please don't think I don't understand your need to keep your promise. But I also firmly believe in right and wrong. And what you're doing is wrong. There absolutely has to be a way for you to make the impact you want. Legally."

I walked to the door and was almost through it when she called out, her voice shaking, "So it's a deal breaker?"

I looked down and closed my eyes, hearing the hurt in her voice and knowing it matched the hurt I felt too. "Continuing to do illegal things? Yes, that's a deal breaker for me."

I walked out, closed her door, and got in my car. It was like all the light she'd brought to my life faded away in an instant, making realize how dark my life had been before her. She'd opened my eyes to what I wanted out of life. How could I go back to a time before she'd changed everything? I didn't want to remain in the dark, but I didn't know how to make this right.

Never had I been tempted to straddle the line of right and wrong, to play in the shady areas of life, but with this woman, I was that close to throwing away all my principles to keep her in my life. Some small part of me held me back, hoping she'd see my point of view and come back to me. It was enough to get me to start my car and drive away, knowing I'd left my heart back at her house.

I knew I did the right thing, but then why did it feel so wrong?