The Astoria Column stood one hundred and twenty-five feet in the air above Lena's head. She peered up at the pictures of the Native Americans, the scenes from Lewis and Clark's expedition, and the history of Oregon mural that went all the way around and to the top. In a little over an hour, Thad had taken her to one of the most popular monuments in the state that she'd only heard about and never been before.

"Do you want to go up?" asked Thad.

"Can we?" She peered around the parking area. "There's nobody here."

"Tourist season is over, kids are in school, and most people are staying closer to the water." He picked up her hand and walked her around the base of the column.

The door propped open for those who want to climb the stairs, he entered through the narrow opening, stepped back, and let Lena walk in front of him on the winding stairs to the top. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. Already, he'd moved right up to the top of her best dates ever list.

Thad's boots echoed in the narrow, steep structure. She concentrated on putting one foot in front in front of the other, tightly turning in a spiral circle with each step. Halfway up, her thighs warmed from exertion.

"It's really high." She stopped and peered down, then up. "The sign said there are one-hundred and sixty-four steps to the top."

"The view is worth the climb." He patted her butt. "Keep going."

She continued but glanced behind her. Ever since they'd first stopped outside of St. John's, Thad hadn't said more than a few sentences. Granted, it was hard to communicate while riding a motorcycle. She hurried up the steps until she was a good pace ahead of him and could see him out of the corner of her vision as they circled the stairway. Maybe he was hurting.

He walked kind of funny. Stiff. Deliberate. Not his usual laidback style she'd admired when she first met him.

At the top of the column, she stopped at the open doorway and grabbed his hand, walking with him out onto the circular balcony built at the top. She gasped and shielded her eyes against the brightness of the overcast sky and viewed the water in the distance.

"Is that the ocean?" she asked.

"No, that's the river." He moved behind her, planting his hands on her hips, and guided her to the left. "That's the ocean."

The tree line off the coastal mountain merged with the salt water. She followed the water with her gaze until it disappeared into the horizon. She sighed at the beauty of something so wild and huge being contained by land and leaned back against his chest. "It's gorgeous."

His arms came around her, and he lowered his head to her ear. "You're gorgeous," he whispered, kissing her neck.

"Thad?" She swallowed hard as pleasure warmed her body and her nipples peaked. There were important things she needed to figure out before she lost control of her thoughts and let her body override her common sense. "Did something happen on the ride here? I feel like something is going on, and you stopped...I don't know, you acted as if you really didn't want to go for a ride with me after all."

His breath warmed her ear. "Didn't change my mind."

"Then, what are you thinking?" She brought her hands up and laid them over his as he held her.

His head came away, but his arms tightened before he exhaled. "If you push your ass back another inch, you'll see what's bothering me."

She moved to see him better, and he kept her from turning around to face him. What was he talking about? If she...? Her ass?

Her heart raced as her cognitive skills kicked in. He was telling her that he was hard?

That the ride turned him on?

That being around her was difficult?

That he'd been miserable and uncomfortable for the last hour and a half because of her?

A slow smile grew on her face. Amusement built up inside of her and came out as quakes of silent laughter.

"All right, that's enough." He growled in her ear. "This is your damn fault making me go without sex."

"My fault?" Her laughter escaped. "I only required a date, Thad? Not six weeks of celibacy. You could've taken care of the problem after I left last night or this morning before you came to my house."

He kissed her cheek with a loud smack. "You're crazy, woman. I'm not wasting what I'm feeling, what you're making me feel, jerking off with my hand when all I can think about is giving it to you."

"Oh, wow," she whispered, or maybe she thought it. He'd shocked her, and she couldn't think.

Sure, she'd heard worse. At least twice a week she'd receive a call at the dispatch center. While not vulgar or meant to stimulate, the crudeness and verbal abuse would freak out a normal person. It was part of her job. People seeking attention no longer phased her.

Thad wasn't like other people.

Every man, every experience, every spontaneous flirting game from her past told her to laugh off Thad's attempt to seduce her. That he was a biker and would say anything to get in her bed.

But, she had a deep feeling he was only speaking the truth. He had no filter and played no games. His honesty was not only refreshing but scary because he voiced how she was feeling toward him. And, she wasn't ready to say the words that she wanted him because for her, to do so, she needed to know he could respect her for her differences.

Thad was going to think she'd lost her mind because she was one huge contradiction.

He crossed his arms over her chest and straightened. "Listen, Lena. I'm rolling with this. I don't know where I'm going or where you expect me to go. I don't know shit about dating a woman, but I'm in. If you need more time with me, I'll make time."

"Why?"

"Because you fascinate me."

Good answer. She turned around in his arms and placed her hands on his chest. Opening her mouth, she was going to tell him. Then, she feared losing her chance with him and shut her mouth.

"What?" he said.

She pinched her lips together. There were men in the past who left because they couldn't handle her rules. Others who stuck around but distanced themselves from an emotional relationship with her and kept seeing her for sex. Until, feelings changed on the men's part, and she stopped seeing them.

"Remember last night when I told you it's always my fault when relationships end?" She moistened her lips.

"Yeah," he said.

"I'm not easy." She peeked up at him, knowing he was lost on where she was going with the conversation. "The whole purpose of life and having a relationship is to work toward having a family. You get married, you have kids, you create this little world around you, and no matter what, you're stuck. Your world can be the best there is, and you'll feel lucky. But, if that world sucks, it will stick with you until the day that you die. Because of that, I don't even want any kind of commitment from you, except that you'll only have sex with me if we're sleeping together."

He puffed up his cheeks and blew the air out above her head, looking off into the distance. "And, you expect me to be okay with you having sex with whatever dick grabs your attention?"

She patted his chest to bring his gaze back down to her. "No. I said I wasn't easy, and I mean it. If we have a relationship with sex, I will only be with you. You just need to know that I enjoy the moments, the days, and I don't want a future with you or anyone."

He let go of her, walked a few feet away, and leaned his forearms against the railing. She stayed away, giving him time to comprehend her rules. He needed to understand that she wanted intimacy but she needed an out in case he started feeling more for her than she was willing to give him in return.

She held on to the railing looking at him. "Thad?"

He nodded and straightened his fingers on his right hand for her to stop. She squeezed her eyes closed. She understood why he couldn't accept the conditions.

She opened her eyes again. He stood closer to her. She looked up at him hoping he would tell her he was okay with her demands. That she was worth it.

"We should get going. I'll take you home." He stepped around her and led the way down the monument.

Her unadulterated joy over spending the day with him ended in disappointment.