Janie
I thought sure as shit he’d been about to leave me behind. My heart had clenched to the point of pain, and I felt myself nearing the edge of hysteria. His quick words and hug had calmed me faster than anyone had been able to, though.
Feeling like a deflated balloon wrinkled from lack of helium, I slid off the bed and forced myself to gather up my things.
Hawk had thrown a load of laundry into the office’s pay machines the day before, so at least I wasn’t packing dirty clothes.
He went to the office to check out while I splashed water on my face and braided my hair to hang down my back. As usual while in a low, I couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror. Depression still sat heavy enough on my shoulders. I didn’t need to see the dark circles under my eyes and the paleness of the rest of my face.
“Ready?” Hawk asked when I came out of the bathroom.
I still had issues looking him full in the eye, so I busied myself lacing up my riding boots. “Sure.”
Five minutes later, the bike rumbled to life, and I closed my eyes and laid my cheek on his back, actually taking an interest in his hard body and manly scent. While I didn’t flush through with heat and my panties stayed dry as a bone, I took heart in the normalcy of enjoyment in something so little. Sure, on a high I’d be salivating and soaked between my thighs, but I wouldn’t complain. At least something felt good.
We took it easy that first day back on the road, pulling into a hotel long before dinner time. The pizza Hawk had delivered to our room didn’t appeal to me, but I forced myself to chew and swallow down one slice. He smiled as though encouraged by my eating, and same as since I’d crashed, didn’t try to touch me sexually when he finally crawled under the covers with me.
A couple days later, we entered New York, and my heartbeat slowed when he continued east on Route 90 rather than turn south toward where I lived. He’d been serious about taking me home with him. Even though I was fucked up in the brain and couldn’t control myself, he stayed true to his word.
I didn’t deserve such a man. Tears ran down my cheeks against his colors as I hugged his back, beyond thankful, even though a voice in my head constantly whispered he’d get sick of me eventually.
Twice while on the road, I’d powered up my cell phone to shoot off a quick text to Tasha and my dad, letting them know that I was doing well. I hadn’t told either that I wasn’t going home to New York, though. Figured I’d save that for a real phone call once we reached Hawk’s home in New Hampshire.
With each passing day, my low had seemed to lighten, and when Hawk pulled up in front of his house, I felt as though I was almost back to my normal self. The darkness lay like a black oil slick in my brain, but at least I was able to see beyond it.
“Welcome home, little butterfly,” Hawk said the second the bike quieted beneath us.
I climbed off and stretched my back, my gaze flitting over the ranch-style home. A few miles from the club and his shop, pale blue with black shutters. The grass needed to be cut pretty badly, but the flowerbeds below the windows appeared well tended.
“It’s nice,” I said, smiling over at him as he stood.
He flipped open the saddlebags. “Isn’t much, but it’s mine, free and clear.”
My smile remained as he showed me inside, giving me a quick tour. Digger had dropped off my backpack as promised. It sat on the kitchen table.
In the small master bedroom, Hawk wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on top of my head. “I’m falling hard for you, Janie, and while I know you think I’ll get sick of you and ship you off, it isn’t happening.”
My throat thickened, and I rested my hands on his arms.
His cock swelled against my backside, but he stepped away before I thought to wiggle a bit to let him know I actually felt like getting it on.
“Why don’t you make yourself at home while I go grab our stuff? Gotta call Jonny, too, and let him know we’re back.”
Perfect time to make my own calls, I thought while sitting down on the edge of his queen-sized bed and watching him stride from the room. Pale gray walls, one bureau, no pictures, no artwork. A door leading to the attached bathroom.
Simplistic, just like the man himself.
I inhaled a deep breath and pulled my cell from my jean’s back pocket. Tasha answered before the first ring finished.
“Finally! Where are you? How are you?” Her words tumbled out.
“I’m in New Hampshire.”
I must have stunned her with the answer because it took a few seconds for her to speak again. “New Hampshire?”
“Yeah.” I glanced around his—our—room again. “Hawk brought me home to his place.”
“For how long?”
“Indefinite.”
“Shit.”
I found myself smiling again. “Right? I even crashed—hard—a couple days ago, but he says I belong with him and that’s that.”
“Shit,” she repeated with a half-giggle. “You sound really good for having just crashed.”
“Feeling somewhat better. Not quite normal, but decent enough I feel like eating and fucking again.”
More laughter over the line lifted my lips higher. “Your dad is going to shit a brick.”
My smile faded as her giggled words hit my ear. “How bad is it?”
“He threatened to call the cops and report you missing a few times, but I showed him your texts.”
“Didn’t he get the ones I sent him?”
“Yeah, but you know your dad.”
I slumped, unaware I’d been strung rod-straight, and let out a breath. “Need to call him next to fill him in and see about getting some of my stuff shipped up here.”
