I’ve heard of that saying, ‘rode hard and put away wet,’ but until tonight, I didn’t know what it really meant. It means when you let a complete jerk give you the wildest, best orgasm of your life, then he pulls out and walks away without so much as a word.

I lay in bed, trying to figure out what the hell happened, my face hot with shame. How could he just do…all of that, then walk out the door? I think of the way he held me there in place, controlling everything. I would never have thought I’d get off on that, but I did. I loved giving my power over to him and trusting him to make me come. It felt amazing…right up to the point where he disappeared.

I waited for him to come back, at first wondering if it was a joke, then thinking maybe he went out to his truck to get some condoms or something. But then, when he didn’t return, I started to feel like a fool. I washed up the dishes, hoping he’d come back in so we could talk, hoping he’d change his mind. But he didn’t. He just stayed away, leaving me feeling like a total reject and wishing I could get the hell off this ranch.

I turn over and stare at the snow as it flies past the window. I’ve never felt this lonely in my life. This used. Even though he didn’t use me for his own pleasure, but for my own. The fact that he was able to walk away from me shows that he doesn’t want me and he probably never did. I shut my eyes, thinking about how humiliating it’s going to be to see him tomorrow morning. I want to go home—back to L.A. to my little apartment and my safe, little life.

I lay awake for hours, unable to get Ryder off my mind, unable to think about anything but him and the way he felt against me and inside me. I finally drift off as the sun is starting to come up. I wake not long after from a dream of us together. I’m wet when I wake and my pussy is throbbing with need for him. I close my eyes and reach down under the blankets to release the pressure, rubbing myself while I think of what he did to me last night. I force myself to stay quiet when I come, then as soon as it’s over, I’m mad at myself for wanting him so desperately. What kind of woman am I that I can’t resist some dumb bull rider? I mean, seriously? I’ve been around hundreds of hot male athletes and none of them did a thing for me, but this guy I can’t do without?

I check my phone and see a text from Kyle. The road’s open again. I’m on my way.

Grumbling, I get up and force myself to get ready. I pull on the same dress I had on last night. I’ll have to wear it for continuity of the interview. That, and Ryder’s cowboy hat, that I don’t want to put on after what happened. A knock at the door startles me. I decide not to answer it.

There’s another knock, then I hear Ryder’s deep voice. “Julia, if you’re hungry, breakfast is on the table. I’ll be outside.”

I say nothing and listen to his footsteps down the hall, then hear the back door slam shut. I curse under my breath and get back to doing my hair and makeup. A ping on my phone interrupts my stewing and I look at the screen to see that Kyle texted to say he’s here. I stare at myself in the mirror for a moment, trying to convince myself that I’m beautiful and talented, whether or not Ryder wants me. More than that, I’m a professional. I can hold my head up high and do my job, then get the hell out of here.

* * *

I make my way through the sunlit snow to the barn, tugging my jacket tight around me to keep out the biting wind. When I slide open the barn door, I’m greeted by the warm air and the sight of Kyle setting up. Luckily, Ryder isn’t in here yet.

Kyle glances up at me. “How was your night?”

“Fine. I got a bit of work done, then went to bed early. You?” My tone is short. I’m a little more than pissed that Kyle’s screw up yesterday ended in my humiliation.

“Boring. The cable was out in the motel, so I had to read a book.”

“Sounds awful.” I roll my eyes while I shed my coat.

The door slides open and a blast of cold air brings Ryder in with it. “Mornin’ Kyle. Julia.”

“Morning, Ryder,” Kyle says. “That was quite the storm last night.”

“Yeah, it’s par for the course this time of year.”

I busy myself with going over my notes so I don’t have to look at Ryder. A part of me that I wish didn’t exist wants to tear up a little with rejection. I feel him standing next to me before I see him. Then I hear his low voice. “Did you sleep all right, Julia?”

The sound rumbles through me and I hate myself for letting it please me. I give him a little nod without looking up. “Just fine. We’ll get this next part of the interview wrapped up as fast as possible so we can get out of your way.”

“No rush.” He touches my arm but I turn from him and walk toward Kyle.

“You almost ready, Kyle?” I ask.

Kyle gives me a questioning look, then sets his gaze on Ryder. When his eyes meet mine, there’s a look of understanding in them. I flush with guilt as I take the microphone from him. Taking a deep breath, I set my shoulders back and stride over to Ryder, keeping my gaze set on the bull behind him.

“Julia,” he says under his breath. “I can see you’re upset.”

Ignoring his words, I give him a hard look. “Let’s get this done, shall we?”

Kyle counts us in and starts recording. The rest of the interview is a blur to me. It feels like I’m watching someone else smile, ask questions and nod like a bobble-head doll. How could this be me? The woman that was screaming out Ryder last night at his kitchen sink and now I’m pretending nothing happened. Every time I have to make eye contact with him, it’s like a shot to the gut. He’s so perfect, he’s hard to look at. And memories of what he tasted like and how he made me feel torture me.

“Well, thank you, Ryder, for letting our audience get to know you. Best of luck next week at the finals.” I turn to the camera. “For WSPN, this is Julia Rutherford on location in Baker’s Creek, Montana. Stay tuned for my interview with T.J. Heston, the number one ranked bull rider in the world.”

“And we’re out!” Kyle calls. “Great work you two.”

“Thanks,” Ryder says, his voice totally devoid of enthusiasm.

“Yup,” I say in a clipped voice. “So, Kyle and I need to shoot some of the questions again with different camera angles. No need for you to stick around for that.”

Ryder puts his hand on my elbow. “Julia—”

“Walk away, Ryder. You’ve got that move mastered,” I say, tugging my arm away and keeping my voice low.

When my eyes meet his, the look on his face almost melts me. He looks like he’s as wrecked about what happened as I am. But how is that possible? He’s the one who left. He’s the one who doesn’t want me. I harden myself against the hurt in his moss green eyes.

He pauses for a minute, then says, “Be careful with T.J. He’s not always a good guy.”

“Well, in that case, you two have more in common than riding bulls.”