Chapter Eight

Jase

A bolt of lightening lights up the sky, followed closely by a crack of thunder, and I feel Kayla go tense in my arms, her body nearly turning to brick. “Hey, it’s all right. Just a little lightening. We may get some rain. I’ve got you though, beautiful.” Suddenly, she wiggles her way from between my legs and arms and stands abruptly. Panic is all over her face, and her neck has gone beet red. “Kayla, what’s wrong?” I stand quickly and grab her face. A cool breeze hits us, and I see a drop of rain land on her cheek. Her eyes begin to well with tears as her hair blows in the rainy wind, and immediately, something changes in her. Fear. She’s afraid, and I worry it was me who did something wrong.

She doesn’t answer. Instead, she goes more and more into her own head, and I panic. “Baby, what the hell is going on?” And as if the clouds heard me and felt my worry, they open up and we drown in rain, as it comes down harsh and heavy. “Fuck, come on. Let’s get out of here.” I grab her hand and leave everything behind. I will come back for it later. Pulling her and setting her cemented feet into motion, she follows me. I swing open her door and help her in before hurrying to my side. Once there, I start up my truck, putting it in Reverse, but I stop at the sound of shrill panic.

“No! Don’t we can’t drive!”

“What?” I turn to her, completely shell-shocked. I have no damn idea what’s going on, but it sure as hell is a mind trip.

“We can’t drive. Can we wait in the truck until the rain passes?”

Looking at her, her small hands are curled into even tighter fists, the skin stretching so tight they’ve gone pale. Her eyes are squeezed shut, and I’m sure that’s not rain running down her cheeks, but tears. I know, because they are accompanied by whimpers.

I look around for a second, taking in my surroundings and making sure this isn’t just a dream. Turning my eyes back to her, I shake my head, even though she can’t see me. “We can’t sit in the truck. This will last hours. The forecast said today we could expect showers late this evening and they would last all night. We will get cold, and I can’t leave the truck running, babe. I can get us home. Just—”

“No, Jase! We can’t!” She snaps her eyes open, landing on me.

I grow irritated, but seeing how upset she is, I try to keep my cool. “Why? What in the world is going on, Kayla?”

She shakes her head, mumbling over and over the words “I can’t. I can’t.”

Doing my best not to lose my temper with her non answer, I grip the steering wheel a couple times and release a deep breath. “Fine. I have a cabin less than half a mile away. Can I at least drive us there?”

Kayla hesitates, looking from me to the windshield, where the rain pelts my truck. She gulps deep then nods slowly. “Just, please, drive slow.”

“Yeah, okay,” I respond, putting my car in drive.

I get us there in less than three minutes. I climb out and help her down, the rain once again blasting and drenching us through completely. Getting us inside as fast as possible, I try to flip on the lights, but they aren’t working, and I’m sure its due to the storm tonight and the other ones we’ve had between Avery’s and my last visit here. I use the moonlight to help guide me around the familiar space, and I take the wood from our last time here and toss it in the fireplace. Lighting a few matches, I get the fire going, giving the living area a soft amber glow.

I stand back, keeping my hands on my hips and my head dropped low as I watch the flames, and shake my head slowly. What in the actual hell is going on with her right now?

“I—I’m so sorry, Jase. I’m j-j-just a little a-a-afraid of the rain,” she stutters through tears and body chills from the chill.

Turning then, I decide I better just come out and ask. “You gotta give me an explanation for whatever that was, Kayla.” She nods, dropping her head in embarrassment. It breaks my heart to see her so torn up and ashamed. This really must mean something to her, whatever it is inside her that has her so damn afraid.

I step up to her without words and begin to remove her clothes. She doesn’t question me or try to stop me, still too lost in her own mind to even do so. Feeling like ice, she is frozen to the bone, and I know it’s not just the rain that caused it.

Once she is bare to me, I take her clothes and hang them in the bathroom above the tub, then remove mine and do the same. Lucky for me, I have my cabin stocked with everything that it needs in case this happens, including a wireless space heater you crank up to turn on. Giving it a few long and hard spins, it kicks on, and I put it close to the clothes I just rung out and hung, hoping it will dry them out.

Coming back out, I’m surprised to see she has wrapped herself in a blanket and planted herself on the rug in front of the fire. Hearing me enter the room, she looks up to me with a soft smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

I huff, feeling like a total jackass. I snipped at her a couple times, and I must have been clueless to see this is something serious and meaningful to her. Whatever her fear is, it’s significant, and I should have realized that and respected it before snapping.

“Can you let me in?” Unashamed of my nakedness, I stand above her as she nods, opening the blanket wrapped around her. Her knees are touching and pressed up against her chest as I move myself to place my legs on each side of her hips. Maneuvering her, I grab her ankles and place her feet behind me. Pulling her up and onto my lap so she is straddling me, her chest bare against mine, our body heat warms us up and brings us a connection I feel we will need for this conversation. “Let me in here, baby.” I lean down and kiss above her perfect breast. “And here.” I bring my lips to her temple. Her green eyes lock on mine, and I see a war wage deep inside her. “You can trust me. I will hold your secrets tight and forever.”

She exhales a soft breath. “That’s how they passed. My parents died from a car accident in the rain.”

Shit. The poor girl hasn’t healed at all. No, she is still as broken as the day it happened, and I can tell that all by that solemn look and through my connection with her.

“Release that pain, baby. It’s going to suffocate you if you don’t.” I kiss the top of her shoulder over and over again, her tears sounding like the anthem of her broken heart.

“I lost them in the rain. They were my soul, Jase. My everything. And in a blink, they were gone.”

“I know. I know that feeling all too well. But you are never going to heal the pain if you don’t feel it first, baby. It’s okay to feel it.”