“Shit. Good luck with that one.”
Yeah, and she doesn’t know the half of it—nor will she or Dad for a long ass time if I can help it. “Gotta get going. I’ll give you a call in a few days. Tell Lori I’ll call her too once I’m settled in.”
“’K.”
I hung up and chewed on the inside of my lip.
Hawk came into the room with our bags and set them on the bed beside me while glancing at the phone in my hand. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I attempted a smile, but my twisting stomach shone through if his furrowed brow was any indication. “Gotta call my dad.”
“I’ll talk to him if you need me to.”
“Thanks.”
He left me alone, gently shutting the bedroom door behind him.
Time to face the fire.
Heartbeat slamming in my ears, I hit the speed dial for Dad.
“Janie? Sweetheart?” he answered, half-breathless, his voice pitched higher than usual. “Tell me you’re all right.”
“I’m good, Dad.” My voice shook the slightest bit.
“Thank Christ. I’ve been worried sick. The hell were you thinking running off like this with some random strange biker? Who is he? Who does he ride with?”
I’d already lied by omission, might as well protect both our asses until I couldn’t any longer. “His name is Jack Richards.” Half-lie, I told myself, trying to ease my conscious. On a high, I never would have given a shit about lying to my dad.
“Jack Richards…” Dad paused a few seconds, just long enough to kick in another burst of adrenaline to my already shaking limbs. “Don’t know the name. He in a gang?”
“Just rides with some of his buddies.” Not an outright lie.
“When are you getting home? I thought you’d be here by now from your last text.”
“Yeah. About that.” I stood and paced across the hardwood flooring, my free hand fisted at my hip. “He asked me to stay with him, and I agreed.”
The pregnant silence that followed had me on the verge of puking.
“I crashed hard a couple days ago, Dad, but he still wants me.” The words flew from my lips when I couldn’t stand the silence over the line any longer. “He’s generous, attentive, and crazy loyal, Dad. The type of guy every woman wants but can’t ever find.”
“I don’t like the idea of you moving in with a man I’ve never met, Janie.” Dad’s stern voice, the one that always made me cringe, sounded loud and clear over the phone. “You’ve known him for what? Just over a week?”
“He’s a good guy,” I said, inflicting as much persuasion in my voice as I could. “Has his own motorcycle shop, his own house…”
Dad stayed silent again, and I bit my nails waiting for him to speak. A long, loud exhalation sounded before his voice. “I want to meet him.”
My heart seized. “Well, we’re in New Hampshire.”
“Don’t you need to come get your stuff? Or, are you waiting a little longer to see if he’ll toss you aside like all the other assholes you’ve dated?”
I actually felt the blood drain from my face, but I jumped at the chance to steer the conversation away from the two meeting. “O-others?”
Dad snorted a chuckle. “I wasn’t born yesterday, Janie-girl.” His pet name brought tears to my eyes. “I know you, Tasha, and Lori sneak out. I know over a half-dozen guys have dropped you once they learned the truth about your illness.”
I swallowed hard even though my mind started working on how he knew those things. “Sorry, Dad.”
“Don’t be.” He sounded gruff. Rumpled, which he never did. “I’ve sheltered you for far too long. Guess it’s time to let my little girl fly.”
A tear slid down my cheek. “Thank you, Dad.”
“Let me know when you’re coming down here with your Jack, so I can meet him.”
“Yeah.” I swallowed again, my eyes drying so damn quick I had to blink. “I’ll let you know.”
“How’d it go?” Hawk asked when I found him in the kitchen brewing some coffee.
“Good, surprisingly.”
“Just realized that we’ll need to head down to your dad’s soon to get your stuff since you’ve only got a few changes of clothes.”
I shrugged and slumped at the small table he kept pushed against the wall, my body trembling from the adrenaline that had pumped through me while speaking to my dad. “Eventually, yeah. Too tired to think about it.”
“Why don’t you go crawl into bed and rest while I go grab something for dinner? Cupboards and fridge are pretty bare.”
“Want me to go with you?”
He smiled, his hazel eyes lingering on my lips. “Only if you want to.” I shrugged again, and he chuckled, turning to grab keys from a hook by the door. “Go lay down. I’ll be back in a half hour.”
I did as told, burying my face into Hawk’s pillow and breathing in the remnants of his scent. A twinge of desire kindled between my thighs, thank God. Having gone without for so damn long, I expected Hawk would be more than willing to soothe the growing ache in my pussy.
****
Hawk brought back more than groceries. He’d stocked up on my toiletries—shampoo, conditioner, and the razors I had in my small travel kit.
“I was gonna get you some feminine things but wasn’t sure what you’d need.”
My head whipped up from the coffee I cradled in my hands. What man would do such a thing without even being asked? I stared.
“What?” He paused from opening the pizza box—our dinner—he’d also grabbed on the way home.
“You were going to buy me tampons.”
He nodded, his cheekbones turning a slight shade of pink. “Figured you’d probably need them.”
“I don’t.”
His brow rose.
“IUD. No period.”
“That’s fucking awesome.”
“Doesn’t mean I won’t have the monthly mood swings,” I muttered while lifting my cup. “Not that I notice with my already fucked up brain.”
“You’re not fucked up, Janie.”
Again, my gaze jerked toward his face.
Hawk placed his palms on the table across from me and leaned into my personal space. “You’re fucking beautiful. Inside and out. Every inch.” His rumbled words were inflected with just enough heat my pussy tingled again.
“You’re too good for me.”
“The fuck I am.” His steady gaze dropped to my lips again. “I’m a bad man.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’ve done bad things.”
“Who hasn’t?”
His attention lifted to my eyes, and we stared at each other in silence. Tension rose between us, lifting the fine hairs on my arms. It’d been too long…
With a throat clearing, Hawk turned away and retrieved our pizza. “Sorry it isn’t much.”
“Pizza’s my fav.” Face warm and blood pumping, I devoured my dinner without exchanging a word with the sexy beast sitting across from me. I helped myself to a second slice and finished it before sitting back and looking at Hawk. “What?” I asked when I noticed the smirk peeking out from his beard.
“Your appetite has returned.”
“In more ways than one.” I gave him a saucy smirk of my own and ran my bare toes down his jean-clad shin.
Instant lust flared to life in his eyes. “What are you doing?”
“Thinking about seducing you.”
“Last time we fucked, you crashed. I can’t help but think it was my fault for taking you so hard.”
“Thrusting your cock deep inside my ass didn’t cause my depressive episode, Hawk. My crash was long overdue.”
His beard twitched as though he worked his jaw, contemplating.
Realizing he needed a little nudge, I moved from my chair to the floor beside him and slid my hand up his thigh, my head tipped back to watch his face.
The heat in his eyes flared the tingles in my pussy to downright flames. “I want you, Hawk. It’s been too damn long.” He swallowed and nodded, and I yanked at his belt and jeans’ button with trembling fingers.
He scooted his chair back and pulled his jeans mid-thigh while I hurried to yank off the leggings I’d changed into before napping.
“Fuck, have I missed you.” Hawk buried his face in my neck and wrapped his arms around me as I straddled him.
I made a noise of agreement in my throat and rubbed myself against his hard length, coating him in my wetness he inspired so quickly.
My first fuck in a semi-normal state.
A tilt of my hips lined the head of his cock between my lips, and he lifted as I lowered. An easy, slick slide, the friction rolling my eyes back into my head until he bottomed out.
“Fuck,” we both said at the same time, and his arms tightened around me. “No condom,” he whispered against my neck, his soft beard tickling.
“IUD, remember? And I’m clean.”
“Me, too. Christ, you feel so fucking good, little butterfly.” He thrust against my womb.
I gasped at the pure need that raced through me in response and began rocking on his lap. One of his hands slid up my back, fisted around my braid, and yanked my head to the side. The scrape of his teeth along my neck and up to my earlobe had me squirming, nails digging into the muscles of his t-shirt-covered shoulders as he thrust in time with my rocking.
“Your cunt is so damn tight. So fucking wet.” Hawk took my mouth with a groan, thrusting hard up into me, his arm wrapped around my waist lifting and lowering me in a hastening rhythm. “I’m going to come so fucking hard … going to fill you up with my cum.”
Goddamn. His words, and the idea of him shooting deep inside of me, branding me, sent tingles racing up from my toes. “I’m going to come, Hawk.” Two more hard thrusts, and fireworks exploded behind my eyelids. I cried out, and Hawk continued to fuck me hard, drawing out every last tremor.
In one fluid motion, he stood, knocked his chair over, and swept our paper plates to the floor. He laid me on the table, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he leaned over me.
“Hold on, baby.”
Hands grasping my shoulders, he plowed into me over and over, slamming against my womb. My back arched on its own as I fought to get my still-throbbing clit in line with his pelvis.
Fuck. Right there. “Fuck!” I shrieked as another mind-blowing orgasm clenched every muscle in my body.
“That’s it, baby. Fuck. Me. Dry.” Hawk growled his words with every thrust, and his cock swelled inside of me a heartbeat before he hollered. Hot spurt after spurt coated my pussy, and I dug my heels into his ass, desperate to pull him closer, deep inside of me until our souls merged. Perhaps then, my illness would heal, making me a whole person.
One last half-thrust, and he sagged over me onto his elbows. My turn to bury my face in his neck as my emotions swarmed. Sadness, happiness, love … they all intertwined, squeezing my throat and stinging my clenched eyelids.