“If I feel it, I’m scared it will kill me. It will just burn every part of me until I’m nothing but ashes.”

“From the rubble, the ashes will rise, and they will fly in the passing wind,” I whisper against her neck, my heart held tightly in a grip by her pain. I know the pain of loss, and I know living in that pain can destroy you. But I also know there is something worth living and overcoming for, and I see it in my daughter’s eyes every damn day. I see it in Kayla’s eyes right here and right now.

“I used to dance with my father in the rain, all the time. We laughed so hard. My mom would watch us from the porch. She hated to get her hair wet, because it would curl into an untamed mess.” She giggles through a sniffle, her eyes dancing in the flicks of light from the fire, and it’s like she’s reliving those moments as we sit here. “Those moments happened so often it became our favorite thing to do; it became my best memory. And now, whenever rain comes, so do the reminders that they are gone. The one thing we loved the most took away what I loved the most.” I wipe away her tears, watching her closely, listening to every word. “I know it sounds so childish and melodramatic. But it’s the truth.” She shrugs and drops her eyes to her hands on my chest, but I don’t let her think for one second that it is anything but painful reality.

“It’s not. It’s raw and real. It’s your heartbreak, baby, and you have every right to hold on to it. But you can’t let it take away everything. You have to remember the good that came with the rain. Maybe…” I pause, pulling her in tighter, wanting her close. “Maybe every time it rains, they are there reminding you of all the great moments you felt closest to them. Maybe they are urging you to let go and dance in the rain again.”

“Jase,” she breaths.

“When I lost Lainey to cancer, I saw her in my daughter every day. I saw the same thing you saw in the rain. I saw pain and reminders of what I lost, but after I realized I had something so much more in my daughter, I stopped looking at her with pain, but with a life of memories and love. I knew I had something to always keep me close to Lainey. Avery became the only thing that kept me alive.”

“You seem like an incredible father, and I’m so sorry you lost your true love. I couldn’t imagine.” She turns the comfort on me.

“It was unimaginable, but Avery got me through it. She gave me purpose, and I knew with time my heart would heal its own wound.”

“Did it? Is it healed all the way yet?” she questions.

I take a deep breath and search her eyes, my hands tightening on her back. “Not until I met you,” I choke out, unable to believe I’m actually admitting this to her.

“I came here, because I was running from something. But then I met you, and I knew I wasn’t running. I was chasing. I was searching for you.”

I kiss her then, bringing her soft, plump lips, swollen from her tears and fresh with her confession, to mine and I claim her. I take what I know was made to be mine. I loved my wife and I always will, but I know Kayla was sent to me from Lainey. My wife sent me a fucking angel.

And the way I know this? Because no one could take my heart in their hands in one damn day. No one. But someone who was made for you could have the power to fucking do it. And here Kayla sits, in my lap and inside my heart, so damn deep I couldn’t break the connection if I tried.

“I want you. Show me how we heal each other,” she whispers into the cabin, as my lips descend on her neck, leaving love bites anywhere I can.

I growl, kissing my way back to her mouth, our tongues fighting for dominance. She tastes so damn good, like new beginnings and painless tomorrows. I will make sure I do whatever I can to keep Kayla in my life. Keep her as mine and learn who she is. I will fall in love first and discover everything about her as we build a life. We are doing this all backwards, but my head and heart have never been more in sync and sure of what tomorrow is going to bring.

Gripping her hips, I lift her and line her up with my cock. Biting at her bottom lip, I slowly bring her down, our breaths catching as our lips part. We watch each other, our brows drawn in euphoric pain. Fuck, she feels like a dream.

“Hold on, baby.” I slow her hips as she tries to lift up again, attempting to take the reins on her first time riding my cock. “If we go too fast, I won’t be able to make this last. You’re killing me.” Nodding, her eyes hazy and lost in lust, she bites her lip, her slowly drying hair clinging to the sides of her neck. “You have to let me guide you. I don’t want this to hurt you, sweet girl.” I start to lift her up and down slowly, watching her mouth fall open, her jaw hanging in a sexy way. I know I’m too big and this is still hurting her, but she likes it and, God knows, so do I. I will die a happy man if I can put that look on her face every night.

“Mmmm. Baby, just like that. Does it feel good? You like slow, sweet?” My voice is low. I’m a monster in a cage, waiting for its captor to let him free.

“It hurts a little. A little softer.” Her eyes dance over my face.

“Relax and open up for me, baby. I can’t stop the pain if you don’t relax. Let me take control.” She nods as I feel her legs loosen a little, and my cock finishes sliding in the last few inches. We both gasp. “You’re perfect, Kayla. I won’t be able to let you run from me.”

“Oh!” she gasps. I hit her deep, right against that sweet spot. “I don’t want to run.”

Grabbing her throat softly yet with firm intention, I watch as her breath deepens and her eyes fall on mine. “You are going to give me a child, a life, a home, aren’t you, sweet thing?” I start to pick up the pace now that she has grown accustomed to my girth.

“You’re that sure of me?”

“I’m that sure. In fact, I look forward to the day you stop taking your pill. The day you are under my roof as mine and I come home to claim this sweet pussy you give me every night. I will fuck you so deep and good that you’ll be pregnant before you even beg for mercy. I’m going to take whatever is mine and whatever you give me. Aren’t I, baby?”

“I think this is lust speaking.” She lets out a loud moan as I thrust into her for testing me.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart, but accept what is.”

“And what’s that?” She leans in and kisses my neck, a siren in sheep’s clothing this little one is.

“Oh, baby,” I moan. “Fuck, I’m falling in love with you.” I don’t give her a chance to speak. Instead, I flip her under me and let the flames burn alongside our lovemaking as I drive my point home, making her come at the same time I do, our names a choked scream on each other’s dry lips.